AITAH for not wanting to go on a trip with my wife, partially because I pay for more things?
AITAH for telling my wife I don’t want to go on a trip to Mexico City anymore that we were planing to do with her mom, and suggesting she go with her mom instead?
I’m 38F, my wife is 36F. We’ve been married 2+ years. I make about 2.5x more than her working in tech, while she works as a cake decorator in NYC. I’ve always been okay paying a larger share of rent, bills, groceries, dinners, dog expenses, etc., because I know she makes less and also sends money home to help her mom in Costa Rica every month.
The issue is she’s also built up around $5k–7k in credit card debt, and since she doesn’t get PTO, every trip hits her financially twice. Last year we went to Paris, this year Mexico, plus other domestic trips, and she’s also traveled home to Costa Rica several times since getting residency.
We had been talking about going to Mexico City right before her birthday, where her mom was already planning to meet us. Recently I told her I didn’t really want to go anymore and suggested maybe she should just go with her mom. When she asked why, I admitted part of it is that every trip ends up costing me a lot more — flights, hotels, dog sitting, meals, etc. I also feel stressed knowing she’s already struggling financially.
She completely blew up and said I made her feel like a charity case. Honestly, I understand why that hurt her, but I also don’t know how we’re supposed to keep doing expensive trips when I’m effectively paying for almost everything. I don’t mind contributing more, but sometimes the dynamic makes me uncomfortable and resentful.
Other notable things
- I have already been to Mexico City
- I look forward to breaks from her
- We have an unhealthy relationship with a lot of sporadic fights/arguments that make me stressed
AITAH?