r/AmITheJerk

my cousin and his wife just had their first kid a few months ago and last week they asked me to be the godfather. I was genuinely touched by that, like I know what it means to them and I don't take it lightly.

but here's the thing. I'm not religious at all. Haven't been for years. Their whole family is pretty devout, go to church every Sunday type, and being a godparent in their world isn't just a title, it comes with real expectations around raising the kid in the faith if something ever happened to the parents.

I said no and I explained honestly that I didn't feel right taking on that role knowing I couldn't genuinely fulfill what it actually means to them. I even said I'd still be super present in the kids life, already got some money set aside to start a little fund for them actually.

My cousin said he appreciated me being honest but his wife is really upset. Her mom called my mom. Now half the family thinks I was too blunt and should have just said yes and figured it out later.

I dont see how saying yes and then being a bad fit for what they actually need would have been better. but maybe I read the room wrong idk. AITJ

So this has been building up for a while

One of my bff is late all the time, like not just 5-10 minutes, more like 30-45 almost litterally everytime

You know because it's your friend, you tolerate this at the beginning, not thinking it will become a habit, so I didn’t really care, stuff happens. but it’s been like this every single time for months now

yesterday we were supposed to meet for a drink at 6. I got there on time, waited… nothing

around 6:20 I texted her, no reply
6:35 she texts “omw”

at that point I was already kinda annoyed but I stayed a bit longer

by 6:50 she still wasn’t there, so I just left. I didn’t text anything, just went home

she finally messaged me at like 7:05 saying she’s there and asking where I am

I told her I left because I’d been waiting almost an hour

now she’s upset saying I could’ve just waited a bit more since she was basically there and that I made her come all the way for nothing

I get that maybe I should’ve sent a message before leaving, but at the same time this keeps happening and I’m kinda over it

now she’s acting like like I am drama queen

TL;DR Friend is always really late, I waited almost an hour and left without telling her. Now she’s mad. Am I the jerk?

Some background because I know this will sound harsh without it. I'm 22F. My parents divorced when I was 15 after my dad had an affair with a woman I'll call Karen. He moved in with her about three months after he left, which meant I was watching my mom fall apart in real time while he was essentially already moved on. I never said he couldn't date, I'm not a child, I understand how people work. But Karen specifically made things worse during the divorce in ways I won't get into, and I've never been able to get past it. I've been civil to her at family events for my dad's sake but we have no relationship and I've never pretended otherwise.

My graduation is in six weeks. It's a big deal to me, I worked really hard for this degree and it took me an extra semester because I had to take a medical leave sophomore year. My mom, my grandparents, and my two closest friends are coming.

I told my dad a few weeks ago that I'd love for him to be there but that I wasn't comfortable having Karen at this specific event. I wasn't mean about it, I just said this one day is really important to me and I want to feel relaxed and present, not tense. He got very quiet and then said he "doesn't go places without her anymore" and that it wasn't fair to ask him to choose. I told him that I wasn't asking him to choose, I was telling him what I needed for my own graduation, and that if he brought her I genuinely wouldn't walk becuase I didn't want the day ruined. He called me manipulative. My stepmom thinks I went too far with the ultimatum.

AITJ for making this a condition or should I have just let it go?

TL;DR: Asked my dad not to bring his girlfriend (who was his affair partner) to my college graduation. He said he won't come without her. I said then I won't walk. He called me manipulative

I need to give some history here because without it I think this sounds petty. I'm a freelance photographer, I've been doing it seriously for about three years and it's my main source of income now. My sister knows this. She also knows what I charge because we've talked about it openly.

About eight months ago she asked me to photograph her friend's bridal shower as a favor. I did it for free because she asked and I wanted to be supportive. A few months after that she asked if I could edit some photos she'd taken herself for a personal project. A few hours of my time, also free, because she's my sister. Then in January she asked me to shoot headshots for her new job search. I charged her my friends and family rate which is roughly 40 percent off my normal price. She said she'd pay me after she landed the job. She landed the job in February. It is now been over two months and I've followed up twice and gotten "I'll sort it out this week" both times with nothing after.

Last week she called asking if I'd photograph her boyfriend's band at an upcoming show and then edit a highlight reel for their social media. This is a full job, probably five or six hours of shooting and another four or five hours of editing. I told her my standard rate. She got quiet and said she expected a family discount. I told her that given the outstanding balance from the headshots I wasn't comfortable extending more discounted work until that was resolved. She said I was being transactional and that family shouldn't keep score.

I don't think I'm keeping score. I think I'm running a buisness and she has an unpaid invoice. AITJ for holding the line here?

TL;DR: Sister has unpaid balance from previous photography work and asked for another discounted job. I said standard rate until she pays what she owes. She says I'm being transactional.

I am a guy, and I make handmade gifts sometimes for people I am actually close with. Mostly because I like making things with my hands, and also because if I buy something nice I will overthink it for three days and still feel weird about it. A friend of mine had a birthday coming up and a while back she said she loves gifts that feel personal, so I decided to make her a fabric pouch with hand embroidery on the front. It was not some quick little craft either. I had already spent a few evenings on it after work, redone part of the stitching once, bought a better lining because the first one looked cheap, the whole annoying process. A few days before her birthday she came by for coffee and saw it on the table because I was finishing the last bits. She picked it up and said, half laughing, "Oh this is actually almost normal if not for this part," and pointed at one side where the stitching was a little uneven. Then she added that if I fixed that section it would look "proper enough to use outside." I just stood there holding my mug like an idiot for a second. She was not yelling or anything, but it landed badly. One of those tiny comments that somehow makes you feel dumb all at once. I said something like yeah well thats the handmade part and changed the subject.

After she left I got so irritated I put the whole thing away and decided I was not touching it again. I did not throw it out or start some huge argument, I just stopped working on it. For her actual birthday I gave her a card and a small store bought gift instead. She noticed right away and later texted asking what happened to the pouch. I told her honestly that after what she said, I did not really feel like finishing it for her. She said I was being too sensitive, that she was just giving helpful feedback, and that if I am going to give handmade stuff I cannot expect people to act like every part looks amazing. One mutual friend said I made it weird by taking the comment personally and then quietly switching gifts instead of just saying something right there. Another said calling a handmade gift "almost normal" was rude as hell and she would have gotten nothing after that. I keep going back and forth. Yeah, maybe I should have said something immediately instead of stewing over it like a moron. But I also do not think someone gets to insult a gift they have not even received yet and then expect me to go home and keep sewing for them like some cheerful little workshop goblin.

TL;DR: I was making a female friend a handmade birthday gift, she saw it before I finished and called it "almost normal" except for one uneven part, then suggested I redo it. I stopped working on it and gave her a store bought gift instead. Now she says I overreacted.

I’m 34M and this happened during a contract renewal with a company I’ve been working with for years. It wasn’t something new or unfamiliar. I’ve signed similar agreements before, and the process is usually straightforward. They send the document, I review it, we clarify anything unclear, then I sign. This time was different from the start.

Instead of sending it ahead, they asked me to come in person to “finalize everything quickly.” I didn’t think much of it because we already discussed most of the terms over email. When I got there, they handed me a printed copy of the agreement and pointed me to the last page where I was supposed to sign. I didn’t sign immediately. I always skim through first, even if I’ve seen a version before.

As I went through the pages, something felt off. The numbering didn’t match. It jumped from page 5 to page 7. At first I thought it was just a printing mistake, but when I flipped back and checked again, there was clearly a missing page. I asked them about it right away. They said it was probably just a formatting issue and that nothing important was missing. That alone didn’t sit right with me. This wasn’t a casual form. It was a legal agreement tied to money and obligations. I asked if I could see the full digital version. That’s when the tone changed slightly. They said the printed version was already finalized and that we could “clean up formatting later” if needed. That made it worse.

I went back to my email and pulled up the version they had sent me days earlier. I compared the sections line by line. The missing page wasn’t random. It was a section that outlined penalties and termination conditions. The printed version skipped directly over it. I pointed this out and asked why that section was removed. They didn’t give a direct answer. One of them said it was being “revised” and wouldn’t apply the same way, so they removed it to avoid confusion.

But that didn’t make sense. If it was being revised, it should have been updated, not removed entirely without explanation. At that point, I pushed back and said I wasn’t signing anything with missing sections. They started pressuring me, saying we already agreed on everything and this was just a formality. That’s when it became clear it wasn’t a mistake. They needed my signature on that version specifically. A version that conveniently left out the part that protected me.

I closed the document and told them I wouldn’t sign until I had a complete, updated version that matched what we discussed. The meeting got tense after that. They said I was delaying the process and making things more complicated than necessary. I left without signing.

Later that day, I received an updated document by email. The missing section was back, but with stricter terms than before. If I had signed the printed version, I wouldn’t have even seen what they planned to include.

So AITJ for refusing to sign after I realized a page was missing from the agreement?

TL;DR: went to sign a contract, noticed a page was missing that contained key terms. they downplayed it, but I refused to sign. later found out that section had stricter conditions. now they say I made it a big deal.

I’m 33M and I work in a place where accountability matters because small mistakes can lead to bigger issues. We have cameras in common areas, not for constant monitoring but for situations where something needs to be reviewed. A few weeks ago, I was called into a meeting about an incident that happened during my shift. Something was mishandled, and it caused a delay that affected multiple people. The problem was, I wasn’t even there when it happened.

They showed me the report. My name was listed as the person on duty at that exact time. I told them there had to be a mistake because I stepped out earlier than usual that day due to a personal matter. They checked the schedule and said I was still marked present. That’s when I realized the system hadn’t been updated when I left. I asked them to check the footage.

At first, they hesitated, saying it wasn’t necessary and that we could resolve it internally. That made me push harder, because from my perspective, I was being blamed for something I didn’t do. When they finally reviewed the footage, it showed clearly that I left the area before the incident happened. Another employee, 35M, came in shortly after and was the one handling things when it went wrong. The room went quiet after that.

The issue then shifted to why my name was still attached to the responsibility. It turned out that instead of correcting the log when I left, they just left it as is and assumed I was still accountable. If I didn’t insist on checking the footage, I would have taken the blame. After that, I filed a formal note to make sure it was documented properly. Now some people are saying I made things worse by pushing for footage and putting someone else on the spot. But I wasn’t trying to expose anyone. I was trying to clear my name.

So AITJ for insisting on checking the footage after being blamed for something I wasn’t even there for?

TLDR: got blamed for an incident at work even though I had already left. pushed to check CCTV which proved I wasn’t there. now others say I escalated it too much.

I’m 29M and I noticed this through a notification that didn’t make sense at first. I use an account that tracks login activity and shows which devices are currently connected. I check it occasionally, but not obsessively.

One night, I got an alert about a new login.The location was the same city, so it didn’t immediately look suspicious, but the device listed wasn’t mine. I only use my phone and my laptop. This one was a different model entirely.

At first I thought maybe it was a glitch or a misread, but when I checked the active sessions, that device was still logged in.So I logged everything out and changed my password.The next day, it happened again.Same type of device, same general location, new session.

At that point, I knew someone had access.I started thinking about where I might have logged in recently. The only time I used my account on another device was at a friend’s place, 30M, when I needed to quickly check something and used his computer.I logged out before leaving, or at least I thought I did.I went over to his place and asked if he noticed anything unusual with his system. He said no. I asked if my account was still logged in on his computer.He said it shouldn’t be.So I showed him the login activity.That’s when he got quiet.

After a bit of back-and-forth, he admitted he noticed my account was still accessible on his device and used it a couple of times because it was already there. He said he didn’t think it mattered since he didn’t change anything important.But he didn’t tell me. He just kept accessing it.I asked what exactly he did on my account. He said just browsing and checking things, nothing serious. But that wasn’t the point.He had access, knew it wasn’t his, and kept using it anyway.I told him that crossed a line. He said I was overreacting because it wasn’t like he hacked anything, it was just “left open.”I logged out all devices again and secured everything, but I also distanced myself from him after that.

Now he’s saying I’m making a big deal out of something that was my mistake for not logging out properly.But from my side, he knew it wasn’t his account and chose to keep using it.

So AITJ for confronting him and cutting him off after seeing my account active on a device I don’t own?

TL;DR: noticed my account logged in on an unknown device. turned out my friend kept accessing it after I used his computer once. confronted him and cut him off, now he says I overreacted.

I need to start by saying I genuinely appreciate that my friends put effort into this. I know organizing something like that takes time and I don't take that lightly. But I also think what happened is worth talking about because I've gotten very mixed reactions from people who were there. About three months ago I went through a bad falling out with someone in our friend group, I'll call her Mia. It wasn't dramatic on the surface but it involved her sharing something personal I had told her in confidence with several other people, some of whom I barely knew. I dealt with it, I told the people closest to me what happened, and I made it clear that I wasn't comfortable being in spaces with her for the time being. Everyone said they understood.

Last Saturday was my birthday. My roommate told me we were going for a low key dinner with four people. We walked into the restaurant back room and it was a full surprise party, maybe 25 people. I was genuinely shocked and for the first thirty seconds it was wonderful. Then I saw Mia standing near the back. She made eye contact with me and smiled like everything was normal. I stayed for maybe fifteen minutes. I hugged my roommate, thanked her, said I wasn't feeling well and left. I did not make a scene, I did not say anything to Mia, I didn't cry or yell. I just left and went home.

My roommate is hurt. Two other friends think I overreacted and that I should have just stayed and avoided Mia for the evening. One friend who knows the full story completely understands. I feel like I communicated my boundaries clearly months ago and I shouldn't have had to perform gratitude in a situation that was genuinely uncomfortable for me. AITJ for leaving instead of staying and making the best of it?

TL;DR: Walked out of my own surprise party after seeing someone I'd specifically said I wasn't comfortable around. Didn't make a scene, just left. Friends are split on whether I overreacted

I work at a small retail shop. We have a vendor who stocks and manages her own products in our store. She's been here for years before I started.

Over the past few months, I've noticed that she consistently leaves her boxes and trash in our back room. Not just a little, but piles of cardboard, plastic wrap, and empty boxes that sit there for days. I've asked her politely to clean up after herself. She always says sorry, I'll get it and then doesn't.

Last week, I came in and found that she had used our employee break table as her personal packing station. There was packing tape residue, cardboard scraps, and coffee stains all over the table where I eat my lunch.

I was fed up. I took photos and sent them to our store manager. I explained that this has been happening for months and I've asked her to stop multiple times.

The manager had a talk with her. Yesterday, I found out she was fired. Now I feel terrible. She was older, had been working here for years, and I don't know her situation. A few coworkers are saying I should have just kept my mouth shut and let it go.

But I was tired of cleaning up after someone who refused to take responsibility.

AITJ for reporting her?​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

I (28F) was designated driver for girls night. My friend Katie drank WAY too much and got sick in my car.

I'm talking vomit all over the back seat, floor mats, even got on the door. It was horrible.

I had to get my car professionally detailed - $300.

I asked Katie to split the cost with me since it was her mess. She said absolutely not, accidents happen when you drink.

I said you CHOSE to drink that much! I was being nice driving you! She says that's what friends do.

I said friends also take responsibility for damaging someone's property. She says I'm being petty over a little throw up.

A LITTLE?! My car reeked for days even after cleaning!

She's refusing to pay anything. Says if I didn't want to deal with drunk friends I shouldn't of volunteered to drive.

I told her fine, I'm never DD'ing for her again. She can pay for Ubers from now on.

She got mad saying I'm punishing her for one mistake and being a bad friend.

But why should I be out $300 for HER choices? I didn't force her to drink!

My boyfriend thinks I should just eat the cost to keep the peace. But $300 is alot of money!

Am I wrong for expecting her to contribute?

TL;DR: Friend got drunk and vomited in my car, I asked her to help pay $300 detailing cost, she refused and says I'm being petty.

For some context my friend has been planning his wedding for 3 months for this weekend is getting married at our church. Sadly one of the elderly women at the church passed away last week and now they've planned the funeral directly after the his wedding ceremony. the problem is several people already committed to coming to the reception go to the church and could be planning to not go to the reception and simply stay at the church after the weddong to attend the funeral. The church didn't ask if it was ok to do so they just told him that's what they were doing. I think it was inconsiderate for the church to do that to him considering he's spending several thousands of dollars for food and could end up overspending since he already sent rsvps out a while ago. I understand they family of the elderly women was probably put in a tight situation and could only do that date but I think that it was inconsiderate of them to schedule it and not ask. I was talking to my family about it and they just kept "fence sitting" and not wanting to pick a side. Saying I'm being controlling, gaslighting me and saying that "I shouldn't care that much" and "It's not your wedding". When my wife and I have been planning this wedding with him since day one.

TLDR; A funeral got scheduled on the same day as my friends wedding and people might miss the reception because of the funeral. I said it was inconsiderate of the church to not consider the amout of time and money went into the reception and my family said I was overreacting.

So a little bit ago, I (22m) got an invite to my mother's wedding and when I told my dad, he told me that I had to go and that I should take my fiancee as well so she can meet me my mom. I told him that my mom's barely been in my life that I know she doesn't love me. He got mad at that and pretty much ordered me and told me I'm disrespecting my mom's and his pain if I don't go.

My mom and dad are from a country where your parents can force you to go and be married far too young. My mom wasn't 13 when I was born and my dad wasn't 14. When my mom turned 18, my dad helped her escape to Canada and she's lived in Vancouver ever since. She's come out and she's getting married to a woman. After my dad married my stepmom, my dad moved us all to Toronto.

Since then, I've seen my mom like ten times. She calls every now and then and sends emails but it's clear that she doesn't want to be in my life. She gives me 20k every birthday for my education. But like, she's getting married and she sent me an invite in the mail? She couldn't even call me to tell me? Am I being the jerk about this?

I’m 27M and this happened with someone I’ve been seeing for a few months, 26F. We weren’t officially labeled yet, but we were consistent. We saw each other regularly, talked daily, and it felt like things were moving in that direction.

There was no reason for me to question anything until something small caught my attention. We were out together and she asked me to check something on her phone while she was driving. I unlocked it and a notification popped up from a messaging app. It showed my number, but the name saved wasn’t mine. It was something generic. Not even a nickname, just a label that didn’t connect to me at all.

At first, I thought maybe I misunderstood. But when I opened the contacts to check, my number was saved under that same label. I asked her about it casually. She brushed it off and said she just hadn’t updated it yet. That didn’t make sense. We’d been talking for months. My name had come up countless times. There’s no reason my contact would still be saved like that unless it was intentional. I didn’t push it in that moment, but it stayed in my head. Later that night, I brought it up again and asked directly why my name wasn’t saved properly. She hesitated before answering. Then she said it was just easier that way. That answer didn’t explain anything.

I asked what she meant by easier, and that’s when it started to come out. She admitted that she kept certain contacts labeled vaguely so that if someone else saw her phone, it wouldn’t raise questions. That hit immediately. Because that meant I wasn’t just a contact. I was someone she didn’t want clearly identified. I asked if there was someone else who would question my name being there. She avoided the question at first, then said it wasn’t serious and that I was overthinking it.

But from my perspective, it was clear. My name was hidden for a reason. I told her I wasn’t comfortable continuing something where I had to be disguised in her phone. She said I was making a big deal out of something small. We haven’t really talked properly since. So AITJ for questioning it and pulling back after finding out my name was intentionally saved under a different label?

tldr: noticed my number saved under a random label in the girl I’m seeing’s phone. she admitted it was so no one else would question it. I distanced myself, now she says I overreacted.

At work a new colleague assumed I was less experienced than I actually am. They explained basic things to me in detail and simplified tasks when assigning work. I noticed it but did not correct them. It made my workload lighter and expectations lower.

Over time I completed tasks quickly and without stress. Eventually they realized my actual level when I handled something complex without guidance. They looked surprised and later said I should have clarified earlier so they could have used my skills properly.

I understand their point but I also benefited from the lower pressure while it lasted. AITJ for letting someone underestimate me for convenience?

My (24F) best friend (25F) slowly stopped talking to me a few months ago after she got close with a new friend group. She went from talking to me every day to basically ignoring me, while being very active with them.I tried reaching out multiple times, but she barely responded, so I stopped trying. Now she suddenly came back asking for emotional and financial help because she’s going through a hard time. There was no apology or explanation just like nothing happened. I told her I’m not comfortable helping after how she treated me and how easily she cut me off. Now she’s saying I’m selfish and jealous, and some people agree with her.

AITJ or am I justified for not helping someone who replaced me and ignored me?

So this happened Saturday night and now it’s kinda awkward

My friend asked if I wanted to grab dinner, nothing fancy just a normal place. I said yeah thinking it would just be us two

When I got there she had already invited two other people I don’t really know. not a huge deal but I wasn’t expecting that at all

we all ordered, and she ended up ordering a lot more than I did. like drinks, sides, dessert, the whole thing

when the bill came she was like “let’s just split it evenly” without really asking

I said I’d rather just pay for what I got because mine was way less. she kinda gave me that look ... You know that look your friend gives you to make you feel like you're annoying everyone, and you're just besically giving a hard time for nothing, and she said it’s easier if we just split it

the other two didn’t say much but you could tell it got a bit awkward

I still said I’d just cover my part and left it at that. I paid what I ordered plus a bit extra for tip

afterwards she texted me saying I made things uncomfortable and that when you go out in a group you should just split it

I get that splitting is common, but I also didn’t agree to a group dinner in the first place and didn’t order nearly as much

now I’m wondering if I should’ve just gone along with it to avoid the whole situation

TL;DR: Friend invited extra people to dinner without telling me, then wanted to split the bill evenly even though I ordered way less. I refused and paid only my part, now she’s mad. Am I the jerk?

I had a close friend Maya in college. We were inseparable for years. After graduation, we stayed in touch for a while, but then she slowly stopped responding. No big fight, just... silence. She'd leave my messages on read. She'd cancel plans last minute. Eventually, I stopped trying.

Two years of nothing. Last month, I got a save the date in the mail. She's getting married. She also sent me a friend request on social media and a message saying "I know it's been a while, but I'd love for you to be there."

I didn't respond. I archived the message and ignored the request. My mom says I'm being petty and should just go. She says weddings are about celebrating love, not holding grudges.

But I feel like she only reached out because she wants a gift or to fill a seat. Not because she actually missed me.

AITJ for unfollowing her and saying no?​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

It's a small group of six dear friends and family. For the last 5 years we've gathered every single Saturday for dinner and often a movie. I'm the organizer. My SIL, who suffers from multiple (and rather severe) physical and mental ailments, including alcoholism, clinical depression, and hoarding disorder, rarely comes but is always invited.

On the rare occasions when she does come, she often mopes silently in a corner, complains about the choice of restaurant or movie, or makes passive aggressive digs at people. Mostly we ignore it, but she's already burned bridges with two extended family members through her openly hostile behavior.

Now, this behavior has extended to a member of our small Saturday group--her oldest childhood friend--over an imagined slight from 6 months ago that caused a rather dramatic falling out between the two of them. Last night SIL actually showed up for our weekly dinner and I thought maybe she was ready to let bygones be bygones, but when her friend said hello, she turned her back and walked away. They didn't speak the whole night and our friend ended up in tears.

This obviously can't go on.

My SO (her brother) is ready to call her and say that until she makes up with her friend, we can no longer invite her to our Saturday plans. She hardly ever comes anyway, and yes, we are choosing friends over family.

Is it ok to choose our dearest friends over this train wreck of a family member? Will I be able to live with myself if she harms herself? (It's just the kind of thing she may do.)

I have a neighbor who lets his dog out in the backyard every single morning at 6am sharp. The dog barks. Not little yaps. Full throated, window rattling, soul piercing barks. For 30 minutes straight.

This has been going on for eight months. I've tried earplugs. They fall out. I've tried white noise machines. His dog is louder. I've tried melatonin, CBD, even sleeping in my living room on the opposite side of the apartment. Nothing works.

I work until 2am. 6am is not my morning. 6am is the middle of my night. This morning, after yet another sleepless half hour, I lost it. I threw on my robe, marched outside in the freezing cold, and went right up to the fence. I yelled "It's 6am! Do something about your dog!"

He came out looking confused. He said "dogs bark, that's what they do." I said "not for half an hour every day for eight months!" He shrugged and went back inside. The dog kept barking.

I stood there in the cold, shaking with rage and exhaustion, and cried. Now I'm the crazy neighbor. My boyfriend says I should have left a note. My sister says he deserved worse.

AITJ for finally snapping?​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​