living hell rn
21M, when i was 13-14 i did sth that i regret and hate myself for till now , the thing is that i made out with a boy same age in my school, and yall dont know how iam feeling saying this, i started suffering from HOCD when i became 17 and i also have ROCD, anytime that life feels good my HOCD reminds me "but you actually did this thing so you are actually gay" and i absoloutly regret doing this and i dont know what i was thinking, and the fact that demolishes me is that i did it on purpos and i was fantasizing about it before doing it, but it is destroying me now, i know that i love women i already had 2 girlfriends at the timespan of my HOCD and ROCD , but i cant live normally with the fact that i did what i did , my mind says "you did it on purpose,you wanted it, you fantasized about it, ect..."