r/loneliness

i’m 31 backwards and male (had to say “31 backwards” so nothing gets taken down). for the past year or more, maybe longer, i’ve felt constantly numb. not sadness, not crisis, just a kind of flatness that’s become normal for me.

I don’t have anyone in my life I can really talk to. I have friends but they’re shallow connections, nothing I could go deep with or talk to about anything i’m going through. no adult I trust either. I lost my cat about two weeks ago who was really my only sense of comfort, he would cuddle with me all the time and i felt happy when he was around, he’s been around for 9 years, almost my whole life, so he was like a family member, not just a cat. and my family says I’ve been stoic about it, and honestly I think they’re right, I don’t know if I’ve actually grieved or just locked it away because there’s nowhere to put it.

I get by. I play music, I read, I listen to music. those are all the things i’ve done to cope recently. i’m doing alright, i’m sleeping a decent amount, eating enough, sometimes skipping breakfast though, i have enough energy to get through the day. i have no friends to go to and no adults i can go to, so im going here. i’m wondering if maybe im the problem, im the reason im lonely. i mean, i don’t really have much to bond over with people my age. i don’t like anything the people my age like. also, im curious, since i have no outlet for my emotions to go through, no one to talk to, where are these emotions going? im not holding them in, or maybe im really good at that and im even fooling myself, anyways, where do emotions go when you have no one to go to? if anyone has any advice for me, to solve either the loneliness or the numbness, please share, i want to feel something again.

i want to let you go but i dont mive on. I still save you in myblife and i still get hurt every time i know its life death or freedom when i loose you. You dont sober up. Your with other people whonknow about me but i have no idea of them. I want to let you go. I want to move on. I get lonely i call you. I want to eat lunch with some one i ask you if you need lunch. I blocked you and made it an entire year without you.bit was an incredible year. I dont want you in myblife ibwant to move on. You made me trust you less again. When you were supposed to be helping me with something for my car you returned ro my home for a torch and brought a female with you. Who the next morning text me about you being at your girlfriend and them being your girlfriend of two years. Mow she knew my home and mybphone number and knew of my sober life. Now am i safe to have you near my home. I should never have invited you back in. Now how do move you out of my head my heart my life safely for me

just a random tangent. single and intentionally not dating, doom scrolling, wanting a hug and maybe sometimes more, but not the drama and emotional turmoil/attachment that come with relationships right now. kinda feel like adulthood is really kicking in and starting to understand why ppl get married/start kids and i’m just not in that space rn. idk if anything could fill the void of just constantly being alone.. i can sleep however long i want with no missed calls, both a really freeing but also a little bittersweet.

How do you cope with loneliness, especially if you’re introverted?

I do the things everyone says to me- finding new hobbies, looking after myself and treating myself, exercising consistently and eating healthy etc, but the loneliness is just always there.

When I spend time with people, it takes a lot of social energy to be in those situations and whilst I don’t feel lonely whilst in the situation, I never feel as comfortable. And if the social situation makes me anxious then I just regret it and would prefer being alone to the anxiety it creates.

- Taxi Driver

I've never felt this anymore than I do now. Here I am, 33, never been married. Longest relationship was 9 months or so. Both of my best friends passed away, as did the person with whom I had my longest relationship. She left me for drugs and then the combination of drugs and diabetes did her in. We weren't together, thankfully but still saddening. I feel so lost, so unnoticed. Feel unwanted and unloved. If there is a god, he took everyone in my life that ever meant anything to me and left me behind to deal with the emotional repercussions. It feels like all the growth I'm doing and what I've gone through is pointless because I see no results. Nobody wants me. I'm a recovering alcoholic and addict and doing all the necessary work to be better in my life and I'm the best I've ever been but it feels pointless because there's no one to share anything with. I hate it. All I see are thirst traps and content sellers online and it just reminds me of what I'll never have. Feels like there's no point to anything. But I'll keep searching and keep my eyes and mind and heart open. I'm trying.

I was “seeing” a guy for a total of about two weeks. We had hung out a couple times, and had plans tomorrow but I haven’t heard from him since Monday. It’s a bit obvious what’s happened.

And it sucks because he said he preferred brutal honesty. And still ghosted me.

But I’m so happy from the few good moments we had. We had fun, and he had the sweetest dog. They both gave good cuddles.

I had the type of moments I’ve only dreamed about or seen in romance movies. I’ve still never dated. I honestly haven’t had much human interaction this year besides roommates, work and babysitting. Nothing that’s been a hang out with someone my age.

I’m still crying about it, because I had hoped there would be a few more good moments. And I’m alone on a Friday night with no where to go, and now no one to text. And as stupid as it sounds I keep thinking back on those few good moments. The way he smiled at me. The laughs we shared. Those moments where he went nerd mode.

Replaying them in my head, because they’re all I have.

i’m 17(F). for years I’ve been feeling kind of disconnected in my friendships. It feels like other people have better friends or people they prioritise more, while I end up with no one else i’ve never had any sort of romantic relationship so when all my friends start talking about their experiences i get really jealous and it makes me feel excluded and frustrated because i don’t understand why i can’t have that to. i always think i have a “best friend” until they find someone else and im left alone. i feel like I put so much effort into my friendships and get absolutely nothing in return which just makes me feel even more left out. These feelings tend to build up most at night when I overthink things and feel more alone with it.

TL;DR: I’m 4 months pregnant with my first child and struggling with intense emotions (possibly BPD). I said extremely hurtful things to my boyfriend during an argument, and he decided to leave temporarily. I’ve been alone for 15 days, feeling overwhelmed, guilty, and deeply lonely during what should be an important moment in my life. We’re planning to start therapy, but I’m looking for advice on how to cope in the meantime and avoid hurting him again.

Hi everyone,

I’m posting here because I feel extremely alone and overwhelmed, and I don’t really know where to turn.

I think I might have borderline personality disorder (not officially diagnosed yet, but I relate to a lot of it), and I know I’ve been very difficult in my relationship. During arguments, I’ve said incredibly hurtful things to my boyfriend… including telling him that I wished he would die and suffer before dying. I feel horrible even writing that, because I know how wrong and damaging it is.

I’m currently 4 months pregnant with my first child, and instead of experiencing this as something joyful, I feel completely lost and isolated. After one of these episodes, my boyfriend decided to leave for a while. It’s not a definitive breakup, but he’s not with me right now. It’s been about 15 days, and I’ve been on my own ever since.

The loneliness is honestly the hardest part. This is my first pregnancy, and I imagined going through it with him, feeling supported, sharing everything… and instead I’m dealing with guilt, anxiety, and emptiness on my own. Some days it feels unbearable.

We’ve agreed to start therapy soon, which I really want, but right now I feel stuck between regret for what I said, fear of losing him, and fear of not being stable enough for my baby.

I guess I’m looking for advice:

- Has anyone been in a similar situation and managed to repair the relationship?

- How do you cope with intense guilt and emotional instability, especially when you’re alone?

- How can I handle this kind of emotional state during a first pregnancy?

- What can I do right now to avoid hurting him (or anyone) again while we’re apart?

I really want to take responsibility and change. I just feel very alone right now.

Thank you for reading.

I'm sorry for posting this, but i need to share it with someone or else i think i will explode. I have absolutely no one that i can talk to. Only my grandmother, and i can not speak of these things with her, for she is very ill and it would only make her sad.

I'm 31 years old. I think i have never had a true friend. There was once one who i considered a friend, i listened to her and we talked a lot online. But in person she would act very different, and she would stop talking with me every time she got a partner, and then resume when they broke up or there was some fight between them. She married a few years ago, so we are on a "happy birthday - once a year" ever since.

People usually stay away from me as soon as they see me. I am ugly. There is literally nothing in me that could be considered "decent".

I have tried to live my life normally, but i know i also lack most social skills, and it's getting worse with time. When people talk to me i no longer know how to respond, i don't know how to act.

This January, a colleague from work started coming to the room i usually stay at (I found a room where few people go, and i usually stay there on breaks). She found out and regularly went there and talked with me. Even with my lack of social skills and my ugliness she continued to go there. She said that she was trying to get to know me. I was very suspicious, this was something that has never happened.

Then, one day, out of nowhere, she hugged me and then asked to have a coffee with me outside of work.

No one had ever hugged me before (outside of close family of course). I feel like my feelings broke... and i agreed to the coffee. But i warned her that i was not good at it, that i had never been to a coffee with someone before... and i let her choose the time, date and place, for I was always free (we had a week of vacation the following week).

She choose the time for the coffee and told me that she wanted to understand what was going on with me and why i was like i was...

I spent the next week preparing mentally for this coffee. In my head i had to kill all the feelings that her hug unearthed. She is extremely beautiful, kind and happy. She has a full life, with boyfriend, tons of friends and activities. I could not understand why she would want to try to know me, or waste her time having a coffee with me.

I think i succeeded. I think i managed to work my mind not to have any feelings for her. I prepared to open up a bit to her, and explain what i am, and how i think. I thought i could finally have a "regular friend". Someone that would understand me and talk with me from time to time. I have no right to ask for more.

The day came... and i went, nervous as hell, for a simple coffee. Something i know "normal people" do everyday.

I waited two hours. She never showed up.

I should have trusted my gut. I should have never have let her talk with me. I should never have trusted her.

I don't know why she ever talked with me... maybe some bet or joke/game between other colleagues.

Humans are horrible. Why couldn't she had left me alone? I was surviving in my isolation.

In a way it was like a warning. I was weak to show weakness when she hugged me. I don't think it will ever happen again. But i must be ready to fight against any feelings towards other people.

I am the biggest idiot in the world. And, again, i'm sorry for making anyone reading this.

I'm 19 f , going through a rough time , but this late ‌ , I've no one to talk to ,a moment ago , I was crying uncontrollably and asking for this to stop , I don't know what to do

Hi all, I'm here to find people who would be willing to share their stories with me. I am working on my dissertation for my doctoral degree, which focuses on loneliness among people who were emerging adults (18-25 years old) during the COVID-19 Pandemic. Given the rising rates of loneliness, I'm hoping my study, along with the help of anyone interested in participating, can shed some light on these rates and, more importantly, what we can do about them. If this caught your eye and you are open to sharing your experience with me, take a look at the recruitment flyer below. If you meet the requirements and are interested in participating, scan the QR code to fill out a quick survey, and I will be in contact! Thank you for your time!

https://preview.redd.it/rfcv6mohbfug1.png?width=1200&format=png&auto=webp&s=df54cb9d22c417f0e07e9bca9ebade268e1480e4

Hi all, I'm here to find people who would be willing to share their stories with me. I am working on my dissertation for my doctoral degree, which focuses on loneliness among people who were emerging adults (18-25 years old) during the COVID-19 Pandemic. Given the rising rates of loneliness, I'm hoping my study, along with the help of anyone interested in participating, can shed some light on these rates and, more importantly, what we can do about them. If this caught your eye and you are open to sharing your experience with me, take a look at the recruitment flyer below. If you meet the requirements and are interested in participating, scan the QR code to fill out a quick survey, and I will be in contact! Thank you for your time!

https://preview.redd.it/wpwwbxqrafug1.png?width=1728&format=png&auto=webp&s=639b1ff6231dbf82a869db084827c3112b1af2c7

Weekends are the worst. I'm loosing the will to do anything and my disabilities are keeping me inside. :( What do you do?

When I was nineteen, my parents kicked me out of the house. I still talk to my dad but I've lost all contact with my mother. I work to support myself and my college education. Since I sometimes have classes in the morning and sometimes in the afternoon, I work the night shift to avoid conflicts with my college schedule. I only have 4 days off a month that I use to do my college work, I barely have enough time to sleep and manage work and college at the same time.

I'd like to go out and meet people, but I never have time for it. I have friends at college, but we only talk there because I never have time to go out with them, and I end up being a bit excluded by my group because of it. I never have time to meet anyone new, I'm always tired of the routine, and since I live alone and without anyone's support, I have to harden everything and I'm not even going to start talking about money. Buying nail polish or cigarettes is sometimes a luxury for me.

My only hope is that in a few years, when I graduate, I'll get a job and have more time for myself, but that seems so far away that I don't know if I'll be able to wait until then. I just work, study, work, and study; that's all I've had time for. I haven't received a hug in ages. I keep thinking that I'm wasting my twenties; when I'm older, I still won't have made a real connection with anyone because I will have spent the last 5 years working to get out of this hole.

I'm twenty, but I'm pretty sure I'll be twenty-five without ever having had anyone in my whole life, not even my parents love me, honestly I just wanted a boyfriend or a real friend, someone to give me a hug, sometimes I listen to ASMR videos of boyfriends on YouTube and I feel like the most pathetic girl ever. How do you deal with this? I don't go a day without thinking about giving up on everything. Is there a better way to deal with or view this situation?

Connect-Chat-Ghost

Do you want to make new friends but avoid things getting awkward?

Don’t want the burden of constantly holding a conversation or feeling forced to stay?

Here’s an idea:

A space where you can chat with random, verified strangers and just have conversations; no pressure, no expectations.

If you feel like the person doesn’t match your vibe, you can ghost them.

At the same time, you should also understand that you can be ghosted too.

This can be great for introverts that are trying to open up.

That’s the system. No hard feelings.

Basic Rules:

- Account must be at least 30 days old

- Be respectful

- No harassment or spam

Join only if you understand and accept how this works.

rate my idea and my next step would be according to the replies.

Hope this is appropriate for this forum. I am in a lot of pain every day. I have been completely alone for many years. I have no friends at all, for over ten years but more generally all of my life. I have no contacts in my phone. No online friends. I can't seem to land a job for some reason after applying to over 1000 places the past few years, so I have no coworkers. I have no classmates as I'm not in school. I was abused constantly at medical school until I dropped out.

I try to work on content in my own time sometimes and I share it. It's hard when I have no money, job, or friends for so long. My mental health is severely bad. Despite that, I've worked on content that is meaningful to me, and have had zero interaction with it anywhere. I have volunteered over the years, joined clubs, and gone to meet ups. I do virtual support groups every day. There's no in-person ones in my area and I suppose they wouldn't be any different.

I'm especially disappointed that there's no good places to make friends online. In particular, serious people. I don't necessarily need people who are severely depressed like me, although it's a good place to start in terms of mutual understanding and support. These also happen to probably be the only people who would give me any time, and who would be serious. I can't find any.

There seem to be very few platforms for any friendship. There are dating and "friend" apps, which seem to inevitably revolve around horniness. That is why they have such short bios and emphasize pictures. Some people also just never get matches there, and most people using them are not necessarily lonely or have some of the same digital-based interests I have.

So when I try relevant platforms, they seem full of people who are inactive or inconsistent and often completely unserious. Their average internet use looks like maybe logging on for 30 minutes every day to post memes with each other. I've tried communities in my interests across medicine, music, philosophy, writing, gaming. Many of these groups are also really cliquey.

I've been spending several hours a day trying to make friends online or elsewhere, though with an emphasis on online due to my preference and the accessibility. I send messages to people to see if they want to get to know each other, or comment on other people's work, share mine, etc. I don't do so feeling any individual person is obligated to be my friend. But I think I deserve and am owed the good fortune of running into one person who would be my friend, like any other person. I don't know what a person is supposed to do to make friends.

Today is one bad day among at least 5,000 bad days in a row. Around 2,500 really bad days. Today was an average day. I submitted around 20 job applications. I received a few job rejections in my email. I posted several messages looking for connection, on several platforms. I went for a walk and tried to find gig work. Tried to focus on personal health. I am in a support group as I write this. I am currently living in a sort of storage room at my grandparents' house. I don't have a real bed just a small futon. The whole room is full of boxes. I have one bag of clothes. I only have enough money for toiletries and food, which is better than nothing.

Why is it so hard to find friends online, or find people to just respond to you? Sometimes I also hear about this loneliness crisis, and yet I am constantly looking for friends and don't seem to find anyone who is lonely. There seems to be an apathy crisis at worst. Most everyone seems to have at least a few friends.

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE

I’m struggling with severe loneliness and the depression is becoming a bit much to handle…

In 2012, my daughter died at four months old due to congenital Cytomegalovirus. I had a bad childhood growing up and, after she passed, my family pretty much brushed it all under the rug and I had no one to talk to about my grief. I had two more sons after that and then ended up getting divorced. I never sought therapy during that time. In 2020, I finally sought help and was diagnosed with Borderline. Getting the diagnosis was pretty devastating. I tried therapy and meds for nine months. Unfortunately, I slipped into a psychosis after that.

I don’t identify with any of this because, if I could go back, I would gladly stop myself. I hate that I did this…

In 2021, I attempted suicide and ended up in a coma with liver and kidney failure for ten days. Then, I recovered…

Half of my family shunned me. I was excommunicated from my church. I lost every friend I had. The rest of my family really didn’t want me around. I moved in with my grandparents and then I ended up homeless for a year after my grandpa died of pancreatic cancer. I had to climb my way back up through society and finally found a job that aligned with my degree. Then, I met my husband and moved in with him. Then, he cheated on me before I was married. Things were getting better with my family at that point, but going through him cheating, they quickly didn’t want me around again.

My husband and I worked through it, he’s a better man now, and I have since forgiven him.

At this time, I’m on FMLA from my job due to getting diagnosed with trigeminal neuralgia and needing some time to reset mentally. I went inpatient at the beginning of my FMLA, then went through PHP, and now I am in intensive outpatient therapy. I’ve tried so hard to branch out, get anyone to like me, and I continue therapy almost every day.

No one at church or my family has reached out. I have no friends. No matter what I try to do to overcome my past, it’s never enough.

I have my husband and my sons.

I finally overcame my suicidal thoughts and have learned a lot through therapy.

I’ve changed a lot and I can’t imagine why I did what I did…I love my sons so much and want to be here for every moment. I thought I would always be a bad mom not being able to overcome the grief of losing my daughter…I no longer believe that.

Lately, it’s been so lonely…especially every other week when I don’t have my sons…

I’ve tried branching out and meeting new people, but after a while, they stop reaching out.

I feel forgotten about.

My family never reaches out.

The only people I speak to outside of my sons and husband are online (my therapy group and therapists).

…Last night I was so lonely that I broke down in tears and had a panic attack. I fell asleep crying on my husband…

I’m on an antidepressant, but as soon as it wears off, I can feel it and just start crying because I miss my old life before I attempted - I would do anything to have my friends and family back…

My mom and I just started speaking to each other again after five years…

I know that what I did was wrong…but, I feel like I’ve honestly paid my penance and I just want to have friends and family…I just want a normal life…and no matter how hard I try to get it, it always falls out of my grasp..