I remembered it recently, thanks to moving to a safe environment. My mom raped me and had her friends rape me and I have so much physical damage that I can’t have children or shit/pee/eat/menstruate normally or without pain. I’m in so much physical pain
I just want to un-remember. She groomed me to forget so i couldnt say anything so i didnt even know. She starved me, hit me, held me down in ice water until i couldnt stand, put soap in my mouth, kept me in a moldy basement until i was so sick i could barely walk. Made me pee myself in public to humiliate me. Thats not even all of it but i cant, im done.
Ive seen actual literal hell. Im in the files even if that guy never met me. Idk, maybe he did, maybe he didnt. Cant prove it tho cuz the actual csam isnt public. The files are nothing i havent lived. Can’t remember half of what happened to me and lowkey want it to stay that way. I’ve reported it, nothing’s happened. I’m just the evil daughter who wont speak to her mother.
I’ve talked to so many therapists but they don’t understand. They get this blank look in their eyes like they can hear the words (my mom sexually assaulted me” but they don’t understand and they can’t do anything to help. How can anyone understand. Evil and death are inside my head and rotting my organs.
I hate that i am allowing myself the hope of posting here, that maybe someone can help me. I should let the rot take hold and kill myself already to spare me the pain that i know I still have to bear. I wish some other victim was alive instead of me, i am so sorry my life is such a waste. I am such a coward for not killing myself already.
I keep forgetting that im not a human. Not like all of you. I just kinda look like one. I think i wont kill myself for now, I’ll reassess it later in maybe a week or so