u/wheezy-donkey

My best friend (Stella) married her husband (Ted) when their ages still ended in teen. They’ve had a terrible marriage, 4 amazing kids and have always seemed to exist in struggle and drama. I’ve always thought Ted was a loser and every step of his adult life he has taken every opportunity to prove me right. Needless to say I’ve generally avoided him but I don’t think I’ve ever been openly unpleasant to him. Another forum would love some of the monster in laws, wild wedding and cheater stories - all of this to say there’s quite a history.
Things had been the same for a while - supporting Stella best I could but things got really different when I lost my brother. I started to have a hard time hearing about their rollercoaster marriage and his absolutely insane family. I started to resent that Stella got to complain about things she could change but chose not to. I avoided them for a while because I couldn’t handle the comments and knowing how much of a conversation my grief was becoming for them and their extended family. Ted even made a gross comment when I was on the phone with her late one night. I think I did an ok job of keeping my own distance and while still showing up for Stella and her kids.
After trick or treating with Stella and her crotch goblins, she opened up about the state of her relationship. As she got into more details she mentioned how a three way was often a point of contention for them. Amongst all of the ‘virtual’ infidelity on Ted’s side anyone could see why Stella wasn’t exactly turned on by the idea. The cherry on top was that the person he kept mentioning specifically was me. I had heard that I had been brought up before but I thought it was nipped and over with. Not only did Stella say she wasn’t interested at all, but I said no - NEVER with Ted. What I didn’t understand was that this has been ongoing for years. Happening almost every time Im in their home or he’s drunk and puts the moves on her. Apparently it went so far that one night when I was passed out on their couch she got up to come ask me - took a quick cry break in the hallway and decided I was too asleep to ask. I was so horrified I think I said “you should only have to say no once” and that I have zero interest in being involved in their marriage. I still don’t know why I felt guilty when she said “but I look nothing like you” - we have very different features but she is I objectively a beautiful woman.
It sat really heavy with me for days. Best case scenario I’m super uncomfortable with how much he’s thinking about me and the way he seems to be thinking about me. Worst case I’m unsafe around him. AITA for telling Stella I won’t come over anymore? This could very well make or break our friendship but if I don’t I think it’ll break anyway.