u/mikaylasims

I hope this is okay to post here. I have no idea what to make of this situation, I’m feeling very confused.

My mum has slowly fallen down the Facebook anti vax propagabda rabbit hole, posting upwards of 20 times a day of anti vax things. She’s always been a bit of a hippy, but is a borderline alcoholic, smokes cigarettes and weed daily since she was an early teen (this is relevant later).

I live in another city from my parents and when I was pregnant I made it clear that we weren’t having any visitors until we feel ready. My mum was desperate to come and “help” so I said to her that any visitors will be required to have an up to date TDAP vaccine (I did not request other vaccines, only this one). She said no problems but never ended up getting it. That’s all good, I knew she was hesitant but told her I wasn’t making exceptions and the same rules apply

for visitors. My dad is full anti vax (doesn’t even have COVID shots) and told me he wasn’t going to get TDAP, I said that’s fine but same rules apply, he understood (but was probably passive aggressively bitching about me to everyone, but at least he didn’t lie).

I was incredibly unwell during the postpartum period (I nearly died) and really needed family support, my mum kept saying she was going to get it but because I didn’t tell her when she was allowed to visit that she wouldn’t get it just yet but said if I need support just reach out. I reached out for help but she still wasn’t vaccinated. She said she was getting it that week. On the phone a few weeks later she said she got it and when I asked for her proof of vaccination she BLEW up saying how dare I question if she got it or not, to call her doctor and they will tell me she got it, to call her boss and they will tell me - even though it takes less than one minute to pull up the cert on her phone. She was saying she had all these weird side effects and that she took the next 3 days off work (she said she got it on a Friday and doesn’t work weekends), and that she was incredibly hurt that I would insinuate that she lied. She also told other family members she had no intention of getting it. I brought this up with her and she dismissed it and said she would get the certificate. Weeks have passed with her constantly saying she will get it for me, but now magically saying that because my dad isn’t vaxxed and that my child has had the first dose that it shouldn’t matter anymore.

Now I feel petty and have cancelled my trip to visit them (a very expensive round trip for us, just to put the baby on a tour and then bring home).

I wouldn’t have minded that she didn’t want to get vaccinated, but I’m absolutely upset that I have been lied to.

This is on top of her calling me stupid during pregnancy because I got the TDAP myself. I told her that Facebook and TikTok aren’t reliable sources of information, as well as her saying I’m being indoctrinated by my university and that my degree doesn’t matter (my parents are illiterate btw). Also told me that drinking during pregnancy isn’t that bad because back in the day doctors recommended it, that listeria is fine and that I’m rude for asking her to smoke away from me during pregnancy because smoking isn’t that bad (??).

So, what am I supposed to do here? I’m being told it’s no big deal and I feel guilty because I’m their only child. I’ve been ripped apart for putting boundaries in place and I feel awful. It’s quite confusing, I’m just wondering if others have been in a similar position? Therapy is in the works too, but I’m here in the meantime.

Thank you for reading 🩵