Found out he hired an aggressive and expensive attorney who has a strong track record of getting charges dismissed despite having witnesses and months of documented abuse. I’m so scared and worried that he will be able to walk free from this without taking any accountability for what he’s done and what the lawyer might do to undermine my credibility and invalidate this whole experience.
I feel so guilty. I know I shouldn’t. Everyone tells me I shouldn’t and is in such disbelief when I mention feeling bad, including the police officers I’ve spoken to. It’s hard work to remind myself to not feel guilty and to overcome it. After reporting him today I felt proud of myself but also overwhelmed with guilt and have been crying all day. Just now I had a random memory of us being cute and in love and the guilt felt even worse.
And then there’s also intense fear. After experiencing his rage and violence for so long and knowing how escalated he can get over small inconveniences, I’m afraid of how he will feel and react to finding out I’ve reported him especially if they arrest him (which they said they plan to / is likely).
Just venting and feeling overwhelmed and emotional :(