r/weddingdrama

Hi everyone, here’s a final update from my previous posts (Part 1 & Part 2).

TL;DR: My fiancé’s mom wanted a large, prestigious wedding and refused to support our small ceremony because she felt it would embarrass her socially. Things escalated far beyond what we ever expected — screaming, insults, destroyed belongings, and eventually my fiancé leaving home entirely. After everything that happened, we chose peace over approval.

In short….we’re married now!!

A few weeks ago, we officially became husband and wife. In the end, we decided to keep things small and intimate. We had a simple celebration with my extended family, good food, and lots of laughter.

Of course, not having his side of the family there was painful, especially for him. I know there’s still sadness underneath it all, and I don’t think anyone imagines their wedding turning out this way. But despite everything, we still had such a beautiful day together.

I’m incredibly proud of him. I know it wasn’t an easy decision for either of us to get married under these circumstances, especially in a Southeast Asian country where family expectations and approvals can be very strong. But I saw firsthand how difficult this entire situation was for him, and despite everything, he never stopped choosing kindness.

His family stopped contacting him for a while after calling him and my family horrible names, insulting my family for being “poor,” and even demanding that my family repay all the money they had spent raising him. We honestly don’t know what the future looks like with his family, and maybe that’s okay for now. Right now, we’re focusing on building a healthy and peaceful life together instead of chasing approval that may never come.

Thank you to everyone who showed us kindness and support on my previous posts. Your words genuinely helped us get through some very dark moments.

For now, we’re happy, and that's enough for us.

Wedding is in August and my fiancé and I are pretty chill, I didn’t expect to have any wedding drama.
One day while out for dinner my future MIL said she wanted to show me some photos of the dress she was planning to wear .. and she prefaced it by saying it was the “cream, not white” dress she wore to her own wedding 35 years ago…. (To give some context: it was a beach wedding and a short dress, not a typical wedding dress). I was so in shock that I didn’t speak for two minutes while she kept looking at me. I squeaked out a ‘ummm… sure….?” before internally freaking out. Thankfully my fiancé immediately stepped in and said no while the MIL gave reasons as to why she wanted to wear it — didn’t want to buy a new dress just for one event (?), thought it’d be a nice homage. My fiancé continued to say no and talked to her privately and she agreed not to wear it so I thought the matter was settled. Fast forward a few weeks I’m at her house and she decides to show me the dress and said she’s 80% sure she’s not going to wear it. She then brings out her garter and offers to lend it to me as my something borrowed …. Even though I’m not doing a garter toss or was going to wear a garter.

Now my fiancé’s brother told him how he overheard her talking about the dress situation to her friend and how she thinks it’s fine to wear it and her friend agreed !!! So obviously she thinks she’s in the right since she continues to bring it up with her friends two months after the ask happened. Four months to go…

For context, my brother proposed to his now fiancée over the weekend, she said yes and I congratulated them. That was pretty much it, or so I thought…

Then comes Sunday night, the day after the proposal, my sister (who I have never had a good relationship with) apparently made a petty post online saying how excited she was to finally have a sister and I’m sure there was more to it judging by how upset my mom was, tbh I rather not know the full extent of what was posted. But the knowledge that it happened upset me as well nevertheless…

I get that not every sibling gets along and it happens in life sometimes. I’ve tried mending the relationship with her in the past only for her to remind me why I shouldn’t with her behaviors such as stealing from my home and my friends as well and lying about it when confronted, and spreading false information to other family members that I’m a drug addict when I’ve never been an addict in my life. She even went as far as to call cps on me in the past and told them I was beating her (another lie)

I’ve ran into people who went to school with her who also did not have very good things to say so…anyway the list goes on and on. I have some pretty wild stories about how she’s treated me over the years.

We have been no contact for almost 3 years now so for her to use his engagement as some sort of jab at me is just….wild. I have her blocked across all socials so I have no idea what she posted and I’m not gonna unblock her to see it. This all just validates my feelings towards her even more and I’m happy she’s not in my life anymore.

I just feel so bad she used my brother’s engagement announcement to make some post online about our estranged relationship. Hopefully she doesn’t do anything else to put a damper on things for my brother, as he doesn’t deserve that. I am also engaged and have been for 5 months now so I’m wondering if maybe she’s jealous or upset bc she knows she won’t be invited to my wedding.

Sad all around that things are this way but such as life I guess. I’m happy for my brother regardless of the family drama on our side and I’m not letting this ruin my time or my brothers! Just needed to vent on here lol thanks

Strap in, there is some back story and context so it all makes as much sense as possible so may be a long read.

I tried to answer all future questions that may arise in this to the best of my ability.

Hey all, so I 29 F am getting married to my 27M fiance in 5 months.

I wanted to say I LOVE this man with everything I have, but the environment has sucked the life out of me and I feel like a blob just floating through someone else’s life, trying to find a way out.

So for some context, my SIL and I have never been close, like ever. We tried once and then she lied about me and completely twisted everything I ever said to her, for an example I could say my favourite colour is purple, but she’d go around and tell everyone that I hate purple, that I think purple is the worse colour and whoever likes purple suck etc.

This context is important:

I extended an olive branch out and invited her to my wedding dress appointment a few months ago same with my MIL, but my MIL *forgot* about the appointment. We were in the car for hours on end with eachother and the topic of my Fiancé came up. I explained that I am so proud of how far he has come in life, he has his licence, had a job, stopped smoking and got his life together very quickly into our relationship. I explained that I don’t want our daughter to go down that same path, but if she ever was interested in trying w**d that we’d like her to try it at home where we knew she was safe, etc. SIL was very understanding and agreed on everything I was saying and even added that she was proud of how far her brother has come since being with me.

A few weeks passed after the appointment and my fiance and I get into a HUGE argument, like we were about to call off the wedding huge ( we didn’t we worked it out obviously ) but his sister came up into our home - MIL lives with us downstairs and SIL would regularly come over, and started to say some nasty things about me, calling me every single name under the sun, like she went in. My daughter was crying because she was scared of what was happening, my MIL also joined in on the attack of me too. My Fiancé grabbed our daughter to calm her down and told them to go back downstairs because our argument had nothing to do with them. He walked downstairs to try and get them away and then his sister turns around and goes “she doesn’t ever f**king love you Bro, She is so embarrassed by you, she told me in the car when we went down to dress shop!” I never said any of that. He turns around and goes “I know for a fact you’re a lying b**ch you always have been and *my name* told me everything she said in the car that day the second she came home!” SIL then proceeds to throw more insults about the way I looked and said that I don’t know how to do relationship properly. I did say some things back that really got to her about wanting to be with 3 people at the same time. - she did not like that. SIL then proceeded to threaten to kill my cat. My Fiancé lost it at her, I cannot exactly remember what was said but all I remember was that she turned around while he was speaking and spat in his face. SIL then told MIL and my Fiancé she is not coming to the wedding as she doesn’t want to see him make such a huge mistake.

We all stopped talking MIL, SIL, My fiance and I for 3 months. We have only just started to slowly talk again, and it’s only for the sake of that we live in the same home.

Before you ask: yes we are moving, we are moving to another state actually and going no contact.

Now while we were all not talking SIL still assumed she was coming to the wedding despite saying she wasn’t coming a few months prier. She was looking at dresses to wear and kennels to put her dog in while also simultaneously talking crap about me behind my back, saying that I’m a horrible mother, a horrible person, that I’ve gained weight, that I should just leave her brother and he deserves someone so much better. *sometimes I feel like that since having our daughter and she knew these insecurities I had because I was dumb enough to trust her* - I found this out through other family members that had nothing to do with this argument. Some of the family joined in and others called us up straight away and told us what they heard.

I finalised the invites and guest list last week and she is not on that list. My Fiancee has told SIL a few times over the last few weeks that she isn’t coming, and so has other family members, however she keeps bringing it up and keeps booking things and/or buying things. He even tonight told her she is not coming and she cried but apparently after he left the downstairs area and came back upstairs to play his Xbox, she went right back to discussing her plans on what she will do up there *where we are getting married* and the hair and makeup she wants for the wedding. ???? No matter how many times we tell her she is not coming, she brushes it off like it’s no big deal and completely ignores us. She doesn’t even have a wedding invite when others around her do.

I’ve already put things in place for both wedding and reception so she cannot be let in. But we both believe she will try her best to make an appearance. She is so desperate to go because one of the 3 boys she wants to be with, will be there.. WITH HIS LONG TERM GIRLFRIEND. She wanted to purposefully wear a *sexy* dress to try and catch his eye. Like dude what?

Anyway, my wedding is in 5 months and I’m sick of this drama but needed to vent because it’s weighing on me so much.

Also to note: MIL is on VERY thin ice too, she has become hostile towards us as a whole even before all this drama came about and was also saying nasty things about us, but this one is a bit harder to crack as my Fiancé really wants that relationship with his mother, and I’m not the one to stop that, but I will be going NC after the wedding with both SIL and MIL.

My parents divorced when I was about 16 in a very messy divorce involving violent accusations that I won’t get into. I am now in my early 30’s and after the dust settled after their divorce, I have maintained a relationship with both of my parents. My dad has caused a lot of harm over the years, and I have been forgiving to a fault with him to try to maintain some kind of relationship with him. He has a long history of alcoholism. I have tried to be almost entirely independent of both of my parents since I was about 18 and left for university, because I didn’t want to be wrapped up in their drama and they were not able to emotionally support me. They rarely ever see each other, and generally do not speak. My dad has refused to pay any kind of support over the years to my mom.

My husband and I got married last summer. We had a full weekend wedding with about 100 people, where most people were staying in cabins on site. On Friday night before the wedding we had a campfire on the beach. My mom and her relatives were at the campfire enjoying some sing alongs. My dad and his relatives were hanging out together back at their cabins. I got a text from my Dad asking if he was welcome to join the campfire. I said sure. He arrived, said hello to me, and I could smell the alcohol on his breath immediately and I knew he was drunk. I was immediately very uncomfortable that he was so drunk, but he hadn’t done anything so I just let it be. His relatives had gone to bed and did not come down to the fire. It was getting late and my mom and her relatives decided to call it a night and head to bed. My dad left soon after.

The wedding itself as how I experienced it was beautiful, busy, exhausting, and lots of fun. I had put in a lot of work myself into so many parts of planning, the stationary, the decor, I made my own cake, my partner and I took dance lessons, I made a ton of pottery for the centerpieces. It was a ton of work to plan, because it was a full weekend and I needed to sort everyone into their cabin accommodations. I felt like I really poured myself into the entire thing. It was a ton of work.

With the complicated family situation, my dad was being a huge asshole in the months before the wedding, and making unreasonable demands, such as saying that my mom’s new husband should not be invited to the wedding. Over a few weeks, I kept receiving texts from him, to the point that I had to tell him that if he brought it up one more time, I would have to remove him from the wedding invite list. My partner also stepped in and told both of my parents they were causing me too much stress and any questions should go to him first.

My husband and I spent a couple of days together at a cottage after the wedding, and had a nice time decompressing and relaxing. Then I spent a couple of days with some extended family on both my mom and dad’s side who had travelled for th wedding, without my partner, as he had to go back to work. I didn‘t actually get home until a week after the wedding. My sister was driving me home on a long car ride back, and she seemed angry at my dad about something. She then asked me: “If something happened at your wedding, would you want to know?”. I was curious but was unsure what she meant. Then she basically said, you know what, nevermind, I don’t want to burst your bubble. She had already made other comments over the couple of days that had “burst my bubble” so I just basically ignored it, and we sat in silence for a couple hours as I was trying to get some work done on my laptop.

I got home that night and had so much cleaning up to do from the wedding. The next morning, I called my mom, as I was curious what my sister was referring to, and I felt like I needed to know. My mom was trying to focus on the positive side of things… how the wedding was beautiful and magical and so on…. eventually she told me that on the friday night before the wedding day, when her family left the campfire, they were walking back in the sand along the beach, and she felt someone push her hard in the dark as they were walking back with flashlights. The person ran ahead, and she realized it was my dad. She yelled saying “that man just pushed me!“, then there was some sort of altercation with my dad and my step-dad. My older brother happened to be nearby, and he pulled them apart. A few friends witnessed it and my 81 year old grandma was also present. My dad left, and then my mom and her family went towards their cabin. Apaprently my dad made a reappearance there and there was another altercation where other guests were also around and saw what was going on.

This news completely stunned me. I was so furious. I couldn’t believe how much of an idiot my dad was. After he already ruined so much of my wedding planning experience, I was just so done with his bullshit. Because even after all that happened before the wedding, I still had given him the honour to walk me down the aisle, do a father daughter dance, say a speech, and read something at the ceremony. I couldn’t believe he had pissed so many people off, assualted my mom, and caused such a fucking show, ruining the vibe for so many people. My mom was basically in distress cause she had to still see him for the entire rest of the wedding weekend, and she was scared that he would pull out a weapon or escalate further. My mom’s sister told my dad’s brother that he had to keep my dad under control the next morning. I was completely clueless to all this until I heard it from my mom a week after the wedding.

I was devastated when I found out. Honestly, for years, I worried about what could happen between my parents at my wedding. After I talked to my mom, I texted my dad saying ”I just found out about your actions last weekend and I am very upset. Thanks for ruining the moment for so many people. I can’t believe your lack of prudence.” He basically responded saying “I have no idea what you’re talking about sweetie, what are you referring to?” I was so pissed… after that I blocked him and left all the group chats with him. I was beyond exhausted from the months of wedding planning, the adrenaline from the wedding itself, etc…. I had no capacity to deal with his shit and his “cluelessness”. A couple weeks later, I get a letter in the mail from him. It’s 3 pages long, with pictures from the campfire, and he basically claimed that he ”tripped in the sand” fell into someone, and all of a sudden other people were attacking him. He was trying to absolve himself of any wrong doing. He sent this same later to my siblings as well.

How I would desperately want to believe that this was all a misunderstanding and an accident… but I know it‘s not. I chose to believe my mom, and have not spoken to my dad since. It’s been 10 months now. For the first few months, he tried to reach me by text or email, which I had blocked. He hasn’t tried to reach me in a while. My younger brother still lives with him. My sister talked through this situation with him, has gotten some kind of closure, has accepted he is who he is, and continues to see him every so often.

I don’t feel like I ever got a real apology. As the months go on, I feel like it really has been eating away at me. I really don’t have much family in this country other than my parents and siblings and my partner’s famy. Being entirely no contact was needed and has allowed me to have some space to figure out what I need, but honestly I don’t think I can do this forever. I also don’t think it’s my responsibility to figure this out for him but at this point, I think he is waiting for me to reach out. I’ve had enough of his crocodile tears” and fake apologies. I feel I have already given him too much empathy over the years for all his fuck ups, and there have been many. If it hasn’t been made clear, there is obviously something wrong with him, and he has refused to seek proper treatment for whatever condition he has. All of his children and ex-wife have had to have extensive therapy to cope with having him as a father.

At this point, I have replayed this situation over in my head so many times, that it has overshadowed the positive memories I initially had about the wedding. I try to focus on the positives and the moments I enjoyed, but it pisses me off that he made so many people uncomfortable at my wedding, when I specifically asked him not to not make people uncomfortable.

TLDR - I worried that my abusive alcoholic father would ruin my wedding, for most of my adult life, and he did.

My Fiance and I are getting married this fall. The wedding planning process started off simple, as we wanted to ease into things. We originally wanted something small, but with his mother suggesting that they have SO many family members - she told us that we should take that into consideration. So, we did. Our guest list continued to grow because she had more distant relatives and “friends” that she wanted to invite. We had to put a stop to it because she was getting out of hand, and trying to take control over the guest list. She demanded we send it to her and let her confirm who’s all coming.

Well, this is when we decided to put our foot down and take control over the list. Which we honestly been should have done. So she starts going around gossiping saying we are leaving her out and doing everything without her. My Fiance got annoyed by this and continued to let her know that we are making our own decisions with this wedding. Then she starts to get angry that we are booking vendors on our own and not going with her preferred vendors. Mind you, her preferred vendors are her “friends” or “friends of friends” or people that we don’t know. Haven’t even seen their work. Just her word of mouth. So of course, we didn’t consider that and went with our own choice of DJ, photographer, planner, etc. Well of course, she didn’t like that. Apparently she was then going around telling everyone in the family that I’m basically making him do all these things and he wouldn’t be acting this way if it wasn’t for me. Now, we get to the worse part.

About a month ago we move into our new place, she insists of flying in town to come and help us. Cool. She comes and starts complaining about how our old place is a mess and how I need to do better as a woman and take care of the house. She says alot more along those lines. Naturally he stands up for me and tells her she’s out of line. She said “oh you get so defensive everytime I say something to her” - well of course. He’s my Fiance.

Anyways, the whole time she was here she would just complain and say slick little remarks such as “you guys are being so secretive about the wedding planning” “maybe if you were trying to hide everything about the wedding then you wouldn’t be spending so much money and going broke” and things like that. I responded to this comment and said “we chose the vendors that we wanted because we wanted to go with them. We don’t want to just book random people.” She gets angry at this saying (in an aggressive tone) things like “my people aren’t just anybody, I know how to plan a damn wedding” and other nasty comments.

Then not too long after that, my Fiance and her get into a HUGE argument. It was over something so small (because he wanted to buy moving boxes and she preferred we try and get them for free on marketplace). Stupid, I know. But she got so angry with this. Don’t know why. Still don’t.

She then goes on about how messy our place is, how we can’t take criticism, how we are too sensitive, and then randomly starts talking about my weight and how I lost weight too fast and did it in an unhealthy way. Mind you, it took me two years to lose 80 pounds. Not sure where she got that from, or why she even said it in that moment.

We then take her back to her hotel because she claimed she was going to fly home. She texts our group chat thread and says since we don’t want her help she is leaving, and her new flight is tomorrow. We ignored it. Then she sends long messages of the same BS to the chat. And then she messages me individually saying most of the things above. But goes into detail about how her son was raised better then to have a messy home, that must have came from me. She also says things about how I must be taking medication for weight loss and how “we all know that’s not good” just weird stuff… and it also just isn’t true.

Well, after this mean message she sent me - I blocked her. On everything.

But guess what? She doesn’t leave. She lied about her flight being changed. She just wanted a reaction… she stayed the whole time and still got on our nerves.

You think this was my breaking point? Well; I have more.

Today my Fiance told me that his mom called his best friend’s mom and put him on three-way with her. So all three of them are on this phone call. His mother then tells her about how we are leaving her out, not letting her invite her friends, and not including her in the planning. My BF got so angry. This was so out of line. And just childish! At this point I want nothing to do with her.

My Fiance is such an amazing man, and he has changed my life for the better. I hate that this is what we are dealing with.

So, this happened about 3 years ago, and it was my mom's distant relative's wedding. In my culture, it's common for people to invite just about anyone related to the bride and groom to the wedding, so guest lists range from anywhere between a party of 500 people to over 1000 people.

This particular ceremony was being held on a golf course on a very hot day, and the party was already a mess before it began. So basically, the wedding was of my mother's cousin's brother-in-law's, and we were one of the early-arriving guests since we were family. Right from the moment we walked in, things kept going wrong one by one.

Strike 1. The moment we stepped in, amidst the blasting background music, we could hear someone from within the small crowd of people gathered by the stage screaming about something. Upon inspection, we discovered that it was the groom's mother screaming at the event coordinators for putting up the wrong colour of flowers as decor.

Strike 2. The groom traditionally arrives before the bride, but the car he was driving gets into an accident, which leads him to ditch his very fancy car (also the car he was supposed to drive the bride home in)and make his grand entry via a tuk-tuk.

Strike 3. Before this, the bride arrives to the venue wearing a different wedding dress than the one bought to her(around 2500usd which is enough to sustain a small family for 4-5 months in our currency) by the groom's family, (Traditionally, the women from the bride and groom's family [mom, sisters, aunts] go dress shopping together and the groom's family buys the dress of choice) which leads to a heated back and forth between the mother-in-law and mother with the bride getting visibly upset in the background.

Strike 4. The groom walks in on the women fighting and shuts it up, but now everyone's mood is ruined.

Strike 5. The bride's makeup starts melting off before she can get enough pictures, which leaves her in tears,s which further ruins her makeup. The frustrated bride is then taken to an air-conditioned room inside, where someone drops coffee on her dress. The bride comes out eventually, but with her full glam all washed off, with only basic lipstick and eyeliner on.

Strike 6. The officiator runs late due to traffic, so the event is delayed, and some guests, especially those with children, start complaining about not being served food on time, which leads them to serve food before the vows are exchanged.

Strike 7. As everyone is being served food, a few pushy relatives take food to the bride, who repeatedly refuses food. As they keep shoving it in her face, she pushes the plate accidentally, causing it to fall over her. Instead of apologising, the lady with the food starts making a scene, shouting about how 'disrespectful' the bride is, before leaving with her daughters (the bride's best friend and friend's sister who were her bridesmaids).

Strike 8. The bride is clearly overstimulated in her 30kg wedding dress, layers of jewellery in 45°C temperature, with her best friend gone and guests now ruining the aesthetic seating arrangement by shifting seats and dropping food while helping themselves. She bursts into tears and is taken into the room again by the groom to cool off.

Strike 9. The officiator still hasn't arrived and is not picking up his phone. The bride and groom are now missing and have not picked up either. They look for the bride's sisters and the groom's brother, but they are nowhere to be found either. The "elders" wreak havoc, looking for the bride and the groom.

Strike 10. As soon as people finish eating, they start leaving, and half the party is gone within 30 mins, before the ceremony even begins.

After about an hour and a half, the siblings and the bride and groom arrive, now married. They ran off, called the officiator, and got married in a KFC down the street. The mothers, hysterical, are now dumbfounded and shocked. They dismiss the party, and lord knows best what happened next.

My partner and I, both female, are currently 10 days out from our wedding and her mom is deciding to get surgery 7 days before hand even though we had sent out save the dates last May.

Little back story because I think it matters. We have been together since high school and both of our families are close. We go on vacations together and spend holidays together. I genuinely have a great relationship with her and so does my partner. It's been almost a decade now and while I am excited for the wedding this is probably my breaking point and I'm close to uninviting her.

About 3 years ago my partners youngest sibling(6) was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and since then her mom has become obsessed with weight and food. To the point where we can no longer eat near her. My partner also has three other siblings, 4, 23, and 27. Within this past year she has decided to under go the process to get a lap band because she wants to be skinny. She constantly is making comments about everyone's weight and how they eat. Even the 4 year old. She calls my partners 23 year old brother fat to his face and tells him he needs to lose weight. He is autistic and has his own struggles that make it so he cannot live alone and still lives with her. She also calls my partners oldest sister(27) fat and gross to her face. She has a cognitive disability that has regressed her mentality to a 5 years old.

The biggest issue right now is that when we first started dating her mom was such an incredible lady and was great to be around and now she will only talk about weight and food. She is perfectly healthy and the doctors did not recommend this. The actually told her that it will not be covered since it is considered cosmetic. She is supposed to walk my partner down the aisle and have a mother/daughter dance with her. Her surgery is scheduled for 8 days before the wedding and she will need to be in the hospital for 3 days as she is a little higher risk due to her age. My partner is devastated. She won't talk to her mom and I have never seen her cry so much before. My heart breaks for her and at this point we just want it to be over with since we have already paid all our vendors.

My favorite part is that my partner asked if she could schedule it for after the wedding and she flat out said no because she doesn't want to wait any longer to be skinny???? Because yes it automatically makes you skinny. She isn't even a big lady. They are super tall and I would consider on the thinner side as well. I am so over her making all these comments about our weight when they don't even cook dinner. They order out fast food every night and sit around all day doing nothing. She could have waited a week or so to get this done but she is so obsessed with being skinny it's made the whole family hate her. Both side.

I worry that come the wedding she is going to make comments about how much we eat or how others eat and she refuses to keep comments to herself. I no longer speak with her as she commented on my weight and eating once but thankfully she hasn't made a comment about my partner yet and I worry she will that day since we have a buffet instead of plated.

I guess more of a rant than drama or both

It’s me I was the MOH. My best friend of over 10 years is getting married this year. We grew up together in City A, but she moved to City B, so most of her current circle is there and I don’t really know anyone closely as I would see them maybe once or twice a year when I would travel to City B to visit. Despite that, she asked me to be her MOH, which meant a lot to me.

Earlier in the planning process, the wedding was being discussed as potentially happening in Spain. I was really upfront that I wouldn’t be able to afford that, and those conversations were honestly pretty stressful for me. There were numerous moments where I was being asked what I could do to make it work, brainstorming how I could come up with the money, which made me feel uncomfortable and pressured given my financial situation. They eventually decided to have the wedding in-state, but that initial situation added some underlying stress for me going into everything else. The wedding is now in a small town that no one is from, about a 3–6 hour drive away. I don’t drive, and my partner of 7 years who does all the driving wasn’t invited. I do understand the reasoning to a point: it’s a small wedding (50 people), and she didn’t invite most partners, even for people traveling from out of state and those who are married.

One thing that made this more complicated is that I had asked about if my partner was invited fairly early on, and the responses were always a bit vague. It was never a direct no, more like something that sounded like it might be possible depending on space so I didn’t push it and assumed I’d get a clearer answer closer to the date. As it got closer (3 months out still no RSVP sent just save the date) and I still didn’t have anything definite, I finally asked more directly because I realized I couldn’t keep planning around uncertainty.

Once it became clear that he likely wouldn’t be able to come, that’s when the logistics really started to feel overwhelming for me. Without my partner, I would need to figure out transportation entirely through other guests I don’t know well, and I’d be relying on them for rides the entire weekend. There’s no Uber there and very limited transportation options, so once you’re there, you’re kind of dependent on whoever you came with. That lack of independence made me feel pretty anxious, especially because I struggle with my mental health and being in unfamiliar environments without a “safe” person can be overwhelming for me. The accommodation situation also added to that stress. The main option was a motel chain where the after party was being held, but some of the reviews mentioned issues like bed bugs, which made me hesitant, that she brushed off. Staying elsewhere would have made the logistics even more complicated since I wouldn’t have access to transportation.

Financially, it’s also been a lot. I’m currently in grad school and not working, and I’ve already spent money traveling for her wedding events including taking a train straight from my undergrad ceremony to attend her engagement party and booking a last-minute flight during my reading week to go wedding dress shopping with her. I’ve also been helping her with planning things like finding hair and makeup artists willing to travel to the venue. For the wedding itself, I would also be covering my own dress, hair, makeup, accommodations, and wedding gift. Individually, none of these things are unreasonable, but all together it started to feel like more than I could realistically manage, both financially and emotionally.

I also have to admit that it was difficult for me not having my partner included. I fully understand guest list limitations, but being asked to take on a major role in the wedding and celebrate their love while not having my own long-term relationship respected made the whole situation feel a bit unbalanced for me personally. The wedding couple both know my partner as well and we have been on 2 in-state trips together. Because of all of this, I sent her a message explaining how I was feeling. I tried to be thoughtful and clear that I wasn’t mad or expecting her to change anything about her wedding. I just explained that the logistics, costs, and circumstances were making me feel overwhelmed and that I didn’t feel able to attend as things currently stood. I ended it with I hope we can move forward and talk this out not to convince each other, but to understand each other better.

Her response was that she felt I was misinterpreting the situation and that a lot of effort had gone into trying to make things work for everyone within the constraints of a small wedding/budget. She explained that plus-ones might have been reconsidered later depending on RSVPs, and that my partner would have been high on that list over married couples. She also felt that I was overlooking the accommodations she had tried to make.She ultimately said that since I wasn’t able to attend with how things are, I would no longer be invited to the wedding or any related events???? Girl how are you uninviting me after I already said I can’t go. Petty af. She added she is not in a place where she is currently willing to have a conversation further about this. After that, she removed or archived all our photos from the past 10 years together on social media, untagged me from photos and unfollowed my partner and one of my unrelated close friends, which made everything feel more final and honestly a bit more wild and hurtful.

So now I’m trying to process losing a 10+ year friendship over this. I really do understand that weddings come with constraints and difficult decisions. At the same time, I can’t shake the feeling that the expectations placed on me as MOH didn’t line up with the reality of what attending would have required for me personally. I keep going back and forth between feeling like I should have sucked it up and not rock the boat versus being baffled and feeling disrespected.

SMALL UPDATE:

I did send a message to my step-dad asking for clarification and let him know that I have no issue removing him and my mother from the guest list.

My sister is meeting with my mother to discuss their fight and pushing my step-dad to at least attend the wedding.

My step-dad hasn't opened or responded to my message. Will update again if anyone cares.

ORIGINAL POST:

Hello I'm back with more parent drama.

So my mom and my sister have been fighting for just over a month now over some private issues with my niece. I'm not going to delve into that as it's not my information to share. This is relevant though because my mom hasn't been talking to me over it (for about a month) due to a message I sent her regarding this fight, basically just telling her she needs to apologize to my sister.

Anyway, I sent her a message asking her when she plans on shopping for a MOB dress as the shipping times at this point are getting rather close to my wedding date. I told her she needs to communicate with me regardless of this fight as both her and my step-dad are in the wedding. Me and my mother will be doing a mother daughter dance, and my step-dad is supposed to walk me down the aisle.

She did finally respond to me after that message and it turns out, because of the message I sent my mother telling her she needs to apologize to my sister, my step-dad is refusing to go to my wedding. He hasn't even had the gall to tell me this information himself.

My step-dad had a good part in raising me as my blood father is a complete piece of shit. I've been no contact with my blood father for several years now and he is not invited to the wedding.

I am completely broken over this. I have looked up to my step-dad my entire life for putting up with me at my worst, as I was undiagnosed with Bipolar until pretty recently. Turns out he's said some awful things to my sister in the past, however. Mainly that nobody would love her as a single mother as she had a child in her mid teens. She has been married for over 5 years at this point and he was completely unsupportive of their relationship the entire time. I just found this out yesterday.

I don't know where to go from here. I now have nobody to walk me down the aisle, have completely lost respect for my step-dad, and am afraid I will be crying for half my wedding.

At this point, I really don't think I want him or my mother at the wedding at all even if he changes his mind because it was taken away from me so easily.

I've been having a Charlotte video marathon and most of the have been wedding videos and it reminded me of a wedding I went to when I was 15.

A little context that I promise is relevant. In 1993, my parents joined the Moose Lodge. Think Elks Lodge but different antlered animal. My dad is the kind of person that can just walk into a room and instantly have 12 new best friends without even trying. This is how, less than a year later, I ended up invited to and attending this wedding. My dad was best friends with the groom's father.

Now, to the wedding. The groom, who we will call R, was 24 years old. The bride, who we will call M, was 15 years old. Yes, you read that correctly. She was 15. The reason for the wedding? Her parents found out about the relationship and said you will either marry our daughter or we will file statutory r**e charges against you. Since R didn't want to go to jail, he agreed to the wedding.

M and her mother did most of the wedding planning. The venue? The Moose Lodge. She had this beautiful dress and a wonderful cake and the flowers were gorgeous. Let's forget the fact that it was taking place on the dance floor of the bar of the Moose Lodge for just a second.

Apparently R had a really big problem with the fact that M and her mother were doing most of the wedding planning. M, sadly, was the more mature of the two. The wedding day came and everything looked wonderful. Until R and his groomsmen came into the bar for the wedding.

They decided that in retaliation for not being included in the wedding planning that they would show up wearing white shorts with sneakers, teal short sleeve button up shirts, and pink panther ties. Yes, ties with the pink panther on them. On top of that, the groom's cake was literally a Walmart special with Donatello on it. Yes, that Donatello. Like I said, M was the more mature of the two.

When it came time for the wedding toast, the groom's father tried to make sure that I had a glass of champagne since I was fifteen and the bride was also fifteen and that would be only fair. That's when I learned I do not like the taste of champagne.

The last I heard about either of them was about fifteen years ago and the information given was that they were still together and had like three kids. I could be wrong. But yeah. I thought you guys would like to hear that wedding story.

I'm getting married this September and my mother is now saying she wont attend my wedding if my oldest sister, her daughter is there. They have a long history of drama, words/threats exchanged on both sides. I talked to my sister and told her I want them both there and she's willing to be peaceful and ignore her but my mother is saying she's not coming. When she said it her tone was cold without any sorrow just expressing how she feels. I asked what about me and how that makes me feel because I want to invite all of my siblings she said she didn't care and she won't attend. My mother is a narcissist but deep inside I really want her there, and for a minute we were getting along. I told her she was selfish and this moment is not about her and if she loved me she wouldn't let her hate stop her for showing up for me. I told her I won't choose and she stood on what she said. I just feel numb....

I am sad I wasn't invited to a relative's wedding. The only family she invited were her siblings and parents, four people. No aunts and uncles, no cousins, nieces, nephews, or grandparents from either of her sides. 

She said it was a small wedding and was sorry she couldn't invite everyone. I wish she had maintained the fiction that size was the issue. 

Now she is posting pictures of the beautiful wedding with her 8 bridesmaids. Lovely group shots that show 75-100 people, including at least a dozen young children. I genuinely don't know how to process that she would invite an 8 year old, but not her grandma (not me).

I gave the most generous monetary gift I have ever given, because it has made me reevaluate my relationship with her, and it will probably be the last gift I give her.

For context, in 1982 I met my late husband in the lobby of a Times Square movie theater showing "Road Warrior" with Mel Gibson. The soundtrack was atonal, with lots of clanky mechanical sounds that fit the post-apocalyptic theme of the movie very well. Fast forward 10 years, we're finally getting married, and when I discuss my walk-down-the-aisle music with the organist, all I tell him is that I don't want "Here Comes the Bride", and other than that I'll leave it up to him. He says no worries, he's done tons of weddings, and is fine with the plan.

Day of the wedding he doesn't show when he's supposed to. My galpals and I are in the wings, my groom and his guys are at the altar waiting, and by now the wedding is 15 minutes late in starting. The priest suggests a wedding with no music. I say no. Five minutes later the organist rushes in - he was out shopping and forgot - and (I'm told, since I wasn't there), he flung some sheet music on the stand and started to play whatever landed. An usher came and got us and we walked towards the nave, and I heard some music playing that I didn't recognize, but fine, whatever. My gals walked down the aisle to it, then I appeared and suddenly the music switched to some bizarre John Cage-type of "melody"; nothing to be done but traverse the aisle to my waiting man and tie the knot.

After the service the organist yelled at me for having the audacity to wed on a Saturday night and then slammed out of the church, so I couldn't ask him what he'd been playing, but it wasn't until during the reception, when one of my guests came up to me and congratulated me for having the imagination to get married to the music from Road Warrior, that I realized how hilarious the situation was. I never did find out what he was playing and never will, and regret that when I will depart this orb I will still be clueless. But it made for a great story!

My Fiancè and I booked our wedding at a beach resort originally for January but due to having our daughter (surprise baby) we moved it back December.

We weren’t supposed to be allowed to move the wedding, but the coordinator was very understanding. The only downfall was the only date left at this venue (which we are already paid for) was the first saturday of December. We sent our our save the dates and….. his sister sent me a passive aggressive text when she received it that that happened to be her 4 year old daughters birthday. I was shocked to hear this as every other year we have celebrated the childs birthday on a different date so when we said yes to this date in December we did not think twice.

She told me i need to move the wedding (which i told her was absolutely not possible) and she other family members im crazy and rude for doing such a thing. Mind you this wedding is 9 months away and shes already planned her daughters birthday party for that day and was basically telling other family memebers if they truly care about her daughter they would not be missing her birthday party which in turns makes family feel pressured to attend both in the same day.

All the other family thinks shes absolutely delusional (which she is).

Now what i wonder is this… i know its her daughters birthday but the way she called me and the things she has said really hurt. I have refused to go to any family events because i dont want to deal with her and her nonsense. My fiance thinks i should just suck it up and play fake but i really dont know how to be around someone like that. I dont know how to go about handling it. Im so upset and hurt that someone i treated like a sister would turn around and be so nasty all over a 4 year olds birthday party?