r/family

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My mother and father in law live in a big house by themselves, and are heavy smokers, they smoke in the laundry room, but the the whole house smells like cigarette smoke

Recently i have been felling very uncomfortable visiting them because they smoke so much inside, and this affects me and my children, and all of our stuff smells so bad that everything (including bags and jackets) needs to be washed when we come home, also us and especially the kids hair smells like cigarette smoke when we have visited.

I am pregnant at the moment, and therefore I feel extra uncomfortable to visit their house.

I have been trying to get my husband to talk to his mom about this, and to ask if they could smoke outside while we are at their house, he has been very reluctant. And hasn't really wanted to talk about the issue.

We were invited to dinner, and after asking him to mention it to her for some time, I texted her myself asking politely if they could not smoke inside the house while we are there, she got really offended and rude, and told us not to come if we could not handle being inside their house.

Now I feel like an asshole and I guess need some advice....

Something happened today and I genuinely needed to get this out.

It started with something completely mundane. We were folding clothes, and I brought up how my dad(61) had jokingly mentioned during iftar that one of his t-shirts had gone missing, smiling, lighthearted about it. My mom(47) had brushed it off in the moment. (Context: she has this habit of quietly hiding his old clothes when she doesn't want him wearing them anymore, and they eventually just... disappear. He also never donates them, which is part of why she does this.)

When I brought it up again today, she snapped. And then everything came out.

She started talking about how negative my dad is, how he never acknowledges anything. The example that hit hardest: when we moved into our new house, my mom and brother spent months travelling back and forth overseeing all the interior work. Every detail. After we moved in, his response was to complain, constantly ,about things they'd done. But when neighbours come over and compliment the house? He proudly shows it off like it's his achievement.

Then she said something I wasn't prepared for. She said she hates that he's her husband. I asked her multiple times , seriously, are you sure? and every single time, she said yes. She told me she has emotionally cut him off completely and doesn't see him as her husband anymore. That the only reason she stayed and survived all these years was for us kids.

She talked about how he never really sees her as a person. More like someone who runs the house and puts food on the table. She even brought up her sister's husband, how warm and caring he is, and I could tell that quiet comparison has lived inside her for a long time.

What makes this so hard to sit with is that my dad isn't "bad" in the way you'd expect. He never controlled her financially. She could always buy what she wanted, gold, whatever she needed. The house is registered in her name. He trusts her with all his investments. On paper, he gave her security and freedom. But what he never gave her, I think, was emotional acknowledgment. Just being seen. Just being appreciated.

This isn't entirely new to me either. My brother used to have deeper conversations with her when we were younger, and even then she'd talk about my dad being emotionally unavailable, not an understanding husband. They're just completely different people, maybe partly because of the age gap. But I think she's been quietly carrying this for years. She even hinted today that there are older things, things she's never confronted him about directly, only ever shared with me and my brother in private.

I'm 25. Looking back at the last 15 years, I never thought it ran this deep. They'd fight, yes, but they'd resolve things , or so I thought. Now I'm realizing some of those fights never really resolved. She still carries them. Especially things related to how he behaved with his side of the family. Some things she says she hates to the core.

I don't know how to navigate this. Do I bring it up with her again, or let it be? Do I just hold this and be there for her quietly? I'm not naive enough to think I can fix a marriage, but this has genuinely shaken me.

Posting on behalf of a friend …

My (F20) sister (F18, almost 19) will be starting at my university this upcoming semester. Our whole lives she has been concerningly childish compared to her peers in a way where her dopamine desires take precedence over ANYTHING remotely responsible unless she enjoys that responsible thing. My family used to believe that she would develop over time into a more mature person but over the years in K-12 she has routinely failed even the most basic and easy classes. We don’t believe she has an intellectual disability (I believe she’s been tested for this) but she hasn’t grown out of these problems. She fails her classes every year and when we ask her about it she says she doesn’t know. We’ve been giving her solutions our whole lives but she either doesn’t follow them at all or follows an extremely watered down version of the advice and complains it doesn’t work. She has a variety of self-induced problems (health, work, adulting, etc) caused by unhealthy habits (extremely imbalanced diet or just not eating and not maintaining healthy habits).

Recently she stayed with me and visited my university for a weekend to simulate her student life here. This was supposed to be a learning experience so after, I asked her what she learned about how she might be as a student. As always, she stared at me blankly like she didn’t know what I was talking about and shrugged it off saying she didn’t know. I tried not to get upset because she always does it and I tried to be patient with her but whenever she’s prompted to critically evaluate herself in any way, she never does it. All she ever has substantial thoughts about are her hobbies (comics, drawing, nature, etc).

When I confronted her about conceptualizing her academic habits (studying, health eating, etc), she immediately got overwhelmed and did not want to continue the conversation but we did nonetheless. She was crying because of how overwhelmed the thought of being responsible is but (this is the main problem) she is truly the most stubborn person when it comes to her life’s non-negotiables i.e. she wants to major in a difficult major and is currently in community college for her gen eds but even those classes are deteriorating her health and mental well being. The reasonable ultimatum is that she either change her major to something easier or develop good habits that will ease her stress and she won’t do

either after years of talking to her about it. She is somehow simultaneously convinced that her life will go to shit because she can’t be responsible but also won’t do what’s necessary to alleviate the stress of work (change her major or develop good habits, she won’t do either).

She is also heavily affecting our family, specifically me, with her situation. For example, she constantly complains that her stomach hurts too much to eat, she’s too tired to stay up (past 7pm) but too restless to sleep and says she lacks energy to do anything. She always comes to me for advice because she likes how logical and honest I am about it and I tell her exactly what I think: stress, gastritis, drinking too much coffee and not eating enough, xyz. She either denies these are true or tells me she has been “trying” the solutions but she hasn’t been trying them correctly. Still she wails to us and we responds because we care about her but I believe she carries such a childish mindset and will severely stunt her academic progress in university. Honestly, I don’t think she will flourish in a situation where she has to be independent (she also told me she would not) but she won’t do anything else in this world because she’s dead set on a cybersecurity degree (she loves creative writing but refuses to do an english/writing degree because she doesn’t think it’s “cool”).

She is truly stubborn and has even put our comfort at risk to maintain her own pleasure seeking habits (they’re not dangerous, just unhealthy). I really can’t see a future where she succeeds when she won’t take actions necessary to progress in her adult life because she’s afraid to and too stubborn to. Is there something I haven’t tried yet or a way to help her even though she won’t help herself?

I want to be clear that I don’t think she’s an intentionally harmful person. She says she cant control her brain (I don’t know if this is a disability or ADHD or something or if she just needs to develop). Either way, we can’t afford medication and the school won’t provide it so she will have to undergo this unmedicated.

TLDR: I’m worried about my sister‘s development into adulthood because of how extremely immature and self-victimizing her mentality is. It is emotionally distressing to all of us including herself but she won’t do what’s necessary to become a responsible adult.

I need advice on if I’m overreacting. My brother and I have been no contact (my doing-nothing announced I’m just not reaching out) since December. In December my oldest daughter had her birthday. We did a play place and only invited my brother, sister in law, and nephew. Weeks before I offered to pick up my nephew and bring him to the play place, so they could have a break. My sister in law said they’d rather bring him, which alluded to them coming. Day of my daughter’s birthday, we’d been playing for an hour. They hadn’t shown up. I texted and asked if they were coming and my brother said “sorry can’t make it”. I responded with how disappointing it was and I was met with sarcastic comments of “sorry I’m not as great as you”, which led to more comments about me living at home (we sold our house and are living with my parents to save money and move), and he was bashing my career (I’m a teacher). I did not retaliate with hurtful comments. I was telling him how he was hurting feelings and he became defensive and rude. Fast forward a few months, my brother is on FaceTime with my parents. They just had their 2nd baby, my parents and my oldest was going to see him. My husband and I weren’t invited. My daughter mentioned washing her germs away before touching the baby and brother immediately said that she shouldn’t come-she wasn’t sick she just meant before touching the baby. I did yell, from the other room, that it didn’t make sense because my nephew met my youngest daughter when she was 3 days old. Seemed hypocritical to me. This led to my brother telling my mom they’re not comfortable with me around the baby because of my “explosions”. So I left it all alone. I’m not reaching out. I’m not trying. I can’t say anything to my brother about how he’s disrespectful or rude because it’ll lead into how he hurt my mom in the past and then she won’t be able to see her grandsons. If anyone says anything to call him out or even just explain that he may have hurt their feelings he becomes defensive and would cut off my parents. So I let it all go. Now, my youngest daughter’s first birthday is coming up and I didn’t invite my brother and his family. I felt I deserved an apology and never received one, so I’m not reaching out to invite them. Just today my dad, who works with my brother, brings home Easter baskets for our girls…from my brother and his wife. It’s incredibly frustrating and confusing. There has been no communication between any of us, no admittance of anything, but now they’re giving presents. It makes me upset-I let the girls have the baskets but I’m left with questions. Am I supposed to buy Easter baskets for my nephews now? Am I supposed to reach out and thank them?

I came here because mom is suffering from cancer and honestly our relation was never bad she just became so depressed, I too became depressed and what really makes me sad is that people when they find out they have little more left in their life they usually go and enjoy their last months or years, but mom seems to be always stressed, mad, thinking about her life choices and fighting with one of my siblings which is a whole other story. He causes most of her stress to the point I beat him up when he made her cry (he destroyed her precious plants over an argument about money and keep in mind he is 18). Like, my grades flopped so hard and this is supposed to be my graduation year, i don't go to school very often plus i stopped caring about anything and i always think about home and the next day and what will happen if she leaves us. My father sadly left the country to pursue his job and I don't blame him he is working hard to put food on the table and tries to keep us all cheered. Like i really don't know what to do.

Hi, I’m 15F first time on Reddit, just looking for some advice.

For some context my dad has always been bad with boundaries, while my parents were together he would constantly complain about her and their marriage problems to me.(I was 11 when this first started) and even got CFS called him, but that’s another story😉

Last summer my parents got a divorce and my mom got to keep the house. A few times my dad would enter the house, take items( socks, clothes even food) and snoop around. I’ve mentioned it to my mom and she recently got the locks changed. I was telling my dad a funny story while he was driving about how I tried to guess the lock combo but never got it.That’s when he pulled infront her house and told me he forgot something by the front porch and to wait in the car. 5 mins later he comes out looking accomplished and told me he figured it out. I’m really pissed because why do you think she changed the locks in the first place! This feels super invasive and I want to tell my mom except I originally brought up my mom changing the locks to my dad. Is this my fault for bringing it up and should I tell my mom though she just changed her locks?

**Most families are one accident away from a digital lockout. Here's how to fix that.**

I spent a lot of time thinking about this. What if a family member got seriously ill and nobody could access anything? — not the email, not the bank login, not even the Netflix account to cancel it.

Here's the framework I put together for emergency access:

**Step 1: Designate a trusted person**

This isn't just "give someone your passwords." It's choosing one person who gets access instructions — not the passwords themselves — stored somewhere they can find them when it matters.

**Step 2: Use your password manager's emergency access feature**

Bitwarden and 1Password both have built-in emergency access. Set it up. It lets a trusted person request access after a waiting period you control (24 hrs, 7 days, etc.). You get notified and can deny it if you're fine.

**Step 3: Create a "Digital Estate" document**

Not a list of passwords — a map. What accounts exist, which ones matter, and where to find the credentials. Store it somewhere physical (safe, lockbox) or in a shared vault your trusted person can access.

**Step 4: Tell someone it exists**

The most common failure point. People make the document and never tell anyone where it is.

**Step 5: Review it once a year**

Accounts change. Passwords rotate. Set a calendar reminder.

---

I actually wrote a book covering all of this in depth if anyone wants to go further — link's in my profile bio.

we dont realize in a memory until its already over

TLDR; Younger sister is making it really hard to discuss and build boundaries without me shutting down, parents are of no help.

Sorry for the long text but I feel like I need to get this off my chest and explain the situation more fully in hopes someone reading has a similar experience. Im having issues with siblings. Older sibling (27) , older brother (24), I (19), and younger sister (17). Growing up their favorite activity was to "rage-bait" me so I was a pretty angry child and now that were all grown im trying to set more boundaries with them while also managing my own temper since I hated being thought of as angry. Its mainly the oldest and youngest I struggle with. But I'll only focus on the younger sister since im a state away from the older sibling and younger sister is greatly affecting me.

My younger sister could be described as the confident funny girl people love but at home she will only treat me that way if I buy her stuff. If I dont buy her love and ask her to do her chores or something she will change her entire attitude, usually not talking to me all day. I try to have converstations with her but it ends up with her calling me a manipulator or control freak. It usually ends with us almost yelling and as mentioned before im trying to handle my anger so I just learned if I raise my voice I should just give up and focus on anger managment like deep breaths, and when I try to continue the topic now that im calmer she'll tell me to get over it and nobody actually cares. I also notice if im proving a point she'll try to guilt me saying how much our parents divorce has gotten to her, how her shes no longer in therapy (she stopped since she views mental health as embarrassing and looks down on those who go), or that shes lonely. When she says this I get really upset and try to call her out for using those as an excuse as I and others have dealt with that and dont act out the same way, but she'll turn it around saying she cant be "perfect" as they dont actually have it as hard. This once again sets me off and I have to try and find ways to calm down and the cycle continues until I storm out and prove everyones point by being the angry one.

I am trying hard to make sure my feelings doesn't effect daily life but I often feel myself getting emotinal or dizzy at the thought of my family. This has also affected how I start conversations as previously I could just sit down and start calmy but now I feel like when something happen its like a switch and I have to try really hard to not scream. I have been trying to look into forums for ways to help and I really dont want/cant cut them out. I dont find anything working. If anyone has any input or similar stories to this, please I want to hear how you handled it or handling it.

I would like to say the reason I have not gotten our parents involved is because they will ignore and insult what my father has to say, and my mother favors the two of them over me and especially my older brother.

TLDR; Younger sister is making it really hard to discuss and build boundaries without me shutting down, parents are of no help.

Would you use an app where kids earn screen time from doing chores?

i've been resisting to not write this post but who am i fooling , (sorry if my english is bad ) , i have my last high school year i'm planning to go to the nursing school to study there and after getting my diploma learning a new language and then get out of my country go without calling or asking ghosting everyone i want to start a new life , i know i'm a pig for thinking like this but i can't i just can't stay with them i feel like i'm gonna end up kms i love my family but i just want to leave them alone i love my parents more than anyone but idk i feel like i don't belong with people i'm just not comfortable never been and feel never will be with people arround me i just want to be alone , can please anyone tell me what to do give me advice idk just help me please

Should I(17) just leave my dad and and move back to my home country with my mom (who isn’t in this country btw) bcz things are really messed up. My mom is thinking of getting a divorce/separation and full custody of me and my siblings. I think I need to provide some proper background to understand this

Background: so as far as I remember that our family used to be very happy till I was 7 or 8 years old (like 2015-16 something) like we were very happy in our little family and my parents really loved us and were very involved in our life even though it was one of the hardest times in our life but we were very happy like during that time we were pretty average middle class, my younger sibling had been sick from birth and we travelled around the country for their treatment, my dad had pretty important exams of his career, my mom had long shifts because of her specialisation(she was a health professiona/medical field) and so despite all that we would go for outings, go to restaurant, parks and like you get the point we loved each other a lot and were happy

After 2015/16 Then things started getting downhill from there bcz I remember my father was involved with some women (did not cheat) but I remember being very scared and my mother telling some women on the phone to keep her daughter in control and stay away from her husband (my father) because he had a family and kids and we thought that was the end of it and life went on for some time till Covid when my father decided to go abroad (although when I look back it at it as I got older I realise that my father became very withdrawn from us like complaining about simple tasks like grocery and picking us up from school saying things like “I didnt become -professional- to bring tomatoes or become a driver“ and he was also not much involved with us like doing homewor, going to parks, attending school events/meetings etc and he had also been violent towards us and mom a few times and basically mom became our primary parent but still things were going fine)

So after my father went abroad during Covid, after six months he made our visas and we also shifted abroad with him. Things were fine for a year but my mother grew very suspicious of him and finally in 2021 she found out that my father had actually married 2 other women (yes not 1 but 2) one of them being mentioned earlier and then…. All hell broke loose and for the next 2 years our house was like a warzone and a very toxic environment

In 2023-finally my mother decided to take a break from all this and to go back to our home country (other reasons were her job and our education) and by this time my father had promised to divorce those 2 women and said that he would also follow us back to our home country after he paid off his debt and we would kind of live happily ever after

Now during 2 years things improved a lot due to our distance like both mom and dad cooled off a bit and they were focusing on us and mom continued her job, our dad would also send us money for the expenses and overall things became very positive with our father constantly telling us that he was working on the divorce but it was taking time

we also came to know that dad had now no intentions of coming back to our home country so we decided to move back because we didn’t want to live apart forever and he was having some health issues and didn’t want to leave him alone

in 2025 summer vacations after school session finished we moved back here (only my sibling and I ) bcz mom’s visa was taking some time and we started school here while we waited for our mom to come then after 6 months in January 2026 my parents had a huge fight when we went to visit mom because she believed that my father wasn’t gonna get her visa and she found out that the 2 years we were in our home country dad had been living with those 2 here, how he managed to hide it from us for 2 years is very skillful and appreciable (plus what was taking so much time in the divorce it’s been 4-5 years now) and ever since then they aren’t talking (like literally they don’t talk and my mom only calls us) to add on the current war situation started so visas are blocked anyway so my mom can’t come

Now the current thing is that my mom is so fed up right now and she is asking us to go home with her (by crossing the land border to our neighbouring country and fly to our home country from there) and honestly she has had enough of it because dad has been lying to us this whole time and she is thinking of getting our custody and possibly a separatio/divorce

now I am very stressed all this is affecting my mental health so much because I am literally like a messenger between them because both of them ask me to convey their messages and my relationship with my father has become very strained because he constantly tells me that my future is ruined and I shouldn’t get involved in this stuff despite him mentioning my mother’s failures and faults in their marriage on every meal and that he is a saint to still want to live with our mom and divorcing 2 women for her because he loves us and cares for our future (he says he divorced one of them but my mother doesn’t believe it ) and he says it’s my fault for ruining their marriage because I have opened his phone for mom several times leading her to finding out about his marriages in the first place and my mom is a emotional mess obviously and she has no one to talk to so she also kind of dumps her trauma on me apart from that I have a major exam in a month which in itself is very stressful and in my mothers absence I also take care of the house and everything (we have a cook for cooking and a maid for 2 hours nut still I have to take care of the house and my siblings)

I am just so frustarted and confused on what to do , should I go with my mom because she takes care of us a lot and we had a really good time with her when we were there for 2 years and obviously she keeps a better check on our studies and wellbeing because here mu sibling has literally not stepped out of the house in 2 months because the school shut down due to the war and have had 11-12 hour unrestricted acc to internet and screen time and their grades arent that good either they have dropped so much(we were all like 95%+ top students) and honestly I am not focusing much on my studies either

but on the other hand I don’t want to leave my father he is facing health issues and I think he is changing because he constantly tells us he loves us and is doing everything for us and mom will come as soon as the war ends

i don’t know what to do anymore I feel numb and just want to cry and sleep all day

really sorry for the long post but I literally don’t have anyone to talk to I don’t have any relat in this country nor any close friends and mom is not here so I don’t want to trouble her anymore

This is my first time posting here because I really need an outside perspective because it honestly hurts my head to think anymore and I feel numb, I really need some suggestions

Thank you to all in advance for reading this and for any suggestions you give

I've been thinking a lot lately about legacy, what we leave behind for the people we love most.

My grandmother passed a few years ago. She was sharp, funny, and had a way of saying exactly the right thing at exactly the right moment. What I'd give to have a video of her, just talking, just being her that I could have opened on my wedding day or the day I became a parent.

That thought has stayed with me for years. It got me thinking about all the moments in family life where timing is everything… the words a parent wishes they could say to a child at exactly the right moment, not just whenever they remember to send a text.

For anyone here who is a grandparent, parent, or who has lost one, or anyone really, is there something you wish you had from them at a specific moment in your life? Or something you'd want to leave behind for the people you love most?

Would genuinely love to hear your stories.

Yeah, its kind of as the title says. My brother is... 15 and he refuses to learn essential skills that he probably needs for the future. They aren't even anything too complicated either.

I want him to learn how to use the washing machine and the dryer and how to use our Air fryer. (Which in all honestly is a glorified microwave.)

Everytime I try to teach him the very basic steps. He just horses around and tries to joke with me. Mostly claiming he already knows how to do it.

Of course this is a lie, he literally drops his clothes on my bed and asks me to specifically wash them, or he specifically asks me to make him something using the Air fryer all the time.

Then he gets mad at me for not understanding or taking any of his humor. He just doesn't listen and I'm not sure what to do about it.

So Thanksgiving my aunt brought these good lord bad mashed potatoes. So I saw a joke on Facebook something about a plate being pushed down and when you dont like your relatives food. So mind you as a joke I said “Ha ha hope my aunt doesn't see this but her mashed potatoes yuck”. Knowing damn well she doesn't follow that page. Well her son saw it and I was sent into hell. She texted me saying well if you dont like them make it next time. Since then I've had nightmares of her and my cousin belittling me. This Sunday I get to see them. Im terrified, like I made a long apology post about what had happened. Any tips on how not to have a panic before Easter TIA

I F16 (i think my age is relevant to the story) have been anxious about my dads side for a little while now. It's important to note that my cousins (as this is particularly about them) are much older than me ‐ think mid thirties while i'm still in high school. It's always been more difficult to connect to them than my mom's side due to both distance and some animosity between my mom and them. i do know much about it apart from my mom sometimes ranting about them. Many of my cousins live far away from us in the capital city.

My worries started arising when I found out my cousin moved to another country through instagram. That while still irking me a little if you can call it that, didn't bother me loads. I don't need to know every little detail about their life, especially as they are married.

However my doubts became very apparent this year when my mom turned around to show me a photo in a very casual manner. It was a baby. She told me my cousin had had their second child. I didn't even know she was pregnant and haven't seen them, their spouse or first child for around 2-3 years. I could understand their sibling moving abroad and not saying, but as I told a friend, that's a whole human being that I wasn't even aware of until that point.

Recently, another cousin (not a sibling of the first two) asked me if I'd like to go to a concert with them. i said yes because I like the artist. The concert is the day before my birthday which I thought would be really fun. i'm also working the day of the concert so we've had to schedule around it. They asked me today if I'd like to stay over at theirs after the concert which would mean waking up on my birthday at theirs. I am going to decline this before someone asks as even though I don't have the best relationship with my immediate family, I do like to open presents with them. But wouldn't my cousin know if it was my birthday the next day? This is the part where my friend, who i intially asked for help, said i was overthinking. Because surely my cousin couldn't forget. I am also especially close with said cousin.

Here's what I want advice on. While i've settled that in some way I'm going to decline the offer to stay over (even though I love staying at theirs), i don't know what to do after that point. i'm going to be an adult soon and will be able to decide how to navigate my relationships with my dads side, but my mom is currently in my life and I don't know whether to ask her about it as well. I don't want it to serve as ammo against my dad's side and for her to start ranting as she typically does, but I want adult advice.

if anyone's got any input, i'd greatly appreciate it.

i'm 18, male, and in 2019 my parents took me out of school because they found out I was a homosexual and then now I haven't been to school today I haven't left the house by myself they even sent me to a Christian boarding school but that just makes it and now I'm out and about and I'm still locked in my fucking house so someone please give me advice on how I can turn it around and I don't really care anymore

To begin with, I want to apologize because this text might be long. First of all, I need to give you some context: I’m 17 years old, and I live alone with my mother. I’ve always been used to living only with her since I was a child. For a very long time, I’ve never really gotten along with her, and I’ve never truly felt loved during my 17 years of existence with her — yeah, it’s kind of weird.

During my childhood, my mother could be quite violent. She would hit me when I did something wrong, either with her hands or with a whip (I can confirm it hurts lol). As I grew older, I noticed she hit me less. However, the mean comments and impulsive outbursts where she would yell, making me understand from a very young age that she would have preferred never to have had me, never stopped.

Throughout my childhood and adolescence, she made it clear that I was not her beloved son, that she regretted having me, all while comparing me to my older brother who did everything better than me. She admires my brother but hates me.

During my teenage years, unfortunately, I was introduced to substances like weed and alcohol. After discovering that I was starting to get into those things, she didn’t react the way I expected. She clearly told me that if I wanted to ruin my life, I might as well do it faster — yes, she encouraged me to kill myself (I was already in a bad mental state, so I already had those kinds of thoughts in my head, lol).

Up until now, nothing has changed. She puts me down, complains about me to everyone (family, her friends, her coworkers, etc.). In every version she tells, she makes herself the victim. She tries to make everyone believe that I’m crazy and disturbed, and that I’m destroying her life and mental health (when it’s actually the opposite after 17 years on this earth).

As I grew up, I started to wonder if my mother might have some mental disorders. Why did I think that? Because she had what seemed to me like narcissistic manipulative behavior — she would make me feel guilty, and from a very young age, she made me believe that if her life was ruined, it was entirely my fault.

I also suspected that my mother had some mental health issues because during her childhood she was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, which, from what I’ve been told, can be quite traumatic and disturbing for a child. On top of that, my mother has alcohol problems, which obviously doesn’t help. She also struggles to control certain emotions, especially anger — as you might have guessed.

For a long time (and still now), I’ve isolated myself a lot and avoid talking to her because the only times we talk, it ends in intense arguments. I’ve also noticed that I’m starting to develop some anger and impulsive tendencies myself, which honestly disgusts me.

Basically, during my isolation, my mother positions herself as the victim, saying that I don’t love her and that I avoid her, that it hurts her (I don’t even know if she truly believes that or not).

Now I find myself completely lost, living in what feels like hell with a mother who is mentally unstable. I spend my time isolating myself and escaping into substances that allow me to feel okay for a moment, without being under constant tension.

I’m really afraid that my problematic childhood might cause me to develop mental illnesses in the future, even though I already have issues like intense anxiety and a deep sense of distress.

If you can give me advice on what to do in this kind of situation, I would really appreciate it because I feel completely lost in my mind and in my life. I tried to give the main information, but I was a bit vague, so don’t hesitate to ask me questions if needed. Thank you for your attention.

I (18NB) just got beaten up by my dad for working overtime. For context, I am currently working on my assignment which is to make a character sheet and I am assigned to draw since my partner is doing the layout. I was just in a call chatting with my friends and I didn't notice that it was already early in the morning (1am) since I was on the call during the evening (8pm). So when I noticed the time, I lowered my voice and made sure I don't bother my family since they're asleep. My dad came home at 11pm, so I greeted him and I went back to my room. I continued doing my work and yes I was still in a call with my friend. He, my dad then told me to go to sleep (he also sent me a message threatening to take my gadgets that I need for work) and I was gonna end my call and call it a night. After I said goodbye to my friend and I was about to fix my things, he barged into my room and proceeded to kick and push me. He then screamed about me not listening, not respecting him and accusing me of not working and just talking to my friends. I told him no and that I have been working the entire day and he then said why I haven't done my work earlier but I already told him that I have. My younger sister tried to intervene and told him to stop since she knows I've been working my ass off since the due date is on Monday, April 6th. He then tried to shove her and told her not to interfere. He even kicked our dog for barely biting... I, out of desperation screamed that I was just doing my work, and that I have a lot to do, from the turnaround sheet, call out sheets, environment sketches and whatnot. So I closed my door and stared into the darkness and... I just gave up... I'm writing this while my entire body is hurting and stinging from the pain... he always does this when he doesn't get his way... I'm already tired, burnout and frustrated with my work and being in a call with my friends chatting and updating them about stuff makes it feel lighter and more bearable... I guess I'm just so used to the abuse because he's been like this since I was a literal child... I'm scared to the point I don't want to sleep anymore. I just don't want him to take my gadgets and my things since all my work is stored in it... I can't afford to lose it... and now he's threatening me more and more... I'm tired

TLDR: My dad wants me to stop working and threatened to beat me and take my gadgets that have my life's work in it.