u/anthamattey

My (30m) partner (30f) is incredibly kind, almost too kind, especially to strangers. She’s very understanding of my needs and is both educated and successful. She’s also very attractive, and our sex life is great.

However, there’s a financial imbalance: she earns only about one-third of what I do, our lifestyle mismatch creeps into our relationship. I’ve purchased the home we live in, and I handle all the maintenance, including bills, taxes, and almost everything else. She helps with what she can (it’s not about money). I also cook and clean, and I’m happy to cook for her. I also plan all our trips. I’m a lead manager in a large company, working 9-hour days. But she seems to do everything just for herself. For example, she only puts the dishes in the dishwasher if she eats something, while I do it for both of us. Since I eat meat and she’s vegetarian, our meals are mostly separate.

I generally enjoy living with her, but when I think about it, she feels more like a good friend or roommate with benefits than a partner. I’m not sure how to put it, but she doesn’t feel like a partner to me. Honestly, if it weren’t for the sex, I’d be happier on my own. I feel like I have more to do being with her, and I could do most of what I do with my friends.

And we fight a lot. She constantly feels like I’m taking advantage of her. While she has past trauma and has built up walls, it feels less to do with that but more to do with the 2026 idea of feminism that social media portrays (not speaking against gender equality). I play a part in those fights too, I’m fully aware of it, admit my fault and generally try to avoid my mistakes except for some of my conditioned patterns.

Am I expecting too much from this relationship? Am I just making excuses to break up?

Natural next step for us is to propose. I’m neither psyched nor petrified about it. Don’t tell me that I “need” to be psyched. We have been together a long time so it doesn’t feel like a special event to me. But I feel like I’m wasting both of our time.

My (30m) partner (30f) is incredibly kind, almost too kind, especially to strangers. She’s very understanding of my needs and is both educated and successful. She’s also very attractive, and our sex life is great.

However, there’s a financial imbalance: she earns only about one-third of what I do, our lifestyle mismatch creeps into our relationship. I’ve purchased the home we live in, and I handle all the maintenance, including bills, taxes, and almost everything else. She helps with what she can (it’s not about money). I also cook and clean, and I’m happy to cook for her. I also plan all our trips. I’m a lead manager in a large company, working 9-hour days. But she seems to do everything just for herself. For example, she only puts the dishes in the dishwasher if she eats something, while I do it for both of us. Since I eat meat and she’s vegetarian, our meals are mostly separate.

I generally enjoy living with her, but when I think about it, she feels more like a good friend or roommate with benefits than a partner. I’m not sure how to put it, but she doesn’t feel like a partner to me. Honestly, if it weren’t for the sex, I’d be happier on my own. I feel like I have more to do being with her, and I could do most of what I do with my friends.

And we fight a lot. She constantly feels like I’m taking advantage of her. While she has past trauma and has built up walls, it feels less to do with that but more to do with the 2026 idea of feminism that social media portrays (not speaking against gender equality). I play a part in those fights too, I’m fully aware of it, admit my fault and generally try to avoid my mistakes except for some of my conditioned patterns.

Am I expecting too much from this relationship? Am I just making excuses to break up?

Natural next step for us is to propose. I’m neither psyched nor petrified about it. Don’t tell me that I “need” to be psyched. We have been together a long time so it doesn’t feel like a special event to me. But I feel like I’m wasting both of our time.

My (30m) partner (30f) is incredibly kind, almost too kind, especially to strangers. She’s very understanding of my needs and is both educated and successful. She’s also very attractive, and our sex life is great.

However, there’s a financial imbalance: she earns only about one-third of what I do, our lifestyle mismatch creeps into our relationship. I’ve purchased the home we live in, and I handle all the maintenance, including bills, taxes, and almost everything else. She helps with what she can (it’s not about money). I also cook and clean, and I’m happy to cook for her. I also plan all our trips. I’m a lead manager in a large company, working 9-hour days. But she seems to do everything just for herself. For example, she only puts the dishes in the dishwasher if she eats something, while I do it for both of us. Since I eat meat and she’s vegetarian, our meals are mostly separate.

I generally enjoy living with her, but when I think about it, she feels more like a good friend or roommate with benefits than a partner. I’m not sure how to put it, but she doesn’t feel like a partner to me. Honestly, if it weren’t for the sex, I’d be happier on my own. I feel like I have more to do being with her, and I could do most of what I do with my friends.

And we fight a lot. She constantly feels like I’m taking advantage of her. While she has past trauma and has built up walls, it feels less to do with that but more to do with the 2026 idea of feminism that social media portrays (not speaking against gender equality). I play a part in those fights too, I’m fully aware of it, admit my fault and generally try to avoid my mistakes except for some of my conditioned patterns.

Am I expecting too much from this relationship? Am I just making excuses to break up?

Natural next step for us is to propose. I’m neither psyched nor petrified about it. Don’t tell me that I “need” to be psyched. We have been together a long time so it doesn’t feel like a special event to me. But I feel like I’m wasting both of our time.

Title.