WIBTJ to exclude my SIL from weekly gatherings?
It's a small group of six dear friends and family. For the last 5 years we've gathered every single Saturday for dinner and often a movie. I'm the organizer. My SIL, who suffers from multiple (and rather severe) physical and mental ailments, including alcoholism, clinical depression, and hoarding disorder, rarely comes but is always invited.
On the rare occasions when she does come, she often mopes silently in a corner, complains about the choice of restaurant or movie, or makes passive aggressive digs at people. Mostly we ignore it, but she's already burned bridges with two extended family members through her openly hostile behavior.
Now, this behavior has extended to a member of our small Saturday group--her oldest childhood friend--over an imagined slight from 6 months ago that caused a rather dramatic falling out between the two of them. Last night SIL actually showed up for our weekly dinner and I thought maybe she was ready to let bygones be bygones, but when her friend said hello, she turned her back and walked away. They didn't speak the whole night and our friend ended up in tears.
This obviously can't go on.
My SO (her brother) is ready to call her and say that until she makes up with her friend, we can no longer invite her to our Saturday plans. She hardly ever comes anyway, and yes, we are choosing friends over family.
Is it ok to choose our dearest friends over this train wreck of a family member? Will I be able to live with myself if she harms herself? (It's just the kind of thing she may do.)