r/COCSA

This happened when she was 6 and he 12. It happened once.

This was before I regained custody of them. (Long story. Not what this is about)

She confided in me a few days ago and I dont know what to do.

She is 20 and he is 26 now

I should have seen the signs. That age was the last time I had pictures of them together. They never talk. Never at family meals at the same time.

They are both rather introverted and my son moved out immediately at 18.

I don't know what to do. I can't sleep. I feel ill

It kills me knowing hiding this has made both of thier lives unbearable.

My son is in nursing school. Daughter has a new baby.

Would he be arrested? What the heck do I do.

TLDR bc I get emotional, my brother raped me for 3 years when I was 9-11 and he was 11-14. I didn’t understand how bad what he was doing was and when it stopped I forgot about it. Last year I remember everything and finally told my parents, who shrugged it off because “he’s my brother so I’ll have to live with him” saying that “if this was anyone else we’d never let them near the house but since he’s your brother he’s gotta live here” needless to stay I was taken aback. And I begged them to do something because there is no universe in which my brother forcing me into having penetrative sex was ok, but all that did was cause them to start believing that I was lying because “ he’s (my brother) has always been matter of fact and denied ever touching me, and she( me) has always had a flair for dramatics” they’ve said things like I’ll never find love because I’m so unstable and that I messed up this family and I’m self centered. Currently my brother is 20 and living at my grandma but I don’t know how long it will last. I’m turning 18 soon and I don’t know if my family will just boot me out. I hate them but I’m not financially stable enough to live alone. All I know is I’m hurt my family sucks and I don’t know what to do!! If anyone has any suggestions I’d appreciate any advice, it was hard enough when I was 11, hard enough when I finally told my parents, hard enough when they welcomed my brother back into my house and he hugged me, and hard enough living with these monsters.

When I was between 8-10 yo sorry I dont remember exactly the daughter of my mom friends who is 2yo older than me came home with her dad, she was my friend, and we were both went in my room, just the two of us. We talked like two normal child but after a few moment, she asked me if I wanted to watch something on her phone, and I said yes sooo yeah ;-; guess you know that she put some porn stuff. After she selected a vid, she asked me if I wanted to watch with her and I said no. Sooo I was at the opposite of the bed while she was playing with herself, I felt sooo much umcomfortable. She insisted for me to watch with her and if I wanted to touch my intimate part too and I just said that I was ok with watching a bit. We she had to leave she told me that if I tell anyone, she will say secrets about me to my other friends. And after that, I started to watch porn on my phone too (disadvantage of having unlimited internet access when I was a kid)

Today I'm 15, and I feel like it's not really sexual abuse because she never touched me and, well, people goes through much worse things when it's about COCSA/SA. I'm prob overreacting but sighhh

I’ve finally begun to see a trauma therapist about the COCSA that had happened to me when I was a kid. It’s been incredibly healing and I wish I had done it sooner. The issue Im currently facing is the fear of confrontation and the fallout after. I know this is a touchy subject so I do not say this to invalidate anyone else’s experience, but I do not hate or even entirely blame my sibling for the abuse. I find it very hard to hold so much hatred for someone who was just getting into middle school, there’s simply no way they were aware of the effects re-enacting the abuse they had faced onto me would cause years later. I love them and I wish them healing I really do. I find myself getting very triggered when others tell me how I should feel about my past abuser, as if this is all my life and our relationship can and ever will be. Or as if they were some master manipulator at 12 years old. Kids can do bad things yes, but those choices don’t suddenly age them up or make them not kids anymore, thats my opinion at least. We both grew up in an abusive household and while I hate what had been done to me, I can understand the why behind it all. I blame the adults in our lives who hurt and failed to protect us. I want to bring it up someway so we can have a conversation about things and heal but I don’t really know how. I’m scared about it all falling apart honestly. I’ve asked the question “Is it ok to forgive?”, and came to the conclusion that for me, yes, it is. For my sake it was the best way to start healing. But now I’m wondering is it ok to reconcile and how? Does anyone have any advice on how to have that conversation and broach such a traumatic topic?

my saer who was in 7th grade unconsentually spanked 6th grade me, he was my best friend but idk if i was abused and every time i tell someone i get told its okay because he is sped

so my ex and I are both 14 which is the age of consent in my country, she SA'd me after I said multiple times No and I was wondering if it's SA or COCSA

So, when I was 6-7 years old (I am AFAB) I was playing(?) with another boy at a party. He was the son of my dad’s best friend. I can’t remember if we met other times prior (probably). He was the same age as me, maybe 1-2 months younger but was tall for his age. No one was paying attention to us really I don’t think. He led me into an empty room and kissed me. He then went on his knees and pulled up my shirt to kiss me all over my stomach. This is all I remember, and he only stopped when we were called out to dinner. While he did this to me, I felt emotionally distressed. I didn‘t like what was happening and I didn’t want him to do it. I kept quiet the whole time and I felt gross and ashamed during and afterwards. For months (or maybe the whole year?) I was distressed about it. I don’t know what else would’ve happened hadn’t someone yelled out for us to come out.

I am not sure if this counts due to it not being as severe as other peoples stories.

I have a hard time categorizing this in my head. I wish it were more neat and clear. My therapist says it is but sometimes I think she tells me what she thinks will make me better.
I grew up in an extremely Catholic family. Went to Catholic school my whole life and all of my parents friends were from the church. I was 6 of 7 children in my family and was always forgotten about. No one really paid any attention to me and I kind of liked flying under the radar. When I was 7, the family church friends kids were all much older than me so I always ended up hanging out with this boy (12) because he was the closest to my age.

At some point, he started trying to get me behind closed doors more. For us to be alone. He would kiss me on the sides of houses.. convince our parents to let me go over his house to watch movies. But once his mom left us alone he would put porn on the TV. I didnt understand what they were doing, but he would tell me the girls werent hurting and they really liked it. that they felt good while he touched himself in front of me. Another time at a party he got me alone in a room and convinced me to let him take photos of me half nude and for me to take them of him. I didnt want to and I said no a lot but he wouldnt drop it. so we did. i remember laying back with my legs open and the photos being taken and feeling really embarrassed and sick but he was so happy.

He touched me. I dont remember when or how many times. It was under blankets but I remember his body next to mine. He was a lot bigger than me. I was pretty short and skinny for my age and he was always tall and husky. I remember feeling his hands on me.

Someone found the photos and I got in huge trouble, by then I was 8. My parents yelled at me, my dad called me disgusting and nasty. They made me call the family of the people who found them and the boys mother to apologize. Pretty much everyone in the familys social circle knew, I would hear them talking about me. I was a social pariah after that. My parents never looked at me the same. Everyone looked at me sideways and treated me like an idiot.

I want to know, would you consider this child sexual abuse? ? or something else

i’ve struggled with depression, hyper sexuality, and feelings of being totally worthless, nasty and broken for my whole life.

Hey everyone. Looking for some advice. So…my brother and I have been no contact for years now. For context he sexually abused me growing up and is 5 years my senior. A couple years ago I finally got the courage to tell my parents about what happened to me. He lashed out, cursed me out, and called me all sorts of names. Along with what he did to me as a child, I went no contact with him and my parents helped to facilitate that. Fast forward a couple years he expresses a desire to reach out, and to make amends. I suggest a letter initially because mind you I don’t feel as though I have the courage to quote see him yet. My father and mom are acting as facilitators. Then, after some conversation my brother concluded that he doesn’t want to write a letter, he’d rather have a sit down conversation in person with my parents there and apologize. He’s never been great with words and I highkey suspect he has some sort of learning disability.

I guess here’s where I’m at. I really do not want to see him. To me, a sit down meeting feels like too much. Too quick. But at the same time, I also do want this. I want and deserve closure. Hell how many people get the chance to not only get their abuser to acknowledge what they did AND apologize. I’m just sort of torn up on what to do. I meet with my therapist next week to discuss but what are thoughts or comments.

Ok so I am 16F and my brother is 13. This has been going on for a while, probably for 3 years. Basically he comes into my room most times this happens (but not necessarily, sometimes my parents are there). He has a crazy look in his eyes as he approaches me. Most times he tries to touch me (private parts included) successfully, sometimes he just grabs my legs and simulates penetration. He never raped me in the typical sense yet.
If I try to oppose verbally (like saying "stop", "don't touch me") he just imitates me. If I don't, he continues. Even if I do, he still continues. And I can't stand hearing his voice imitating me as I say those words in pain, so I just...let him do that. He doesn't stop until I threaten to throw actual objects at him, or until my other sibling does. All of this happens at least twice a day.

My parents know he does this but all they do is say "you know incest is a sin?". Like wtf, protect me at least?!

Edit: I forgot to add he is very big, I'm not.

It happened between me and another kid when we were borh really young and I consented at the time. Not only that, it wasn't anything even that bad and all she did was sit on my face or something I don't really know its hard to remember. Ive been sexually assaulted before that in the past but more harshly so I don't know if I'm still not fully healed from that time and maybe just overthinking this one but I need help.

does this even count as sexual assault?

I was abused by my brother and everytime I said yes, however it was made clear I was very uncomfortable with what was happening too me and he was old enough to understand that at the time. I also think power dynamics played a big role because I was bullied by my brother very heavily so I felt they would be consequences if I said no.

Unfortunately I opened up to a friend about my abuse, while still not understanding it, and told them I was doing things with my brother and then I talked to my friend about it. They then asked if I wanted to have se* and I said yes because I felt like I’d lose him as a friend if I didn’t because of my trauma and not coming to terms with it.

It really hurts because I said yes (uncomfortably) to my brother as well and then I did things with a friend, my loved ones know about my brother, but I keep down my friend one because I didn’t at any point communicate discomfort because I felt like I had too for some reason which is why I struggle to feel like a victim to it because I never said no but I was very clearly uncomfortable and upset in both situations at the time. The friend was my age and might not have known better, but my brother definitely should have known better, which is why I don’t feel victimized by my friend but both situations still hurt. It’s hard to feel valid sometimes especially since my brother was 13-14 at the time and I was 10-11, and my friend was the same age, and I never said no. It hurts because I do have questions about the outcome if I did say no, and I struggle a lot blaming myself about it sometimes. Please help validate my experience, or tell me to fuck off if I’m just not valid enough and I’ll understand :(

For context I am F25 now, when I was in 1st grade (6/7 y/o) a group of 3-5 second grade boys (7/8 y/o) surrounded me on the playground (really just the big school parking lot). One of them picked me up against my will, I remember kicking and screaming to put me down, they lifted up my jumper (I went to catholic school and we had a uniform) to look at my underwear. I remember them smiling and laughing at me as I kept yelling at them to put me down. No adult heard me or saw it happen. I only remember it happening one time. I told my parents and they went to the principal and all they did was separate the different grades on the playground but to this day, almost 20 years later, I still won’t wear skirts or dresses without wearing shorts under them because I’m so traumatized. Was this COCSA?

When I was 9, I engaged in sexual acts with my 13 year old brother that I did not consent to. I don’t remember much, but I remember not knowing what was happening. A few months prior, he had caught me discovering softcore porn, and I remember him holding it over my head for years. Once, he tried forcing me to kiss him, and said that he’d tell mom and dad if I refused. Even though I was scared, I refused anyway and nothing came of it. I remember the certain “looks” he would give me without speaking that said “you’d better do this or I’ll tell them,” though the things he wanted from it were almost always non-sexual and stopped being sexual after one or two times that they were.

The most distressing thing about it growing up was how it wasn’t talked about. At some point, I wondered if he remembered what he even blackmailed me about, because all of it would just be unspoken. One day, I broke and cried to my mom that he was forcing me to hang out with him when I didn’t want to, and he denied it so vehemently I thought he really did forget.

He did. He actually had forgotten. Not long ago, he talked to me and apologized for the sexual acts, saying that one of our interactions triggered him to remember it and he felt awful about it. Now I don’t know what was worse. I don’t know if I would have preferred wondering if he remembered or not, not knowing that he didn’t; or if it’s better the way it is now, not knowing which parts he had forgotten but knowing at least that I wasn’t being gaslit those times.

I don’t really know what I want from this post except to say it. I mean, is there anyone else out there whose abuser apologized? It barely even feels like SA anymore this way.

not going to go into details here, but when i was about 9 i was sexually assaulted by another friend my age. i don't blame her whatsoever as i can only imagine what happened behind the scenes, but it still effects me heavily.

i knew vaguely that it happened and remembered the general action of it happening, but other than that i could recall absolutely nothing else. well, about 6 months ago i ran into the girl it happened with. we didn't even talk, but just seeing her kind of brought everything that i had been stuffing down to the surface.

after this encounter ive had some of the most horrific nightmares. mostly reliving the assault in detail, but many other odd dreams where i end up being raped/sexually assaulted. it's ruining my sleep and mental health because i keep reliving it over and over again and it's gotten to the point where im scared and hate going to sleep.

Ive told my therapist about the nightmares but not that they're about the assault because for some reason i cant bring myself to verbalize it out loud. is there anything i can do to stop them myself, without needing to tell anyone? im quite ashamed, embarrassed, and think that telling someone will only make me feel even more disgusting. i want this to stay my secret, but i also want to be able to sleep peacefully and stop reliving it.

anyone experience the same, or have any advice?

i use gemini becuase english isn't my first language

|the short version |I was born in 2010. In 2019, when I was just 9 years old, I was abused by two older cousins. It ruined my life and left me emotionally numb and severely depressed. Now, at 16, I am dealing with a severe trauma response: extreme hypersexuality. Because of these overwhelming impulses, I made the terrible mistake of crossing boundaries with a younger female relative (I didn’t go all the way, but I acted on the impulses). The guilt is burning me alive; I feel like a monster even though I don't want to be like my abusers. I’m carrying this secret entirely alone, to the point where my brain started creating imaginary people to talk to just to survive the isolation. I desperately need advice on how to stop this hypersexual loop and deal with the guilt

|full lore xd|

I don’t even know how to properly write this, but keeping it inside is literally breaking my mind. I was born in 2010. Back in 2019, when I was only 9 years old, I was abused by two of my older cousins. Ever since then, my life has felt like a living hell.

​The trauma left me completely emotionally blunted. I don't feel normal anymore. I struggle with severe depression, but the absolute worst part—the part that is destroying me with guilt every single day as a 16-year-old—is my trauma response. I developed severe hypersexuality. Because of these deeply confusing and intrusive thoughts, I lost control and crossed boundaries with a younger female relative. I didn't go all the way, but the fact that I let my trauma bleed onto her makes me sick to my stomach. I am not my abusers, I don't want to hurt anyone, but I am terrified of my own brain and these impulses that I can't seem to control. I am trying so hard to break this dark cycle.

​Because my abusers are family, I’ve had to carry this massive weight in total silence. The isolation is suffocating. It got so bad that my brain couldn't handle the loneliness anymore, and I literally started spawning imaginary people/characters in my head just to have someone to talk to. It’s a defense mechanism, but it makes me realize how deeply broken and alone I am in this fight.

​Has anyone else dealt with this specific kind of hypersexual trauma response? How do you forgive yourself when your trauma makes you do things you hate? How do you stop the loop when you have no IRL support? I’m exhausted from fighting this solo. Any advice would mean the world to me

I know my grammar and spelling is gonna suck but I’m just trying to get this out. The title does suck yes but idk how to really explain this. My brother probably 7-8 years older than me and I have been kinda getting close these last few years, but I think about it sometimes and now I’m scared. When I was maybe 6-7 years old or around we had bunk beds and my memory is kinda blurry about this but he slept on the bottom while I did the top. I remember one night like I said kinda blurry I was in the bottom one with him and fast forward he wanted me to touch “something” and I did a decent amount I guess and then he brought up other things to do with it and I don’t think I went along with it but I remember he touched me a little and he was explaining “some type of liquid” while I think he did it in front of me I tried and since I was young it wasn’t the same type. That’s kinda all I remember besides trying to hide it from my mom if she would walk to the kitchen, but I am not too sure what else happened and if it happened more than one night. Now I know I am a horrible person for this but a couple years before I was playing with my cousin and I was like 3-4 maybe and I kinda was curious I guess and asked her to touch I guess and she didn’t which I’m glad but I felt shame then till now. Also years after my brother and I did that I kinda was at another cousins house and he was younger like how young I was or even younger and I guess I was still curious but damn i was a bad person because I asked to see his “snake” and him mine and to touch but idk if we touched or not but I know his mom said to be quiet later on then we just stopped. I’m saying all of this because I need to confess if it was abuse or trauma idk but me and my gf is doing good but I keep thinking about what’s the worst thing I’ve done and I always think about that and I am so scared to tell her but maybe this will help but I know we want kids and she feels really deeply about how we should raise them and I feel that will freak her out and not wanna have kids or be with me again. That’s all I can think of right now but thank y’all for listening.

I’ve been thinking about reaching out to mine

Throw away account (obviously)

The flair is kind of a mix of multiple things but I can’t choose more than one.

I was assaulted whilst in school and prior to that, however, my first assault (if I can call it that) is what has been bothering me.

I was around 9 and the guy who did this was about 12. He had lied down in my bed and, had me on top of him. He made me do certain acts upon him that I didn’t consent to at first then, after pressuring me I did it. I ask if this is assault because, I was on top of him so a huge part of me feels as though it was my fault or, I had assaulted him.

If anyone can help me out a little, I’m not asking for sympathy or anything, I am just asking for some advice I suppose. TIA.

This happened between me (13) and my sister (11). So she came to me and asked about masturbating because she knew I did that often. So I told her what I did and she didn’t understand so I said I could show her. She was hesitant but agreed, so I showed her how i put my hairbrush inside me. I was uncomfortable and she was uncomfortable so I stopped and she left. The next night I showed her again, I don’t remember if it was bc she asked or because I just wanted to? But I bled bc I put it inside me too hard and so I told her maybe she should use fingers bc she was smaller. She tried to put her hairbrush inside herself but couldn’t? And I was confused so I got up and went over to her and pushed on the end and she said “ow stop stop” and i got this sick feeling like i hurt her and i stopped immediately, apologized and went to my room.

My sisters therapist said i SAd her but i swear i didn’t realize she was uncomfortable or that what we were doing was wrong? I stopped when she asked to stop, she didn’t say anything before that. My mom never showed me and i didnt have an older sister so nobody taught me, and it hurt a lot when it was my turn like with my mom and her friends. So i just wanted to show her how to masturbate so she wouldnt be hurt when it was her turn.

How do i forgive myself if i hurt her? I didnt want to, thats the opposite of what i wanted.