"I am God's lonely man."
- Taxi Driver
I've never felt this anymore than I do now. Here I am, 33, never been married. Longest relationship was 9 months or so. Both of my best friends passed away, as did the person with whom I had my longest relationship. She left me for drugs and then the combination of drugs and diabetes did her in. We weren't together, thankfully but still saddening. I feel so lost, so unnoticed. Feel unwanted and unloved. If there is a god, he took everyone in my life that ever meant anything to me and left me behind to deal with the emotional repercussions. It feels like all the growth I'm doing and what I've gone through is pointless because I see no results. Nobody wants me. I'm a recovering alcoholic and addict and doing all the necessary work to be better in my life and I'm the best I've ever been but it feels pointless because there's no one to share anything with. I hate it. All I see are thirst traps and content sellers online and it just reminds me of what I'll never have. Feels like there's no point to anything. But I'll keep searching and keep my eyes and mind and heart open. I'm trying.