UK - I'm thinking of reporting but I'm overwhelmed
Some backstory:
For the last 4 years I lived through an intermitting nightmare. This man found me at my lowest, friend of a friend playing the long game. Significantly older than me.
He became reliable and present and when I hit a really rough spot he invited me to stay with him.
After a brief love bombing phase it became a daily living hell, constantly alternating between best friend/good guy and guilt tripping, manipulations, kicking me out, shouting, threats.
I had huge repercussions. My whole body and mind were shattered almost to the point of non return and I'm now finally semi-free. At least not with him or close to him anymore.
The pain haunts me, and the fact he admitted to have done this before to other women, the fact that one of those women took her life in coincidence with the abuse.
And he now wants to be a therapist.
If you didn't know him you'd really fall for it: he's the perfect good neighbour, the charming persona he puts on allows him to pass for victim even as he overstep.
I feel like he must be stopped, and I feel like freeing myself from this sense of injustice. However I already know he's been doing enough of a smear campaign and that he might find creative ways to attack back.
He truly knows how to ruin someone life and look innocent, and not only I believed his deception so many times, accepting the love bombing as true change... I also have hardly any proof left.
This is likely to be a wild goose chase to every organisation that helped me in the past and took my testimony, maybe trying to convince some people from the past to testify, and at the end of the day his word against mine.
And a part of me still hopes that he might change, that this is all a big mistake. A part of me thinks that he will be in jail becayse of me and I don't know how to live with that.
I feel vulnerable and pressured that this process can't be anonymous. That I simply cannot leave all the info to the police and let them handle it.
It would be about time someone created a process that doesn't re-traumatise the victim...
What to do? Any experience or advice that you want to share?