r/AskMenRelationships

I had a running accident in 2019 on a treadmill- I (ignorantly) ran at about 11.0 speed of 14 for several minutes. My legs had been stiff from factory work. This had worked before, but it caused me, with the high speed and the artificial of running on a treadmill, to fall off of it onto my left foot, permanently slanting it. I can still run and walk, and it’s not immediately apparent what’s different about me, but it makes my back stiff and my arms swing awkwardly as I walk. I hate this, it makes me lack confidence. Hard to be confident if your body feels fucked up. I’m looking into getting medical advice on how to reverse this, but it looks daunting since I’d have to take off work for month/be in a remote role. If I can’t get the fix for it, it won’t have been out of a lack of assertiveness. It’s made me emotionally flat from depression. I’ve been rejected by most women I’ve approached in college, which followed that accident; my only relationship was before it. Can’t be a coincidence.

If I “own” it, will most women care if everything else (looks, personality, etc.) is good for the given woman?

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There’s this girl [F19] I’ve [M21] been talking to for a while, we live in the same dorm and we get along well, joke a lot, normal vibe

A few months back I made it pretty clear that I liked her by flirting a bit and inviting her to a date which she agreed to but ignored at the last minute, so I took it as a no and moved on from that idea

She has also said multiple times that she doesn’t want a relationship and doesn’t want anything with guys right now, so I respected that and stopped pushing anything

What I didn’t expect is that she started reacting to it She began asking why I’m more dry, saying I’ve changed, pointing it out multiple times, she still texts me herself and keeps the conversation going

She also says things like she’s attracted to “narcissists and manipulators”, occasionally calls me a narcissist and a manipulator, and tells me to be careful and think about my behavior, cuz its her weakness

Recently she even asked when I’m going to invite her over, on top of that she pays attention to my mood and asks questions if I seem off

Also for context, on my birthday she gave me a drawing of herself which is 18+ and don't know if I can say it here but you guys get the point and it made things feel even more mixed

So from my side I’m not trying to push anything, I already accepted that she said she doesn’t want a relationship, I’m just confused by the mismatch between what she says and how she acts

It feels like she doesn’t want anything serious but also doesn’t want me to fully pull away either

I’m not trying to overthink it, just want to understand if this is normal friendship behavior or if she’s just keeping me around for attention or is she actually interested in me but scared for some reason? how can I find this out?

Hello. Would you be able to explain why you struggle to initiate intimacy in a relationship when you have a high body count and paid for sex.

As a woman I can't help but think this is personal and that I would be a type of placeholder, because he's lonely and doesn't want to let me go.

If it's not personal, and rather some kind of emtional disconnect or health related situation please share some things that me as a woman can look for so I don't get played.

Thank you

What is a stressful challenge you shared with your wife that made you feel closer?

We’ve been dating for one year. Sex the first few months was really wild and often, I loved it. He watches porn frequently but this I always knew. We moved in together in November and sex is non existent, once a week, If that but he watches porn everyday(when I’m at work) and when we’re together, nothing. He’s very loving and I know he loves me but I quite literally can’t take this sexual frustration anymore. I don’t get it. I know it’s an easy get off for him but not even want a blow job? (When he’s said I’m the best he’s ever had) is wild to me. It’s really starting to get to my confidence and consuming me. I can’t picture having this forever. I really can’t.

Also, this conversation has come up many times and it’s always, he doesn’t feel good, back hurts, stress, just wants to cuddle. Idk, I’m over it.

How do I end things? Or have another series conversation? It seems so terrible to break up over this when other things are good. Whaaaaats the issue here.

My 19M GF 18F of 1.5 years seems to only want to be intimate when drunk. We have been long distance for the past 3 weeks and will be for the next 3 months, this isnt the first time we dont see each other in months. However those other times we could dirty talk and send intimate photos regularly and without the influence. Now it seems like unless she is drunk any sexual comment I make is treated as disgusting and me being horny just doesent matter and that I should just jerk off to porn or the photos she sent iver the course of our relationship.

This makes me feel very rejected when I am the one trying to initiate only to be met with a very negative reaction. Now even the drunk photos she sends dont hit the same because I start to feel as if she cant be attracted to me unless she has no inhibitions

So I was giving this guy I met on a sugar dating app a blowjob and he suddenly said “ you’re a good little girl” what do you think was his reason for saying this? He is definitely older than me because he’s my sugar daddy but I’m not that young I’m 26. Does this mean he has a ddlg kink? Or was it just a dominance thing? The “little” part is what I’m mainly curious about because why would he add that part?

Hi So i am a 34 year old female and in 2021. I was in an accident that gave me crush injury to my leg that led to a left leg amputation. I am doing a lot better considering getting back into the dating world very very slowly. and I've I've asked like my guy friends and family and you know that of course they say oh no it wouldn't bother me at all, but I'm just genuinely wondering what the masses of men think is that something that would be an immediate turn off is that something that you were you wouldn't mind what are what are what are the thoughts on this? Thank you.

And don't be afraid to hurt my feelings I can take it obviously I am a bad ass survivor bitch and life goes on. I just want honest opinions.

I’m a 39f. Been talking to a 47m. It has been great. A lot in common. He told me I “get him”, he’s “emotionally hooked”, etc.

We are both divorced with kids. Very clear with our goals/desires for a relationship.

We have been intimate.

I did bring up that I am not talking to anyone else thinking, based on previous convos, that he was the same. He informed me that he is talking with another girl who they have been off and on, however never intimate.

He said he really likes me and I’m worth it, but won’t commit out of fear I would leave and he would lose her completely. Or vice versa.

Why does this bother me? Is this normal?

I know we don’t owe each other anything as we don’t have an exclusive relationship, and he stated he is not ready for that as he doesn’t know what the right answer is.

Any advice? I really genuinely like him. Have started to develop feelings, however I don’t want to be an “option” which I stated to him.

Any advice on how to navigate this or is this normal behavior (maybe I have just been out of the dating game too long)

I have a guy friend who im pretty close with. We are pretty (platonically) affectionate w each other. I developed feelings and we once had a moment where we cuddled in bed, he called me pretty, he asked me to get on top of him, etc, but I pulled away bc I was scared.

What if he just wanted to fuck? I have a big crush on him and didn’t want to just fuck, byt im not sure if he was tryna have a fwb experimental moment or a real romantic moment. How do I know and what are the signs ??

(18M & 19F) We’ve been in a long distance relationship for almost 9 months now (we started this way, ik this may not be the best place to ask this but I’m desperate). We are both first timers in a serious relationship. For the last four months she’s been struggling with her schedule (she’s preparing for university entrance exams), so it’s understandable our time to talk has been rather unstable lately. We started with around 4 hours a day on the first month, went to 2.5 hours for the next couple ones, 1 hour (plus 2+ hour calls once a week) once she really started preparing for the exams, 30 mins (plus 1-2 hours of call every week) on February, and finally around 10 mins (plus 30-40 mins calls when she could) during the last couple of days. Neither of us ever showed any sign of frustration or problem with this outside from occasional “I’d leave everything behind and go with you if I could”-type of messages every now and then.

Then, last Monday, she started our daily conversation stating she had thought about a new schedule that could possibly liberate her from the burden of not talking a lot (she found a way to give herself time for us). I was obviously happy for these news, yet I did tell her two thoughts I had: I am not there for her to be used as an item for leisure (she was thinking of using her breaks and free time with me), and a worry I had of her working over her limit (she studies more than 16 hours a day now, not joking) which scared me of her burning out. After discussing it for a while I realized she really thought of her doing nothing else than procrastinating, ofc I reassured her telling how everything would be okay given how big of an effort she’s been putting into her applications. Then she asked me to tell her to stop if she goes to her limit, and then again I told her that was her job as I’m not her to understand her body and breaking point. After telling her this detail she finally agreed and told me: “Thank you, I realized I was depending on you a lot”.

We left the conversation there as she had to go to class. Then, on my midnight, I received a message from her telling me she realized that given her tight schedule and emotional stress it would be good for her to take a “break or distance” without cutting the relationship. Then she blocked me from every form of social media. (I was later told she had deactivated a couple of them, she got them back a couple of days later) I got scared but understood this may be just part of her strategy to focus on herself for a while… Until the following day I received a message from her once again, this time the message started with an apology for the surprising block, and then she finally decided to tell me: “I needed the time yesterday to confront myself. I realized that I cannot keep up with my schedule, my feelings, entrance exams, and our relationship alongside many more things, so I want to break up. I love you and thanks for everything.” I quickly tried to text her to understand her reasons, but she seemed rather cold and mellow in the 5-6 messages I could send before she blocked me again. She kept thanking me and apologizing, even saying it was her fault, it was her incapacity to “do it”. In the end I suddenly ended up without her, and I couldn’t even say goodbye.

I’m worried it may be some kind of nervous breakdown for her messages were missing her unique positivism and attachment (she always said she wouldn’t go regardless of what could happen, even assuring me she would marry me if needed). I’m worried for her wellbeing and that this might’ve been an emotional decision rather than a logically taken one… It doesn’t make sense coming from her to end it all so suddenly…

It’s been a week since she left. I contacted a common friend who was also worried (this friend was the one who noticed her social media accounts were missing). This friend had actually reached to her and asked for an update just to check if she was doing fine, “she said she just needs a minute”. Later on, a couple of days ago, I noticed she blocked me from everywhere but a shared-schedule app where we can actually check the last time the other was online and any change made to the calendar. She has no reason to come see the schedule (she has her own, she just copied everything there for me to know her availability), and still she went online 5 days ago, then 2, then yesterday. I’m not sure what this means, no, I’m not sure what anything means anymore… can someone please help me understand what happened and what may happen now? I really miss her

My ex boyfriend (19 M) (whom i haven’t spoken to in years) recently commented on a post of mine (19 F). His comment referenced something I loved when we dated and I was honestly shocked he remembered something so small from so long ago (we’ve been separate for 5 years).

So my question is.. was his comment be a way of reaching back out or am I thinking too much into it an it was probably just an innocent comment on a post? I know we were young (14F & 14M) but i feel like we truly loved each other and would possibly still be together if it weren’t for our circumstances. 🤷‍♀️

EDIT: I feel like it’s also important to add that I ended up snapping him afterwards to get a feel and serve just been sending pics back and forth.

We were both 17–18 and went to school together for about 2.5 years

He used to stare at me a lot, compliment me even privately to his friends, and try to help me do things, try to crack jokes and have small talk. I’m not an outcast but I wanted to be alone.

I thought it was because he felt bad or just because he‘s social but now i‘m thinking was that him shooting his shot?

I didn‘t want him to want me he wasn‘t my type. I’d smile when he talked to me, but when he complimented me my body language was very distant I acted like I didn‘t hear him sometimes. Not to be mean it was just a little weird when he kept saying the same thing over and over.

After break, I caught feelings but when we came back the compliments became rare, he barely looked at me. I liked him but I never changed anything about the way I was towards him except I was a tiny bit more open and looked at him from time to time.

I haven’t seen him in a while and I’m over it now, but I still want to know if that was just casual.

Im 26F not much dating experience but I did try the apps. I matched with this guy (31M) who was pretty proactive about asking to meet. We chatted a bit but not much before he asked to meet. He then offered a few places, a day and said well decide the time. I couldn’t do the day he suggested so I asked about another. he said he’s celebrating his birthday and that was happening at around the same time where I was out of town for 2 weeks, I told him that. He messages me about a month later and asked if I’m back. I said yea, he again asks to meet and gives me a day and the places he’d wanna try.

I asked him a question about which of the locations of this one restaurant he picked (it had multiple locations) And he said the downtown one. I asked if the other one is better because we both seem to live closer to there based on what his profile says.

He asked for my number or social media to coordinate. So I add him. He asked me which day works, I told him which day. Beyond that there is no plan. I just said next Friday? He agreed but we didn’t talk about where or when. And then we go back to small talk. We don’t exchange many messages in a day.

He talked about his hobbies and stuff. The plan is supposed to be next Friday is again all I know.

His first message to me via social media he said if I tell him which day I’m free and area I wanna meet he will find a spot. Maybe he wants me to suggest? So far in our conversation I’m just getting a vibe that I’m speaking to my friend. So I don’t know if he wants to be my friend. It has been about 2 months of back and forth about plans. Just wondering if I should ask him or if I should just not date. I’m very inexperienced and I still live with family lol

Non-Affectionate partner, Emotionally and physically unavailable (23M 24F)

TL;DR: My (23M) partner (24F) shows almost no emotional or physical affection, and I feel completely drained despite loving her deeply. Looking for advice on how to handle this dynamic. I’ve been with my partner for a while now, and I’m really struggling with how emotionally and physically distant she is. She shows almost zero affection—no “I love you,” no hugs, no kisses, no cuddling, no sexual intimacy. I’m someone who expresses love openly. I tell her I love her multiple times a day, try to be affectionate, and make her feel cared for—but I rarely get anything back. What confuses me is that she also says our relationship lacks “fun”—like being silly together, joking around, or me cheering her up when she’s low. I do try, but it feels one-sided when there’s little warmth or engagement from her side. Whenever she’s upset or needs to vent, I’m always there. I listen, support her, and even sacrifice my sleep when needed. I genuinely try to show up for her in every way I can. She’s told me that she’s naturally very affectionate and sexual. In her past relationship, she was extremely expressive physically, emotionally, and sexually, But with me, she’s completely different cold, distant, and uninterested, That contrast hurts. When I brought this up, she said it’s because I hurt her in the past with my words and actions I took that seriously and made changes. But despite that effort, nothing has improved on her end

At this point, I feel like I have to ask her if she loves me, because she never expresses it on her own. It makes me feel unwanted and insecure. Whenever I try to initiate emotional or physical intimacy, it usually gets brushed aside I’m mentally exhausted, This situation has affected me a lot, to the point where I’ve started SSRIs to cope with the stress I care about her deeply, but I feel drained and stuck in something that feels very one sided

For people who’ve experienced something similar how did you approach it? Is there a healthier way to communicate this or set boundaries in this kind of situation?

My ex of 3 yrs broke up with me bcuz he had wandering eyes he was my first love and did all the stuff u do blah blah. Anyways 6 months later we started msging again nd he keeps saying he misses me so much and he hasnt been able to stay loyal to one girl (talking stages) ever since we broke up. Anyways we had a tlly good night last nty not sexsual jst deep convos and it went rlly well the spark felt like it came bck, as soon as i said goodnight he posts a random girl on his tt and i realised that ever since the breakup he does this. When we went on a break ever sunce then We will have a rlly good day and then as soon as i leave the rm like literally seconds after he will be txting another girl or posting another random girl. He keeps saying he jst feels deep down that we will end up togther, nd ever girl hes talked to has lasted about 2 wks. He keeps saying he doesnt know what he wants but hes sure of me

I gave a TL;DR at the end but I would appreciate comments if you took the time to at least skim the full version.

Me: 31m, autistic. I have abandonment issues and a difficult relationship history. In therapy and I have a decently successful career.

Her: 30f, She is a good person and I really like her. We have some things in common, but she is not as invested in them as I am. She is financially independent from me.

Relationship: 9 months, some mutuals, everything seemed fine. We only had 1 fight here it was actually more of a misunderstanding that almost caused a break-up (about 7 months ago).

We give each other gifts, have regular sex and make time to be active together.

My therapist helped me build intimacy and some form of trust, everything was going very well. We hug a lot. I make sure to regularly check in with my GF to make sure she feels the same.

I feel like the general dynamic of the relationship is that I like doing things for her, but I am trying to protect myself and not go too far with this. I can tell she is progressively giving back more.

The only issue we have that I can name is that we have pretty different ethical/belief systems, but as long as we don't really discuss it everything works great.

I was considering to ask her to move in together soon and planned an expensive gift for her soon that she knows about and was already looking forward to.

What happened: We attended a social event (hard for me) and everything went well. After the event GF received instagram messages from someone there basically warning her to run away from me, as I am a very bad person and have hurt multiple women in the past. I don't know the specifics, but something about "almost criminal" forms of emotional abuse and harassment and she also mentioned something about me owing someone money.

Her reaction: went 100% cold and said she wants to meet me in a neutral space to talk to me and refused to share any details.

My reaction: I agreed to meet, but I felt like she had 24h to prepare her speech and I had been put in a disadvantaged position not knowing the topic.

Resolution: I was told vaguely what this is about by my GF (she refused to provide the identities of accusers or even alleged victims), she demanded explanation, but also noted she refused to inquire further with the accuser as she wanted to hear the truth from me.

I immediately knew who the main accuser was, as I recognized an old coworker of my ex who had a shady reputation in 2019. I tried to even go as far as to assume she had good intentions, (because she presents as a feminist and a very kind person despite what I heard years back) - she probably saw my ex in a very bad state after our painful break-up. However, I could not understand the rest of the accusations.

I called my ex on the spot and put her on speaker. Obviously, she cleared me completely and asked if she can do anything else to help me, reassured everything is fine and suggested the accuser's actions don't make sense - she offered to speak to my GF directly as well. She confirmed a third person reached out to her a few days prior trying to obtain "dirt on me".

Aftermath: My GF heard the conversation and immediately went back to her normal self.

Issue: I am feeling very hurt, mostly by the fact my GF of 9 months chose to trust people she barely knows over me.

I kind of understand she is a woman and has a duty to protect herself, but it still feels extremely wrong she didn't immediately forward the accusation to me.

She did not apologize directly, she did very little to acknowledge how painful it was to wait 24h for this conversation to happen without knowing what's going on and then my state after we resolved it. We have not spoken in 36 hours, because I asked for some space and suggested she needs to think about this too - she immediately said she does not see anything for her to think about.

I feel like I deserve trust and did plenty to earn it.

My therapist validated my feelings a little bit and said I could have reasonably been more angry and I do not have to jump through hoops to defend myself against anonymous accusers without proof at all.

I am considering if I should break up over this, and If I don't, I feel like suddenly buying that special gift for my GF is stupid and I should be changing some things to prioritize my own safety and wellbeing over spoiling her - it also makes thinking about moving in together abstract and unsafe -I feel like I am letting the "bad guys" win here with my thoughts.

TL;DR - GF of 9 months received lies about me and believed it, I don't see how I can recover from it.

I work in a female dominated environment, but our higher ups are mostly men. My coworkers seem to have it in their minds that our boss has some sort of attraction to me.

He and I have such easy flowing conversations and I don’t know now if it’s that we’ve been just flirting and I didn’t even realize it.

He’s started singling me out during company wide meetings, using only me for examples. On a zoom he called out my body language despite me not speaking or being needed in the conversation.

He’s coming to my office to personally fix some things. Is he into me and I’m oblivious or are they just seeing things that aren’t there?

I provided for 22 years straight paid mortgage . My company was acquired 2 years ago. Feeling like I lost myself and top being a provider like I was . My marriage crumbling n we are separated .

I put her through 2 nursing degrees , meltdowns , bi polar , cheating n I'm the one who failed . I just want to be appreciated n shown worth .

Confused about a girl – very physical but stops before sex

So I (M, early 20s) have been seeing this girl for like over 2 weeks now. We met at a club,went to her place and slept toughter(cuddeling and making out), after that started talking, and have been texting pretty much every day since.

We’ve been out on a date 2 times. First time we went to biljard and then took a long walk along the sea, talked alot, held hands and in the end made out. The second time she came over to my place. We made cocktails, watched movies, and ended up sleeping together.

Here’s what’s confusing me.

She’s VERY physical with me. Like a lot of cuddling, kissing, making out, when we were watching the last movie in my bed already having gone taken a shower and all that . We started spooning she was slightly pushing herself into me, and all that. So naturally I started escalating slowly. While we were watching the movie I started playing with her strings, moved my hand lower and when I got close to her private area she stopped my hand and just held them instead.

After the movie ended i asked her would she like to do sum playful with me and she said" no, not today, sorry "

Some time later in bed we were making out and I tried to escalate more, like touching more and even started pulling her underwear down a bit, but she pulled away(stopped kissing me) then i playfully went down and kissed her 🍑, now she didnt pull away and didnt stop me but also didnt do anything to escalete, she just was there, like wanted to go to sleep. But bc i aint got any expiriance , then i aint got a clue of what to do in that situation, so i pulled back, asked her onemore time " u sure" and she said "yes" and then we just cuddled to sleep. I didn’t push after that.

But she kept, cuddling, stayed close, slept next to me, etc.

Also before we went to my bed to watch the last movie she removed her braw from under her tanktop and she wore strings as underwear.

So now I’m just confused. It feels like she’s clearly into me physically, but then draws a hard line right before sex.

I don’t have much experience so I don’t really know how to read this.

Like:

-is this normal and she just wants to take it slower? bc after all its only our 3rd time toughter although she feels good enough to wear reveling glothing and sleep with me at my place.

-does it mean she’s unsure about me?

-did I do something wrong when escalating?

-should I have done something differently or just keep doing the same and wait?

I’m not trying to be pushy or anything, but it’s just confusing to be doing everything leading up to sex and then stopping there.

Would appreciate honest opinions, especially from people who’ve been in similar situations. Id aslo like to know what women do when they want to clearly have sex, like do they start touchig the manpart or just climb on top of the man or mabye remove their clothes themself or etc.