r/domesticviolence

I’m 3 weeks postpartum and had a realization today that kind of hit me hard.

I left my abuser 6 years ago. I’ve been with my new husband for 5 now, and I have two older kids from that previous relationship. There’s about an 8-year gap between them and my new baby.

My newborn cries a lot more than I remember my older kids crying. But if I’m being honest, my memories from when they were little are really foggy because of the abuse I was living in at the time.

Today I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with how much my baby cries. My husband just sat with me, rubbed my back, and reassured me that babies cry and that I’m doing a good job. And then it kind of clicked.

My older babies didn’t cry like this… because I couldn’t let them. If they cried, my ex would get angry. I was constantly on edge, doing everything I could to keep them quiet to avoid setting him off.

Now, my baby cries because she feels safe. She cries because she knows I’ll comfort her. Sometimes I’m the only one she wants, and that’s okay.

If my older babies had been like this, my ex would have resented me for it. He would have taken it out on me in ways I don’t even want to fully think about.

It’s such a strange, emotional realization. I’m so grateful for where I am now, but it also makes me sad for what my older kids and I went through. In a way, it feels like they had to be “easy” babies just to help keep us safe until I found the strength to leave.

I just needed to get this off my chest, especially to people who understand what it’s like to live with someone like my ex.

But, what if they're bad parents.

hi please need some support I have no friends and my own mother is verbally abusive and only has negative things to say when I tried to tell her my problems.

I’m currently pregnant , baby is due in June , this is my 9th pregnancy, back in November my partner who’s the dad of my 8 children burned my face,arms with a torch lighter and beat me all over from head to feet punched,kicked me and strangled me also SA me with shampoo bottle. I went to the police and he was arrested but bonded out a week later. Following that DCS took our 8 children away, my oldest is 12 and my youngest is 1 and that was devastating due to loneliness and no one understands the pain of losing the children and I had no friends and family really so I took him back ,dismissed the protection order and recant all statements of abuse to the cops and DCS. It was ok at first but every other day he would just snap and demand I tell him the truth he always accused me of cheating since the first week we were together , first time he gave me a black eye was 2017 and everything just really escalated over the years. I had 2 mental hospital stays because of suicidal ideation and that really made it difficult to have my kids back because of that history ! Basically every day he would be mad at me he think it’s all my fault that the kids are taken and I need to tell him who I’ve been seeing and I would tell him no one I have been faithful since I got with him but that’s not good enough he would get pissed off and said I’m lying and would start to hit me or tried to break my hand or do anything and if I changed my answer tried to say whatever name he accused me of he would say call the person and I would be like I have no contact info because I haven’t talked to another man. Even everywhere I go I have to always record with my phone if not he would accused me of meeting up with some men at gas station or grocery store one time he punched my mouth and made me lose my tooth because he saw there was a guy behind me at gas station even tho I didn’t talk to the guy at all he accused me of knowing him who I have never seen before and demand his name and info and I said I have never seen him he got mad and started beating me. Stuff like this happens every other day if I don’t record every second that’s I’m not with him. Over the years he would kick me out and I would always just go to the ER because I have no where to go or I would go to my moms who lives 10 states away but would always come back the next day because of the kids . I do still miss him and love him and care for him but all the mental and physical abuse daily it’s just too much. 3 weeks ago he was in one of episodes again demand names and I would say there’s no one and he started beating me all over with the leg of my boot , I had bruises all over and he also made me strip naked and beat me in the shower and threaten to kill me in the tub, I almost was gonna run out naked ask for help but luckily his mother showed up and 2 weeks ago I told his mother what happened and she convinced me that I should get away from him and he is and will kill me one day and that’s coming from his mother. I was able to get the protection order against him again and he’s currently in a different state because there are 13 sexual assault and assault charges against him from November. Last 3 days he called and texted about 300 times saying he loves me and sorry and all that but a few texts he would call me names and accused me of being with some men and blame me for everything that had happened. I finally blocked him but tonight I just feel so lonely and sad so I unblock him and want to see his miss calls and texts again.

It’s just so difficult, over the years he manipulated the children to hate me and told them lies about me saying I went with other men and I don’t love them and made other people think he’s such a great dad taking care 8 children while I’m just a crazy mentally ill bad mom. My oldest daughter knows better as she actually had to yell dad stop a few times when he was beating me and drag me by the hair to the room. I told her I finally separated from their dad she was like good for you mom I’m proud of you it’s good you’re not with him. But some of my other children still confused they love him and with everything happened now he’s not calling or visit them anymore they’re like where’s dad and I’m like I don’t know.

I guess it’s because I have no one to talk to the therapist I saw via zoom for 40 min feel very insincere she’s like try go for a walk and download this meditation app it will help you.

So I google what to do loneliness after leaving abusive relationship and found this Reddit. I guess I just needed some insight from people with experiences like me to offer some advice and support. Thanks !

I am beginning to lift the fog of the emotional abuse. I realised recently the amount of mental gymnastics I perform in order to survive him. How many odd things I find myself thinking to reason with myself on how to survive.

Making plans to leave, things are in motion. I just wanted to vent out the absolutely ridiculous things I find myself thinking in order to hold myself accountable. I am working on "mapping" them, some of these things aren't even really my own thoughts. They're his abusive manipulations working their magic.

I need to start overcoming the way Ive been thinking!!

"If I just stop saying anything, things will be better."

No!!! This is a direct result of his constant gaslighting. He says he "doesn't create issues, he just has to deal with them" and "if you just stopped bringing me these issues, we wouldn't be like this/I wouldn't get like this"

The issue is not confronting the addictions, violence, boundary violations, etc. The issue is those things occurred. Silence does not avoid the issue, it avoids the confrontation. If he was a healthy partner, he would be able to avoid doing them in the first place or not become violent when held to account.

"He is just struggling with his own shame. Bringing these things up is too hard for him and I need to show more compassion for him. I am the one with CBT knowledge. etc. I should be able to coach/guide/help him"

I am not his therapist and I cannot be his victim and saviour. This is also a thought that stems from him telling me that due to my knowledge and interest in psychology, he should be able to get from me what a therapist can give and avoid needing a third party. He has sought therapy and rejected it, one of the reasons being that they were just backing things I already said. He doesn't want therapy from me, he just can't abuse his way out of accountability with a therapist.

"If I just shut up and let him go, eventually he will kill himself with the addictions. Just wait it out."

This is tired desperation. You're already not coping. Should you continue to push yourself to the brink and sacrifice your life waiting for his to inevitably end?

"He is 80% a good guy. It's just the struggles with empathy that create the issues"

Struggles with empathy are more than 20%. Acts of love bombing need to be called for what they are because that's what it is. It is part of the manipulation. The only reason I am even considering it is because of how often he says "I'm a good guy" and points out the things he does. Cleaning the house, running errands and giving back rubs dont make him a "good guy". He is unreliable, abusive, lacks in empathy, does not care at all what you go through. He is secretive and manipulative. He is devoid of the ability to even fathom another person's ability to experience things.

"If I just study/understand his behaviour better, I can figure out how to balance my needs with his"

His "needs" are to avoid accountability. Mine are to not be thrown up against a wall or held hostage when I try to leave. I need someone who can say "I'm sorry I hurt you when I said that", not "YOU made me do it". I need someone who doesn't lie and act dodgy, leaving me in a state of constant hypervigiliance. He needs someone who will allow him to never have to face consequences.

I do understand him and it's up to him to decide to change. He doesn't think he needs to, so there is no amount of "understanding" that will help.

"If I help him, eventually our relationship will be the strongest thing ever. We will be able to get through anything. This is what real love is, we help the ones we love through thick and thin"

That may matter when the 'thick and thin' isn't him abusing you. It's sickness, job losses, life circumstances, not him pinning me to a wall and screaming that I am crazy for saying I'm hurt he lied.

Again, he has outright rejected that he needs help at all. He says he is of sound mind and perfectly fine, even when others are now asking me if he is ok because he is incoherent in daily life. There is no "helping him through it" unless he wants to do something for himself. There is only surviving him.

"I'll be alone forever"

I have a lot to offer. That's why he desperately begs for me to be "the real me" and "stop being so cold". I am a good partner and I am wasting it on someone who takes advantage of it. Loneliness is a much better alternative to abuse.

I also need to reflect on when I was happiest. It's when I was on my own. I do so well alone.

"I'm not ready for the grief"

Yes, I don't do grief well... but grief is temporary. Abuse is ongoing. Avoiding the temporary grief is just fear. I'm avoiding grieving him, but I am actively grieving myself AND him currently. I have been grieving the illusion of the man I fell for in the process if accepting who he is really is. I need to just cut the cord.

"I'm being dramatic, it's not that bad"

No I'm not. He smashed my phone, punched a door and threw me into a bookshelf for reading his own text messages back to him. If he is so offended by his own words he spoke to me that he feels the need to get violent to stop them being said and then still tells you're "abusive" for "harassing him" by reading them, he is dramatic.

He has smashed 4 door handles to get to me when I've locked yourself in the room because he felt that you stepping out of conflict was such a severe rejection. He tells me that I am dramatic.... but his ego is fragile that he blames me for that. I am not the problem...

"I'll have to start over. it's overwhelming"

I struggle at work, I spend all my "free time" dealing with his drama. I'm so used to chaos and drama that the only thing that will be overwhelming is the quiet.

I also have ensured I am not over a barrell needing him. I'm avoiding a temporary change for the better to deal with a constant and permanent conflict.

"Ive tried to leave before. He just hunts me down. It's pointless"

So have him arrested. That's not my fault. If he breaches the orders, he has to face real consequences. He does it because he knows he has been able to get away with it.

I am a 26 year old female, who has an 8 year old son. I had a tough and abusive childhood, which culminated in me starting a relationship as a 16 year old with a 47 year old man. This was enabled and agreed upon by my mother. who made it seem like a good thing. it was my safe space for a short while until he got me pregnant deliberately. I was instantly financially dependent and I was kept at home as a stay at home between my mom and him for 6 years. No creche, or kindergarten or even my mom assisting with childcare. It continued to be abusive - my mom would physically and psychologically abuse me, and he would cheat on me, stalk me and abuse me as well.

I managed to work myself out of the situation by getting a bursary and studying remotely after hours. I called every law firm in a 5 mile radius and then got a job in my last year of studies. I now work as a baby lawyer awaiting admission and have filed for divorce and took on both my mom and husband.

The backlash was severe but I'm finally in a position where I am getting somewhere after months of 1 step forward and 3 steps back - I was able to document enough of the abuse to be believed in a court of law. The physical abuse, stalking and betrayal that ensued has caused me to develop a sleeping disorder I was not sure was even possible, where I have night terrors and I walk and talk in my sleep. I am medicated and trying to do all the right things. However the one thing that was more traumatising than being betrayed by my mother to this man, the physical abuse where he threatened to kill me and take my son, the deliberate unhelpfulness of the police, who work with my husband - is the women who are telling me I knew what I was getting in to and what was I thinking and that my situation amounts a to a toxic relationship that I chose and I must take responsiblity for it.

All I knew at 16 was that I consented to a way out of my unsafe world to the safety that was on offer. I did not ask for the violence, and I did not benefit in any way, and I have taken responsibility by doing all the things for me and my son to keep us safe. I just refuse to take responsibility to the extent that decreases my soon-to-be ex-husband's guilt in this. I know I am not guilty of anything but being a young mother and wife. I did not lie, I did not abuse, I did not, not do my part and took steps to get my son out of this situation. Even if I wanted to, I never acted in bad faith towards anyone, as opposed to my mom who would tip off my ex whenever I tried to escape, or him being abusive. However I am saddled with an immense grief that I do not know how to work through, specifically the shame. What to do?

I posted yesterday about contacting my ex/ father of my childs Probation officer about all the abuse and she said she couldnt do anything unless there was a police report filed, right after i saw that message with her i contacted the non emergency line to try and put in a report and they said they would send someone to my home to file the report, no one ever came. While i was at work today i got a phone call from an officer saying once im home i can have police come to file my report and to just call 911 to have somebody sent and yet no one had came, im about to call a 3rd time and im feeling so angry and so hopeless, the gravity of this situation is so serious, this man has broken into my house twice and one of the times while i was sleeping, hes shown up to my house, has come to my job in a full body disguise every time i leave him and go no contact, hes tried to kill me and has raped me while i was in a relationship with him, im in fear of my life when im with him and once ive left him and try and move on with my life i still live in fear that ges going to break into my house, show up to my house or my job again. Hes been to jail and charged multiple times for domestic violence and has done this to 2 other women and he always gets a slap on the wrist, last year he punched me and strangled me while i was driving and then took my car, i called the police and they took him but was released a month and a half later. I dont know what else to do and i feel like my only escape is death.

I dated a 25 year old when I was 18 last year. I broke up with him in November after making the connection that what he was doing to me was very likely emotional abuse and every online quiz I took said "strong indicator of emotional abuse". He did not take it well & stalked me, broke into my apartment, left letters, and terrorized me for weeks, ignoring over 5 police warnings. When I got a temporary restraining order he violated it immediately but somehow avoided police arrest because he fled to a hotel and they couldn't locate him. I moved apartments over the winter break (we both attend the same university, he'd dropped out and was a re-entry student..) and a 3 year restraining order was granted during this time. The first week that classes restarted, he showed up at one of my club meetings and I immediately had him arrested because I was tired of feeling taunted & having to put my life on pause because of him following me around. He'd done the same thing before the break, attending all of the events for all of my clubs & asking people about me and my whereabouts, but I had just stayed home out of fear. The arrest being on campus automatically opened a case against him. He posted bail immediately and was out within three hours. The investigation has been extensive and I had overwhelming evidence & hadn't engaged with him once so he cannot frame it as 'relationship drama'. He is likely to be expelled within the next two weeks. If he gets arrested for contacting me again, he will go back to jail without bail this time. Throughout the relationship, he would consantly tell me I 'ruined his day' because of my actions, and during the stalking period pre-restraining order, he even messaged me, "please don't call the police, it'll ruin my life for good" - but he continued to extensively harass me, stalk me, and violate two court orders. So he will definitely think that his life is "ruined", being expelled at 26. Should I expect any retaliation? How can I stay safe?

my very violent and (diagnosed) sadistic ex keeps getting in new relationships, and I hear from other people how intimate he is with these girls. I feel guilty for not telling these girls how dangerous he can be. that there's a side of him they (hopefully) haven't seen yet.

I'm afraid something really goes down hill one day, and I will be genuinely guilty, because I could have prevented them from his violence by telling them about it. what can I do? should I approach his current girlfriend?

my (14F) sister and i (16M) have lived in two households for around 6 years due to our parents being divorced. my father and my stepmother fight every so often but the past few months their fights have escalated and gotten worse and worse. 2 days ago at around 9 pm i left my room to go get water and do the laundry but when i returned to my sister and i’s room i saw her pressing her ear against the wall and there was yelling in our parent’s room. She told me they started fighting because my dad said something negative about my stepmother’s mom. My dad kept denying that he said those things but after a back and forth he finally admitted to saying it so that he could go to sleep. I dont know exactly what started this but my dad started saying things like “get away from me” “you are a nasty person” and “i never punched you” to my step mother. I assume he then spat on her since me and my sister heard a noise similar to that. My dad started screaming “get away from me” even louder until i heard a slapping sound three times. Immediately after my stepmom started letting out a horrific scream and it sounded like she started jiggling the door handle to get out of her room (they lock their door at night) and she started screaming my name and my sister‘s name (our stepbrother (28M) was home but she didnt say his name once). Once my stepmom was outside the hall my sister opened our room door and was standing in the doorway and our stepbrother left his room and broke them apart and tried to ease the situation. He said “if you all dont stop im going to call the cops”. my stepmom was still screaming and my dad was still yelling. I think at this moment i was the most scared i have ever been in my entire life and i felt like i was about to vomit. I yanked my sister back into the room and locked the door while telling her i wanted to try to leave the house through the window. My sister just told me to calm down. The fight in the hallway stopped and my dad went back into the room while my stepmom and stepbrother were in the living room table and he was trying to calm her down. I dont remember what exactly she said but she was talking loudly as if trying to egg him on and get him to yell again. Me and my sister tried to go out our rooms to see if our stepmom was okay but before we could reach the living room our dad came back out of the room and told us to go to bed. He then proceeded to yell at julie more and she told him “youre gonna loose your job, youre lucky i didnt call 911”. He yelled at her something like ”i gave you everything you wanted” and after a bit more yelling dad either went back outside or back to the room (i thought he went outside but ari thinks he went back to the room) and everything stopped. From our room we could hear my stepbrother and my stepmom talking (she may have been under the influence of alcohol because she was talking in an odd manner. another weird thing is that she sounded proud of herself for provoking dad like that??) and she told him “im glad you intervened because i dint know how far he would have gone”. My stepbrother then advised her to seek a divorce and said “this type of fighting is not normal and if you stay its just going to get worse and worse” but for whatever reason she then responded saying something along the lines of “ no i wont, if he pulls something like that again im going to shake his ass” She also said something like “i know theyre going to tell their mother about this” (refering to me and my sister). We didnt really hear everything they said because our room isnt really close to the living room. after they talked for a while she went and grabbed her dog and went back to her room. she then started saying to the dog “its okay coco youll be ok sweetie” and then went to bed. the next morning when i came home from school my dad and stepmom were sitting at the living room table and he said “sit down we need to talk” (apparently i had a disturbed expression on my face) i told him i didnt want to talk to him and continued walking down the hall until he got up and yelled at me “excuse me?” after that returned to the table and sat down. i was looking at the table when he said this and he started questioning me about the expression on my face, i told him it was nothing but he kept asking me. i looked up and at my stepmom and she was looking at me with this hateful expression like she was trying to tell me to shut up and act normal. he then told me “if it is about last night, things like this happen, we are under a lot of stress right now.” then my stepmom looked at me and said “whats wrong? nothing happened?” he then said that later the whole family would go eat at a restaurant and get dessert after. The day after was disturbing and uncanny because they were acting like nothing happened? It felt like i was the only one who was uncomfortable and my stepmom and dad were acting happier than they normally are too? Literally nothing happened at dinner except the fact that my stepmom kept whispering something to my dad all throughout the day. I told my friends about what happened and one of them said i should report what happened to the authorities and the other said i should report it, but to nit take drastic measures quite yet. The events of that night keep replaying in my head and i cant get my stepmoms scream out of my head. I never want to feel terrified like that ever again but when i started thinking about reporting it i started feeling guilty for my dad. on thursdays my sister and i go back to our moms house so after school we return to our dads house to grab our things, he was there alone and he was acting normal and happy again and he was petting the cats we have. I hugged him before we left. A few hours later my sister and i told our mother what had happened and she decided to contact her divorce lawyer and she is waiting on a response. but now i cant stop feeling guilty for telling my friends and mom about what had happened because he seemed happy I cant stop thinking about “childhood” memories that me and my sister have with him. and he works in law enforcement and i know that this will probably cause him to loose his job. I know that someone like this should never be allowed to work in law enforcement and that he should not get away from this. I plan on also speaking with my school counselor about what had happened tomorrow. I know that telling people about it has ensured me and my sisters safety but for whatever reason i cannot stop crying and feeling guilty for potentially ruining his life. sometimes before all of this when my dad and i would get into arguments he would always say that i didnt care about the sacrifices that he makes for me and my sister and that i am a selfish manipulative person and i knew he was just trying to guilt me for saying this but it still gets to me. I told my sister and friends about how guilty i feel, my friends said that he deserves what will happen because of what he did and my sister said that it was for the best and to think about everything they (stepmom and dad) had done to us when we are at their house. I just hate myself for crying about this because good memories do not excuse violence, but i just cant stop and its weird that no one but me feels this way. Maybe i just need advice to help me stop feeling this way, i dont know.
(sorry if this is formatted bad i dont really use reddit)

My father always He was terrible, he beat my mother for 30 years.I always felt bad here, at some point I persuaded my mother to leave to live with my older brother, we applied there for half a year and left, if anyone is interested, I'll tell you. Now we've been there for half a year or a little more I live with my father, and he yells at us every day, it's especially scary when my mother is at work at night, I have a bunch of recordings of his yelling and threats, but I'm afraid to go and file a complaint against him because of the threat to my life mine and my mom, younger sister and brother. I plan to do this on April 30th.I'm very scared in any case but If I stay here, I'll hang myself soon.

Hi, I’m trying to process my marriage that seems to now be ending after he was arrested for strangulation and other domestic assaults. There’s now a court-imposed no-contact order, so we haven’t spoken since.

I feel like everything changed that night in a way that can’t be repaired - but I’m struggling with guilt and still catching myself holding onto hope, even though I know how serious it was.

There was a lot of good in the relationship, which makes it harder. I feel stuck between knowing I need to move forward and feeling like I’m giving up on someone I cared about. I truly want to make my marriage work but I don’t know how or if I’m delusional.

For those who’ve been through something similar:

- How did you deal with the guilt?

- Is it normal to still feel hope after something like this? Is it possible?

- What actually helped you move forward?

Thank you

Hi, I’m just trying to find a community. A lot of what comes with testifying has been pretty heavy on me. Long story short, my ex strangled me and hit me. He was arrested and charged with felony strangulation and felony threats (he threatened to kill my kids). I did go to the hospital and they did a full exam, confirmed that I was strangled, and took DNA from where his hands had been.

As we approach the preliminary hearing, has anyone had a similar experience where their abuser wasn’t convicted? Has anyone gone to a full jury trial? The DA and the police said that going to trial is very rare, but I really don’t want to be cross-examined. I will testify — I’m committed to that — but I’m already having a hard time mentally preparing for the preliminary hearing. I can only imagine what sitting in front of a jury would feel like.

Hi All, so this is a very very long story, as their relationship has been going on for over 10 years. My (32F) sister has been with her (36M) boyfriend since high school. Recently in the past year or so, he has shown extremely concerning behavior and continues to do so daily. They own a business together and he constantly holds it over her head. He is controlling, tracks her location to the point where if she stops at a gas station he has to be informed. tracks her text messages incoming yo our phone so he knows if she tells us about the abuse and we have to be careful what we say or keep it to phone calls. she is experiencing extreme emotional abuse, he is threatening physical harm to their pets, to her, telling her to leave, she leaves, then blows up her phone and tells her to come back to “talk.” and this cycle repeats and repeats. he has no income other than the money she makes that he profits off of. he sits in their apartment while she goes to the business location and does the manual labor. Now today she calls me that she feels unsafe and wants someone to go with her to get her belongings to leave. (this is not the first time this has happened and that I have done this for her.) This all started because she decided last minute to get her nails redone in-between working and their dog grooming appointment and he got mad that she “cant stick to a schedule” and it “ruined all his plans.” he makes her feel horrible for just existing. So i go there with her and he is acting extremely unhinged and scary and threatening her and telling me i need to leave or “things are gonna get worse.” I reluctantly after fighting to stay for 5-10 mins and just drive my car down the street. I call our mother and she called the police. Before the police come, my sister rushes back outside, I see a massive red print on her face and ask if he hit her. She told me he did hit her and rushes back inside. Then the police come and my sister is so manipulated by this man she and him deny everything to the police that happened, the threatening remarks, the physical abuse, all of it. During the earlier argument I recorded him verbally threatening her life, and most of the argument. I told the police in my statement about the physical element that happened and showed them the recordings. But the cops couldn’t do anything bc she was refusing to charge him with anything. So after the police leave apparently her boyfriend wants to “apologize to me” for what happened and is putting on this whole act of crying and says he is sorry and its his fault. Then we leave and go back to my apartment to get away from him. But now shes sitting on my couch and hes blowing up her phone asking “whats for dinner” “when are you coming back” “you should just move out”. nothing with him makes sense. he has threatened her, my family, and I need advice to give her on the first steps to leaving safely. I am so scared for her safety everyday, I don’t know what to do. I know she wants to leave but she feels so trapped with him between their business, their pets, their apartment and for some reason still has sympathy for him. They have been together since she was 16 (growing up, yes she was a minor and he wasn’t, she lied about his age to my parents.) He is all she knows and I am at a loss at what to do to convince her that her life is so much more than living this everyday in fear. What are the first steps on how she can she safely remove herself from his life?

Found out he hired an aggressive and expensive attorney who has a strong track record of getting charges dismissed despite having witnesses and months of documented abuse. I’m so scared and worried that he will be able to walk free from this without taking any accountability for what he’s done and what the lawyer might do to undermine my credibility and invalidate this whole experience.

I meet my boyfriend on 2024 on Tinder. We talked for 2 month's when we were gonna meet after that long testing time I found out he had a girlfriend. I leaved him in that moment. 3 month's ayer after he came back and he had broken up with that girl that was a 2 week relationship. We started to talk and everything was fine friendly. And one day he called me and since that night we called every night for the last year. We argue all the time cause he has many issues, anorexia, violence, screams, anxiety, cheating....

Still I couldn't break up cause I was trying to fix him. Then one day he said sexual comments at a picture of me AS A KID. And I realised he was BAD. he apologiezed after I gave him a lot of warnings and talks. and I taught I fixed him...

Next week epstein files get released and he starts to get obsessed with his punishment what I taught was fine but then he turned a redpilled andrew tate antisemtic neo nazi.

Now I fear him.

He has grabbed me hard, stole me money, screams daily. I have no support system and I dont know what to do.

I wish ai could add screenshot from the last week only. You cant imagine the horrific things he send me. I am always trying to make him calm down and then he acts nice so that confuses me after the screams.

He even accused me of being Mossad just cause I had a childhood friend who was forced to go to israel and be a soldier.

Basically he knows my great great great great grandma was jew and now says he needs to kill anyone with 1% of blood jew. is he saying he wants to kill me no? Plus I have nothing to do with this. I'm Latina, very very very mixed, he says cause I'm white skined i am not latina, (my dad is darker tone) he says my country needs violence and a dictator..and he is on my country right know and knows were I live and everything about me. I'm scared. what do I do? :(

I developed and autoimmune dissease because all the stress he caused me, im trained, depressed, alone and afraid. I have no one to help me. no one to even tell. how do I leave him safely? I'm too afraid to break up with him or say anything.

My father hit my mom.

My dad hit his children who were assigned female at birth.

My father is extremely emotional abusive.

My father was also 23, and my mom was 15 when they got involved.

My father has never been sexually abused.

His parents had a healthy marriage, and a reasonable divorce.

His father never yelled at his mother.

His father never cheated.

His father never beat his mother.

His siblings never beat, molested, or bullied him.

He grew up well above the poverty level.

Lots of opportunities.

No early deaths.

No childhood bullying.

No intimate partner based violence early on.

None of it.

The idea “ hurt people hurt people” doesn’t apply here.

The idea my dad must have been made into a monster makes me irrationally angry. Even my therapists have searched for a reason that makes sense to them.

The reason that they are looking for is that he chose to be. There’s nothing more.

My dad was born, and was abusive from the start. Nothing more.

My first girlfriend was a not very nice person, she bullied random kids, she raped me, cheated on me, threw me against the wall so hard I couldn’t breathe, pinned me down and forced me to drink alcohol until I passed out. I have a thing were I pass out at times and she left me alone outside and took my phone when I was unconscious.

But sometimes I regret breaking up with her, like I feel like she’s what I deserve, I know I don’t but for some reason people like her always find me.

I keep getting tricked ig, they make me think I’m special, like they care about me but then they hit me or take advantage of me and I loose hope again.

I keep wondering if maybe it’s because I deserve it Yk?

Maybe that’s why

Every healthy relationship I get into I ruin because I think it’s boring or I feel like they don’t really like me because they’re not possessive and controlling.

I hope it's ok to post here. ig I'm kinda posting on behalf of my mom not that she knows and she would give me in trouble if she found out. I don't wanna get in trouble and I don't want her to get in trouble neither. I don't want them to split us up which is what she says could happen. But I'm struggling not been able to talk about it so am posting here. I know he hurts her I see it and hear but she gets mad and upset when I try to talk to her about it. I just really need to get it off my chest. I don't know what to do. I wish I could stop it from happening. I feel silly for being scared since I'm not a little kid any more. I want to help my mom but don't know how. I want him to stop hurting her.

Some backstory:

For the last 4 years I lived through an intermitting nightmare. This man found me at my lowest, friend of a friend playing the long game. Significantly older than me.

He became reliable and present and when I hit a really rough spot he invited me to stay with him.

After a brief love bombing phase it became a daily living hell, constantly alternating between best friend/good guy and guilt tripping, manipulations, kicking me out, shouting, threats.

I had huge repercussions. My whole body and mind were shattered almost to the point of non return and I'm now finally semi-free. At least not with him or close to him anymore.

The pain haunts me, and the fact he admitted to have done this before to other women, the fact that one of those women took her life in coincidence with the abuse.

And he now wants to be a therapist.

If you didn't know him you'd really fall for it: he's the perfect good neighbour, the charming persona he puts on allows him to pass for victim even as he overstep.

I feel like he must be stopped, and I feel like freeing myself from this sense of injustice. However I already know he's been doing enough of a smear campaign and that he might find creative ways to attack back.

He truly knows how to ruin someone life and look innocent, and not only I believed his deception so many times, accepting the love bombing as true change... I also have hardly any proof left.

This is likely to be a wild goose chase to every organisation that helped me in the past and took my testimony, maybe trying to convince some people from the past to testify, and at the end of the day his word against mine.

And a part of me still hopes that he might change, that this is all a big mistake. A part of me thinks that he will be in jail becayse of me and I don't know how to live with that.

I feel vulnerable and pressured that this process can't be anonymous. That I simply cannot leave all the info to the police and let them handle it.

It would be about time someone created a process that doesn't re-traumatise the victim...

What to do? Any experience or advice that you want to share?

Please privately message me if you have been through a divorce case involving mental health and domestic violence. I need hope that everything will be okay.