Update: Need Help/Advice F29.
This is an update on the post that I made in this subreddit over 5months ago. A little brief about my previous post: I basically am involved in a sexless marriage where it has been over a year in our marriage since we have had sex, due to very low sexual drive/appetite of my husband. As per the responses on the said post, I was adviswd to talk to him about it; take him to therapy if he's suffering from any past trauma or something. Also, through the post, I enquired whether masturbating for self satisfaction is also a form of cheating in marriage. To which many of you responded, that it isn't cheating at all and that I should not feel guilty about doing it.
Update : This was about 2 nights before when he was asleep and I couldn't stop touching myself (it was one of those nights). He's a heavy sleeper and whenever I felt the need to touch myself, I could do it easily (without him knowing about it). However, two nights before, he told me that since his sexual appetite is very low, and considering mine to be quite normal, how am I fulfilling my sexual needs. He started questioning my character and I enquirred whether there's been a thing that he's seen me do or something that he got to know while going through my phone. I have been a loyal wife since day one only resorting to masturbating when in need. He told me that whatever is going on and howsoever I am satisfying my sexual needs, it needs to stop and he meant and later told me that he caught me watching porn and masturbating to it, but didn't say anything. Since, this incident, he has been making platonic efforts towards me and saying stuff like we will do it from now on (it feels as if it is obligated for him and it isn't coming naturally). All the wise men and women out here please advice whether me resorting to masturbating was wrong? Also, guide me on how to take this forward. I actually have accepted that I would be involved in a sexless marriage and for the greater good of both the families and my love for him, I was ready to make this sacrifice. However, him taking away that one piece/moment of satisfaction away from me has now completely broken me and left me whether I was truly wrong and whether it was my fault. I have started questioning myself. Please guide.