r/AskAnOCDTherapist

Can you somehow placebo yourself into getting ocd?????? Because i mustve have googled if i have ocd or not atleast a hundred times now. And after i got my answers i would close off all the tabs and go "nah everybody goes through this to some extent i better not self diagnose" because i obviously dont want to fake having ocd and minimize a real fucking problem that people with an actual disorder go through

BUT THEN id open the tabs again a few weeks later because in my head, i cant really justify being this sad unless I have a legitimate reason. Everything in my life is fine so it feels silly that im this miserable. And ocd is a legitimate disorder, so maybe if i could clutch onto it, i could finally feel VALID. But then i close the tabs again because i dont want to use mental illness as an excuse to bypass responsibility ykwim?

And this cycle of opening and shutting down this line of thought just kept on happening. ITS STILL HAPPENING WHICH IS WHY IM ON THIS GODDAMN SUB😭 But i swear it feels like with every google search, i just got. Weirder. Almost as if i had unconsciously diagnosed myself of having ocd so i would almost. Purposely obsess over things????? Like after learning about moral scrupulosity, every single negative experience ended with me thinking "im a terrible person and ppl just dont know it". I had this exact thought before too but it wasnt THIS intense/frequent ykwim?

But at the same time this thought doesnt feel exactly intrusive either? Its more of a deep rooted belief. So again i dont really know.

I dont have access to therapy since its really expensive but im thinking i might just save up and finally clear this out. But before doing that i guess i just wanted to feel like i wasnt alone, or that im not being crazy. Maybe I AM being crazy but i just dont know 🧍‍♀️. If youve read this post uptill now, thank you so much. This post is more of a rant honestly. I just really wanted to get these off my shoulders. So I really appreciate you reading it.

Hey guys! I don’t even know how to start this.

I’ve been suffering from OCD since 2015 (I’m 28 now). The “funny” thing is that I’ve always treated my OCD with medication and suddenly symptoms got away. Nobody ever told me about CBT or ERP. I’ve had 2-3 relapses cause of medication change but after the change my brain worked again.

In March 2025 I chanced medication with my psichiatrist again and this time it went very bad. I couldn’t recover from it so I went to various clinics. Nothing helped me. In the summer I heard about ERP and CBT so I started it.

After two sessions I interrupted cause my OCD told me I could fall in love with female therapists.

I started then making exposures with a male nurse who got a diploma in ERP. At first my mother tried to stop me from working with the nurse cause she thought exposures weren’t gonna treat my OCD.

So week after week I did my exposures and I thought I was progressing but all the time my mom would make comments about how I was wasting my time and that I should either go work again cause time flies and money is important.

So during my treatment with the nurse I was constantly put under pressure from my mother. Little context: I still live with my 70 years mom who has physical problems and who has a lot of power over me since I struggle showing up for myself cause of my OCD and low self esteem.

Now is April 2026 and I haven’t yet started ERP with a real therapist and think my symptoms are the same as in summer (strong contamination OCD, control OCD, reassurance seeking OCD).

My brain tells me I have wasted an entire year cause I listened to my mother and didn’t take decisions on my own. I wish I had started ERP with a therapist in the summer but my OCD was too strong.

Have you had similar experiences about the thought of having lost time or let your OCD untreated?

The fear of having lost time is killing me and I think about it 24/7 and call during the whole day my family for reassurance all the time.

I’m stuck in my home since 1 year now.

I also often think that my OCD is not treatable.

SO-OCD or denial

Hey, how u doing?

I 19M in a relationship with a 19F and things are going great, I love her and want to build a future together, but in mids of January of this year I kinda outed myself as bi and that's when the thoughts came like a rollercoaster. I have been afraid of looking my male friends in the face, like "What if I'm gay and stop liking and feeling this way for my girlfriend?" "What if, when we get married I discover that I'm gay?" "What if I slowly stop being attracted to women?" And these thoughts are everyday and every night.

I just woke up after a nightmare where people I don't know are telling me I'm gay and now I'm thinking "am I?" I don't know what to do, I already posted it on another subreddit and reached about. I think it could be, SO-OCD, but I don't know anymore. I feel anxious and guilty like, I don't like my girlfriend? Everything I lived was a lie? The people I fell in love with and felt attached to, was my brain playing tricks on me? And I should be thinking about it all the time? Like when I woke up to the time I went to sleep for about 6/7 weeks, I can't take it anymore.

Now when walk through the street, I looking to everyone, to understand if I still attracted to women, if I feel this way about men, but I feel guilty for doing these, 'cause is making me uncomfortable to have social interactions.

Sometimes I don't feel comfortable having having sex, for other problems, but can't help but came back to the circle of "If I don't do this, it means I'm I'm not physically attracted to her" even though she doesn't make me feel this way.

The thing that made me feel like living my life again was my girlfriend. She saved from a real dark time for me, she's the best thing to ever happen to me and I don't wanna make her feel that I don't love her, I'm afraid of everything about this relationship and my sexuality became the focus of these thoughts I don't know what to do.

Sorry if I got anything wrong English is not my first language.

I’m dealing with my worst OCD theme to date right now. The thoughts are so distressing and the complete opposite of my values/what I believe. It’s gotten to a point where everything I wear feels tainted by the thoughts, almost as if my clothes represent the thought itself. I’m left with very little “safe” clothing, but I just cannot kick the feeling of contamination and almost impurity? It feels like, if my clothing represents something awful, it’s my responsibility to get rid of it. Anyways, thank you. I would appreciate any advice!

Is this an OCD symptome or have I DID? About 3 years ago I had these symptoms, which have now returned in a milder form: I temporarily mirror the expressions/behavior of my family members and friends for brief moments. At those times, I literally get the feeling as if I become that person for a few moments, and at the same time my sense of my own personality disappears. This causes intense anxiety in me. Sometimes the same thing happens, except my brain creates the feeling of being some random man. In that case, however, there is no specific external image attached to it.

By the way, I have struggled with panic disorder and anxiety since childhood, and in the last 10 years pure OCD has also been added. Over the years, the themes of my OCD thoughts have been varied: compulsive aggressive thoughts, obsessional thoughts, existential themes, relationship-related themes, and then 3 years ago—and now again—the fear of DID. In general, my self-confidence is also very low, and I often struggle with that as well.

Unlike what is typical for DID, I do not have the following:

I did not experience severe trauma in childhood, and I remember most of my childhood

I have not experienced amnesia

I have never had independent dialogues in my head, and I have never heard voices

I do not have alters of different ages and genders with their own emotions, habits, tastes, or hobbies

the people around me have never observed different behaviors, speaking voices, or styles in me

Since I have read many descriptions about DID saying that not everyone has amnesia between switches and that a major trauma is not necessarily required for it to develop, I am afraid of what if I am also an exceptional case of DID. Yes, as far as I know I don’t have different alters inside me, but I don’t know how to interpret the fact that as a woman, I sometimes feel like a man for a few moments. I am not trans, and I don’t want to be—I want to always feel like a woman.

I would appreciate it if someone could share their opinion on what this might be. I would especially welcome comments from a psychiatrist or therapist, but others who struggle with anxiety and OCD can also write. My own psychiatrist has not treated a DID patient during their career yet, so they cannot really say much about this fear.

Before i had HOCD/SOCD I was never offended by homophobia and a few days back i heard this girl make a joke about the rainbow pride crosswalks and how u should avoid them and i actully felt kind of offended for some reason. What does this mean? Ive never been offended by homophobia ever. Is this beacuse of ocd?

i was worried that im a bad partner (not attracted enough, don’t love him enough) and my bf deserves better and i felt so guilty and just heavy and i then thought maybe i have to leave like it’s inevitable bc he deserves better and then i thought you could be with that guy from your course and then i was like no i dont want that but then i was like do i? and i felt like i did and i was worried and i thought no i can’t even anyway bc i wont see him again and then i was like panicked i think about the idea of being alone and unloved and my brain went but you could find him like through the gc or something and then i was like no i dont want him i just don’t want to be alone and thats all this is and i carried on with my day but now i feel so horrible. i dont want to leave and im not planning leaving but i just feel so guilty and sad and like a terrible person, but i love my bf and dont want anyone else but in that minute it felt like i did and like i was lying to myself? but then i realised i just dont want to be alone and its not about wanting that guy. i also feel bad bc i cant remember the exact sequence of thoughts so now my brain is saying maybe you wanted it maybe you considered it seriously but i think i was just trying to work out if i wanted that bc i was worried simultaneously about being a bad partner and about being alone. but its nothing to do with that person they literally mean nothing to me im just scared of being alone.

Does anybody else have this, where you are never sure in any philosophical/religious/political opinion you have, or any conclusion you make? My mind keeps coming back on certain topics that I already "resolved", but then I ask myself the same thing again and I just cant for the life of me remember how I answered it before.

Im never sure in my opinions, and whenever someone criticizes me or contradicts me my mind immediatly "accepts" it, and then it causes me anxiety.

I've never seen anyone complain about something like this before. I don't think I have a history of OCD, but after I turned 20 it just hit me HARD. I've had transgender OCD, homosexual OCD, this too... its too much to deal with almost.

this is my first ever Reddit post, i think. I’m 21F and I’m graduating college this year, yay! I haven’t thrown up since I was 12 but I’ve now been thrust into this world of older friends, most are between 21-25, and my emetophobia has just gotten worse. The reason I bring this up is because everyone I know drinks/smokes weed. I drink socially and I have tried edibles but every single time I have, I’ve felt sick(and had panic attacks) so I don’t do it anymore despite it also being fun. I was also very recently diagnosed with OCD and I’m starting ERP therapy, it’s not centered on my emetophobia but my therapist knows that’s a central part of my life.

I have an old friend who used to get sick ALL the time, I suspect they have some sort of health problem they haven’t gotten treated for and refuse to, and I still worry about them today. They would throw up so often and so many little things would make them sick that I started to think those things were normal and now when anyone else has a symptom like theirs I panic, and I distance, even though those types of things aren’t supposed to make you throw up, they were just unwell. I want to be able to hangout normally with people without having that heart dropping feeling that someone is gonna throw up. (And that’s just one example of how it affects me.)

My question is… how has everyone’s journey and healing process been? I know it’s not linear, but do things reset if you get sick? how do I not go back to the control and the safety behaviors I have done for the past 10 years? How can I feel safe again? I’m terrified even more of myself throwing up, I hate the lack of control, the idea that it might hurt (I don’t actually remember if it does, it’s been so long), the shame inside myself and from others (even tho it’s not real, no one is shaming me), the noises, the smell, all of it.

edit: I’ve had this phobia for way more than 10 years, I remember holding my breath, plugging my ears and closing my eyes when ever someone in my family had the flu/threw up/walked in the room after being sick. it got better for awhile, and then just got so much worse in high school and then skyrocketed when that friend was getting sick all the time, like around 2022

edit 2: I keep thinking of things to add, sigh. When I was 12, my friends mom was driving us home (we carpooled, switched off who picked us up) and her mom came despite having a migraine. She threw up the entire way to my house. I was sitting in the backseat panicking. Honestly that may have been one of the starting points to this becoming a real/serious phobia. I told her it was okay, we could call my dad instead but she refused, it was strange and she kept having to pull over. It definitely wasn’t safe.

Thanks for reading my rant, I just want to feel normal again!!

My therapist finished our sessions today, he was an exclusively ocd therapist who could give basic advice but prefers to hone in on ocd. He wants me to get another perspective since ocd isn’t my main issue at the moment and suggested maybe dbt. (I’m going through a lot of personal stuff) would it be best to get sessions from someone well versed and knows how to treat ocd? My feeling is yes since ocd finds funny ways of weaving into your life and new themes will eventually come up.

I’m just so sad because this therapist has been so helpful and I’m feeling a bit lost

For most of my life, I didn’t question my gender at all. I lived as a guy and felt fine and happy with it. I had goals, interests, and no ongoing confusion about my identity. I was living a life that felt worth living.

About 6 weeks ago, after I broke my foot and was pulled away from the things I care about, I started experiencing a major spike in anxiety and mental stress. Around that time, I began getting stuck on identity-based thoughts that feel obsessive and repetitive. They come and go—sometimes they feel real, other times they feel forced or like my mind is trying to escape how overwhelmed I feel.

It initially started with an OCD theme around my sexuality, which didn’t last, but this current one has been much more persistent. I’ve also been in the psychiatric ward twice in the last 6 weeks due to how intense this has been.

I do have OCD, and I’m struggling to tell whether this is just another OCD theme or if it means something deeper about me. When my anxiety is high, I start questioning everything and feel disconnected, confused, and mentally exhausted even relief from anxiety if I just agree with thoughts even tho I don’t want to

Because of that, I can’t tell if these thoughts are meaningful or just coming from being in a very overwhelmed mental state right now.

I’ve also been told by my therapist (who I’ve known for years) that this may be a form of escapism, but mostly he thinks it just a new theme since these thoughts mainly spike after severe anxiety episodes and don’t align with my actual values or what I want in life.

I’m a 24-year-old heterosexual male, and I’m trying to make sense of why this suddenly started when it doesn’t seem to match my past or my goals.

Hello,

I have such a weird compulsion with being afraid of doing things at night time. Eating ,using the bathroom,drinking water anything that may cause me distress. Has anyone over come that? I think its bc I' ve done so many exposures after work at night so I have a weird association. ​I think I was working with the wrong therapist bc she had me doing so many coping mechanisms and using a "buddy system" that it has just traumatized me even more. I'm looking into an residential ocd treatment center to help me get my life together and will actually know the correct process, but I need some help over coming this until i can get into the facility I'm just in a terrible place mentally and physically and I can't keep limiting when I eat and drink. Also, I would love to hear people's experience with residential ERP treatment for people with severe OCD and eating disorders.

Also, please let me know your guys experiences with residential treatment , did u get better after leaving or worse? I have just right ocd

​

Hi, I really need some advice. For the past 6 months I’ve been dealing with intrusive violent thoughts and urges. At the beginning I had very severe anxiety, and it seemed similar to harm OCD, but lately I’ve started to wonder if it could be something like intrusive homicidal ideation or something else.

These thoughts are present almost every day, from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep. They often involve vivid mental images of harm, which feel very distressing and hard to control.

The main focus is my mother, who I love very much. For example, today while sitting next to her in the car, I suddenly had a very strong intrusive urge to pull the steering wheel, which scared me but it feel so intense .

I feel very anxious and confused about what this means. I also get very uncomfortable being around knives when someone is nearby because it triggers impulses and intrusive thoughts.

It feels very real, and I’m struggling to understand what it's happening with me . (I'm 17,F). I feel like I'll never escape, that I'll give in and end up in prison.

I'm in the process of trying to find a good therapist but there is not alot around where I live. My current therapist wasn't great, she had me doing exposures then do coping mechanisms. Which I now know isnt right, is there any guides or resources that I can use at home until I find someone ? I have so many compulsions that I don't always catch them before an exposure which idk if thats good or bad but I kind of need something to get me through until I can find the correct care.

I want to ask people if they’ve ever had this experience/ how to proceed.

I went to see a private psychiatrist today to try to get an official diagnosis. I have been seeing a therapist who thinks I have ROCD and has been treating me with CBT. I’ve found this treatment really helpful so far. However today’s appointment has me doubting every thing again.

I talked to the psychiatrist about my experience. I explained that I have very severe anxiety about my relationship and doubting everything about

My partner. This has got so extreme that I’ve had to take time off work, and there are days I spend the entire day in bed googling things about “how to know you love someone” and “signs your partner is not intelligent” etc and so on. I ring my partner to test my feeling for them during these spells, and when I don’t “feel love” I panic that it’s all wrong, even if it’s a quick face time and I’ve woken up my partner who’s half asleep. I also text my parents, asking them if they think my relationship is “right” and what they like about my partner. In big spirals, my doubts extend to my relationship with my own parents, doubting whether I love them either, and googling “how to know if you are a psychopath”. I also can’t stop pulling my own hair.

Anyways, I explained all this to the psychiatrist and how I’ve been treated for OCD by my therapist. She said that OCD is typically associated with cleanliness or counting, and since I’ve no external compulsions it doesn’t sound like OCD to her.

She’s now switched up my medications and said I should explore treatment for PTSD… she prescribed anti psychotics which really upset me also as I’d just told her about my fears of being a psychopath…I just feel so disheartened because I really resonate with what I read about ROCD but have been doubting that I’m just making up this whole OCD thing. Now it seems like this has been confirmed by a medical professional.

I just want to know has anyone experienced a misdiagnosis before or felt misunderstood by a psychiatrist ?

21M, when i was 13-14 i did sth that i regret and hate myself for till now , the thing is that i made out with a boy same age in my school, and yall dont know how iam feeling saying this, i started suffering from HOCD when i became 17 and i also have ROCD, anytime that life feels good my HOCD reminds me "but you actually did this thing so you are actually gay" and i absoloutly regret doing this and i dont know what i was thinking, and the fact that demolishes me is that i did it on purpos and i was fantasizing about it before doing it, but it is destroying me now, i know that i love women i already had 2 girlfriends at the timespan of my HOCD and ROCD , but i cant live normally with the fact that i did what i did , my mind says "you did it on purpose,you wanted it, you fantasized about it, ect..."

AI tools have become integrated into our daily lives in countless ways. Their use remains controversial, depending on who you ask and how they’re being used. Within the OCD community, however, a concerning pattern is emerging: AI is increasingly being used as a source of **reassurance,** which can ultimately worsen symptoms.

**Reassurance-seeking has always been a core compulsion in OCD.** AI hasn’t created a new problem for individuals with OCD; it has made an existing one more accessible: Now, reassurance is instant, unlimited, and always available.

### How AI can fuel reassurance-seeking
Unlike asking a friend or therapist, AI can provide **immediate, repeated responses** without hesitation or pushback. This removes the natural limits that might otherwise interrupt the reassurance cycle, making it easier to get stuck in it.

AI is also not trained to understand the nuances of OCD or compulsive reassurance-seeking, so it’s far more likely to provide reassurance in situations where a friend or therapist would notice the pattern and hold back. Many people have tried instructing their AI bots not to provide reassurance, yet because AI can’t fully interpret nuance and is built to respond politely and helpfully, it can inadvertently reinforce compulsions.

### Why reassurance doesn’t work
Compulsions actually fuel the OCD cycle and make anxiety worse. Yet in the moment, they can feel like the “helpful” thing to do. It can seem like if you just get the answer to your question or find out a bit more information, your anxiety will finally settle.

The truth is, seeking reassurance ends up reinforcing the fear. Your OCD only ends up getting stronger. And with AI right there, ready to use and eager to answer your questions, it can feel impossible to resist.

### What to do instead
The important thing is to recognize reassurance-seeking for what it is: **a compulsion**, and to understand how it functions within the OCD cycle by ultimately increasing symptoms.

From there, the goal is to learn to manage compulsions more effectively. This might look like:

• Noticing the urge to ask AI a question and choosing to pause instead of immediately engaging
• Delaying the question
• Sitting with the uncertainty
• Allowing yourself to move on without getting an answer

The focus shifts from trying to feel certain or relieved, to practicing **tolerating discomfort and uncertainty.** You can also experiment with setting boundaries around AI use, such as limiting how often you ask the same question or avoiding using AI during moments of heightened anxiety.

Over time, these small changes and resistance can help weaken the urge to seek reassurance and break the cycle.

### Approach with compassion
It’s important to approach this behavior with compassion. There’s no shame in using AI or finding yourself stuck in compulsive reassurance-seeking—it’s incredibly common. And when it comes to AI, the issue isn’t the tool itself, but how it’s being used within the OCD cycle.

When used intentionally, AI can still be a helpful resource. The goal is to shift from using it for reassurance to using it for support, education, and skill-building.

AI may feel like a quick way to get relief, but that relief will only ever be short-term (and it’ll end up fueling OCD). Real progress toward managing OCD comes from learning to tolerate uncertainty, and continuing to live your life without chasing the “perfect” answer.

-Sophia Koukoulis, LMHC, NOCD Therapist (not an AI bot)