Yesterday……
Yesterday my wife was in preterm labor, out of nowhere with zero complications. She was 19 weeks and unfortunately birthed our son.
Just being dad I feel so awful. Like a heaviness in my chest I just can’t shake. But, I cannot imagine how my wife feels. It was all so fast, sudden and shocking. No warning signs, nothing. We’re truly just shattered.
I’m left thinking could something have been caught that they didn’t prior to this? What caused this? What do we do with the baby shower stuff? What do we do with all the things we already bought? Where do we go from here? Do we try again? Will it happen again? I also watched the birth as she was brought in via ambulance from a transfer from one hospital to another. Unfortunately we got stuck in the elevator for five minutes. I shouldn’t have watched, but being a paramedic myself I wanted to know what was going on at all times. It’s so different being in the other end of things. When you’re used to taking care of others in their worst day. But for someone else to take care of you, when you can’t help feels so odd. I know both my wife and I will need therapy which we’ve already sought out. I just was feeling jumbled in the mind, as we both have never gone through this. I know we aren’t alone in this but since yesterday there’s been parts where it does feel like we are alone. We can’t even bring ourselves to cancel the baby shower or go into the nursery. We just feel like he was stripped away from us so fast and for no reason. Zero explanation.