AITAH for telling my wife our marriage is over if she can't accept me spending 1:1 time with my son?
My wife and I each brought a child into our marriage. I have a 10 year old son and my wife has a 6 year old daughter. My son's mom and I were not together at the time of her passing 3 years ago. I was already dating my wife at the time and we were working on moving in together. My stepdaughter's dad is in and out of her life and has not been consistent in her life whatsoever.
Before we moved in together I talked to my son about it (both before and after his mom died). His only worry about it was that he wouldn't get to spend the same kind of quality time with me so I made a commitment to him that I would make time for 1:1 time once a week with just him. That was good enough for him to be okay with us all living together. I communicated this with my wife at the time and she didn't have a problem with it. We actually discussed all of this before we married too and we were on the same page.
Now two years into our marriage and she's no longer on the same page as me. She is upset at the fact the 1:1 is still 1:1 and my son is never okay with turning it into the whole family time. We do make time for family time as well. I do make sure I get 1:1 time with my stepdaughter also.
My wife has said it's not fair to my stepdaughter to always be excluded the 1:1 time with my son. She said my stepdaughter gets jealous and it hurts her feelings. Jealousy has been an issue and I have always talked to her about it when it becomes known to me. But my wife said it's not okay that it keeps happening and that my stepdaughter's feelings get hurt by it. She also said my son doesn't look forward to 1:1 time with her like he does with me and she feels like 1:1 time with me has made that worse because he doesn't feel like he needs her and doesn't see her as a true parent. Then she'll say that's not really it but she gets jealous too. Then she says 1:1 time has made it harder to be spontaneous because if we have a busy week I prioritize the 1:1 time and that's true. That was something I communicated I would do before we even got married.
The topic has become more intense because my stepdaughter was recently very upset after spending time with her dad. He made her promises previously and broke them and it sent her jealousy of my 1:1 time with my son into overdrive. Made worse when her dad didn't acknowledge her birthday. My wife told me for a little while I could at least cut the 1:1 time out for her sake and I told her no. I told her I won't do that to my son and if she can't accept it and keeps trying to fight about this then our marriage will be over.
She lost it and tried to escalate it into a fight but I walked away so the kids wouldn't hear. But she was still mad hours later and she was still ready to fight. I told her I wasn't going to let this turn into us yelling at each other and she needs to decide if this is her hill to die on, because it is for me.
AITAH?