AITA For asking my bestfriend to leave her boyfriend?
My best friend and I are both 21, and about a month and a half ago she entered a serious relationship with a 27-year-old man. At first, he seemed extremely caring — constantly calling her, giving her gifts, complimenting her, and making her feel valued in ways she had never experienced before. However, over time, his behavior started feeling less affectionate and more controlling.
He constantly pressured her into shopping for expensive things she did not even want. Even when she refused, he would keep insisting until she finally gave in out of exhaustion. She does not even enjoy shopping, yet he would keep her awake until 2 a.m. browsing items online because he wanted to buy them for her. On top of that, his moods changed quickly. One day he would be sweet, and the next he would insult her, call her “dumb,” and then later apologize as if nothing had happened.
I realized how unhealthy the relationship was when I visited her during the summer. Since we live in different cities and only meet once a year, we had planned this trip months in advance. Still, he constantly interrupted our time together with nonstop calls and texts. If she replied late, he became irritated even after knowing she was spending time with me.
Things escalated when we planned a waterpark trip. He insisted on paying for everyone’s tickets despite us repeatedly refusing. Eventually, my friend agreed just to stop the pressure. Later, he added unnecessary expensive extras and immediately demanded payment without giving a proper breakdown of the cost. When she calmly asked for details, he exploded, insulted her repeatedly, and told her not to contact him again.
The next day he apologized and begged for forgiveness, but my friend firmly told him that he had no right to disrespect her like that. She later admitted she had lost respect for him because of his behavior.
Afterward, we traveled to my city, where she stayed at my house. Despite her asking for space, he unexpectedly showed up in person under the excuse of collecting a bag he had left behind. Later, while taking her out to repair a phone he had given her, she stopped replying to my messages for hours. When she finally returned, we realized her phone had been put on silent and the internet had been switched off without her knowledge. He had done it.
When she later refused to meet him again, she used my name as an excuse. He then called me toxic and controlling for “interfering,” even though I was simply trying to protect my friend and support her judgment.
Am I the asshole?