r/AmItheAsshole

So, im a young female and I live with my family still. I contribute my fair share in cooking, cleaning, and I go to school (im currently trying to get a job) anyway recently my brother and his wife, my sister in law has moved right next to us so theyre over all the time for dinner. And maybe three months ago my sister in law saw me cutting up onions and putting them into a pan for dinner and she threw a fit saying onions were too spicy for me to cook and she wasnt gonna eat any if I made whatever it was that I was making with onions, so I had to throw away everything and restart because if I didnt then I would get yelled at, and that's the worst thing so id rather just throw it away. Well the same dinner I made without onions and garlic she said had no flavor. And even though that happened for maybe a week i didnt add onions and garlic and every time i didnt she would complain saying it had no flavor. So since then ive decided to prepare dinner maybe an hour before they come over so they dont see me cutting onions and garlic, ive also made sure to do it when none of my siblings are around so they dont see and in turn tell my sister in law. Well, last night my other brother saw me cutting onions and he didnt care too much he just walked away, but when it was dinner time and we were all eating we got onto a topic of everything's "too spicy" for my sister in law and how she doesnt like ketchup or onions, and that she cant even have takis or whatever, and my brother thinking that it was so funny was saying "oh you cant have onions like theyre too sweet?" And she agreed then was telling him its just how she grew up, she hates them and blah blah blah and so he went "well you dont have a problem eating this dinner" and she was like "what are you talking about? This has no onions in it. She was told not to do that anymore because it makes me sick" and my brother went "but you had no problem with the dinner BEFORE I said anything. So are they too spicy?" And when he said that she started acting like "oh I need some water, oh this food is too spicy, someone get me milk" and I got yelled at. I was told I was the asshole and I shouldn't have done it. But was i the asshole?

I, (F-18) have a brother, (M-10) who has been shitting his pants his entire life.

He knows how to go to the bathroom but refuses to.
He is not special needs or anything of the sort.
He is not disabled in any way.
He plays baseball, goes to school every day, and has a good social life.
He doesn’t do any of this at school or baseball.
He waits until he gets to the car and then releases.

My mother and grandmother (our caretakers) condone this behavior and tell me off every time I tell him he stinks.

It has gotten to the point where I find pellets of shit on the floor and chairs in my home.

The chairs smell.
The couch smells.
The carpet smells.
The car smells.
Everything smells of shit.

My friends who come to my house refuse to sit on chairs unless they are in MY room.

It has gotten to the point where I get in more trouble for telling him he smells of feces than he does for defecating in his pants and on everything.

He spends all day playing Roblox and poops his pants instead of getting up and going to the bathroom.
I have tried to take away video games, his favorite thing, but when I tried to take them away my mom just changed passwords, made new accounts, etc. (Fixed the problem for him and let him continue this behavior)

I don’t know what to do anymore.

I have told my mom many times that he should be tested for autism — give an excuse for this behavior and find a way to TREAT IT.
My mom won’t do anything.

EDIT: He is unfortunately outgrown child diapers and my mother won’t let him wear the adult ones.
He has to throw away at least three pairs of boxers a week because of the copious amounts of shit in them. My mom can’t keep up with the amount of poop she scrapes out so ends up throwing them away.

Sometimes he throws them in cabinets (the cabinets where I keep my body wash, soap, etc. or behind things and it stinks the entire house up.)

AITA for wanting a normal brother?

When I (27F) need to pee in public, for example at a restaurant or gas station, if the toilet seat is clean I will sit down on the toilet to pee. If it has a little bit of pee on it, I will wipe it with a tissue before I sit down.

My boyfriend of 3 years recently learned this when I made a passing comment about sitting in a porta potty, and he is absolutely horrified. He is really grossed out that I have had sex with him after sitting on a public toilet seat and likens it to him wiping his dick on the lid of a toilet, or that he is putting his mouth on peoples poop particles when he goes down on me.

I asked a couple of friends, and so far the consensus is that I'm definitely the gross one and I should always hover to pee. I feel like I'm going crazy!

Am I the asshole for sitting on public toilets??

Me and my husband (Ryan) are going through a divorce. We are all moving out of our town home and I thought into separate places.

The plan was for Ryan to ask his ex wife (Raquelle) and her husband (Ken) if he could stay with them and pay rent there because he is close with both of them. Raquelle and Ken had 4 kids - 2 of which are moved out, so they have a big house with a finished basement that has 2 empty rooms and a full bathroom. Ryan texted both Raquelle and Ken separately and they both said yes and that they would talk to each other.

Today Ryan said that he wants to move in with me and my kids (Skipper - oldest, Stacy - middle, and Chelsea - youngest) We have 2 weeks to find a place that will fit all of us. All of our house hunting prior to today and what is planned for the rest of this week will be pointless because they don't have enough rooms. He is saying he will take Chelsea (his biological kid) along with Skipper and Stacy if I don't let him come with. I said that my other two kids will not want to go with him (because they wont).

I do not make enough money to get a big enough place by myself. When he said he would move in to Raquelles' house he also said that he would help us with rent. He's now saying that I have no say in his decision to come with us.

What can I do? I don't feel like I can tell him no because of his financial help, but he is messy and I am described by the people around me as a clean freak. He is also always glued to his phone and only helps when he is asked and he wont even watch his own kid because of his screen addiction. We cant go anywhere with him because he brings the mood down everywhere he goes. He straight up ignores guests that drop by, at a parties he ignores everyone, and even out in public at an amusement park he sits on his phone and ignores everyone. He brings the vibe of the whole house down and makes me feel like I have a fourth kid, I really do not want him living with us but if I insinuate that we are moving separately he gets super defensive and asks to come with to look at houses.

We are not legally divorced yet but have decided to divorce. We are broke broke, no money for lawyers.

AITA after I demanded to the taken to the hospital after i felt a pop in my back and my heart pound out of my chest and my whole body tighten? Sorry for formatting on iPhone still not feeling great. At about 4:30 in the morning, I a 27 year-old Woman started feeling a bit sick like there was something stuck in the back of my throat I felt like I was gonna be sick so I went into the bathroom and decided better to just get it over with it’s late. I started to throw up when I felt a pop come from what felt like my spine and immediately after my heart rate went way over 170 in a matter of seconds my chest got really tight I could feel my blood sending out warning signs to the rest of my body that I was not okay. I know my heart and it was not beating normally. I kept telling my partner this feels like a heart attack I don’t feel okay I’m scared that if I go to sleep I will not wake up tomorrow. 31 male partner Kevin (fake name) got dressed slowly saying it’s cold outside are you sure it’s not the cold at this rate I was jumping out of my skin like please help me if we don’t leave right now I need to call 911 I’m not okay something is wrong. He was helpful in getting me to breathe our only working car right now is so bad so heat alignment is all kinds of fucked up on the way there he just kept saying we will be lucky if the car makes it too and from the hospital and I just kept apologizing because I was so scared and I didn’t know what else to do besides the fact that I needed to go to a hospital. I’ve worked in health care I’ve seen heart attacks I didn’t wanna die. We get to the hospital and I know it’s better to be completely honest what’s going on I explained I took some edibles earlier in the night hit I don’t think it was related to why I was in that pop in my back and the immediate reaction from my heart was wrong and I was trying so hard to calm down my whole body is tensing up I don’t know to do. They put us back out in the waiting room and he is silent as hell we had just taken our night time medication before any of this happened so I know he’s tired but if I passed out I knew thing we’re gonna get worse I was trying to have him talk to me because everytime I closed my eyes I was going out I could feel myself drifting. Usually he’s always talking to me but he bad nothing to say just stressing about how we were gonna pay for this our already tight situation. They finally get us back there and are talking to me like a drug addict who just wants a fix I’m crying scared I’m gonna die he’s just silent in the corner. They tell me it’s an anxiety attack and I get discharged because he had to leave to go to work but nothing feels right I slept a little bit when I got home but my legs are tingly I’m scared to eat and my partner sent me a long message saying i need to understand his stress from last night. Am I the asshole for any of it I guess? I’m laying here feeling like I was wrong in every step..

AITAH for telling my wife I don’t want to go on a trip to Mexico City anymore that we were planing to do with her mom, and suggesting she go with her mom instead?
I’m 38F, my wife is 36F. We’ve been married 2+ years. I make about 2.5x more than her working in tech, while she works as a cake decorator in NYC. I’ve always been okay paying a larger share of rent, bills, groceries, dinners, dog expenses, etc., because I know she makes less and also sends money home to help her mom in Costa Rica every month.
The issue is she’s also built up around $5k–7k in credit card debt, and since she doesn’t get PTO, every trip hits her financially twice. Last year we went to Paris, this year Mexico, plus other domestic trips, and she’s also traveled home to Costa Rica several times since getting residency.
We had been talking about going to Mexico City right before her birthday, where her mom was already planning to meet us. Recently I told her I didn’t really want to go anymore and suggested maybe she should just go with her mom. When she asked why, I admitted part of it is that every trip ends up costing me a lot more — flights, hotels, dog sitting, meals, etc. I also feel stressed knowing she’s already struggling financially.
She completely blew up and said I made her feel like a charity case. Honestly, I understand why that hurt her, but I also don’t know how we’re supposed to keep doing expensive trips when I’m effectively paying for almost everything. I don’t mind contributing more, but sometimes the dynamic makes me uncomfortable and resentful.

Other notable things

1. I have already been to Mexico City
2. I look forward to breaks from her
3. We have an unhealthy relationship with a lot of sporadic fights/arguments that make me stressed

AITAH?

My mom has a favorite story she usually tells whenever someone new joins the family or asks about my teen years.

According to her version of it, I got accepted into a summer art program, but I was scared to leave home and was not sure if I wanna go there. My mom gently helped me realize that I wasn't ready yet and I later admitted myself that spending summer helping family was more important than some classes.

It sounds really heartwarming, shows my mom as a caring one, but problem is that's not how it went.

I didn't go because mom said that even with a scholarship it was too expensive. She also said that it would be hard for her to take care of my young brother over the summer if I left. I was 14, felt guilty and just stayed home instead.

I’m 22 now. I don’t live with that resentment every day, I’m not angry on my mom and I love her, but it bothers me that she turned it into a story where she’s the wise one and I was the troubled child who needed to be saved from myself.

We had a family dinner this Sunday. My cousin’s new husband saw an old photo of me and asked if I been into art seriously. My mom immediately started telling her old story.

I stayed silent as always until she turned to me and said that I was the one who said later that I wasn’t ready and thanked her. I said no and finally after so many years told a true version of this warm story.

Things got awkward. Mom said I was rewriting the past and that she was just trying to help me make a grown up decision. I replied that she could remember it however she wanted, but she shouldn’t ask me to confirm a story where I look like a coward.

After dinner mom said I'd made her look stupid in front of the family because of some teenage grudge. My aunt said I could have just smiled and not ruined the evening.

I feel bad now over this. But on the other hand I'm tired of being a character in some pretty story my mom made up where control looks like care.

AITA?

I recently have been named as a witness to drama happening between two coworkers. I really do not want to get involved however one of my coworkers has already gone to HR to say I am a victim of what happened. Even though she is correct, I am close with both sources. How do I tell HR that I want no parts of being involved without coming across as difficult or running into the issue of insubordination for not going along with an internal investigation? Will they then go back to my coworker to accuse them of lying if I say I know nothing? AITA for not wanting to be involved?

For context, I am a senior in high school graduating in a couple weeks. My brother is graduating from a prestigious college on the east coast and then coming back to live at home again. My school has a 5 day long weekend (Saturday-Wednesday) coming up which I would miss all of (leave Saturday mid-day and get back Wednesday night) for his graduation. I know that my brother’s graduation is important, but this weekend is one of the last times all of my friends will be free before we all leave to college. I’m going out to the east coast and none of my friends are joining me—so this will likely be one of the last weekends I’ll be able to see many of them besides breaks if we’re all home. Am I the asshole for wanting to skip his graduation to stay home? I’ll still be able to watch it online, it’ll free up a spot for a different family member to attend, he’ll be home for at least the summer after Wednesday, and he is not the type of guy to care too much if I were there. If I stay back, I’m able to see my friends and stay home before I need to leave for school. My family can get a full refund on the flight. Should I stay home or go?

Edit: I’m gonna call my brother and ask him what he thinks, but unless he really doesn’t care in the slightest I’ll plan on going. I don’t want this to be something I regret going to in 5 years. Thank you all!

My best friend (Stella) married her husband (Ted) when their ages still ended in teen. They’ve had a terrible marriage, 4 amazing kids and have always seemed to exist in struggle and drama. I’ve always thought Ted was a loser and every step of his adult life he has taken every opportunity to prove me right. Needless to say I’ve generally avoided him but I don’t think I’ve ever been openly unpleasant to him. Another forum would love some of the monster in laws, wild wedding and cheater stories - all of this to say there’s quite a history.
Things had been the same for a while - supporting Stella best I could but things got really different when I lost my brother. I started to have a hard time hearing about their rollercoaster marriage and his absolutely insane family. I started to resent that Stella got to complain about things she could change but chose not to. I avoided them for a while because I couldn’t handle the comments and knowing how much of a conversation my grief was becoming for them and their extended family. Ted even made a gross comment when I was on the phone with her late one night. I think I did an ok job of keeping my own distance and while still showing up for Stella and her kids.
After trick or treating with Stella and her crotch goblins, she opened up about the state of her relationship. As she got into more details she mentioned how a three way was often a point of contention for them. Amongst all of the ‘virtual’ infidelity on Ted’s side anyone could see why Stella wasn’t exactly turned on by the idea. The cherry on top was that the person he kept mentioning specifically was me. I had heard that I had been brought up before but I thought it was nipped and over with. Not only did Stella say she wasn’t interested at all, but I said no - NEVER with Ted. What I didn’t understand was that this has been ongoing for years. Happening almost every time Im in their home or he’s drunk and puts the moves on her. Apparently it went so far that one night when I was passed out on their couch she got up to come ask me - took a quick cry break in the hallway and decided I was too asleep to ask. I was so horrified I think I said “you should only have to say no once” and that I have zero interest in being involved in their marriage. I still don’t know why I felt guilty when she said “but I look nothing like you” - we have very different features but she is I objectively a beautiful woman.
It sat really heavy with me for days. Best case scenario I’m super uncomfortable with how much he’s thinking about me and the way he seems to be thinking about me. Worst case I’m unsafe around him. AITA for telling Stella I won’t come over anymore? This could very well make or break our friendship but if I don’t I think it’ll break anyway.

My (26F) sister (33F) is getting married soon. She has planned a beautiful wedding with her fiancé (33M) and I’m very happy for her, but this has been a problem.

She wants me to stand/seat close to her during the wedding ceremony, as I’m one of her bridesmaids, but I can’t and she’s pretty upset about it. The issue is that the spot they picked for the ceremony is near a cliff. It’s not directly on the edge, there is a reasonable distance, but it’s very close.

I have a paralyzing fear of heights and I know that I won’t be able to do it. I don’t want to ruin her wedding by having a big panic attack, so I would rather avoid the situation altogether. I just want to seat a bit farther, amongst the guests.

She wants me to get over it during the next months, but I don’t think I can. When I was a teenager I survived a fall from a very high place (50ft) and was severely injured. I spent weeks in the ICU and ended up with permanent neurological damage. Being near places like cliffs, balconies, open windows from high floors… absolutely terrifies me. It’s the kind of situation where breathing becomes hard and I end up curled on the floor.

I know that it’s something that I should work on, but it’s not easy and I don’t have the money needed to work with a psychologist readily available. It has never been a big problem before this time, so I haven’t really thought about it over the past years.

It’s an irrational fear, so I don’t think she takes it seriously, but I genuinely can’t control it.

So, AITA for refusing to stand next to her at her wedding?

English is my 2nd language and I don't speak it on daily basis, so pls don't focus on my way of writing.

Im 16M living with my parents. Their house is very small: just 2 small rooms and 1 tiny common washroom. The first room is obviously my parents' bedroom. However, the 2nd one is my mom's office.

It's occupied by her big table, chair, shelf and other stuff. She's very possessive of her belongings and uses that office for her part-time job. So basically, I never had my personal space. Forget a room, not even a personal little corner.

All I've got is a small cupboard to store all my things. I've to still sleep in my parents' room. Nobody can live in the hall because there's no Air Conditioner there. (Our city is one of the hottest in the world).

To make things worse, I've come out to be a privacy & personal space prioritizing person. My sister (19F) left home for college last year. Imagine the living conditions when she used to live here as well.

I feel extremely suffocated, and have been asking my mom to empty her office to give it to me. There's already a study corner in her bedroom (which I currently use) she can make it her new working space.

But she strongly disagrees. Dad doesn't care at all. Recently I created some space in her office by pushing the table and other things in the corner tightly and started sleeping there. She absolutely hates it. A lot of fights are happening between me and her. AITA?

(Just for info, our country has no teenagers working culture, graduating from college is must even for minimum wage jobs. Someone would hire a teenager only for a full time job at a wage hardly enough to fill stomach).

Yeah...you read that right...

Ok. So, my child is 18. An adult by all means, but still my baby and still in high-school. Not officially graduated, but the last day of school was a few days ago.

Ive been teetering a fine line of being a parent, being excited, and allowing my new adult to be that. Very flexible. I allow freedom and have guidelines that I feel are responsible and normal.

Que the whirlwind of an average every day conversation turning into, Im the worst parent ever. Which ill admit, I actually must really suck, because I was absolutely blown by this.

For some context, we have a stable home and basic rules and our unit has always been open and honestly, close!

After it was clear that my child wanted to go move in with their 20 year old lover at their parents house, I said.....omg idk what to do because you are 18 but like, no? Please do not.

It did not work.

So, after giving some space, I asked to talk to the owners of the home they are now in. This other young persons parents. I felt the need to establish wtf is going on, because I am literally an idiot and cannot comprehend this.

After a good conversation, me and the other parent agreed meeting would be appropriate and that they would speak to their partner and select with me a time.

They did not, I asked again the next day.

They now say, they do not want involved. Their child is an adult and can make their own decisions.

Well...I didnt like that very much because I couldnt wrap my head around it. As the owners of a home why you would so willingly do such a thing without asking any questions? Or talking about it with the parents? Or wanting to gather any real information? Or want me to come over? Sz

I get it, 18, adult...but still my child and in high-school. Timing? Does it not matter? They have only been dating for 6 months. AITA?

So, after it became apparent that the other parents involved were going to allow the move, and not meet, I lost my shit, and I am the asshole for that, and I said so much stuff....but.....

AITA for even being mad about it? AITA for having whiplash and not understanding how another set of parents would tell a new relationship to rush to the next step?

Their veiw is that they are adults and they do not want involved. My veiw is that if they live at the parents home, then how can they (the parents) not be involved?

I personally would not move in anyone under these same circumstances, but try and guide them to slowing down, and I feel very strongly that is the appropriate thing to do, so AITA for being blown away that these parents chose not to meet?

My child has been back home twice since. We are on the same terms any parent who doesnt agree with something but still loves their child would be. Im here and made it apparent I always will be no matter what, but that I think the other parents are weirdos for this and that i didnt like them.

AITA?

WIBTA if I tell my parents I don’t want to take care of my disabled dad?

I (17F) have been feeling uncomfortable for a while because my dad (70M) and mum (55F) expect me to take care of my dad when my mum isn’t home. 
For context, my dad is paraplegic, he’s a wheelchair user, he can’t move his legs or his torso, he has reduced mobility on his hands, and his immune and respiratory systems are weak. He has a nurse that comes 5 days a week to hygienize him, take him from the bed to his chair and stuff like that. He also needs to be put to bed in the afternoon so he won’t be injured from sitting all day. My mum usually is the one to do it. 
The problem is that sometimes they expect me to be the one to put and take him out of bed and do other things like empty his urinary bag. I don’t want to do any of this. I think it´s obvious why I don't want to empty the urinary bag. And I don’t like to put him or take him out of bed because 1. he’s heavy and I’m not strong so it’s a little hard 2. The elevator we have is really hard to use, it’s broken so it requires more strength, sometimes it takes me like 5 minutes to pull a lever, it’s harder for me because I’m left-handed 3. Sometimes he’s so tired he can’t give me instructions properly (which I need because I don’t have training on how to do this and I don’t want to hurt him) and it stresses me out 4. I have to pull his pants (not take them off) to move him and it makes me uncomfortable 5. I like to wear long natural nails and since this requires pulling they usually break after weeks of growing them out.
I am fine with doing these on extraordinary occasions, like if my mum is sick and can’t do it, if there are scheduling issues, if he’s sick or things like that. But I don’t want this to be expected of me at any minor inconvenience. 
For example, every monday I get home from therapy at 6pm and my mum is not there because she leaves for her therapy at that time. When I get home sometimes my dad is in his chair and asks me to put him to bed. I am usually tired at this point of the day and I just want to rest. There is no reason why my mum couldn’t do it herself, only that my dad didn’t ask her too. And he asks, of course, but I feel bad if I say no
I LOVE my dad, and I empathize with his disability. I want him to be able to do what he wants whenever he wants to. I just don’t think it should depend on me, I’m his daughter, unlike my mum, I never chose to be his caregiver. As I said, I’m willing to help sometimes but not often and I want to feel like I have a choice. I feel like it’s reasonable for me to ask this but I don’t want to hurt his feelings or make him feel like a burden or neglected if I say no. I feel awful for feeling this way.

edit: I have NEVER refused to do anything to help my dad, every time this has been asked of me I have helped and I've tried my best. I don't care deeply about the nails it's the last of my worries in this matter. I know my dad doesn't want this either, I know it's hard for him, I care deeply about his feelings and as I said, I empathize with him.

Last time I posted here, it was concerning my son Kevin, and tbh a lot of you gave really good advice. I'm very, very glad to report that Kevin not only got out of that toxic relationship in the end, but he ended up joining the Army, did a lot of growing up (and honestly so did I), and he and I have a very close relationship, and he calls me constantly for "dad advice." I couldn't be more proud of him and the man he's become.

Now, on to the current situation.

My youngest daughter(17F), we'll call her Sarah, has a Disney princess-style romantic side to her. She wants her fairy tale relationship, and, like JG Wentworth, she wants it NOW. Admittedly, she has the example of my wife and I set for her; we have an absolutely wonderful marriage, my wife is my best friend, and the house is always full of laughter. The problem is, she wants that at 17, which I have tried to tell her, is not a realistic expectation.

This desire has led to a veritable string of pseudo-boyfriends over the last 2 years. Don't ask me for a count, because I honestly don't know. It was enough that I had made a comment to my wife that, until one of them actually has 2 brain cells to rub together and sticks around, I'm not going to learn their names, and they're all going to be "Baskin Robbins" to me, since they're the "flavor of the week."

Now, I love and adore my daughter; she's incredibly sweet, kind, and has an absolutely manic goofy side to her. She often reminds me of Gilda Radner during her SNL stint. But in matters of the heart, and actual love, she has no experience because of her age, and any conversation with her regarding it ends in some variation of "you just don't understand, dad" being thrown out. To my mom and dad, if you ever read this, I'm genuinely sorry for everything I put you through as a teenager.

I told my Baskin Robbins joke to a friend of mine recently, and she got visibly heated, and said I was an asshole for this, saying it "made my daughter out to be some kind of wh*re," which absolutely blindsided me. I've always viewed the joke as a reflection on the teenage male experience, not my daughter.

So, reddit, I leave it to you. AITA?

EDIT: Thank you to those who gave genuine advice and DMs. This helped me see things in a different light, that my brain honestly never considered. Yes, the joke will be stopping, and yes, a more concerted effort will be made to retain names.

And thank you for reminding me just how many weird people are on this site; to the one dude who is jumping into every comment pointing out that she's technically my stepdaughter, you're friggin' weird, stop being weird and get help.

EDIT #2: Man, I forgot how redditors can just make up entire life stories and biographies from a post/comment history for a reddit account I barely use lmao. Y'all need some better hobbies. At least I can admit my failings and work on them; way too many of you are on some bizarre crusade to demonize everyone.

I have a small home. My in laws previously wanted to stay in my second bedroom (we only have two) when I gave birth to my first child. I declined and asked them to get a hotel. apparently this was extremely insensitive to their needs. Now my second child is still in the hospital. my FIL has been staying with us, in the baby room on a twin size bed, for seven weeks. My mental health is struggling as he is a bad guest - messy, inefficient, inconsiderate of me pumping, inconsiderate of using the bathroom with the door open, etc. I feel like a stranger in my own home and I have nowhere to escape except my daughter’s hospital room. I am at my limit. My husband thinks I am being a bitch. My MIL has also wanted to visit but wfh while here. i dont know how to articulate that my home is my home, not a hotel or office. AITA for not wanting them in my (small) space during this time?

ETA: FIL helps get the toddler ready in the morning, albeit it takes him three hours to do it. During this time I either try to catch up on sleep or pump (current oversupplied). He also spends a Lot of the day at the hospital so my infant isn’t alone. So yes there is SOME value-add, but is it enough for me to overlook losing my own sanity? In my opinion it’s low effort.

ETA2: husband is threatening divorce because I’m not considering his needs and I’m causing a rift in his family.

ETA3: (sorry I’m new here) FIL is also clumsy. In one day he cut himself (I had to take him to urgent care), broke a piece of my uppababy stroller, and failed to watch my toddler who was playing with my houseplants and subsequently got dirt everywhere.

My best friend and I are both 21, and about a month and a half ago she entered a serious relationship with a 27-year-old man. At first, he seemed extremely caring — constantly calling her, giving her gifts, complimenting her, and making her feel valued in ways she had never experienced before. However, over time, his behavior started feeling less affectionate and more controlling.

He constantly pressured her into shopping for expensive things she did not even want. Even when she refused, he would keep insisting until she finally gave in out of exhaustion. She does not even enjoy shopping, yet he would keep her awake until 2 a.m. browsing items online because he wanted to buy them for her. On top of that, his moods changed quickly. One day he would be sweet, and the next he would insult her, call her “dumb,” and then later apologize as if nothing had happened.

I realized how unhealthy the relationship was when I visited her during the summer. Since we live in different cities and only meet once a year, we had planned this trip months in advance. Still, he constantly interrupted our time together with nonstop calls and texts. If she replied late, he became irritated even after knowing she was spending time with me.

Things escalated when we planned a waterpark trip. He insisted on paying for everyone’s tickets despite us repeatedly refusing. Eventually, my friend agreed just to stop the pressure. Later, he added unnecessary expensive extras and immediately demanded payment without giving a proper breakdown of the cost. When she calmly asked for details, he exploded, insulted her repeatedly, and told her not to contact him again.

The next day he apologized and begged for forgiveness, but my friend firmly told him that he had no right to disrespect her like that. She later admitted she had lost respect for him because of his behavior.

Afterward, we traveled to my city, where she stayed at my house. Despite her asking for space, he unexpectedly showed up in person under the excuse of collecting a bag he had left behind. Later, while taking her out to repair a phone he had given her, she stopped replying to my messages for hours. When she finally returned, we realized her phone had been put on silent and the internet had been switched off without her knowledge. He had done it.

When she later refused to meet him again, she used my name as an excuse. He then called me toxic and controlling for “interfering,” even though I was simply trying to protect my friend and support her judgment.

Am I the asshole?

AITA for wanting to plan my birthday party without my twin sister?

so me (15F) and my twin sister (also 15F) ((duh)) have our 16th birthday coming up in exactly 3 weeks. I’ve been asking her for a little over a month now about having a party because this birthday is kind of a big one and I’d like to celebrate it.

She hasn’t made the attempt to plan with me or give me any suggestions on what she wants.

I talked to her in person lots and texted her ideas and photos about what the party should be like. I had a conversation with her about planning it and she said she would think about it.

Earlier today, I texted her about wanting a “whimsical, fairytale-esque” theme for the party and she replied with “that’s you tho”.

I replied to her with “ok then what do you want to do? like youre not just gonna tell me no, its my birthday too so either plan with me or im doing it all”

to which she then said “I mean it’s my birthday so I kinda can tell you no if I asked you to plan it but with both of us in mind cause it’s kinda selfish to be closed minded on something that involves both of us”.

I see her point about me being selfish and close-minded, but I really don’t think I was trying to be. At this point, I’m considering leaving her out of it and planning it how I want it to be and if she wants to do anything she can do it herself because I’m over going back and forth about this since we have limited time to get this together anyways.

Any thoughts, suggestions, ideas, would be greatly appreciated and I’m open to criticism if you think I was being rude or selfish towards her.

EDIT: our parents have already said yes to having a party, but I have not proposed the idea of it just being me. They’re very understanding and if my sister can agree, I should be able to have a party of my own and on my accord without my sister. I plan on making most the decorations, food, and activities myself, but my parents would still help me with some of it financially and planning wise. Sorry for the confusion

My dad has some compulsion where he needs to go to my pantry when he visits my house. He’s very well to do and definitely not lacking for food or resources. He just really loves his snacks.

We have all sorts of “goodies” in our pantry at any given day. Cheez-its, Oreos, candy bars, candy canes, chips - you name it. If you’re wondering, do we have a problem? No, not really. But maybe. We have a toddler who only eats pasta and snacks - i.e. cheez-its. The other goods are from random events where I’ve hoarded “snacks” like trick-or-treating because who needs all those empty calories?

My SO noted a few weeks ago that my dad always visits our pantry of goodies every time he stops over, sometimes multiple times per visit. At first I was thinking, “Okay, well, whatever. That is a little odd, but he’s stopping by to visit our LO, so that’s fine.” However recently, I really started to notice this behavior.

Today, my dad dropped his dogs off at my house so he could drive to Temecula to drink wine. I love my dad, so it’s no problem. However, as soon as he lets the dogs into my house, they lift their legs to pee on my couch. My dad stopped them and let them out into the backyard. But then, he asked if he could grab some crackers out of my cabinet that are my LO’s. I told him no, emphatically, but then asked my LO if they’d be willing to give him a handful of their cheez-its which they were holding in their bowl to which they gave me a horrified look and then walked away.

I felt somewhat bad for refusing my dad cheez-its, but I think the gas station hasn’t yet run out of this snack.

AITAH?

At my house, I have strictly rocks and desert landscape and if I don't put pre emergent out in time weeds grow.  Then I'm stuck picking weeds for hours.  This saturday, I picked weeds basically all day.   

When picking weeds along the sidewalk I'm set up on the sidewalk as I'm not voluntarily going to set up on rocks. I had my airpods in and not all that focused on my surroundings.  Next thing I know this big ass dog, I think a lab or something is all up in my business sniffing me.  

I look at the owner and see she purposely stopped and allowed this to happen.  I'm baffled, I quickly stand up to get away and ask the owner what are they doing?  The owner says he's just sniffing, He's a sweet dog and there is nothing to worry about. The tone she had was so nonchalant.   

I tell her I don't care, I don't want her dog touching me. I tell her I don't like dogs and it was dumb of her to assume I like them. I told her to please move and leave me alone.  I could tell she was not happy with me.  AITA here?