Why does my boyfriend act frustrated with me when I’m not the problem? Or at least I don’t think I am
We have been together for a couple years and living together for about a year. I don’t work as he works and takes care of our lifestyle - while I would maybe like to have a job, I don’t have a formal education so most jobs are going to be entry level etc. Ive never had a high paying career type job fwiw. He makes WAY more money than I ever have. What I make in a month is what he makes in a week. we have talked about starting another side business for passive income that I am hoping I could be way more hands on/ manage but that’s down the road as we just moved a couple months ago and things are hectic.
Anyway, because of this I have adapted to a more traditional role - which I do enjoy but it’s been something I need to keep on top of so I don’t lose myself: physically, mentally, and emotionally.
So with that being said: my boyfriend sometimes gets frustrated at me when I haven’t done anything wrong and it’s either because he’s frustrated with work (high stress) or irritable because he hasn’t slept well - all of which I understand so I try not to take it personally but sometimes it’s hard. I know it’s my insecurities (I hope?) that’s mostly fueling these thoughts instead of reality but sometimes I fear that he has less patience with me because I’ve let myself go and I’m just not as desirable as I once was? I don’t necessarily mean physically, but even like things like having my own social life, having independent hobbies (of which I never really had outside of my pets and some small stuff, but my bf didn’t know this in detail until we started living together).
Like you know if you were dating some beautiful woman who had their life together that made YOU seek HER, a lot of things wouldnt annoy you and it would be rewarding to you as much as it is to her. VS some woman who wasn’t ugly but clearly isn’t doing much either, who is always around and asking you if you need any help it’s like there is no seek/ chase? No excitement and reward… because you know it’s ’always there’ - which sounds horrible to say but it’s my fear.
I do a lot for him in terms of taking care of him. I don’t work so every dollar we have is because of him. But everything else is me: shopping, cooking, laundry, any and all household chores including taking out trash, organizing, decorating, paying bills, etc is all me. I’m happy to do these things since I don’t have much else to do and also want to contribute to household chores since I don’t work.
Every morning I wake up with him (5a) to make sure he has everything he needs before he walks out the door.
About half the time or more I hang his outfit on a hanger from socks underwear pants shirt so he doesn’t have to rummage if he wakes up late just grab and go.
My whole day revolves around him and I just wonder instead of him being more in love with me, he just finds this boring and almost less attractive?
Not that this should matter but I believe it does deep down: I dress appropriately during the day: I don’t wear baggy home clothes all day. I wear light makeup - nothing like full glam but ‘natural’ makeup, the ‘no makeup’ makeup look. I am trying to lose weight by eating better now. I’m trying my best to be physically pleasant
But then if I back off and don’t do some stuff he feels like I’m not into him… so idk what to do… / if there is anything I can do.
To add: he always apologizes if he knows he’s being snappy or short with me. He says he knows being that way and he doesn’t want to be but he needs to work on it.
Some small examples include:
- let’s say he asks me if I can make him a piece of toast and if I ask too many questions: do you want butter? And he says yes and then I ask what about jelly? And he says no and then I go ‘oh wait what about peanut butter’ - he gets mad and says he said he just wanted butter. This is a generic example not a specific one but it goes across the board with other topics
- I don’t hear very well and often either don’t hear him or misunderstand him. He will get mad at me and say ‘you’re not listening to me….’ Even tho I said I didn’t hear him and he knows I have issues with hearing things properly.
- last night he woke up and was adjusting his blanket (his back was to me) and was getting a bit tangled so I just helped bring the blanket over his shoulder like he was trying to do and he snapped at me and said STOP and then proceeded to take it off his shoulder and then put it right back on his shoulder himself (just like how I put it on him but he wanted to do it himself)
- generally just get really mad over small things. And I know small things can build up over time… but it just hurts because I feel like he wouldn’t have gotten mad at me before when we were first dating, so why has he gotten so impatient with me lately? That’s why I think it could be me losing attraction in his eyes?