How do you leave your husband when he refuses to leave the house? He says he doesn’t want a divorce and begged for me not to leave him. I found out Thursday and I needed to leave. I couldn’t stay in that house. I couldn’t be around him. I don’t have any family I can go to and I don’t want them to know my business so I rented a hotel. I need to go back to the house and I do want him to leave. I doubt he will tho.
I’ve already posted so many posts about my situation.
I’m 38. No kids. Infertility issues. Been with my husband 20 years today. I suffer from depression, OCD and anxiety. I should be medicated but I’m not. Three failed IUIs and we about to move on to IVF.
I get into his truck and an audio recording accidentally plays and it was another woman. He refused to let me hear it. Refused to give me his phone. He told me it’s been about two months that they’ve been talking.
So here is where I need advice and maybe hard truths. Yes, I know cheating is not to be excused. I’m literally crying in a ball and haven’t eaten bc I’m so devastated.
I was depressed bc of infertility. I stopped kissing him, hugging him, simple things I would do I stopped. I didn’t make him his coffee in the morning anymore. I stopped carrying about him bc I couldn’t handle my infertility. I never wanted to talk to him about how I felt bc I was ashamed and embarrassed I couldn’t give him a baby. I was angry. I was mad all the time. I was irritable. I held it all inside. He’s always stressed about work so I dint want to bother him especially bc he’s been paying for all our infertility treatments.
I didn’t treat him with respect, kindness, and compassion. I was angry every single day bc of my job, my anxiety and not wanting to leave the house, and my infertility.
I feel like he cheated bc he got the chance. He wasn’t happy. Another woman listened to him. I guess a fresh perspective. Fresh energy. Idk. He told me they talk about life, work, and everything. She listens to him. He said they are just “talking.” He won’t let me look through his phone. He won’t be fully transparent bc he said I will never look at him the same and he knows he will never get my trust back.
I left to a hotel bc I could not stand to be home. I know I should have made him leave but I didn’t want to be home. He’s texting me telling me to come home please but I didn’t respond.
Am I wrong for feeling like I need to change for him??
So I’ll say this after finding out my husband cheated on me a couple of days ago. MUSIC HITS SO MUCH HARDER NOW. lol. Yes and in all caps. I mean I would always sing along to certain songs but now I feel the infidelity and betrayal lyrics so much for deeply. I can relate on another level. So the listening experience is so much better. I joked about this to my brother. I guess I’m just trying to make myself laugh through all this pain.
Music has and will always be my escape. Drop some of your favorite infidelity songs below so I can add them to my playlist. All genres welcome.
Found out yesterday my husband is having an affair. I haven’t ate anything at all today (next day). It’s almost 9PM. I have no desire to eat.
I’m reflecting on my failed marriage. 38 years old. Been tgthr 20 years. Infertility issues. No kids. Husband got caught yesterday. He was communicating with another woman. He says she’s there for him. She listens to him. The opposite of me.
This is what I’ve been thinking. My job is extremely stressful. I’m second in command at my job leading 60 employees. I come home so tired and drained. I thought he appreciated having me as wife bc I can hold my own financially. I truly think this was my downfall. I know I don’t need him. Sometimes I feel like I’m also the man in the relationship. I lost my softness with him. I’m always in manager and work mode. I’m not excusing his cheating what I’m trying to say is that we have it so tough as career women. We are never good enough!!! Something will always suffer. Eventually the man won’t see you as a soft woman and he will see you as someone who is hard.
It was devastating to hear that woman leave a voice memo to my husband. He said she knew he was married. He said they’ve been talking for two months. While I’m working like a dog daily this is what my husband does bc I’m not there for him.
Husband got caught in an alleged two month relationship with a woman. I’ve been with him 20 years. We are almost 40 years old. He claims they are just friends and nothing went past talking. He says she actually listens to him. He can talk to her. He feels the opposite about me and says he has asked me countless times to change. That’s true. I feel so pathetic that I want to stay with him. The reason I am even considering forgiving is bc he’s correct. I’ve been a really bad wife. I’ve been going through a lot with fertility issues, failed treatments, and I’m depressed bc of it. I never truly told him how sad I was about my fertility issues. I was ashamed that I couldn’t get pregnant. & now he cheated. I know it’s not my fault but I do think like if someone is so miserable then someone comes along then it’s bound to happen. & I know I sound pathetic. I know.
Please help me preserve my dignity. I caught my husband having an “emotional affair” and I hate that term bc I feel like we really don’t know how far it. I heard her over the phone. She left a voice note to him. He says they’ve been talking for a month and half. He says I’m not there for him. He can’t talk to me. He feels he’s living with a roommate. He thinks I’m not attracted to him. I struggle with depression. I’ve been going through infertility. Three failed IUIs. I’m 38 and went been tgthr since we were in high school. I’ve always trusted him. Never ever questioned him. Never ever went though his phone. Trust is so big to me and I always wanted to make sure he felt like he was his own person and I wanted him to have freedoms bc I believe he’s his own person.
I found out Thursday. Today is Friday. I decided to stay with a friend. I can’t be at home over the weekend BUT I have my phone. How can I prevent myself from not crashing out through texts?!
He will not let me look through his phone. He said it will forever change the way I look at him and he doesn’t want that. He texted me some one line text today that said he can’t be without me and he’s sorry.
My brother is moving to NYC next month. I have a chance to move with him. I’ll have to find a job. I’m an assistant principal. I have two small dogs. I’m thinking about leaving to NYC and just figuring things out. I don’t know if I can ever trust him again. I’m so hurt!!!! I never ever wanted to leave him. I wanted to grow old tgthr. We had so many deep convos about the future. I really need someone advice.
I always thought he loved me so much. I thought he was my person. I thought he understood me. I seriously would be so thankful that I didn’t have to experience what so many other people do with infidelity.
I’ll admit that I’ve been absent. I can be so tough to be with sometimes. I struggle with anxiety, depression, and OCD. I also have been going through infertility treatments and they’ve all failed. I am very depressed. All I want is a baby.
Yes, I haven’t shown any affection to my husband and it’s been really tough for me. He’s alway stressed out. He doesn’t treat me soft and doesn’t really seem to ever understand my POV. I never wanted to tell him about my depression with infertility bc like I said he always seems stressed and then also he does remain optimistic about a baby and I don’t want to bring him down.
So I caught a woman leaving him a voice message or something on his phone. He had her name saved under a guy’s name. The woman I guess was telling him about something she was dealing with full blown explaining not like they’ve just met. I just hard seconds of it and he would not let me listen to the rest. He says that she listens to him. She’s his friend. He can talk to her. They talk about life. He feels like he can’t talk to me. He feels like I’m a stranger. He said that I am so distant from him.
I am so lost!!!!! I never ever expected this from him. I thought we would be together until the end. We have been together for over 20 years.
Context: We are in our late 30s. We’ve been tgthr since high school.
Yesterday when we were getting in the car his Bluetooth connected and I heard a woman leaving a voice memo or voicemail. I’m not sure. He had her under a different name. A male name. She was telling him a story about something. I asked him who it was and he said nothing. The LOOK of terror in his eyes I will never ever forget. In all 20 years I’ve been with him, I have never seen that look on his face. He started breathing heavy so I knew it was something.
He refused to let me see his phone or listen to the voice message. I wasn’t about to try to fight with him to get it. He said he didn’t want me to hear it bc I will never look at him the same again. He said he met her at the mall and they been friends and talking for a month a half. He said he talks to her about work and that she listens to him. He said they haven’t had intercourse or kissed. I don’t want to believe anything he says.
I told myself I would never ever allow a man to cheat on me after seeing what my father went through when my mother cheated. I’ve always said that was a hard No for me and I’ve told him that throughout our marriage.
We’ve had 3 failed IUIs and we were going to do IVF. I’ve been depressed and yes I have been a different person and not there for him. BUT that is no excuse. He said he had no one to talk to. I’m distant. He feels I don’t love him. I zone him out. He thinks I disgust him. I just scroll on social media. I put my headphones on. He can’t talk to me about work. He feels that I’m just a body and he just lives with me. So that’s why he started talking to this woman.
I 100% admit things have been super rough and I haven’t been the best wife. I’ve been having a really hard time with infertility and that makes is sooo much worse that he did this to me while we were going through this. I was never transparent about my depression or anxiety with infertility bc I didn’t feel like I could go to him bc he’s always stressed about work. I felt alone.
I would have neeeeever ever expected this from him. Totally blindsided. I’m evaluating what my next steps are. I do not want to leave. I really don’t. I just know my worth. I know I cannot tolerate this. I don’t see myself ever forgiving him. It’s so painful bc I wanted nothing more than to have a baby with him. I truly truly cannot believe he did this. The ultimate betrayal. I’m almost 40 and I just can’t believe this is my life.