AITAH for saying I (25F) won’t have a baby unless my boyfriend (24M) agrees to stay home?
Hi everyone,
I (25F) am currently in medical school and planning to pursue a surgical specialty, so the next several years of my life will be extremely demanding.
My boyfriend (24M) and I have been together for a little over a year. We have a strong relationship and have talked seriously about a future together, marriage, kids, etc. I found out last week that I’m currently 13 weeks pregnant after a birth control failure, which was entirely unexpected and unplanned.
He wants to keep the baby and is ready to move forward with becoming a father. The issue is that he also plans to continue working full-time in his field as an engineer. I, on the other hand, feel that if we were to have this baby right now, it would only be manageable if one parent were able to stay home full-time, especially given how intense medical training (and eventually residency) will be for me.
Because of that, I told him that I’m not willing to go through with the pregnancy unless he agrees to stay home as the caregiver. I want to be realistic about what I can handle and what kind of support I’d need for this to work. I also have an inkling that, even with the best intentions, a lot of the day-to-day responsibility would end up falling on me.
He’s been very upset that I’m even considering an abortion. From his perspective, we’re in a stable, loving relationship and are financially secure, so he doesn’t see a reason not to have the baby.
I understand where he’s coming from, and I don’t think he’s wrong to feel that way, but at the same time, I feel like I’m the one whose body, career, and daily life will be most directly impacted, especially in the next few years.
AITA for giving him an ultimatum?