AITAH for not wanting to spend time with my wifes niece (9yo) to the point I find a reason to 'hide' away upstairs when they're around?
EDITED: To try and make it easier to read. I didn't realise it was going to be so long sorry.
M/39 - Childless and normally an extremely calm person.
I had a really bad argument with my wife two days ago (we NEVER argue) about the following and she said I was being nasty. So, AITAH?
Background:
My sister in law (who i am close to) and my wife are best friends.
She comes around at least once a week (normally on weekends) and she brings my wifes Niece (lets call her Kelly). I can only put this one way, I really dislike Kelly to the point it wouldn't bother me if I ever saw her again.
Kelly has NO friends and my sister-In-Law is really upset about this and can't see why... I can.
She's rude, obnoxious, arrogant and just a general nause... I know what you're thinking "Come on, she's only a kid" and i'd think the same reading the above but honestly, it puts me on edge being around her.
I dread every weekend when she comes over to the point I will find a reason to leave the house/spend time upstairs in our gaming room (My wife and I game) or doing gardening etc.
If I don't i can feel myself becoming angry and about to snap which isn't like me in the slightest.
The argument:
I said to my wife I'd rather them not come over this Easter weekend. She said "Okay" but asked "why?" And i opened up.
I told her I can't stand her.
I can't stand being around her.
I hate having to FIGHT to hold a normal conversation without being talked over, insulted or the conversation de-railed every 5 seconds. This turned into an argument and she said because I'd never had kids I wasn't used to them and was being cruel.
At first i felt bad but i can't help how I feel and honestly, for the past 6-7 years she's got worse and worse. I dread the weekends sometimes. Am I being the arsehole?!?!
Additional: We don't think Kelly is Autistic etc but there are questions of ADHD. To me, this isn't ADHD it's just she's been brought up like a rude little brat with little to no discipline. She's given everything she wants.
Examples of behaviour:
The following are a few random examples:
I got a phone call from work asking If i could go in to speak to my supervisor about a co-workers issues. (It was A Sunday) and I said I couldn't. My boss ended up getting pretty shitty and saying I'd made her weekend really difficult.
It really bummed me out. I went into the front room where Kelly was with my wife and I told my wife.
As I was talking to my wife, Kelly kept talking over us (At a really loud volume) saying "DONT BE SO LAZY! GO INTO WORK!" - "THAT'S WHAT YOU DO! YOU'RE A MAN! YOU WORK TO KEEP YOUR WIFE HAPPY AND IN MONEY!".
Her comments had nothing to do with the subject in hand and we are NOTHING like this at all. My wife earns more than me and that is fine lol. We're not money orientated at all and don;t agree with those types of traditional views .
She continued to shout over our conversation. I asked her "We're just talking can you give us a minute". We continued and she just did the same. This isn't a one off either it's every single time they're over.
Another time we all sat down with a take away and to watch a movie. For some reason the sound wasn't working on the TV (A wire had come out of the soundbar).
While I was sorting it out she was just saying in a really loud voice "SEE, (wifes name) UNCLE (my name) CAN'T EVEN SORT SOMETHING THAT SIMPLE OUT!" - "WE'RE NOT GUNNA BE ABLE TO WATCH THIS NOW BECAUSE UNCLE (name) HAS RUINED IT. HE ALWAYS RUINS IT!"... I am typing in capitals because she was shouting it. "WHY DON'T YOU TRY THE WIFI". She then kept shouting out things I should be trying, none of which had ANYTHING to do with the sound. because I wasn't trying her suggestions she just sat there being more insulting.
One time I came upstairs to find her on my computer. I asked who'd said she could use my computer when she said "Nobody. I am a guest. i was bored". I told her to get off of it. As she was walking out the room she turned and said in a really snidy voice "It's not even your house anyway. It's (my wifes name)".. which it isn't? We own it together. It's like she makes stuff up to try and get under your skin.
I got pretty pissed off and went and said "Can you both (SiL and wife) make sure she knows she can't go on my PC please". She then told my sister and wife i'd made it up and she hadn't said it or even been on the PC. They knew i wasn't lying but Kelly kept saying I was bullying her and i'd made it up.
Holding a conversation with her in the room is impossible because she forces herself into every conversation nm what it is. This is either by shouting over us, attempting to insult one of us or just parrot what one of us has said without knowing the context of it. This is continuously.
For e.g Last month my friend passed away after a long battle with cancer. I was talking to my wife about the funeral.
I said something like "Honestly, i can't believe Carls gone. I can't believe it a funeral for him. I feel like he's going to phone up at any...". As I got to the end of that line she said "OH I MISS Carl too! (She never met him). I miss carl." I just ignored her and continued. When she noticed we weren't paying her attention "I MISS CARL!! Why did god have to take CARL?!?! What did Carl die of?" and kept repeating it louder and louder. I replied "Cancer". "Oh that's awful! Was he in pain when he died? I bet he was screaming in pain! Was he screaming in pain?" I turned to her and said "It's very upsetting I'd rather not talk about this thank you "
A few mins later she started up again "I bet cancer is such a painful way to die. Did Carl cry as he died? I bet he cried! Men shouldn't cry but i think it's okay if he was in the amount of pain he was with cancer". "Can I come to the funeral and look at his body?"
I have given that as an extreme example but even daily subjects she'll do that on. Something from us talking about paying bills "How much do you owe? You shouldn't be in debt at your age (We aren't in any debt at all)" to Cleaning the car. I said to my wife I was going to clean the can "Uncle (name) Why have you let your car get THAT filthy? You should clean it weekly. You don't have a job (I do) so you should be doing stuff like that"