Frustrated Grandmother Here
Hi community. I have a very long question for the group. My son and daughter-in-law and my 2 year old grandson live in an area where they do not have any friends with children. Their interaction is only with us for the most part when they visit every few weeks. They also call on FT throughout the day. They are not social people by nature and are also incredibly lazy. When not at work they sit and watch TV ALL DAY LONG. MyDIL is a SAHM and retired school teacher. My son works 3rd shift and sleeps with the baby during naps around 1 or 2 until he goes in later. My grandson is very smart (of course bc I’m the grandma) and very inquisitive. He plays by himself incredibly well but like any toddler he gets bored and then starts acting out in typical toddler form. They usually deal with this by either getting something to eat, getting him another toy, turning on the TV in the another room, or just ignoring or yelling at him, which makes him very sad. When he stays with my husband and myself we never even find a need to turn the TV on and engage him by playing and just doing the things we did with our own kids - alternating solo play, letting him help us with chores, or gardening, maybe a planned outing which we talk about all day or the day before. But mostly just low key, free “activities” such as grocery store followed by the park or the library, maybe the mall, Sunday school etc. He is a joy and there just isn’t the sadness that I see on FaceTime when they call (4-5x per day) usually with glum faces bc they (the parents) are “so bored” or either he’s crying in the background.
So I suggested that perhaps he needs to go to Nursery School a couple of days a week to give him some structure and the chance to play with other children. Immediately met with the same “speech” I’ve heard in the past about “no I’m a teacher. I can do that and we will go to the park to see other kids. We aren’t sending him to school I’ve told you this. We are smarter and qualified to teach him”. I didn’t resist bc I know how bad that’s been in the past so I just try to ignore it knowing it’s not my decision and we’ve all agreed to boundaries. But I did say “it just could be really beneficial for him to play maybe 3-4 hours 2 days a week with other children so he can learn how to interact and also know that there is structure and social norms in the world, hell even animal mamas do this “. I was met with a nope not happening type reply.
I’m very sad because I just know this is not the right decision and that it’s also not a good idea as a parent to dig your heels in on any principle. Plus I do know that while home schooling is a controversial topic (I partially homeschooled 3 of 4 kids when they were middle /high for a few classes) I do not think the issue is homeschool. I consider it isolating behaviors and no sense of responsibility as there are so many things to be done around their house.
They buy/sell on the internet so there’s masses of piles of stuff throughout their house with no organization. They buy some new toy every single day and there’s just so many toys he at times can’t find his special ones, and there are no special ones when you get something new every day. They never cook and only order out. Feed the baby chips and cookies-processed foods. There’s no meal times and no structure to any day at all. It’s not a nasty hoarding situation completely but it’s very close. They also rely on us for the majority of their finances which is a whole convoluted other issue involving my husband who “feels bad for the baby” so let’s them get away with this.
My question is what is the best way to support the baby without supporting this very bad decision ? I currently just try to ignore it but ut gets harder as he gets older and I see what a curious great kid that he is. I just don’t want him to grow up a little monster bc there’s no structure and he’s just given a toy or food or yelled at when he cries or is bored. I see how happy is with my husband and I around and want him to be that way in his own home. It’s unfathomable to be that two adults can seriously sit all day long in one place doing absolutely nothing. But then again they’ve done thus many years. They used to live in the north in a teeny apartment and would do the same thing after work but they did get out sometimes. Now they live near Atlanta. Weather is gorgeous. Lots of things they could do. But nope-
TV. Phone. Xbox. Kindle. That’s it. That’s their life.
Our grandson is learning dishes can keep, bathrooms are dirty, dust is normal, clothes and toys stay on the floor. And my world is watching my mom and dad and putting around my big house and the. We all go sleep in the same bed and get up and do it again. What a sad life.