r/babyloss

I swear to God, I think I’ve seen more pregnant people in the 10+ months following my loss than I ever have in my entire life. It’s daily, sometimes multiple people a day.

I can’t decide if the universe is sending me signs or just has a sick sense of humor. 🤦‍♀️

Anyone else??

Our friends just has a baby today, a year and 15 days after we lost our daughter, Camila. They were secretive about their daughter's name as many people are and we thought nothing about it.

Today they sent over they birth announcement and they named her Mila, which was the nickname that we had been using for our daughter.

While I know we don't own the name and if it was someone on the street I wouldn't be this upset but we are supposed to close friends and we go to the same church. We will see her at least twice a week, this new reminder of our loss hurts so much.

A heads up that they were going to use the name would have been appreciated so we were not blindsided.

It seems so thoughtless and insensitive that they would use her name. Would they have named her that if our Mila was alive? They would have been only a year apart.

I had to leave 2 group chats that they are in because of all the "Welcome Mila" messages.

Am I overthinking this and over reacting? Because it feels like a loss all over again.

5 years ago my wife and myself had a naturally conceived boy.. since then we tried to have another baby, and expand our family to 4 members, we tried IVF three times, the first two times, we didn't even get a positive pregnancy result, and finally on the third we succeeded that was back in December 2025, since then everything was perfect In every way, scans was done 2 times a month and all looked perfect, and for a small period of time, we hoped and planned, our minds drew a picture of the family we wanted and hoped to have.. almost 2 weeks ago, and on Tuesday we had our 3rd in depth 3d and 4d scan, our npit test was perfect, then the next day at dawn, I was bathing our little boy when my wife called me to our bedroom and told me that she feels something is very wrong with her, and I need to take her to the hospital, I didn't hesitate for a moment kept the boy with the nanny and took my wife to the hospital, in 30 minutes the room was full of doctors from both worlds our IVF clinic and the hospital, i knew that something is terrible is happening but due to my professional background ( I am a banker) didn't knew shit, but my wife is no fool she is a GP herself and knew whats going on.. nonetheless a few minutes later came the head doctor of our IVF clinic, and dropped the nuke on us, the baby boy is about to come out, I didn't understand what that even mean, my wife is 22 weeks pregnant we are out of the danger zone of the first trimester..

I had a small davistating talk with my wife, and we decided that we are going to do everything medicine and money can buy to save our boy, to the very end..

First night at the hospital they put my wife in bed elevated as to get gravity assistance in pushing the baby inside, then re-evaluate in the early morning, I called both our parents to tell them the news, and to have someone with my kid back home, who is still with the nanny.. it was a horrible night of crying and suffering... how can we move from happiness to such a state in such a short time.. we didn't sleep we kept thinking.. then I called on the incubator doctor.. and asked if it is possible to save our boy at 22 weeks, and called another hospital and another.. but all told me the same, the chances are slim at best and depends on a lot of stuff..

The next morning came at 8:00 am they told me that they are going to do surgery on my wife, to investigate and stich the cervical something.. and we went in, at 8:45 the dr. Called me to his office and told me that they couldn't do anything and now the baby will come out and we have no way to stop it, I asked about my wife health .. then about the baby's.. and i got to tell you it's not good at all, the doctor told me that the boy will probably die a few minutes after delivery..

I took two pills to help me calm down, and started preparing the burial and our next steps, while my wife is still awakening.. our boy came out at 6:23 pm and died at 6:26 pm ... my wife was under the meds so she barely remembers the whole thing, but I was there.. the next hours we had various family members come to our room to comfort us..

The next day was good Friday before Easter, so I took my baby and with a couple of friends buried him in an area the church has set for these angels.. I am an eastren orthodox Christian but rarely practice religion.. as we where standing next to my baby grave, I cried for the first time in my life and I cried heavily.. I screamed and I wept, a priest was walking, and cam to me and told me that my baby is in heaven, and he'll be waiting for you and your family when the time is right.. I wanted to punch him and destroy his face.. but after a few seconds if thought I was actually comforted with these few words he said..

I went back to the hospital and hugged my wife and kissed her, and as soon as the hospital said you can leave .. we left barely standing .. and here come or 5 years old boy asking where his brother is.. he actually thought that we went to hospital to get his brother out of mommy tummy.. I answered him with the following.. the baby got really sick and Jesus took him to heaven.. he will be staying with Jesus and not coming back.. he asked why ? And where is Jesus? And the usual child questions.. i kept it constant and with no over explanation.. I didn't want him to fear Jesus.. so I told him that he loves children and when they are really sick he takes them away to be happy with him ... what's am I supposed to tell him ? Your baby brother died because God wanted that or because mom body couldn't handle the pregnancy..

My wife on the other hand she is a doctor and she knows what happened.. but she is also a religious person.. and she told me that God gave us our first born with no problems and took our 2nd to save him and our family from some pain that we are going to suffer in the future.. he is full of mercy and ....etc.

Today we are surviving.. scared and grieving.. but our 5yo is our anchor.. we will survive we will live .. and we will enjoy our 3 member family together..

Why I shared my story you ask? Because now I am full of believe that when certain events are going to happen.. as losing a child it will happen regardless of your efforts to stop it, I was a proud man, I thought to myself I can always buy the best medical care for my family.. I am always ahead in planning, I am always assessing risks and taking the best road.. Will let me tell you .. in the face of such tragedy and event, I am nothing more than a simple dad praying for my family to be safe and be happy, and that thing no amount of money or power can ever buy,

I'll remember my baby and I love him dearly although I didnt have the chance to play or hear his breath.. but I'll meet him when the time is right.. of that I am certain

Exactly one month ago our first baby, a beautiful little daughter was born. The day was a sunny one, just like today. It has also been two weeks since we lost her. It's been a hell of a month. Everything from her birth to the funeral has happened so fast and we have gone through so much in such a short time that it feels like my brain can't keep up with all this. In addition to the mental pain and grief, I'm still recovering from the c section. And because of that, I can't do things I normally would to help myself from drowning in my thoughts (i.e. going to the gym or horse riding). I feel so devastated, tired and lonely.

After two second trimester losses and avoiding caffeine since 2024, I’m having a caffeine tea which is my favourite cup of English tea, lady grey. I am broken bruised and have a sore uterus, bruised vagina after giving birth on Saturday. I know this isn’t the answer but having such a tiny treat may make me feel slightly better.

Yesterday my wife was in preterm labor, out of nowhere with zero complications. She was 19 weeks and unfortunately birthed our son.

Just being dad I feel so awful. Like a heaviness in my chest I just can’t shake. But, I cannot imagine how my wife feels. It was all so fast, sudden and shocking. No warning signs, nothing. We’re truly just shattered.

I’m left thinking could something have been caught that they didn’t prior to this? What caused this? What do we do with the baby shower stuff? What do we do with all the things we already bought? Where do we go from here? Do we try again? Will it happen again? I also watched the birth as she was brought in via ambulance from a transfer from one hospital to another. Unfortunately we got stuck in the elevator for five minutes. I shouldn’t have watched, but being a paramedic myself I wanted to know what was going on at all times. It’s so different being in the other end of things. When you’re used to taking care of others in their worst day. But for someone else to take care of you, when you can’t help feels so odd. I know both my wife and I will need therapy which we’ve already sought out. I just was feeling jumbled in the mind, as we both have never gone through this. I know we aren’t alone in this but since yesterday there’s been parts where it does feel like we are alone. We can’t even bring ourselves to cancel the baby shower or go into the nursery. We just feel like he was stripped away from us so fast and for no reason. Zero explanation.

Lies. How would you cope?

I’ve stayed quiet for a long time, but with my niece’s 1st birthday approaching, I can’t ignore this anymore.

My daughter Ebony passed away when she was just a month old. That loss is something I carry every day. I bonded with her deeply — even if, as someone who is autistic, I don’t always express emotion in ways that are easily recognized by others.

What I will not stay silent about anymore are the things that have been said about me.

My brothers and their mom have told people that I didn’t bond with Ebony, that I was detached, and that I didn’t love her the way a mother should. Those statements are false. They take the most devastating experience of my life and twist it into something unrecognizable.

Now that I have access to the unredacted report, I can see how similar claims were documented by a public health nurse. Seeing those same narratives written down, repeated, and reinforced — knowing they helped shape how I’ve been perceived — makes me feel sick.

This is how harm happens: a story gets told, then repeated, then treated as truth.

As my niece’s birthday approaches, I am being forced to decide whether I can stand in the same space as people who have contributed to that narrative about me.

I deserve to be seen truthfully. I deserve to have my grief respected. And I will not continue to carry lies in silence to make others comfortable.

So I’m asking this honestly:

How do you confront false narratives when they come from family? What does accountability even look like in situations like this?

Because right now, I’m trying to figure out whether showing up means strength… or self-betrayal.

🤍

Lies. How would you cope?.

Two weeks ago, I lost my baby boy at 32 weeks. It was a very easy pregnancy, he was the most perfect little baby throughout. It wasn't until 28 weeks that my doctor noticed his abdominal circumference and his head were measuring bigger than they should and said the ultrasound shows a shadow on his abdomen, but it's probably nothing. I was scheduled for an anatomy scan 2 weeks later, where they found a lung tumour that led to pleural effusion that led to heart damage. The heart damage was starting to cause hydrops, so the shadow and the bigger measurements were fluid building up. It all happened so fast. I had an ultrasound every 3 weeks throughout the pregnancy, and I had my first anatomy scan at 22 weeks. Everything was perfect. And I could feel him move till right before I went into labour. The doctors have no clue what caused the tumour. I suspect medical negligence and believe it could've been caught earlier, but I doubt it would've changed anything. I am absolutely shattered. I lost my baby to pre-term labour two weeks after we found out about all of this. It all feels like a horrible nightmare. I am back home, and I just can't believe he is not with us. It's like I was never even pregnant. I got to see him only one time in the NICU before he passed. He was the most perfect little angel. So beautiful. I never got to hold him. It all feels so cruel. Nobody around me understands. He is my son, even if he was only around for 15 hours. He was my son for the 8 months he was inside me. I feel like I had him and I lost him, but to everyone else, he was never here, and they don't understand why I want to hold on to him. Nobody understands how lonely I feel without him in my belly when he's not in my arms either. It's such a unique type of love and type of grief. I don't even fully comprehend what happened yet.

When did you guys go back to work?

On maternity leave and nearing 4 weeks. I’m approved for 6weeks but have my fmla paperwork is submitted for 12

My manager texted me to check in last week to check in.

I’m ready to go back after 8 weeks personally but I have noticed i need to sit/lie down after standing for a bit,

First pregnancy.. not sure what I need to be doing for postpartum recovery.. some say I need to be in bed and lay flat but ever since I delivered that has not happened at all.. from the moment I delivered I’ve been up to be with the baby at the hospital, then funeral arrangements.. etc. i can’t stay in bed with my thoughts and battling insomnia.

I have been going on light walks if the weather is nice, wearing a waist belt throughout the day.

There is a shooting back pain that I have from time to time.. occurs randomly.. not debilitating but I lie down when it happens or ask my husband to massage my back.

We went back to church today for the first time after losing our daughter. It was very difficult to come back.

Last time we went there was on Feb 15 and that was the last day I felt good. It was such a lovely day because it was the day after Valentine's and since I work teaching children we talked about Jesus' love for us and we made bracelets and shared breakfast together. Then, on Monday I wasn't feeling good and on Tuesday was the day we lost her so that is why I say that Sunday was the last day of myself as I don't feel like the same person anymore. It was like my last day of happiness.

We go to a relatively small church and there aren't many babies, only a few little girls but it hurt to see them cause I knew that I was never going to be able to take my daughter to church with a dress and a matching bow.

And when we were sitting there, a couple that had never gone to our church arrived with a baby in a stroller, I mean, it felt like a bad joke. Fortunately it was a boy but I was thinking that I should also have a baby on a stroller.

I don't know what is God doing. Sometimes I blame myself for losing my daughter and other times I ask Him why He didn't spare her life and left her with us. I don't know if it was my fault or if it was God's permissive will as some people call it.

I feel so sad and a lot of anxiety cause I don't know how my future will be. I am already 35 (36 in August) and my husband will be 40 next week so I don't know if we have time. I always wanted to have 3 or 4 kids but I guess I have to let go of that dream. It feels like it's impossible but I also want to believe God is preparing something beautiful for us. I have conflicting feelings and I would like to know if any of the religious people who have gone through this have any word of encouragement for me.

How are yall dealing with your mothers that were super involved and super excited for her grandbaby? It’s been 4 months and my mom first the first time acknowledged my pain out loud “he was my baby my whole universe I can’t imagine what you’re going through” it hurt to realize that she had never really acknowledged I physically witnessed my sons passing and she just had to hear about it she can barely handle any descriptions of it. I don’t mean any of this as my mom being a bad person she was just so absorbed in the idea of having her first grandbaby that I think she forgot I was her daughter first

A year ago at this time, I was 6 months pregnant. We had a 10 week loss prior so we were already on edge. But, we were out shopping for our other kids and decided to get some outfits for the new baby we were expecting since we were further into the pregnancy. I was hesitant but happy to finally be getting a couple of little outfits for our new son. Then we lost him in July, right before his due date.

Anyways, yesterday we were out and about and ended up at that same type of store and I was in the "baby" section to get a gift for someone else and boy was i triggered unexpectedly. The whole memory of being there, shopping for our baby hit me. The hope we had. The little outfits we bought. The person we gave the clothes to after our son died. I was a sad small speck of dirt at that moment. But also relieved that I could feel so deeply when numbness has been my new normal.

Hi, so I recently had a loss of my precious boy at 19 weeks, also worth noting I had a missed miscarriage at 7 weeks, 8 months ago too! All seemed to be going well in my recent pregnancy until a routine scan showed I had no amniotic fluid (I had no leaking) baby had a heartbeat but unfortunately a few days later he did not. I have ET and jak2 mutation which was discovered at 12 weeks and I was immediately put on innohep, I was on low dose aspirin all pregnancy as there was a suspected blood disorder. My 12 week scan showed no issues so I was happy enough that we weren’t too late starting innohep. Fast forward to after my loss, I have no answers to what happened and if it’s going to happen again. I will be put on innohep as soon as I find out but Im scared that’s not the issue and it’ll happen again. Anyone experienced anything like this? Thank you!

I got pregnant in Oct 2025. I had a completely normal first trimester. At 13 weeks I had light bleeding and diagnosed with a small hematoma. At 15 weeks bleeding got worse. I was diagnosed with partial placental abruption. At 17 weeks we lost our son, due to a full placental abruption. I did have infection and clotting - but the main reason for his death was the abruption. My son was completely healthy and strong right until the end. I was hospitalized multiple times and became super sick and weak. It was scary and so difficult.

I’ve had blood clotting panel done and everything is negative with one “weak positive” I’ll retest in about 6 weeks, but my doctor thinks it will be negative at the retest. We meet with another specialist in June 2026 to discuss more options. Although, they have already given me guidelines and protocol for a next pregnancy.

My questions - has anyone had a similar situation? When did you feel ready to get pregnant again and was it successful? Any additional labs or unique things to test for? Share similar experience and advice please!

My baby boy was stillborn at 38 weeks almost 3 weeks ago. He was sent several hours away for the autopsy and has returned yesterday, now with the funeral home.

We have been offered several options from the funeral coordinator including spending time with him again at the funeral home, or even having him returned to us for the night before the service with a cuddle cot on loan from the hospital.

We already spent a little over 24 hours with him at the hospital, and sort of said our goodbyes then. I wasn’t expecting the opportunity again. Now I am conflicted. On one hand I want so badly to hold and spend time with him again, I also feel he deserves a cuddle after being alone the last few weeks. On the other hand it feels like reopening a lot of pain and grief I have already started to process. I am also unsure if I want to see him further deteriorated. He was so perfect when we spent time with him at the hospital.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you choose to do?

Husband and I are still trying for a first.. Had a miscarriage in 07/22, ectopic pregnancy in 08/25 - which means that my would-be-due-date just past so I have been feeling a little emotional.

Today I found out a couple that we know through a mutual friend are having a baby and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have endometriosis and only one tube - I usually feel happy for others and today I feel like it strangely drained my hope.

Everyone around me is going through something hard right now and I don't need to be 'loud' about what's going on with me. If I could take away the pain of those I love, I would in a heartbeat. But because of it all, I feel like i'm suffering in silence. So I needed to vent... That's all folks!

Dear All!

It will be 6 weeks since I gave birth to our beautiful daughter, Franciska, however I find to struggle more in the past 2 weeks after the initial shock period. I can be functional for 1-2 hours, and then crying session and emptiness. Tonight was the first night I was supposed to be alone as my husband went away for a night with friends and I actually believed I can manage one night completely alone but grief and anxiety sneaked up on me and got an anxiety/panic attack, and it felt super frightening, also the thoughts coming with it. I feel so hopeless and sad. :( I am in therapy, however I do not really feel at this raw stage that it would help.

Maybe, does anyone have any advice?

❤️‍🩹 thank you

Everyone keeps asking me "how are you doing?" Partly, I think it is a knee-jerk reaction because everyone says that when greeting each other. However, it has been 3 weeks since my baby passed (at 39 weeks) and I've started seeing people more often. I've noticed that some people are doing this...

Them "How are you doing?"

Me "Oh, you know, just devastated, tired"

Them "I know. It's just terrible... but... other than that... how are you doing? Are you healing up ok physically? Are you feeling better after time?"

What am I supposed to say? Yeah... other than being really, really bad, I'm good... ?!?

It seems like people won't stop talking about 'how I'm doing' until I admit that I am ok or doing better than yesterday. They want to hear me say that I am fine. Like, they can't stop talking about it until it ends on a positive.

IDK what to say. I want to be honest, but I also want that part of the interaction to be over!

It’s me again.

this weekend marks four weeks since we lost our baby girl at 20 weeks.

Despite the devastating circumstances, I am so grateful for having found this group. Being alone in grief is devastating, so the silver lining is the comfort in your kind words to each other and myself.

Now the question: where do dads meet? My spouse is grieving hard and not in therapy and I feel for him. He is quiet and not really good about sharing his feelings so I feel like he needs a group of supportive dudes. Is there a sub for them?