r/AskMenRelationships

Assuming she has done nothing wrong for all the years you’ve been married (think minimum 7 years). Active sexual life (she also initiates it sometimes).

Would you still do the things that made you two together? If not, maybe your answer is you act like an improved version of yourself?

Or

Would you just be happy that your wife is around and be content with it and not do much anymore since she is and always will be yours?

I know men arent all the same. Curious to see different answers and angles.

Why do most men come back after they ghosted or blocked a woman who the only men's intention was to just have some sexting with?

What are they thinking before daring to talk again to a woman they left on the dust?

Hi all! I'm a woman, and I've started seeing this guy with alot less sexual experience than me (which isn'ta problem at all!). We are seeing each other soon, and every time we've had sex, he hasn't gone down on me, and has said it's "too soon". I really enjoy receiving head, and it helps me really get in the mood before PIV, and I'm not sure how to ask him to eat me out without seeming demanding, but I dont think I will want to have PIV sex if I don't recieve head. But I'm worried it will sound like I'm blackmailing him into giving me head, which is NOT my intention.

Are there ways I can hint to him that I want it? Hint that he could do some research before we meet without sounding too desperate? I'm not sure what to do in this situation 😕

This is an update on the post that I made in this subreddit over 5months ago. A little brief about my previous post: I basically am involved in a sexless marriage where it has been over a year in our marriage since we have had sex, due to very low sexual drive/appetite of my husband. As per the responses on the said post, I was adviswd to talk to him about it; take him to therapy if he's suffering from any past trauma or something. Also, through the post, I enquired whether masturbating for self satisfaction is also a form of cheating in marriage. To which many of you responded, that it isn't cheating at all and that I should not feel guilty about doing it.

Update : This was about 2 nights before when he was asleep and I couldn't stop touching myself (it was one of those nights). He's a heavy sleeper and whenever I felt the need to touch myself, I could do it easily (without him knowing about it). However, two nights before, he told me that since his sexual appetite is very low, and considering mine to be quite normal, how am I fulfilling my sexual needs. He started questioning my character and I enquirred whether there's been a thing that he's seen me do or something that he got to know while going through my phone. I have been a loyal wife since day one only resorting to masturbating when in need. He told me that whatever is going on and howsoever I am satisfying my sexual needs, it needs to stop and he meant and later told me that he caught me watching porn and masturbating to it, but didn't say anything. Since, this incident, he has been making platonic efforts towards me and saying stuff like we will do it from now on (it feels as if it is obligated for him and it isn't coming naturally). All the wise men and women out here please advice whether me resorting to masturbating was wrong? Also, guide me on how to take this forward. I actually have accepted that I would be involved in a sexless marriage and for the greater good of both the families and my love for him, I was ready to make this sacrifice. However, him taking away that one piece/moment of satisfaction away from me has now completely broken me and left me whether I was truly wrong and whether it was my fault. I have started questioning myself. Please guide.

I (38f) live in NYC and I've found its been hard to date intentionally here. Situationships/ hookups are a stone's throw away. Relationships? Chaos.

Does stating on a dating app that you're looking for a relationship scare men away? Is it too much pressure?

I get that we don't want to rush things but am I supposed to hide that I want a relationship with the right person? I don't get it.

My (30m) partner (30f) is incredibly kind, almost too kind, especially to strangers. She’s very understanding of my needs and is both educated and successful. She’s also very attractive, and our sex life is great.

However, there’s a financial imbalance: she earns only about one-third of what I do, our lifestyle mismatch creeps into our relationship. I’ve purchased the home we live in, and I handle all the maintenance, including bills, taxes, and almost everything else. She helps with what she can (it’s not about money). I also cook and clean, and I’m happy to cook for her. I also plan all our trips. I’m a lead manager in a large company, working 9-hour days. But she seems to do everything just for herself. For example, she only puts the dishes in the dishwasher if she eats something, while I do it for both of us. Since I eat meat and she’s vegetarian, our meals are mostly separate.

I generally enjoy living with her, but when I think about it, she feels more like a good friend or roommate with benefits than a partner. I’m not sure how to put it, but she doesn’t feel like a partner to me. Honestly, if it weren’t for the sex, I’d be happier on my own. I feel like I have more to do being with her, and I could do most of what I do with my friends.

And we fight a lot. She constantly feels like I’m taking advantage of her. While she has past trauma and has built up walls, it feels less to do with that but more to do with the 2026 idea of feminism that social media portrays (not speaking against gender equality). I play a part in those fights too, I’m fully aware of it, admit my fault and generally try to avoid my mistakes except for some of my conditioned patterns.

Am I expecting too much from this relationship? Am I just making excuses to break up?

Natural next step for us is to propose. I’m neither psyched nor petrified about it. Don’t tell me that I “need” to be psyched. We have been together a long time so it doesn’t feel like a special event to me. But I feel like I’m wasting both of our time.

its going to be painful.

however, she spent $300 on a gift certificate.

These posts saying "My partner watches porn, what does it mean, what should I do?" get posted 1-3 times a day. It's been done to death. If anyone has the same question, please use the search bar to get answers. We will be removing them going forward. We’ll let the existing posts get grandfathered in.

Thanks,
Management

So some guy (31) me (23) I was seeing and when we met, he told me he was a film producer I then found out by Google that he's a production driver He took me back to his this was in the early stages of dating and I figured out that he was living with his sister and her kids had his own room and everything (noone was home that night) And he seemed like a bit like nervous and he was like “I'm moving next month All my stuff's in storage at the minute”

Then like a month or two later, he did move into this short-term like rental and I found out that was listed for sale like a few months after he moved in and it was a fully furnished rental. Only found this out on google he ghosted me around the exact time the flat was listed for sale. 6 months he kept this up for.

And this man literally rented a fully furnished rental for a few months and pretended he was permanently living there. Like why would someone do this?

And also, like on our first date I was like, oh, I like big cars. And then he goes, yeah, I've got a Range Rover. He didn't have a Range Rover. He had access to it for his job and I saw like a rotation of cars. He doesn’t even have his own car he was just telling me that his car's getting fixed. Why would someone do this? Like, why would you actually go as far as to rent a short-term flat and pretend you've moved out of your sister's house?

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. We are extremely close with each other and see each other nearly everyday, I’d consider her my best friend and I love her very much. There were a few instances a few years ago that seemed attention seeking to me. First, when we were still I High school she sent me a Snapchat that I didn’t think too much at the time, she just ran away from the camera and back tryna be goofy while there were some dudes playing basketball in the background. Next, while I was out with her playing basketball at the local park some dudes came to play on the other side of the court. When they came around she started acting extra goofy and she glanced over at them a lot, which I found weird. Last when we were at a party and one of her brothers friends was around, she started acting extra goofy. All these happened about a year ago, and I’m just now thinking about how it seems like a pattern. Should I brush it off as her being attention seeking because her age or should I just move on? I love her she makes me so happy and does a lot to show her love and care for me but i don’t know if it’s wise for me to stay

I am 32. He has been always flirty, sometimes dropped worrisome jokes such as he is in love with me and but he never made a move and he even offered me to help finding a boyfriend (and even offered this son who is 25?!) so I thought its just his personality.

I live in a foreign country and we were discussing about how fun it is go to cinema and how I can not do it here because I prefer to have my own language’s subtitles while watching a movie. This conversation came up 3-4 times and everytime he said I do not need the subtitles and I was giving my arguments back.

This week I said to him that I have been to a date and I will discover further. He got kind of a low energy, asked some questions about it, he also said he was on a date and it was good and they have things in common. I have said to him “nice, sounds promising, I am happy for you” and he said “take it easy no rush” blabla.

Then he immediately continued “so when are we going to cinema? But you cant go to cinema (mentioning the subtitle)?” I joked “I can go but then you would be too tired of me as I would ask all the parts that I dont understand” and wanted to slip it. He insisted I could understand, he asked me to give it a try, he showed me where to go and he sent me an agenda to pick a movie.

Is this a date or what????

I ended my relationship, one red flag was because my girlfriend enjoyed being flirted with, which made me distrust her. More info in comments.

I’m a 23F in a relationship with a 24M. We’ve been together for two years and we live together.

In the beginning of our relationship I asked him if he ever watched porn, and he said yes. I thought about it, and I realized it made me really uncomfortable, and we talked about it. I told him that he should just tell me if he still wanted to watch it, and we could find a solution together, but he insisted that he could easily just stop and it wasn’t a big deal.

Then recently I found out that he’s been watching it ever since, and that he never stopped when he said he would. I even asked him multiple times about it, and he lied to my face every time. I even told him it’s fine if he had changed his mind, but I just wanted to know. He still lied.

We’ve talked about it a couple times now, and he knows that lying about it was even worse than actually doing it, and I really hope that we can have open conversations about it from now on. But he still says that he wants to stop watching it.

The problem is, I just can’t get him to explain why he’s watching it. Like, he even told me he sometimes imagines himself with those girls, doing things to them and fucking them. I told him I feel like he masturbates to the thought of cheating on me with those girls, and he just said “technically yes”. It honestly makes me feel physically sick.
He assured me that it had nothing to do with him wanting to actually cheat or to do with me or my looks or what I do and don’t do in bed.

But can someone who watches or has watched porn while in a relationship tell me why you actually do it?

And does it actually have anything to do with your partner or wanting to cheat?

And do you guys think he’s telling the truth when he says he’ll really stop this time? And why did he even lie in the first place?

I really hope someone can help me understand this a bit better, because I cant get the image and thought of it out of my head. I feel like I’m not good enough for him and that I did something wrong or that I’m not attractive enough, and I’m so scared that he compares me to them and wants to cheat on me.

And I want to make it clear, that I have absolutely no problem with him masturbating, it’s the porn that makes me feel like shit.

TL;DR - My boyfriend has been lying about watching porn after I told him it makes me uncomfortable and he said he would stop. Now I’m wondering why he did it, and if it had anything to do with my or my looks, or maybe even him wanting to cheat on me.

Or what if a guy asks her out and she gives any reason different then that she is in relationship? Or maybe tells the guy friend once but then never mentioned again? Do you end it right there or what ?

I (23f) have been dating my boyfriend (33m) for a little over a year. There is a lot of context that goes into this sorry and I’m gonna spew out details in order to not get this overly lengthy without leaving out context. Our first interactions were solely friendship based which I was content with we both worked at the same restaurant. He proceeded to get drunk one night and tell me he likes me but can’t because he has herpes. I thought at the time he was joking because the way he said it seemed very sarcastic and humorous. I just recently got out of a long term relationship and I knew he was very sexual promiscuous which led me away from him to begin with because I’ve only slept with 3 people. The only reason me and him were ever in close proximity was solely because I would give him rides home because he lost his license to a DUI. None of this pointed to interest with me. He was broke lived with his parents 5,6 and bald. I love his personality he is hilarious and we used to have great conversations with each other sober. Rides home became going to the bar and going to the bar led to drunken make outs which was fine by me as long as it didn’t lead to me. One night during the Super Bowl we got extremely drunk and ended up having sex, the fear that rushed over me was terrifying and I was petrified I got herpes. I didn’t and then we pushed our luck by continuing a sexual relationship. That is where I wanted the relationship to stay because I was only single so little in my life and I finally wanted to be free and since I had the prior knowledge of him never dating I thought this situation would be perfect. He proceeded to want a relationship with over the next 2 months. He slowly got more drunk and made a fool of himself and let me know more things about himself. It was then when I started to notice he was definitely an alcoholic and was a past heroin addict. Concerned with this I pulled away yet he reassured me that it wasn’t that bad and I was foolish and all of this is completely my fault. Then when he would drink he would say weird things like “I’ve done some gay shit” I heard this once or twice thinking he was trying to be funny or maybe made out with a guy? I don’t know i definitely didn’t think too much until I started asking. This is where the questions comes in I guess he used to get drunk and go on grinder and have sex with “trans women” “femboys” and sometimes “men that looked like men” when he was drunk and did coke as well. This grossed me out if I’m being honest. He told me it wasn’t a preference it was simply the fact that men are easy and he could easily have sex. I soon found out his body contact was over 100 and he spelt with mostly men. This bothered me a lot. I’m not homophobic but I don’t wanna sleep with men that sleep with men. He told me he lost his virginity to a man on craigslist when he was 17 and the man was much older that he blocked it out and it makes him feel gross. He also told me that one time when he has a sleep over with a friend at 10-12 I don’t remember they played with each others penises. I don’t think this is normal he swears up and down that he likes women more and it’s solely an ease of access thing. He also isn’t sure if he got molested by his uncle so maybe any of these point lead to trauma. He never bottomed but did give oral sex when felt pressured. I have asked a lot of questions trying to get over this and he says a beard is more masculine than a penis which I simply don’t believe. This is a lot of context I’m not really sure what is or isn’t important I wanted to put it all out there. Stupid me got pregnant and he tried to get sober and relapsed 9 times during my pregnancy. Once during he went on a bender and did coke. I found out he tried cheating on me with people he meant on grinder unblocking them and readded them. He didn’t redownload grinder that time but he tried to meet people and was unsuccessful. Later once the baby was born he went on another bender download grinder and meant up with a man and tried to cheat but couldn’t get hard from head. I don’t understand any of this. I’m been told my whole life I’m attractive I have always been treated well this has been the worst year of my life on my self worth. I wanna believe he can change and he doesn’t prefer men over me buts I feel like he does. Do you believe you can do all these things and be happy with a women your whole life.

I don‘t mean mean as in insulting or degrading.
Being mean to men = strict boundaries, no playing games, high standards, dont care if they‘re in or out their life.

My gut feeling has been telling me this for years and my older brother, who has had girlfriends that he cheated on and treated horrible as well as girlfriends he treated like queens & acted like a literal dog for, told me this last night. We had a 5 hour nighttalk about everything men do and everything women shouldnt listen to.

It has to be true because every man that i didn‘t want (which is basically every man) would not leave me alone.

Men like women who dont need them, women who are willing to leave at the slightest disrespect and when the man is not serious enough, y’all just dont say it because if women knew men like that type of stuff, that would destroy the chances of getting easy access.

I know every little thing about men now and i‘m willing to answer girls if they have any questions

Me and my wife have been married for 10 years now and have a pretty good sex life. I am very high libido and she is pretty low libido but we are not sexless by any description.

However, with my high sex drive, I can’t help but start to feel guilty and bad about being more sexual than she is. I want to be sexual with her a lot and I’m very respectful and make sure she’s in the mood etc, but I sometimes feel like I should try and not be so sexual all the time. She hasn’t ever gave me any reason to, but I always feel a bit like she’s doing stuff sometimes just to make me happy, and not actually wanting to.

Does anyone have any experiences with this?

We have been together for a couple years and living together for about a year. I don’t work as he works and takes care of our lifestyle - while I would maybe like to have a job, I don’t have a formal education so most jobs are going to be entry level etc. Ive never had a high paying career type job fwiw. He makes WAY more money than I ever have. What I make in a month is what he makes in a week. we have talked about starting another side business for passive income that I am hoping I could be way more hands on/ manage but that’s down the road as we just moved a couple months ago and things are hectic.

Anyway, because of this I have adapted to a more traditional role - which I do enjoy but it’s been something I need to keep on top of so I don’t lose myself: physically, mentally, and emotionally.

So with that being said: my boyfriend sometimes gets frustrated at me when I haven’t done anything wrong and it’s either because he’s frustrated with work (high stress) or irritable because he hasn’t slept well - all of which I understand so I try not to take it personally but sometimes it’s hard. I know it’s my insecurities (I hope?) that’s mostly fueling these thoughts instead of reality but sometimes I fear that he has less patience with me because I’ve let myself go and I’m just not as desirable as I once was? I don’t necessarily mean physically, but even like things like having my own social life, having independent hobbies (of which I never really had outside of my pets and some small stuff, but my bf didn’t know this in detail until we started living together).

Like you know if you were dating some beautiful woman who had their life together that made YOU seek HER, a lot of things wouldnt annoy you and it would be rewarding to you as much as it is to her. VS some woman who wasn’t ugly but clearly isn’t doing much either, who is always around and asking you if you need any help it’s like there is no seek/ chase? No excitement and reward… because you know it’s ’always there’ - which sounds horrible to say but it’s my fear.

I do a lot for him in terms of taking care of him. I don’t work so every dollar we have is because of him. But everything else is me: shopping, cooking, laundry, any and all household chores including taking out trash, organizing, decorating, paying bills, etc is all me. I’m happy to do these things since I don’t have much else to do and also want to contribute to household chores since I don’t work.

Every morning I wake up with him (5a) to make sure he has everything he needs before he walks out the door.
About half the time or more I hang his outfit on a hanger from socks underwear pants shirt so he doesn’t have to rummage if he wakes up late just grab and go.
My whole day revolves around him and I just wonder instead of him being more in love with me, he just finds this boring and almost less attractive?
Not that this should matter but I believe it does deep down: I dress appropriately during the day: I don’t wear baggy home clothes all day. I wear light makeup - nothing like full glam but ‘natural’ makeup, the ‘no makeup’ makeup look. I am trying to lose weight by eating better now. I’m trying my best to be physically pleasant

But then if I back off and don’t do some stuff he feels like I’m not into him… so idk what to do… / if there is anything I can do.

To add: he always apologizes if he knows he’s being snappy or short with me. He says he knows being that way and he doesn’t want to be but he needs to work on it.

Some small examples include:

- let’s say he asks me if I can make him a piece of toast and if I ask too many questions: do you want butter? And he says yes and then I ask what about jelly? And he says no and then I go ‘oh wait what about peanut butter’ - he gets mad and says he said he just wanted butter. This is a generic example not a specific one but it goes across the board with other topics

- I don’t hear very well and often either don’t hear him or misunderstand him. He will get mad at me and say ‘you’re not listening to me….’ Even tho I said I didn’t hear him and he knows I have issues with hearing things properly.

- last night he woke up and was adjusting his blanket (his back was to me) and was getting a bit tangled so I just helped bring the blanket over his shoulder like he was trying to do and he snapped at me and said STOP and then proceeded to take it off his shoulder and then put it right back on his shoulder himself (just like how I put it on him but he wanted to do it himself)

- generally just get really mad over small things. And I know small things can build up over time… but it just hurts because I feel like he wouldn’t have gotten mad at me before when we were first dating, so why has he gotten so impatient with me lately? That’s why I think it could be me losing attraction in his eyes?

Met (21F) my first boyfriend (22M) at school this past year. He has been in one serious relationship before. We started dating officially just under 3 months ago and went long distance 1 month ago. He has told me he loves me, I have not because I am not in love with him.

I decided to transfer for the fall which I assumed meant breaking up. He said he wanted to continue long distance if I was willing, so we have been having many abstract conversations about what that would look like/ if it should be done. He is very serious about this relationship. In one of our recent conversations we were talking and I told him that I am not in love with him. He did not respond poorly and did not see it as a deterrent. He said he had been in love once before other than with me. I asked him what being in love felt like and realized I think that he had never been in love before. He said something along the lines of "caring for someone with the intention of spending your live with them."

He is a very good man and I am attracted to him. Since this is my first relationship I don’t know if it should feel like anything else than that. We didn’t really have a "honeymoon phase" to our relationship because I was so anxious about talking to men in general.

I guess concerns are:

- I worry considering that I have not dated before that he views me as a safe bet that would not cheat on him/ make a good wife over actually viewing me as someone he is in love with. He has made comments of me having such a clean past in comparison to him.

- is he just in this relationship with me because he’s already dating someone and doesn’t want to make the effort to find someone else?

- considering that it is so early in the relationship, is it alright that I don’t love him yet?

Am I overthinking everything and just need to see where this goes, or should I spare us the heartache and end things now? Is that crazy feeling of being in love overrated, and if not will it be something that comes later ?