r/survivinginfidelity

Ive been trying so hard to desperately understand the perspective of being the other woman. What drives a chick to willingly get with a married man? Especially if he wasnt on the verge of a divorce and had just gotten married.

Is it a mental disease? Are these women so deprived of genuine love that they think a unavailable man is their soulmate?

Do they all believe that their MM is the love of their life and treats them better than any man has ever done? Oh, and let's not forget how some of them finally decide they are done living their life of love built on another womans tears when they realize that it wasn't going to work out.

I dont get it.

I hate everyone on that subreddit im sorry. Ill never be sympathetic towards a willing homewrecker. Some of them seem more grimey than others.

My dad cheated on my mom when I was 4 and left her as a stay at home mom with two children.

My uncle cheated on my aunt, and when she died a short time later he brought his mistress to the funeral.

Two of my cousins have cheated on their wives while pregnant.

Now that I think about it, other than my brother I do not have a single man close to me that has not cheated on a partner.

Please don’t take this as a man bashing post. I know from this sub and others that there are plenty of betrayed men. But after dealing with my husband’s infidelity for 10 years, I finally have to admit to myself that the reason I won’t start the divorce process is because I’m afraid I won’t find anyone better.

He’s my best friend. We never argue, we always have fun together, and I rarely turned him down in the bedroom. And yet, he won’t stop cheating on me. Why risk the good things I do have just to find a partner that may not give me all those things and will probably cheat anyway?

I don’t know. I need to leave and I’m getting closer to being ready, but I just need to hear that faithful men are out there.

How do you leave your husband when he refuses to leave the house? He says he doesn’t want a divorce and begged for me not to leave him. I found out Thursday and I needed to leave. I couldn’t stay in that house. I couldn’t be around him. I don’t have any family I can go to and I don’t want them to know my business so I rented a hotel. I need to go back to the house and I do want him to leave. I doubt he will tho.

This is a long story, so I’ll try and make it as short as possible.

I am in law school. But prior to that, my boyfriend and I both were in our undergrad together where we met.

We go to a decent sized private college, but small enough that you can’t hide too much of what you do.

We both are outgoing, and enjoyed going out and partying with our friends. However, I always knew I would end up in law school.

I had much more to focus on, where his major gave him a lot more time to just enjoy being in college.

While I kept a lot of my going out to the weekends, he did it every night. I am not a jealous person by nature, so I was fine with that. I’ve always encouraged him to spend time with his friends.

The age difference though kept us from really knowing the same group of people at school.

The last year of his undergrad, and up until a few weeks ago, I’ve known he’s been cheating on me. People would reach out, girls through Instagram mostly. I saw Snapchat messages that confirmed it on his phone.

The worst of it was him explaining to a girl that I wasn’t his type. I’m short. I have strawberry blonde hair. Freckles.

I’ve ran two full marathons, I workout 4-5 times a week, eat well, but even though I felt I physically looked good—it wasn’t enough.

Pretty much every girl has had dark hair, dark skin and dark eyes. Most, not all.

I think I spent so much time saying it’s college and he’s not made a commitment to me, and we’re just dating and maybe I could just be more of what he wanted and he’d see enough in me that he’d stop. I know that isn’t how it works, but in the moment it made sense.

Since, I know it’s stopped. His closest friend who had told me about it before said he’s really worked to stop it. I haven’t seen anything in awhile.

A group of couples and us, which are all friends of his, recently got back from a cabin trip we took. They told me he’s talking about proposing.

One of the couples who are aware of what’s gone on, asked me what I thought. They couldn’t believe I’ve not confronted him. That I would even consider saying yes without resolving this.

I just feel like if I open this, that it’ll send me back into the dark space of how I felt about myself again. Him being interested again has gave me confidence again. It’s been good. I’ve been happy.

Can I let this go if it’s best for me?

Started dating at 17, pregnant at 19, married at 21. Husband cheated in high school and through out pregnancy. Insecure wife found out after marriage, but both still only 21. Wife cheated when she found out at 21 (legally the first real cheating). Wife comes clean and husband agrees to work things out. Husband and wife now 30, child is 10. No cheating, working on “rebuilding”. Turns out, husband has kept emotional affairs all these years, wife is upset, husband says karma. There is no physical cheating anymore, but husband doesn’t want divorce unless he gets entire house, while having emotional affair with married woman. Both adults fucking suck and their child deserves better. Both adults also really love their child, make sure he’s in activities, has friends, doing okay in school, and has everything he needs. What do?

Everybody thinks it’s fun and games until you both put the gloves down and realize you love the person you’ve betrayed. Me and my fiancé have both cheated countless times in the beginning of our relationship. We ended up having a child and it grew our bond so strong, we both tried to repair the hurt we’ve caused. It was so toxic for so long we are learning each other all over again. It’s hard not to be controlling or micro managing everything he does out of insecurity. It’s hard repairing the piece of my mind heart and soul that reply’s or fabricates every scenario of his dealings. I’ve been told to let it go since I’m no angel but if you’ve been in this position, you know how hard it is to not be a hypocrite. Your feelings get hurt just as much, you’re paranoid. But somehow you realize how stupid you’ve been and how much you want your family. Anybody have tips on stopping the spiral, letting go of controlling behavior and moving forward. Please be kind, I’m not only saving relationship but my daughters and son deserve a chance at the family. The family we both have taken shots to destroy.

I know there are loyal women, im not saying that there isn't. Its more so how do I get out of this mindset? Ive been in two relationships, both been cheated on. This last one though was worse then the last because I actually loved this girl in a way I never loved before. I never expected her to do this to me, she gaslit and manipulated me so well. The only way I found out is because she told me, but I know she still left stuff out.

I am a super loyal man. I have never cheated, yet have been cheated on. My last relationship has left me more broken then I have ever been, and my pain is turning into anger and hatred. I feel myself becoming more hateful towards women, and I know that it is wrong. I do not want to lose this lover inside of me, the one who makes gifts, go out on dates, make my partner feel special. I feel like ive lost that from being cheated on and fucked over so badly from this last relationship. I find it hard to even trust my female friends now, and I hate it. I know its not them, they didnt hurt me like this and make me feel like I was nothing. How do I get out of this? Im genuinely asking because I do not want to be like this. I dont want to lose what I once loved about me.

I feel like a broken record.

I am so fucking sad. I keep asking myself how long, how long until he realizes he doesn’t want to actually let go of us. How long until he realizes our marriage can be saved.

And if he never does, how long until I’m okay?

I’m trying to let go, detach, accept that it’s over.

But how long will I wake up crying in the middle of the night? When will the pit in my stomach settle? When will I stop wishing he would choose me instead of her?

How fucking long will this take?

I am drowning.

Hello everyone,

I’d like some outside perspectives on my relationship because, despite the progress we’ve made, I still sometimes feel emotionally stuck, and I need honest, mature, and balanced feedback.

I am recounting events that took place six months ago.

For context, I’m a young man in a relationship with my girlfriend. We had been together for 3 years when the events happened. Since the beginning, our relationship has always been very emotionally intense. There has been a lot of love and a real connection, but also mistakes, wounds, insecurities, and communication difficulties.

My girlfriend has a complicated life situation.

She lives alone in student housing. So she has to manage everything by herself: budget, food, studies, loneliness, stress, responsibilities, and anxiety.

Her relationship with her mother is difficult, to the point that going back to live with her would be very hard for her. She still has her father and uncle, but in reality she carries a lot on her own.

She is also under heavy academic pressure. She is repeating her first year of university for the third time, in a difficult context (family problems, mental load, emotional instability). She is afraid of not passing the year, losing her student housing, and ending up in a very unstable situation.

When she fails an exam or feels overwhelmed, it affects her deeply. She may cry, panic, feel alone, and fear the future.

On my side, I still live with my parents. So I have a more stable material environment: housing, family presence, and less immediate pressure.

This sometimes creates a gap between our realities. While I can go home and be surrounded by family, she often has to deal with her emotions alone in her student room.

We live about an hour away from each other, so I cannot always be physically present when she needs support.

I want to be honest: I was not blameless.

Through my words, I sometimes caused her to feel a lack of affection and low self-esteem. I told her that I would not see a future with her unless she lost weight. I told her she looked ugly without makeup. I often reminded her that I did not like her body.

At one point, she hit herself on the arm with a wooden board, which left her with a bruise.

Looking back, I realize this may have hurt her deeply, weakened her self-worth, and created an emotional void in the relationship.

I sincerely regret that. I became aware of it, and I am genuinely trying to change.

On Wednesday, October 22, 2025, she confessed to me what had happened.

The events had started the previous Thursday. She had forgotten her charger at work. She knocked on several doors in her residence to find one and met a man who lent her his charger.

They then exchanged Instagram accounts because she did not want to give her phone number, so she could let him know when she returned the charger.

On Friday, this man messaged her.

On Saturday, they met. They spent time together. There were kisses on the cheek and hickeys. No sexual intercourse and no other intimate acts, according to what she told me. They kissed, and she would go to his room to spend time with him and talk. She would call me in front of him without any issue. During that time, we were still having sex together.

Since then, she has expressed:

- sincere regret

- she acknowledges that she was wrong

- she takes responsibility

- she does not try to run away from what she did

She also explained that at that time she felt lonely, fragile, and in need of affection and support.

Then, a few weeks later, I brought the subject up again angrily. She thought I was going to leave her, so she ran away from her residence. I followed her, and she admitted that if I had not come with her, she would have done something reckless.

What also confuses me is that before and even during that episode, she still showed me love.

She gave me gifts. She remained attached to me. She did not seem emotionally detached.

And especially after that episode, she has shown me in many ways that she loves me and cares about me:

- she became even more invested

- she reassures me

- she values me

- she shows me affection

- she wants to build something with me

- she talks about the future with me

- through her actions, she shows that the relationship matters to her

Since those events, we have also shared many positive experiences together:

- several outings (gardens, cinema, restaurants, walks)

- she met my mother and was very happy and enthusiastic

- she cooks meals for me (she already did this from the beginning of our relationship out of love, and still does)

- our bond is still very strong (we have affectionate and personalized nicknames since the beginning)

- we have many inside jokes and shared humor

- she tells me I am her fantasy

- she tells me she will “never leave me and could never leave me”

- our intimacy as a couple has remained strong and connected

- she values me and desires me

Today:

- she has cut contact with that man

- she blocked him

- she does not see him anymore

- she lets me look at her phone freely

- she talks to me about a future together

- she wants to build something serious (marriage, kid, trip)

- she shows me affection

- she invests a lot in the relationship

On my side:

- I am trying to be more mature

- I am working on my communication

- I am trying not to accuse too quickly

- I am working on my jealousy and anxiety

- I want to become emotionally better

Despite all this, I still sometimes feel pain inside.

I sometimes feel:

- sadness

- fear

- overthinking

- confusion

- anger toward myself

Because part of me feels that my own mistakes contributed to creating an emotional void that led to all of this.

I know everyone remains responsible for their own choices, but I struggle not to blame myself.

1. Can trust fully return after a situation like this?
2. How can I know if her regrets and changes are sincere?
3. How can I stop ruminating and overthinking?
4. How do I separate my responsibility from hers?
5. Is staying and rebuilding healthy in this situation?

I am not trying to portray myself as a victim, nor to demonize her. We both made mistakes. I am simply looking for honest and balanced advice.

Thank you all.

I feel like I was loving a ghost, someone who didnt exist. The person I was loving would never do what she did to me, and I feel so broken, so insecure about myself. She drained the very life out of me, and then cheated and lied about it for months. When she finally told me, she didnt even tell the whole truth. I gave her everything I could give her, treated her in a way she had never been treated before, and she drained me of everything, then left. I feel so guilty, shameful, insecure, ugly, i dont even know who I am. She wasn't even nearly as attractive as I thought she was looking at old pictures. I have such bad trauma now from her, I cant sleep, can barely eat, can barely get out of bed. I dont know who I am anymore.

I am very convinced my wife is hiding something from me in her phone. I have seen other odd things going on in the past and she apologized for her behaviour. If we are to go ahead with divorce proceedings on account of her infidelity in my country and I need proof but she has an app wide lock to her WhatsApp Business account. Yes ikr, business account? Seriously? I really need help, I can’t access it unless I have her Face ID. This is getting way too much for me to bear.

So I’ll say this after finding out my husband cheated on me a couple of days ago. MUSIC HITS SO MUCH HARDER NOW. lol. Yes and in all caps. I mean I would always sing along to certain songs but now I feel the infidelity and betrayal lyrics so much for deeply. I can relate on another level. So the listening experience is so much better. I joked about this to my brother. I guess I’m just trying to make myself laugh through all this pain.

Music has and will always be my escape. Drop some of your favorite infidelity songs below so I can add them to my playlist. All genres welcome.

Hello everyone! I hope you are doing well. I just came here to ask you how you guys did it? Surviving the pain of infidelity.

I was with my ex for almost 2 years— in 3 months in our relationship he cheated on me by sexting with someone, I found it out because the girl contacted me, he eventually admitted to it but promised that he would change so I gave him a chance, I should have left when this happened but I am deeply and truly attached and in love with him that time, our relationship continued and it was great— 8 months in our relationship he visited me in my home country for 1 week, over all for me it was a great experience, the relationship runs it’s course and it came to a point that he became busy with his work and study that sometimes he forgets to text me. I was too blinded with it and looking back there were so many signs that he wasn’t really that into me as I am to him, Feb of 2025 he broke up with me and it was truly devastating. I was depressed and lose so much weight because I couldn’t eat and sleep whilst struggling with my new work. Eventually I found out that he had slept with someone 2 weeks after the break up and that feeling made me feel I hit the rock bottom. One night while I am at my work April 2 I just left and start doing things like widthrawing my savings and leaving suicide letters to my family and just tried to overdose myself and end my life. My youngest sister saw I was covered with blood and start screaming- I woke up in the hospital.

I tried to be better but I just kept trying all the possible ways to end my life because the pain was too unbearable the idea of him with another woman, laid in bed naked while I am wide awake and couldn’t even survive just put me in a very tough spot. I eventually accepted the fact that maybe it’s all for the best and started moving on.

I am currently in a new relationship now. He’s a great guy and he listens to me, he makes me feel heard and seen. I love him but I know I will always have that guard I built because of the pain I went through— and when my current boyfriend now talks about sexual stuff, I get really uncomfortable I don’t know if it because of what my ex did to me that made me hate or made me uncomfortable about sex but, yeah… I want to be more sexual to my boyfriend now (we are in a long distance) but in the back of my mind I feel uncomfortable about it :/

I just need to get it out somewhere there are real people. A month ago he disclosed two, which turned into four which now turned into seven but there was a lot of inappropriate line crossing with more.

Most of it was one night stands, none of it was with protection. Most of it was 20 years ago but it hurts like it was yesterday or maybe even worse. I was young and loving and hopeful back then and tried to brush off my intuition and the little things that just didn’t quite add up. We had a child then too and were definitely supposed to be in a committed monogamous relationship then were engaged and some probably gained after we were actually married.

I’ll never know the full scope but he seems to feel better now that he told me “everything”…

​

Today i found out that my father has been cheating with other women throughout his life. I feel confused and traumatized.

My father is a reputed man in our town respected both in the community and in house but today my reality is distorted as my brother found an audio recording of him and other women having sex.

He has been a good father to us but my reality is distorted now about the world and about relationships.

My mother is an innocent woman who is also respected in the community but now she is old and totally stressed out she doesn't have any siblings close in the house. Me and my brother are also struggling in our careers for years now but this moment has come to a shock to us.

I suspected an affair of my father 4 months back today

The truth was completely revealed.

I am distorted and stressed that my mother had found the affair earlier today my brother found out.

I have been stressed out because of a failing career for years now this has shook me from the core.

I don't know what to do now.

I feel crazy

What should I tell my father now he is a good father but idk who he really is..?

My mother seems strong but is broken inside ..

What should I do now ?

My ex broke up with me the day i finished rn school. Ive posted here multiple times, and everyone said it would take time to overcome the heartbreak. Its 6 months, i found a job after a lot of rejections. Im coparenting and filed for custody and child support thats coming up. But every month old wounds keep reopening. Right now, i finally found out from him that hes living with his affair partner now. He took a trip with her to Japan in February and when he broke up with me he said he just needed a break and hoped that this would bring him back to his family because he didnt know what he wanted. We were together 7 years and idk how someone just leaves, lies, and starts over. I trusted him so much, i would have never expected this betrayal. I feel like God is punishing me. My oldest isnt his child, she chose not to have a relationship with him anymore, he was with me since she was 6 but she told me that she didn't feel happy seeing him anymore after finding out he left us for another person. Im sad of course, but most of all, im sad about my little girl who still sees him and is now going to be introduced to a new partner. Him and i have a 3 year old together. How did you all grieve this? Today im having such a hard day being away from her and knowing that this will be a new norm for her, two families. I just want to know that she will be okay, any advice navigating this would be so helpful.

I have a sinking feeling my partner of 7 years is not faithful to me. I am dating someone who has always been very protective of their privacy which is fine and I conceded for about 4 years. I put all my trust in them and thought the best of them.

We moved in together 4 years ago and things were feeling off so I decided to snoop on his phone. At this time there was no password so I was able to peek into his Instagram messages and saw he was talking to this girl on and off like they were catching up. He exchanged numbers with her and made plans to get dinner together. This person was someone I had never heard of and happened about a year before I moved in when we were living apart. When I confronted him about it I was really calm but he instantly deflected and then only told me that she ended up not coming to town and that he was going to put a lock on his phone. I decided I was in the wrong and apologized for snooping but I still think about that incident years later.

About a week or two later I caught him in the bathroom going through my phone. It was missing from my charger when I woke up and I decided to let him snoop himself because I had nothing in there. When he came out of the bathroom I heard him quickly put my phone back where it was since I figured he heard me get up. I acted casual and then just asked him if he was looking through my phone. He kinda froze up and said that he had exs before who were cheating on him and it started with them snooping. I thought fair was fair but still a little strange considering he didn't want to talk much on the subject.

Now during the past few months I'm getting this dreadful feeling like something is up again. The last 2 months he's been acting weird with his phone. He's been spending a lot of time on it more than usual and walking into another room for a few minutes with it. I'll ask him what he's doing out of curiosity and he'll kinda fumble and give a non answer like "just looking at my phone". He opens it up every time I leave the room even for just a moment to grab something and then puts it away when I come back quickly.

I thought for a minute I might have just been paranoid but he invited his friends over the other weekend and I decided to stay and read in my own room and overheard something. I keep thinking maybe I misheard it with the music they had playing over but I heard them talking about someone I had never heard of before again. His friend asked him if he was talking to this girl on Snapchat still and I heard him say no. Then his other friend asked him something I couldn't quite make out but my partner said no again to which his friend replied "oh ok I would've felt bad if I posted that to Snapchat while you were with (girl's name)."

I thought my brain was making me go crazy but I haven't stopped thinking about it since especially because i didn't know he has snapchat. I don't have any social media at all. I have not checked his phone since last time but I decided to see if he still had a password on his phone all these years. Turns out he now has a id print lock so I couldn't see anything. It was such a gross feeling and I hate that I feel so insecure but I'm terrified that he can lie and deflect so easily. It's even more scary to think that his friends might be covering up for him. The thing that really set me off afterwards is that he said her name while sleeping and that's when I felt like something weird might be going on. I have no way of finding actual concrete proof of his cheating but it still feels so off and I have a feeling I won't ever find out unless someone tells me. I'm really not friends with his friend group at all so I'm out of the loop.

Just when I thought things were better turns out they're not and the man cant be honest to save his life. Ive put up with so much more than what most women would probably put up with all because we have kids and im too much of a coward to navigate single motherhood.

I cant take it anymore. Im a good damn woman I know im worth more than this. Im so angry I wasted my years on this bs and im also so angry I wasted my womb giving this man 3 children. I should've married better so my poor babies could also have better.

I was cheated on through a pregnancy postpartum, and cancer. And the kicker is i know i could do better. I just need to vent. This is such a joke.

I’ve already posted so many posts about my situation.

I’m 38. No kids. Infertility issues. Been with my husband 20 years today. I suffer from depression, OCD and anxiety. I should be medicated but I’m not. Three failed IUIs and we about to move on to IVF.

I get into his truck and an audio recording accidentally plays and it was another woman. He refused to let me hear it. Refused to give me his phone. He told me it’s been about two months that they’ve been talking.

So here is where I need advice and maybe hard truths. Yes, I know cheating is not to be excused. I’m literally crying in a ball and haven’t eaten bc I’m so devastated.

I was depressed bc of infertility. I stopped kissing him, hugging him, simple things I would do I stopped. I didn’t make him his coffee in the morning anymore. I stopped carrying about him bc I couldn’t handle my infertility. I never wanted to talk to him about how I felt bc I was ashamed and embarrassed I couldn’t give him a baby. I was angry. I was mad all the time. I was irritable. I held it all inside. He’s always stressed about work so I dint want to bother him especially bc he’s been paying for all our infertility treatments.

I didn’t treat him with respect, kindness, and compassion. I was angry every single day bc of my job, my anxiety and not wanting to leave the house, and my infertility.

I feel like he cheated bc he got the chance. He wasn’t happy. Another woman listened to him. I guess a fresh perspective. Fresh energy. Idk. He told me they talk about life, work, and everything. She listens to him. He said they are just “talking.” He won’t let me look through his phone. He won’t be fully transparent bc he said I will never look at him the same and he knows he will never get my trust back.

I left to a hotel bc I could not stand to be home. I know I should have made him leave but I didn’t want to be home. He’s texting me telling me to come home please but I didn’t respond.

Am I wrong for feeling like I need to change for him??