Two weeks ago
Two weeks ago, I lost my baby boy at 32 weeks. It was a very easy pregnancy, he was the most perfect little baby throughout. It wasn't until 28 weeks that my doctor noticed his abdominal circumference and his head were measuring bigger than they should and said the ultrasound shows a shadow on his abdomen, but it's probably nothing. I was scheduled for an anatomy scan 2 weeks later, where they found a lung tumour that led to pleural effusion that led to heart damage. The heart damage was starting to cause hydrops, so the shadow and the bigger measurements were fluid building up. It all happened so fast. I had an ultrasound every 3 weeks throughout the pregnancy, and I had my first anatomy scan at 22 weeks. Everything was perfect. And I could feel him move till right before I went into labour. The doctors have no clue what caused the tumour. I suspect medical negligence and believe it could've been caught earlier, but I doubt it would've changed anything. I am absolutely shattered. I lost my baby to pre-term labour two weeks after we found out about all of this. It all feels like a horrible nightmare. I am back home, and I just can't believe he is not with us. It's like I was never even pregnant. I got to see him only one time in the NICU before he passed. He was the most perfect little angel. So beautiful. I never got to hold him. It all feels so cruel. Nobody around me understands. He is my son, even if he was only around for 15 hours. He was my son for the 8 months he was inside me. I feel like I had him and I lost him, but to everyone else, he was never here, and they don't understand why I want to hold on to him. Nobody understands how lonely I feel without him in my belly when he's not in my arms either. It's such a unique type of love and type of grief. I don't even fully comprehend what happened yet.