I need an opinion of a therapist
Is this an OCD symptome or have I DID? About 3 years ago I had these symptoms, which have now returned in a milder form: I temporarily mirror the expressions/behavior of my family members and friends for brief moments. At those times, I literally get the feeling as if I become that person for a few moments, and at the same time my sense of my own personality disappears. This causes intense anxiety in me. Sometimes the same thing happens, except my brain creates the feeling of being some random man. In that case, however, there is no specific external image attached to it.
By the way, I have struggled with panic disorder and anxiety since childhood, and in the last 10 years pure OCD has also been added. Over the years, the themes of my OCD thoughts have been varied: compulsive aggressive thoughts, obsessional thoughts, existential themes, relationship-related themes, and then 3 years ago—and now again—the fear of DID. In general, my self-confidence is also very low, and I often struggle with that as well.
Unlike what is typical for DID, I do not have the following:
I did not experience severe trauma in childhood, and I remember most of my childhood
I have not experienced amnesia
I have never had independent dialogues in my head, and I have never heard voices
I do not have alters of different ages and genders with their own emotions, habits, tastes, or hobbies
the people around me have never observed different behaviors, speaking voices, or styles in me
Since I have read many descriptions about DID saying that not everyone has amnesia between switches and that a major trauma is not necessarily required for it to develop, I am afraid of what if I am also an exceptional case of DID. Yes, as far as I know I don’t have different alters inside me, but I don’t know how to interpret the fact that as a woman, I sometimes feel like a man for a few moments. I am not trans, and I don’t want to be—I want to always feel like a woman.
I would appreciate it if someone could share their opinion on what this might be. I would especially welcome comments from a psychiatrist or therapist, but others who struggle with anxiety and OCD can also write. My own psychiatrist has not treated a DID patient during their career yet, so they cannot really say much about this fear.