Need Honest Advice About Trust, Betrayal, and Rebuilding My Relationship
Hello everyone,
I’d like some outside perspectives on my relationship because, despite the progress we’ve made, I still sometimes feel emotionally stuck, and I need honest, mature, and balanced feedback.
I am recounting events that took place six months ago.
For context, I’m a young man in a relationship with my girlfriend. We had been together for 3 years when the events happened. Since the beginning, our relationship has always been very emotionally intense. There has been a lot of love and a real connection, but also mistakes, wounds, insecurities, and communication difficulties.
My girlfriend has a complicated life situation.
She lives alone in student housing. So she has to manage everything by herself: budget, food, studies, loneliness, stress, responsibilities, and anxiety.
Her relationship with her mother is difficult, to the point that going back to live with her would be very hard for her. She still has her father and uncle, but in reality she carries a lot on her own.
She is also under heavy academic pressure. She is repeating her first year of university for the third time, in a difficult context (family problems, mental load, emotional instability). She is afraid of not passing the year, losing her student housing, and ending up in a very unstable situation.
When she fails an exam or feels overwhelmed, it affects her deeply. She may cry, panic, feel alone, and fear the future.
On my side, I still live with my parents. So I have a more stable material environment: housing, family presence, and less immediate pressure.
This sometimes creates a gap between our realities. While I can go home and be surrounded by family, she often has to deal with her emotions alone in her student room.
We live about an hour away from each other, so I cannot always be physically present when she needs support.
I want to be honest: I was not blameless.
Through my words, I sometimes caused her to feel a lack of affection and low self-esteem. I told her that I would not see a future with her unless she lost weight. I told her she looked ugly without makeup. I often reminded her that I did not like her body.
At one point, she hit herself on the arm with a wooden board, which left her with a bruise.
Looking back, I realize this may have hurt her deeply, weakened her self-worth, and created an emotional void in the relationship.
I sincerely regret that. I became aware of it, and I am genuinely trying to change.
On Wednesday, October 22, 2025, she confessed to me what had happened.
The events had started the previous Thursday. She had forgotten her charger at work. She knocked on several doors in her residence to find one and met a man who lent her his charger.
They then exchanged Instagram accounts because she did not want to give her phone number, so she could let him know when she returned the charger.
On Friday, this man messaged her.
On Saturday, they met. They spent time together. There were kisses on the cheek and hickeys. No sexual intercourse and no other intimate acts, according to what she told me. They kissed, and she would go to his room to spend time with him and talk. She would call me in front of him without any issue. During that time, we were still having sex together.
Since then, she has expressed:
- sincere regret
- she acknowledges that she was wrong
- she takes responsibility
- she does not try to run away from what she did
She also explained that at that time she felt lonely, fragile, and in need of affection and support.
Then, a few weeks later, I brought the subject up again angrily. She thought I was going to leave her, so she ran away from her residence. I followed her, and she admitted that if I had not come with her, she would have done something reckless.
What also confuses me is that before and even during that episode, she still showed me love.
She gave me gifts. She remained attached to me. She did not seem emotionally detached.
And especially after that episode, she has shown me in many ways that she loves me and cares about me:
- she became even more invested
- she reassures me
- she values me
- she shows me affection
- she wants to build something with me
- she talks about the future with me
- through her actions, she shows that the relationship matters to her
Since those events, we have also shared many positive experiences together:
- several outings (gardens, cinema, restaurants, walks)
- she met my mother and was very happy and enthusiastic
- she cooks meals for me (she already did this from the beginning of our relationship out of love, and still does)
- our bond is still very strong (we have affectionate and personalized nicknames since the beginning)
- we have many inside jokes and shared humor
- she tells me I am her fantasy
- she tells me she will “never leave me and could never leave me”
- our intimacy as a couple has remained strong and connected
- she values me and desires me
Today:
- she has cut contact with that man
- she blocked him
- she does not see him anymore
- she lets me look at her phone freely
- she talks to me about a future together
- she wants to build something serious (marriage, kid, trip)
- she shows me affection
- she invests a lot in the relationship
On my side:
- I am trying to be more mature
- I am working on my communication
- I am trying not to accuse too quickly
- I am working on my jealousy and anxiety
- I want to become emotionally better
Despite all this, I still sometimes feel pain inside.
I sometimes feel:
- sadness
- fear
- overthinking
- confusion
- anger toward myself
Because part of me feels that my own mistakes contributed to creating an emotional void that led to all of this.
I know everyone remains responsible for their own choices, but I struggle not to blame myself.
- Can trust fully return after a situation like this?
- How can I know if her regrets and changes are sincere?
- How can I stop ruminating and overthinking?
- How do I separate my responsibility from hers?
- Is staying and rebuilding healthy in this situation?
I am not trying to portray myself as a victim, nor to demonize her. We both made mistakes. I am simply looking for honest and balanced advice.
Thank you all.