u/Consistent_Gur_9192

Everybody thinks it’s fun and games until you both put the gloves down and realize you love the person you’ve betrayed. Me and my fiancé have both cheated countless times in the beginning of our relationship. We ended up having a child and it grew our bond so strong, we both tried to repair the hurt we’ve caused. It was so toxic for so long we are learning each other all over again. It’s hard not to be controlling or micro managing everything he does out of insecurity. It’s hard repairing the piece of my mind heart and soul that reply’s or fabricates every scenario of his dealings. I’ve been told to let it go since I’m no angel but if you’ve been in this position, you know how hard it is to not be a hypocrite. Your feelings get hurt just as much, you’re paranoid. But somehow you realize how stupid you’ve been and how much you want your family. Anybody have tips on stopping the spiral, letting go of controlling behavior and moving forward. Please be kind, I’m not only saving relationship but my daughters and son deserve a chance at the family. The family we both have taken shots to destroy.

Why does nobody talk about how hard emotionally it is to leave a relationship with violent partners? They paint it on tv shows like the man is always mean and there’s nothing to love. In reality it’s not so black and white, you can have the most sweet and nurturing man.. but it takes one situation and he goes off the deep end. Then you unpack the truth and find out this was normalized in his household growing up. I give him the chances because it was in mine too. Now add mental illness into the mix and there’s your recipe for a ticking bomb, no coping skills and no role models in childhood. Never had real love, not even from his mother. But, he gives you everything you ask for treats you like gold except for those deep arguments. He feels regret afterwards and tells you it won’t happen again.. you hold onto the good times because every bad time is so far and in between. But he has an explosive disorder and bipolar, mix that with abandonment issues. There’s a 7 year age gap, I’m older and was blinded for the first year. The mask came off and it was too late, I was in love and had his child. It’s becoming more frequent and is getting progressively worse, I’m trying to get strength to leave but it’s so hard and nobody prepares you for this. He promised to get therapy and work thru the trauma and take his meds, this is the second time he fell through on the promise. I know it’s a matter of time before it happens again. I’m just trying to plan accordingly and actually get the strength. I know it will be a nasty break up, he proposed and I read it makes abusers more possessive. What’s worse is he doesn’t think he abusive because he seen and experienced worse. How do I leave? Will he ever change? I have nomore hope, I’m drained and need to stand up for my child. Please be kind in replies, this is a cry for help! I am aware how crazy this sounds but unless you’ve been in this situation, you won’t get it.