u/mompanda12

hi please need some support I have no friends and my own mother is verbally abusive and only has negative things to say when I tried to tell her my problems.

I’m currently pregnant , baby is due in June , this is my 9th pregnancy, back in November my partner who’s the dad of my 8 children burned my face,arms with a torch lighter and beat me all over from head to feet punched,kicked me and strangled me also SA me with shampoo bottle. I went to the police and he was arrested but bonded out a week later. Following that DCS took our 8 children away, my oldest is 12 and my youngest is 1 and that was devastating due to loneliness and no one understands the pain of losing the children and I had no friends and family really so I took him back ,dismissed the protection order and recant all statements of abuse to the cops and DCS. It was ok at first but every other day he would just snap and demand I tell him the truth he always accused me of cheating since the first week we were together , first time he gave me a black eye was 2017 and everything just really escalated over the years. I had 2 mental hospital stays because of suicidal ideation and that really made it difficult to have my kids back because of that history ! Basically every day he would be mad at me he think it’s all my fault that the kids are taken and I need to tell him who I’ve been seeing and I would tell him no one I have been faithful since I got with him but that’s not good enough he would get pissed off and said I’m lying and would start to hit me or tried to break my hand or do anything and if I changed my answer tried to say whatever name he accused me of he would say call the person and I would be like I have no contact info because I haven’t talked to another man. Even everywhere I go I have to always record with my phone if not he would accused me of meeting up with some men at gas station or grocery store one time he punched my mouth and made me lose my tooth because he saw there was a guy behind me at gas station even tho I didn’t talk to the guy at all he accused me of knowing him who I have never seen before and demand his name and info and I said I have never seen him he got mad and started beating me. Stuff like this happens every other day if I don’t record every second that’s I’m not with him. Over the years he would kick me out and I would always just go to the ER because I have no where to go or I would go to my moms who lives 10 states away but would always come back the next day because of the kids . I do still miss him and love him and care for him but all the mental and physical abuse daily it’s just too much. 3 weeks ago he was in one of episodes again demand names and I would say there’s no one and he started beating me all over with the leg of my boot , I had bruises all over and he also made me strip naked and beat me in the shower and threaten to kill me in the tub, I almost was gonna run out naked ask for help but luckily his mother showed up and 2 weeks ago I told his mother what happened and she convinced me that I should get away from him and he is and will kill me one day and that’s coming from his mother. I was able to get the protection order against him again and he’s currently in a different state because there are 13 sexual assault and assault charges against him from November. Last 3 days he called and texted about 300 times saying he loves me and sorry and all that but a few texts he would call me names and accused me of being with some men and blame me for everything that had happened. I finally blocked him but tonight I just feel so lonely and sad so I unblock him and want to see his miss calls and texts again.

It’s just so difficult, over the years he manipulated the children to hate me and told them lies about me saying I went with other men and I don’t love them and made other people think he’s such a great dad taking care 8 children while I’m just a crazy mentally ill bad mom. My oldest daughter knows better as she actually had to yell dad stop a few times when he was beating me and drag me by the hair to the room. I told her I finally separated from their dad she was like good for you mom I’m proud of you it’s good you’re not with him. But some of my other children still confused they love him and with everything happened now he’s not calling or visit them anymore they’re like where’s dad and I’m like I don’t know.

I guess it’s because I have no one to talk to the therapist I saw via zoom for 40 min feel very insincere she’s like try go for a walk and download this meditation app it will help you.

So I google what to do loneliness after leaving abusive relationship and found this Reddit. I guess I just needed some insight from people with experiences like me to offer some advice and support. Thanks !

hi please need some support I have no friends and my own mother is verbally abusive and only has negative things to say when I tried to tell her my problems.

I’m currently pregnant , baby is due in June , this is my 9th pregnancy, back in November my partner who’s the dad of my 8 children burned my face,arms with a torch lighter and beat me all over from head to feet punched,kicked me and strangled me also SA me with shampoo bottle. I went to the police and he was arrested but bonded out a week later. Following that DCS took our 8 children away, my oldest is 12 and my youngest is 1 and that was devastating due to loneliness and no one understands the pain of losing the children and I had no friends and family really so I took him back ,dismissed the protection order and recant all statements of abuse to the cops and DCS. It was ok at first but every other day he would just snap and demand I tell him the truth he always accused me of cheating since the first week we were together , first time he gave me a black eye was 2017 and everything just really escalated over the years. I had 2 mental hospital stays because of suicidal ideation and that really made it difficult to have my kids back because of that history ! Basically every day he would be mad at me he think it’s all my fault that the kids are taken and I need to tell him who I’ve been seeing and I would tell him no one I have been faithful since I got with him but that’s not good enough he would get pissed off and said I’m lying and would start to hit me or tried to break my hand or do anything and if I changed my answer tried to say whatever name he accused me of he would say call the person and I would be like I have no contact info because I haven’t talked to another man. Even everywhere I go I have to always record with my phone if not he would accused me of meeting up with some men at gas station or grocery store one time he punched my mouth and made me lose my tooth because he saw there was a guy behind me at gas station even tho I didn’t talk to the guy at all he accused me of knowing him who I have never seen before and demand his name and info and I said I have never seen him he got mad and started beating me. Stuff like this happens every other day if I don’t record every second that’s I’m not with him. Over the years he would kick me out and I would always just go to the ER because I have no where to go or I would go to my moms who lives 10 states away but would always come back the next day because of the kids . I do still miss him and love him and care for him but all the mental and physical abuse daily it’s just too much. 3 weeks ago he was in one of episodes again demand names and I would say there’s no one and he started beating me all over with the leg of my boot , I had bruises all over and he also made me strip naked and beat me in the shower and threaten to kill me in the tub, I almost was gonna run out naked ask for help but luckily his mother showed up and 2 weeks ago I told his mother what happened and she convinced me that I should get away from him and he is and will kill me one day and that’s coming from his mother. I was able to get the protection order against him again and he’s currently in a different state because there are 13 sexual assault and assault charges against him from November. Last 3 days he called and texted about 300 times saying he loves me and sorry and all that but a few texts he would call me names and accused me of being with some men and blame me for everything that had happened. I finally blocked him but tonight I just feel so lonely and sad so I unblock him and want to see his miss calls and texts again.

It’s just so difficult, over the years he manipulated the children to hate me and told them lies about me saying I went with other men and I don’t love them and made other people think he’s such a great dad taking care 8 children while I’m just a crazy mentally ill bad mom. My oldest daughter knows better as she actually had to yell dad stop a few times when he was beating me and drag me by the hair to the room. I told her I finally separated from their dad she was like good for you mom I’m proud of you it’s good you’re not with him. But some of my other children still confused they love him and with everything happened now he’s not calling or visit them anymore they’re like where’s dad and I’m like I don’t know.

I guess it’s because I have no one to talk to the therapist I saw via zoom for 40 min feel very insincere she’s like try go for a walk and download this meditation app it will help you.

So I google what to do loneliness after leaving abusive relationship and found this Reddit. I guess I just needed some insight from people with experiences like me to offer some advice and support. Thanks !