r/entitledparents

A single mum in our school relies on a lot of other families including me for (free) childcare via playdates and sleepovers because she has no family nearby and has a job that is extremely family unfriendly. I say childcare because most of these visits are requested to either provide her with a break to have downtime or to enable her to work. 100% a rough situation and lots of sympathy.
Where it gets hard is that the kid has been getting progressively harder to host- the 11 year old does not ever want to do anything the other kids want to do but will also not suggest alternatives, so it becomes everyone's problem to find activities that are tolerable to them.

Additionally, the kid is generally poorly behaved and inconsiderate as a guest- constantly spills drinks and ignores requests to stay at the table while eating, wipes dirty hands on upholstery and walls, never brings plates to the sink, leaves used tissues tucked into the couch etc.

In the latest instance, the kid decided to have multiple storm-out-sessions and a meltdown at our place.. the meltdown culminated in them making up of being beaten and bullied by the other kids during the playdate to their mum at pick up (wildly exaggerated from kids trash talking during a board game, which the child initiated) and then requesting to have room service in my kid's room for dinner because they didnt want to be outside with others.
The mum then lectured the kids (in our home) and the kids were thoughtful and empathetic to the idea that the child was upset but appalled by the allegations and rather shaken.

Needless to say, the child is no longer welcome in our home. Providing free childcare over a weekend and then dealing with this tire fire is not what anyone needs during their free time.

Original post: here

Hi, before I get into the update, let me just clear a few things up to the best of my ability with my somewhat clueless ass lmfao.

I saw a lot of questions about some stuff so I’ll answer here, even though I don’t feel like completely airing out my own family and our business. But I guess I did post for the whole internet to see, so that’s on me lmao

1. Where was dad in all of this? After the divorce my mom kept custody of us kids and he wasn’t allowed to be at the house with us, after the messy divorce, my mom took basically everything from him and he was couch surfing on friends couches until he got enough for an apartment. He didn’t have enough room to move all of us kids with him but he was and is still very supportive and very much in our lives as much as he can be.
2. As for the house, the rent was in my mom’s name for a while after the divorce until we told the landlord about our situation and were wondering if it was possible if we could get the name under my older sibling’s name. I don’t know, my older sibling handled the legal stuff so I’m not too sure what all happened, all I know is that it somehow worked out thank goodness. At the time my mom was still paying for the rent and utilities so I GUESS that counts for something, somewhat. But we did have to make our own money for groceries and take care of the kids ourselves and she eventually stopped paying for it all together as we got older before it was moved into my older sibling’s name so that helped us get it into my older sibling’s name too.
3. The legal guardian switch to my older sibling. I’m not too sure about how and what happened unfortunately. I just know that they went to court, my mom willingly gave over custody because we blackmailed her, and that’s was that. I’m sorry I don’t know much about the legal process or how it happened.
4. Where we’re from, we aren’t from the US. That’s all I’m gonna say.
5. This is AI. This one made me laugh because, does our life really sound like an AI story? Weird. I dunno what to tell you, if you believe this is all fake, then move along I don’t know lmao. Thank you to those who have given advice and support.

I think that’s all the stuff mentioned in the comments of my post, now on with the update.

In the morning I dropped the kids off at school and went to work, my older sibling stayed home in case my mom showed up. I got off at noon and we switched off so my older sibling went to work and I came home. My mom texted and told us that she would be here around 5 pm. We told her once again that we wouldn’t be letting her move in and that she needs to find somewhere else to go because it’s not here. She replied with a simple “don’t be like that.” And my older sibling told her “show up, the cops will be waiting” and she didn’t reply after that.

She showed up around 3 when it was just me and my uncle here and my uncle immediately stood up and walked out to talk to her. I called my older sibling and told them that she was here and my sibling told me to call the cops. I called the cops and went outside after that.

When I went outside I saw her screaming at my uncle and was telling him he couldn’t “keep her from her kids”. I stepped in and told her that no one was keeping us from her, it was OUR decision not wanting her here. She turned to me and told me not to talk like that to her. I told her I can and will talk to her however I want because she treated us however she wanted like when she wants to act like we were her kids only when it was convenient for her.

Of course she didn’t take this well and started getting mad saying we were being dramatic and that she didn’t do anything wrong. That she left us because she knew that we were more than old enough to handle ourselves. That she needed to be happy too. I sort of laughed at her and said “yeah? and how’d that work out?” This argument went on until my older sibling showed up with the younger siblings and they told her she had to leave and that the police were called.

My mom told them that she wasn’t going anywhere because she was our mom and she wasn’t going to let us “disrespect” her like this. My older sibling said that was fine and we could wait for the cops. My uncle tried to take the civil approach and told her she didn’t have to make this hard and she could just leave and stay somewhere else like my grandparents.

She didn’t take too kindly to that and once again, started cussing him out telling him to stay out of it and even went as far as slapping him. By this time, the kids were still in the car and were getting upset about all the screaming she was doing and I told her she needed to stop because she was upsetting the kids.

My older sibling quickly got the kids out and told me to bring them inside and stay with them. I took them inside and made sure to calm them down until the police arrived. I don’t know what exactly happened after that, I was watching from the window but couldn’t really hear anything and was told it was just more arguing on her part.

My older sibling told me that she also started harassing them because they’re nonbinary and said some not so nice words about them which really angered me. Eventually after about 10 minutes the police arrived and they asked what was happening and whatever and I went out because they wanted my side. So I told them and they asked for documents and my older sibling went inside to grab everything from their room.

The police looked over them and asked more questions and after that they told her she needed to leave and that it was up to my uncle if he wanted to press charges for the assault. That’s when she started crying and saying things like “I just want to be back with my kids” and started apologizing for everything she did but the police just kept saying “I know I know but we can’t do anything about that, if they don’t want you here then you can’t be here.” And things like that.

She eventually left and the cops asked if my uncle wanted to press charges and he said no it was fine. So that was that. They told us that if she shows up again to call and she’ll be arrested.

We don’t know where she is or if she’s coming back, hopefully not. Anyways yeah, that’s basically what happened.

[COPY PASTED FROM ANOTHER SUB BC I WOULD LIKE AS MUCH ADVICE AS POSSIBLE]

not sure what to do about the predicament I am in

Hello! I haven’t posted on this sub in a while because for the most part I had escaped my extremely abusive house hold with my father. But due to recent events he is back in my life and I need help navigating what is currently going on.

I, 19, left my father’s house the same month I turned 18 due to his drug abuse, him allegedly putting his hands on his girlfriend, and verbally/emotionally abusing me. We have not spoken since my grandma passed later that year.

After her passing I went no contact for a year. Then resumed minimal contact when her anniversary rolled around.

A week ago, my mom forced me to visit him.

I told her no repeatedly. She did not listen. And now I am in a very unfavorable situation. We used to make a trip every year when I was living with him where we would make a 9 hour drive out of state to visit relatives and do some fun stuff. That time has rolled around again and he wants me to go. The first time in over a year that I have ever seen him was last week. And he is kind of pressuring me into going saying that people want to see me.

He is also attempting to butter me up, saying he’ll pay for everything, we’ll go to an aquarium, a waterfall, have dinner with relatives etc. He even offered to let my best friend who he hates tag along if it meant I would go. (That friend as of writing this doesn’t seem to. Care. To deeply about this situation I’m in so hard no.) I don’t know what to do.

I want to see my family out there. And I wouldn’t be alone with him - his girlfriend (same one from earlier in the post) would be going as well. And this is a trip I have made numerous times. But I don’t want to go. I’m scared. We would be out there for a week and I told him I don’t want this trip to turn into “what it used to be” and he said it wouldn’t but the only way he knew how to prove it to me was by showing me during the trip. He even offered to let me stay the night at his house the night before we go and said if anything happens that I don’t like, I can leave.

In the event I go I have several backup plans for leaving lined up. Including my mother coming and getting me. But I just. I don’t know what to do.

I’m hoping talking about this situation will make me feel better. It would have been leagues easier to say NO if I wasn’t forced to visit him.

TLDR: mom forced me to visit abusive dad, now he wants me to go on a trip with him out of state for a week to visit family. I’m upset and don’t know what to do as he is pressuring me to go. I want to say no but I am very afraid to.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. This has been causing me an immeasurable amount of stress since I saw him. I’m so mad I’m in this situation to begin with but I need to deal with it. We ball ig 💔

When I was a teenager I sometimes wanted to relax and watch TV with my dad at night but he seemed to really have something against me sitting naturally cross legged (isn't it normal for everyone to do that sometimes?) because I was tired (maybe he thought I shouldn't do it because I am a boy). He would start to yell at me angrily to put my feet down when I was not in his space at all, and one time I retaliated which resulted in me getting grounded (he yelled at me in an even angrier voice to go to my room, which also made me very angry). My dad is known for getting angry for minor reasons and even though I know it is who he is I just really hated it. Does anyone here on Reddit have parents like this, and how do you deal with them?

This happened just now. My brother is making dinner, and he ran out of parchment paper, so I went to the store to get him some. While there, I decided to treat him a bit as a reward for cooking and got him a snack. The store in our village provides clear plastic bags (I usually bring my own reusable one from home, but this time I didn't because I thought I'd just be getting the parchment paper), so the whole time you're walking home, the contents of the bag are visible to all.

Anyway, I passed by this playground on my way home, and this mom approached me with her son, maybe 3 or 4 years old, and asked, "Excuse me, can my son have the snack from your bag?" I was genuinely so baffled that I kinda went "What? No!" And left. Who on earth thinks it's reasonable to ask for someone else's groceries, even if it’s "just" a snack?

I'm 26 and live alone. I moved out three years ago and overall things with my mom are fine, we talk a few times a week, I see her on weekends sometimes. Normal stuff. Last Thursday she texted saying she was nearby and wanted to drop something off. I said sure, come up. When she got there I was about to jump in the shower real quick before we went to grab lunch. I told her I'd be like 10 minutes, she could sit on the couch and watch tv.

I come out and she's standing in the kitchen and has clearly been going through my fridge. She had moved stuff around, there were two containers on the counter that she had pulled out, and she was reading the label on something. She goes "you don't have any vegetables in here" and I just kind of stood there for a second. Then she starts telling me what I should be buying, says the leftovers in the back "don't look right," and asks if I'm eating enough protein. I told her I was fine and asked her not to go through my stuff. She got this slightly offended look and said she was just checking, she's my mom, she worries.

I said I get that but my fridge is my fridge and I'd appreciate it if she didn't do that. She was kind of quiet and weird for the first part of lunch. She texted me later that night that she "just cares about me." I didn't really respond to that part. I love her but I am 26 years old. My fridge is allowed to not have vegetables in it.

Hi sorry if this is all over the place that’s how my head is at the moment.

My(20f) mom(41f) is wanting to move back with me and my siblings. I’ll try to keep it short but basically she and my stepdad got divorced in November of 2020 because he caught her texting another guy. It was messy and he ended up leaving that same night and we didn’t hear from him for a few months which I don’t blame him for since he was going through a lot (betrayal) and needed to process some things. He’s still very much supportive and takes care of us kids.

I say “step dad” just for the story but I do take him as my true dad. My bio dad wasn’t in the picture much at all and my step dad took me in as his own when I was a baby. So he is my dad. This is relevant because I feel some people might think I don’t have a close relationship with him, but I do. He’s the best and I love him. He treats me like his own

After that she left and moved in with said guy and has left us four siblings at home without any parental supervision and has been like that since. She was really horrible to us kids since she moved in with the guy and treated us like we were a burden, sometimes acting like we didn’t exist while she played “mommy” to his younger kids. Me and my older sibling had to step up and take care of us all (me up until I was legal age) but I helped.

When she left all she said was “there’s more than enough of you to rely on each other” and “you’ll get it when you’re older and have children of your own.”

Personally, I wouldn’t abandon my kids for an abusive guy. But maybe that’s just me. (Sarcasm)

She would come back sometimes, but it was only for a day or two to come and get clothes or if they got into a fight and then leave back to him who lives three to four hours away.

We got into a huge argument a few months ago when she and the guy broke up and he kicked her out for the billionth time and tried to guilt us saying “kids need their moms” and all that. I told her something along the lines of “when did you care about this five years ago when you left us claiming we’d understand when we were older? We’re older now and we still don’t understand how a woman can do that to her kids.”

After that she got mad and that’s where the argument started, she said some not so nice things about me and my siblings that I won’t repeat here but just know it was things a mother should never say to her kids. It ended with her going and staying at our grandparents and texting my older sibling and I guilt trips and playing victim that my grandparents told us to block her. But spoiler alert, she went right back to him a few days later.

After this my older sibling took her to court for custody of our younger siblings and the house and told her if she doesn’t hand over the kids or the house in their name peacefully, they’d out her in court and tell them what she’s been doing. Blackmail isn’t right I know. But it worked. My mom gave the house and the kids to my older sibling and claimed to be an unfit parent. That was it.

Now, she and the guy broke up and are apparently done for good as he’s thrown out all of her things, she got a new number and called my older sibling asking if she could have her room back in the house and she would “never leave us again”. We’ve already turned her room into the youngest’s and she likes her space. Obviously we told her no.

This is when she started playing the victim card and tried turning it around on us saying that we are mean and she’s “done everything for us kids” and that “our dad turned us against her”. We told her our dad doesn’t even talk about her anymore unless we bring her up and then she started getting mad saying we are “ungrateful brats” AGAIN, and that we should be thanking her for even giving us the house and not throwing us out like she wanted. She then proceeded to demand that we let her move in and that she wasn’t taking no for an answer, that she raised us and that she’s still the mom and has final say.

We threatened her and told her if she even tries anything, we would get the police involved, but so far, that hasn’t stopped her. She’s going to try and move in sometime today or tomorrow because all she said was “we’ll talk in person about this, see you soon. Love you.” and honestly don’t even know what to do if she does. I really hope she doesn’t go through with it so we don’t have to get the police involved but so far, that looks like where it’s going.

Hello all. Door locks from both the inside and outside, there has been multiple counts where my mom has gotten angry at me and has refused to let me out of the house. We live in a super small and packed house (family of nine, house with 3 bed 3 bath) . Finally started driving, but when i get to the door i always have to wait minutes for someone to open the door. This happens at night too. I was just outside for a couple of minutes and it feels scary because, what if i was being followed? I wouldn't even be able to get into my house. This also means that i have to come to her if I want to go anywhere and she has to let me out (she has the key)

I asked her why i couldnt have a house key and she said i dont pay rent and she doesn't have to explain it to me. I'm no longer a child, and I have the right to know at least, but she feels like she has contorl over me still because i live with her. AND NO i cannot move out right now, because my dad has cancer and I need to stay with him right now (for all the weird redditors that are waiting to attack me)

its so infuriating, she treats me as an object but i am my own person

We moved into our first home six weeks ago. We were so excited, spent months looking, finally found something we loved, and last weekend threw a small housewarming with close family. Maybe 15 people total.

My mother in law arrived with a gift bag and also, apparently, opinions. Within the first 20 minutes she had commented that the kitchen layout was "inefficient," that we should have gotten a house with a bigger yard, and that the guest bedroom color (a perfectly normal dark green) looked like a "hospital waiting room." I let it go because family gathering, whatever.

Then after dinner she pulls out her phone and goes "I made some notes while I was looking around, just some things you might want to think about." She had a list. An actual list. Seven items. Things like "the bathroom needs better ventilation" and "the basement stairs feel unsafe" and my personal favorite "the backyard fence will need to be replaced within 5 years probably."

My husband kind of laughed it off and said "thanks mom" and moved on. Later I asked him if that was normal and he said "she does this, just ignore it." Which maybe is fine advice but also I am standing in my own home that we saved for and chose together and his mother has handed me a critique document. I didn't say anything at the time. I smiled, I was a good host. But I'm still thinking about the list four days later, which probably tells me everything I need to know about how I actually feel about it.

okay so first post here, bear with me.

I'm 19, older sister to a minimally verbal autistic second grader, calling him Robin here (the Taylor Swift song lives in my head rent free because of him). We're in a fairly remote part of Asia and special schools simply aren't an option near us so Robin goes to a regular school. That's just how it is and we've made peace with it.

There's a kid in our neighborhood, let's call him Brat, because that's genuinely the nicest word I have for him. The kid has a reputation. Hits people, spits, starts fights, brags to his friends about poking kids with compass needles and iron nails until one of them bled once. He's been bullying and hitting Robin on and off for two years. My mom tried talking to his dad about it and he literally shrugged and said "I'm not the teacher am I? Go talk to them." This man stood there in his fancy clothes with the most unbothered energy I've ever witnessed while other parents were scolding his kid right in front of him. His version of discipline is making Brat say sorry. That's genuinely it.

A few days ago Brat snatched Robin's lunchbox during lunch and it fell and spilled everywhere. Robin cried, and then when he was done crying he just got down and ate off the dirty classroom floor because he was hungry and didn't know what else to do. Grapes. One of like three things he'll actually eat and he loves them so much he won't even share with me or my mom. I found out at pickup from his classmates because Robin can't really walk me through what happened himself. It takes a hundred questions to get a yes or no out of him on a good day and even then you're piecing it together yourself.

I pictured him sitting there crying and then just quietly eating off that dirty floor and something in me snapped.

Then yesterday Brat slapped him. And that was that.

Saw him in the park today and my hand made the decision before my brain did honestly. Walked over, slapped him twice, left a handprint on his cheek, walked straight out the gate. A girl nearby went to tell some aunt who told his dad. His dad works at the same place as mine and tried calling after, I used a caller ID app and recognized the number so I knew what it was about. Dad hadn't picked up because unknown number, obviously.

My mom said I should've been the bigger person given the age gap. I hear her. I just don't feel it.

Here's the thing though, my parents are extremely non-confrontational, almost pathologically so. I grew up being shushed constantly, told girls shouldn't be so hotheaded, don't make trouble, keep your head down. And honestly it did a number on me. I still get shaky hands and a racing heart the second voices rise in an argument. At 19 I'm genuinely still learning how to hold my ground without falling apart, so in a weird way today felt like something too.

Anyone else with a younger autistic sibling? Anyone who's been in something even close to this? How do you handle it when the adults around you just don't?

I live in a regular residential street, street parking is public, first come first served. I have a car, I park it on the street in front of my house basically every day. Have done this for two years with no issues.
Last Saturday I'm asleep and at 8:03am someone is knocking on my door. I open it and it's my neighbor from across the street, Linda, who I've maybe spoken to four times in two years. She launches straight into it: my car is parked "in a way that makes it hard for her to see when she backs out of her driveway."

I stood there for a second processing this. I said, okay, but it's public parking, I'm not blocking her driveway or anything. She says yes but it's "a consideration" that I should think about as a neighbor. I asked what she wanted me to do exactly. She said she thought I could park "a bit further up" so she has a clearer sightline.
I want to be clear that my car is parked legally, fully on the street, not touching her driveway in any way. She wants me to park further away from my own house so that she has a more comfortable reversing experience. At 8am. On a Saturday.

I said I'd keep it in mind and closed the door. I have not moved my car. It is in the exact same spot it has been for two years. She knocked again the following wednesday to "follow up." I said hi and closed the door. I genuinely don't know what she expected to happen. Did she think I'd just start parking differently forever because she asked once? The confidence of it honestly.

Hi there, this post is.. exactly what the title says, my mother [F, 56], keeps trying to force me [AFAB, 18], back onto birth control, witch i have previously had a bad reaction to, my father [M, 63], won't do anything about the situation, and usually agrees with my mother. I feel it is also important to note that I am special needs [multiple disorders that I won't be disclosing]

Both my parents are very 'this is my house, you'll follow my rules while you're here living under my roof', which is fine, other than many, many restrictions about things. My mother, whom I'll now just refer to as 'J', won't go to bed until I do, causing her to enforce a strict bedtime for me, despite the fact that I'm a legal adult who is fully able to make my own choices. Due to my disabilities, despite the fact that I have proven multiple times that I am fully able to do what is needed of me, and able to not only comprehend, but deeply understand my choices, she has decided that I must be incompetent.

About a year ago, I decided to stop taking my birth control due to not enjoying how it made me feel or look. I gained weight while I was taking it, and it caused me severe mental health issues, including depression and body dysmorphia. Due to those reasons, I made the choice not to take it anymore, especially because of the fact that whenever I'd stop taking it, it would take a month or more for my period to actually come.

It took a couple of months after I quit the pill, but my periods now come regularly [usually between 24-30 days between cycles, from what I've read, pretty standard], however, as of the last three to four months, J has started insisting I go back onto the pill because it would, her words, "even me out" because my periods are "too close together, mine were never like that"

I use an app to track my period, and it's been consistently within the same range of time, so I assume my body has found a rhythm it likes, but I'm starting to get worn out with the constant fights and discourse that my answer of "no" has caused. Today, when I got home from school, she brought it up again. I made my usual argument, and she said I was "Uneducated with an opinion I got from some dumbass YouTuber who's filling your head with stupid, thoughtless ideas", entirely dismissing the fact I thought of it myself, had mentioned it before, and had stopped before till she forced me back on.

In the past, venturing into now, she's also demanded my phone and laptop passwords. During the summer last year, she went to a group of other 'special needs kids' parents, who all agreed that "your child not giving you their password isn't them wanting privacy, but them hiding something from you, and you should be concerned."

The whole thing feels like it was a fear tactic for parents to be overprotective, and if I were younger or less able-minded than I am, I'd understand it, but I'm an adult who is mostly normal in terms of ability, and it feels infantilizing for her to demand the ability to go through my things.

I'm tired of the constant fights and need advice, because what am I supposed to do here? I am trapped with constant fights about everything, whether it be my medication or my online privacy.

hi, i’m a 21 year old hispanic female! i recently graduated from nursing school and have been working at a hospital an hour away. i was originally going to move out so i can live in the same city as my job. however, i started dating my current boyfriend and he works north while i work more south. anyways, we signed a lease a week ago that lands us at an ideal middle point between both jobs. i am beyond excited to move out. here is the issue im having, my mom is crying, complaining, whining about me moving out. she’s telling me im selfish and stupid (because i’m renting and not getting a mortgage). i kept telling her that i can no longer do an hour long commute because it’s tiring. okay, i listened to her and tried so hard to stay home because i know im holding the home together.

as the eldest of 5, i know i am responsible for my sisters, the pets, my mom’s health, and myself. i am the only driver, has health literacy, who is able to translate, and sign documents. i’d be lying if i said im not tired. my mental health has gotten so bad to the point i had to go to the emergency room and started taking multiple psych meds. no one knows about my attempts and how miserable i am living. i have a small room to myself and i pay rent for it, pay some bills, and try helping out to lift the burden off my mom. it’s just that every time i come into my room, it is always so cluttered because of my hobbies. i can’t even do said hobbies due to the limited space of the room. i feel like a bird in a cage. i don’t know what to do or how to stop the guilt from getting to me. she keeps trying to stop me from moving out and it’s getting to me.

2 days ago my car broke down after getting home from a 12 hour shift. it wouldn’t start again because the starter was broken. it’s in the shop right now and hopefully gets fixed before my next shift. once i told my mom about my car breaking down, she hits me with “i told you to stay here and save for a car. now you have no car and have to pay rent. you’re so stupid”. i was so annoyed and didn’t need to feel like shit after being stressed about my car.

i just can’t wait to move out but i feel like an asshole leaving. i don’t know if they will be able to manage without me.

edit: i will be taking the cats with me because i know they won’t be taken care of if im not there. i have been 100% responsible for their care so technically they’re mine anyways.

TLDR: mom is guilt tripping me and i’m rethinking about moving out.

Haven’t spoken to my father in 2 years - narcissist. Was in jail for DV and decided I didn’t want my daughter growing up around it. My mother still lives with him and stands by his side and I was putting up with her -she is also a narcissist.

Finally stood up to her after 6 years of crap (coinciding with meeting my wife) after I told her I needed help with our toddler. She’s sick, my wife is managing her; I was working and had a mole removed in the middle of my back yesterday and have 5 stitches so am a little slow and she just expects my wife to be at her every need and won’t ever say thanks. She was down staying with us for 4 days for work (and seeing my daughter for only the second time) and she told me that ‘she struggled to raise me without a village so I can do it too’ and refused to help. So she moved her flight to leave today because she ‘can tell we’re stressed’. I am asking for help - not brain surgery. My god.

This just escalated to an argument which basically told her to leave my house after just appalling behaviour for the last 6 years and then just flat out refusal to help while staying in our house and then changing her flight to leave because we were stressed and she just decided to leave in response instead of actually being a parent and stepping up to help.

I then got this text from my dad today - haven’t spoken to him in 2 years after years of only talking to me when he wants something and then cumulating with the DV. he hasn’t even acknowledged my daughter’s birth or existence - she is 18 months. Yet, he sends me this!!!

‘that was a small step for mankind, but a mighty big step for you.

I can only wish you the best of luck from here on, with your own dynasty. Because you have basically written yourself out of ours.’

Narcissists are the worst. Mum isn’t happy I finally called it out and my ‘dad’ is trying to hold onto the power he has over me. Ready to rewrite my family name for something good for my daughter, instead of being burdened by their shitty legacy.

I hope this is okay to post here. I have no idea what to make of this situation, I’m feeling very confused.

My mum has slowly fallen down the Facebook anti vax propagabda rabbit hole, posting upwards of 20 times a day of anti vax things. She’s always been a bit of a hippy, but is a borderline alcoholic, smokes cigarettes and weed daily since she was an early teen (this is relevant later).

I live in another city from my parents and when I was pregnant I made it clear that we weren’t having any visitors until we feel ready. My mum was desperate to come and “help” so I said to her that any visitors will be required to have an up to date TDAP vaccine (I did not request other vaccines, only this one). She said no problems but never ended up getting it. That’s all good, I knew she was hesitant but told her I wasn’t making exceptions and the same rules apply

for visitors. My dad is full anti vax (doesn’t even have COVID shots) and told me he wasn’t going to get TDAP, I said that’s fine but same rules apply, he understood (but was probably passive aggressively bitching about me to everyone, but at least he didn’t lie).

I was incredibly unwell during the postpartum period (I nearly died) and really needed family support, my mum kept saying she was going to get it but because I didn’t tell her when she was allowed to visit that she wouldn’t get it just yet but said if I need support just reach out. I reached out for help but she still wasn’t vaccinated. She said she was getting it that week. On the phone a few weeks later she said she got it and when I asked for her proof of vaccination she BLEW up saying how dare I question if she got it or not, to call her doctor and they will tell me she got it, to call her boss and they will tell me - even though it takes less than one minute to pull up the cert on her phone. She was saying she had all these weird side effects and that she took the next 3 days off work (she said she got it on a Friday and doesn’t work weekends), and that she was incredibly hurt that I would insinuate that she lied. She also told other family members she had no intention of getting it. I brought this up with her and she dismissed it and said she would get the certificate. Weeks have passed with her constantly saying she will get it for me, but now magically saying that because my dad isn’t vaxxed and that my child has had the first dose that it shouldn’t matter anymore.

Now I feel petty and have cancelled my trip to visit them (a very expensive round trip for us, just to put the baby on a tour and then bring home).

I wouldn’t have minded that she didn’t want to get vaccinated, but I’m absolutely upset that I have been lied to.

This is on top of her calling me stupid during pregnancy because I got the TDAP myself. I told her that Facebook and TikTok aren’t reliable sources of information, as well as her saying I’m being indoctrinated by my university and that my degree doesn’t matter (my parents are illiterate btw). Also told me that drinking during pregnancy isn’t that bad because back in the day doctors recommended it, that listeria is fine and that I’m rude for asking her to smoke away from me during pregnancy because smoking isn’t that bad (??).

So, what am I supposed to do here? I’m being told it’s no big deal and I feel guilty because I’m their only child. I’ve been ripped apart for putting boundaries in place and I feel awful. It’s quite confusing, I’m just wondering if others have been in a similar position? Therapy is in the works too, but I’m here in the meantime.

Thank you for reading 🩵

I'm 28, live alone, have been cooking my own food since I was about 19. I'm not a professional but I genuinely enjoy cooking and do it most nights. It's kind of a hobby at this point. For my birthday my mom announced she had signed me up for a beginner's cooking class at a local community center. Basics of knife skills, how to make a few simple sauces, that kind of thing. It runs four Saturdays in a row.

I said thank you and tried to be genuine about it but I guess my reaction wasn't enthusiastic enough because she immediately said "you don't seem very excited." I told her I appreciated it but that I was a little surprised since I cook pretty regularly. She said "well you could always learn more" which, okay, true of literally everyone. The issue is the class conflicts with something I already had planned on two of those Saturdays. When I mentioned this she said I should rearrange my plans because she already paid for it and it wasn't refundable. I said I'd try to make at least two of the four sessions.

She called my aunt to mention that I was being ungrateful about my birthday gift. My aunt called me to tell me this. My mom hasn't brought it up again directly but she's been a little cool with me since.

I'm going to go to the classes I can make. I just wasn't aware that receiving a gift I didn't ask for also meant restructuring my schedule around it or it counts as ingratitude.

(Part1:

https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/1slvich/grandparents\_taking\_kids\_overseas\_i\_said\_not\_yet/)

Yesterday, I asked who's left in the family chat group about the trip (my dad) if the trip is still on because my mom left our only 2 chat groups and we're confused. My dad read it but ignored me. After a while, I said we will just book our own flights if we hear nothing back.

THEN my dad confirmed the trip is still on. I said how are we supposed to discuss anything about the trip when she leaves the chat group. He said why don't you ask her. I said because she left. He said why won't you message her. I finally just said IF YOU GUYS CAN'T COMMUNICATE LIKE ADULTS, I'M CANCELLING THIS TRIP AND BUYING SEPARATE TICKETS.

THEN my mom appears outta nowhere and messages me. She confirms it's still booked and she can't and won't cancel it - that she left the group because she was too upset. I asked what she was even upset about. She said don't worry about it. I said I can't go with you if you can't communicate, you just shut down and ghost me. She said she is trying to calm herself down. I said by leaving the 2 family chat groups? I reiterated that she had told me before she wouldn't treat me like this anymore (like 2 yrs ago during our last incident, and the years before that as well). She said yes, please it's my way of having peace in my head, we have a lot of stuff going on right now, and if you book another trip, that means thousands of dollars wasted.

I said nothing. Then in the middle of the night, she sends me a text:

"When we were talking about another trip with the kids, you immediately shut the idea down. The way you said it, made me feel rejected. I felt like we are not capable or trustworthy enough to be around your kids. You could have turned me down gently. When I first talk about Hawaii, you did exactly the same thing. You didn't like the idea. So you shut it down.  You only changed your mind when your kid read something about it from his book. I want you to realize, and I have said it before, we are getting old. We don't have a lot more years that we can travel. 

Speaking of mortality, did you even read your dad's email about his prognosis? How come you never reply? How come you never ask how is he doing? How come you never ask if there is an update about his health?  He needs support especially now with a serious diagnosis. Speaking of ghosting, he feels ignored by you and your brother. He was so depressed that you won't let us travel more with the kids that he cried like a child.  

But anyways, I feel sad, disappointed, and rejected.  But I will respect your decision.  It is what it is. If you don't feel comfortable taking this Hawaiian trip with us, please go with your family. You can use the plane tickets and the hotel we reserved. It's paid for with a travel insurance. It will be a waste of money and my effort if you book another trip. So, please don't book another trip."

I hadn't said anything because I was trying to come up with a response. She was begging for a response from me, freaking out about the cancellation and the money. Ends up saying just use our tickets to go without us, please. (Meanwhile, I'm trying to get my kids ready for school).

My response:

"First of all, I never received an email. You said that you guys were relieved, everything was fine.

To continue, my heart is shattered to be going through this once again. I'm trying to come up with a response. But no matter how I put it, it's gonna be the same outcome. I'm gonna keep having the finger pointed at ME, having it turned around on ME. I can't deal with the deflecting anymore. You never take accountability. It's NOT ok to constantly disappear on people you love, to keep them hanging. You've even done it for months at a time. You don't respect my decisions, my brother's decisions. You push and push and push and then act surprised when the relationship is strained. How am I supposed to know you're not gonna pull the same stuff on my own kids? You two enable each other.

When we have conflicts, we confide in people we love and trust to get their perspectives. You guys don't have anyone to speak to about conflicts except each other, and I think it's unhealthy. You have isolated people. I've been to therapy about this exact situation and my kid also went for other reasons. It helped us and I think seeing a therapist would help you guys, too.

I can't go to Hawaii with you - we're going by ourselves and buying our own way. You can cancel or transfer to another destination for yourselves. I'm done with this."

She just replied "ok."

Later she adds "I am sorry about all this. I just got my feel- ings hurt and the stress at work and your dad's health is getting to me. Its my fault. Have a fun time in Hawaii and be careful."

37 m here , been living alone since I was 20 and recently my parents have had to move in with me (hope it's not for too long) , but I find that they still want to get on my ass as if I were still a child. If I don't do things a certain way then it means I'm doing it wrong , and it's little things , I can't ask them a simple question without getting backlash or getting a rude answer back , like if I'm the one being a burden. They often throw things in my face , like the times they've helped me when I was in prison and yeah I'm appreciative but it doesn't give them a reason to try to yell or talk rudely to me. I'm a born again Christian and have been for over 20 years , I know the bible says honor your father and your mother and I do , but there's only so much I can take , especially my mom ever since I was a child she would verbally abuse me , saying I'm worthless and dumb , retarded , that I'll never amount to anything , telling me I'm the only reason she's with my dad. I can see now why the Lord pulled me away from them at an early age , because when I was living alone sure I would struggle sometimes to even eat but there was peace and tranquility in my house, now because she cooks dinner she acts entitled and expects me to praise her or something , I tried explaining that a son/daughter isn't supposed to owe their parent anything , and I've told her not to make me dinner or anything that I can manage on my own , and I tell her that because I know one day in the future she'll just end up throwing that in my face. Now I honestly don't want anything from them I tried talking to them as adults but they are super dismissive. I feel like I've grown apart from them but for them it's impossible to see that I just pray the Lord forgives me for giving up , because I've tried to share my beliefs with them but they don't want to receive the good news. It seems that they thrive on hate or idk because even between them they just fight and argue , I hope God heals their heart and gives them peace. I guess I just needed to vent after what happened last night , basically the straw that broke the camels back happened last night. I don't want to kick them out or anything like that but seriously my leave of mind is seriously jeopardized, I don't trust them around my son , I don't want my mom to end up telling him things when I'm not around and since he's non verbal , I just feel like she would do something like that , well anyway I just needed to vent I'll pray about this and keep going, idk why they are back in my life after so many years , but if there's a lesson for me to learn then I'm open for it.

I (21F) have a slightly testy relationship with my mom (48F). I’m fairly certain she’s either bipolar or borderline, as there is a family history of bipolar disorder and my mom can be all over the place. When she’s good, she’s good…but when she’s bad, she’s terrible. She‘s shoplifted for fun, sped 90 miles per hour on our way to school (and laughed at 14-year-old me for being scared), started an affair with a man she met online (which she blamed me for), moved out for three weeks and them moved back in when she decided the apartment wasn’t as nice as the house, told me to kill myself when I started losing weight…the list goes on and on but I’m tired and cant think straight. My mom is also terrible at keeping friends. She’s gone through at least thirteen in my memory. She‘s stopped going to three different churches in the past seven years. I also posted on here once about her freak-out over getting passed over for her dream job…she now refuses to talk to any of the other teachers or administrators in her department. Yeah, it’s a lot. It hasn’t been fun to deal with. My siblings and I have all been diagnosed with MDD (in large part due to our mother’s treatment of us) and been prescribed Zoloft. I take mine secretly because my dad would flip a gasket; he’s already complained about how my sister’s prescription raised the insurance premium. He’s also dismissed my mother’s episodes as just female stuff and has even told my little brother that when he gets married some day, he will have to deal with the same stuff he’s seeing in Mom. Yeah.

But Mom called me today ro tell me she’s noticed a change in her mood recently and went behind Dad’s back to get blood work done. Everything came back normal, so the doctor suggested Mom also take Zoloft to stabilize her mood. Mom accepted.

And I feel terrible for saying this, but I am SO angry. I mean, I guess I’m glad Mom is getting help, but why now? Why not when we bought her a therapist and she quit after two sessions? I have gone through so much hurt. I would be starving to the point I could barely move because Mom hadn’t gone “shopping” in three weeks (she was hoping the store security guards had forgotten who she was). My sister has dealt with so many mental health crises and I was seriously scared she would not make it through. There are rows and rows of scars on her arms. My brother decided Mom is possessed by a demon whenever she gets into one of her rages and comes into my room to hide (along with the family dog). So I guess I’m glad she’s finally seeking help and I hope she will be a more reasonable woman and at peace, but at the same time, I wish she’d done this twenty-one years earlier and I’m angry at her for doing it too late. I don’t think I can ever forgive her for all she’s done to my siblings and I, even if she is stabilized. I feel so terrible saying that, but it is true. Does that make ME entitled?

My parents asked me if they could take my kids (7 and 9 yrs old) overseas to Europe this year (we're already going to Hawaii together next month). I said no I'm not comfortable with that. They kept pushing, trying to guilt-trip me saying stuff like they're getting old, this will benefit them, etc. I'm paranoid something bad will happen and I will be too far far away to do anything about it.

Then they said I can come too and my husband (he has a family business so less likely). I have a history of them not respecting my decisions, my boundaries - being dismissive, pushing me, ghosting me when they don't get their way, getting mad at me just because I'm mad at them, etc.

This is what I said in response to their invite: "I’d feel more comfortable if at least one of us is there. We do see the kids starting to get more interested in learning and the kinds of things you experience at museums, and we even hear them randomly sharing little facts they pick up. They’re also becoming a little more tolerant of hikes. But knowing our kids right now, we think a full Europe trip would still be pretty difficult at this age with the long days, a lot of walking, and trying to take in a lot of historical sightseeing. We don't believe they have the attention span and tolerance for that right now. So we feel it would be a better experience when they’re a little older and more able to fully enjoy and get the most out of that kind of trip. We can revisit the idea then."

I think that was a very fair reply. My mom's response was leaving our family chat group about our Hawaii trip. She also left our regular family chat group with my in-laws and brother and his wife............

Here we go again. And I'm supposed to be the crazy one for not wanting them to take the kids to a foreign country... They do not communicate, do not respect us as parents, are not emotionally stable. I just know I would say no to this or that on said trip and they'd just do it anyways because they do not respect us - they think their decisions are best. I mean, I didn't even say no to the idea in the end... I said not yet.

I haven't told the kids for months about our Hawaii trip for this very reason - my parents might act up again. I think my mom is going to cancel our trip without saying anything (again) out of anger. I guess I should wait a couple days and see what she says? And then just buy our own flights and hotel to go on our own.

They ghosted us 2 yrs ago for months. I told them they hurt me when they acted like I wasn't being a good mother and I was upset - I left their house in tears after I said they made me feel like a bad mother because they thought for some reason I didn't feed them good enough. They didn't try to console me. Their response was to get upset right back and ignore me for months. My husband was furious. My brother and my in-laws learned of this and were shocked about their treatment of me. There have been other incidents before this. The last time though was the longest ghosting they did to me and I was very depressed. They even live extremely close. My husband was the one who reached out to try to fix it. Eventually, they agreed they wouldn't act this way anymore.

Here we go again. Here the fck we go...

Am I crazy? Because they always make me feel like I'm going crazy and I can never trust myself and I need to get confirmation...

EDIT:
Thank you all for your responses. I might not get to respond to everyone, but I am reading them all and I am very appreciate of all your input.

PART 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/1sn5jnk/comment/ogphkre/