r/muslimgirlswithtaste

So I was at an all girls gathering with my mom and her friends along with their daughters and typically the older women hang out in their own area while us younger girls go do our own thing. This time around they were downstairs while we were upstairs. Anyways I started heading downstairs to grab a drink when I overheard the women gossiping about US specifically.

They were basically comparing their unmarried daughters at this gathering saying things like “Oh [name] knows how to cook desi food now, she’s 100% ready to be a wife” or “[Other name] should grow out her hair if she wants to get married, she looks too boyish” and it was this whole discussion on the things us girls needs to do to get married ASAP. I heard my own mom say that I need to lose weight to get married, which wasn’t surprising (she’s my biggest hater fr) but still stung nonetheless. Also some of the comments were highkey gross like one auntie was like “[Name] is very curvy and has fair skin, she’ll have no trouble getting married since that’s what all men seek” 🤮

I ended up just standing at the stairs for like 5-10 minutes just listening before I actually grabbed my drink lol. I just feel super icky now because we were literally being talked about like someone determining the value of their potential purchase. I wish so many women didn’t equate our worth to having the traits that are the most pleasing to men…

Hi girlies!

It brings me great shame to admit that I wasn’t praying and thought it was too time consuming and hard but I’ve recently went back to and I’m shocked at how easy it was and genuinely gutted at myself for skipping this whole time.

It’s only been 3 weeks so far but the ankle pain during sujood started maybe a week ago and it’s only getting worse?

I was wondering if anyone else experienced the same thing and if yall did anything that helped? I’m kinda hoping that it’ll get better on its own. I do have a doctors appointment soon for something unrelated and I could ask but I’m too embarrassed to tell them the whole story lol

Atm I’m praying the fardh and sunna and then an extra fardh prayer to make up for what I missed so that’s probably adding more stress. Idk I just thought I’d ask and see

Hi girlies. I hope everyone is well.

I genuinely think i’m UGLY (I know Allah’s creation is beautiful) but i can’t help.

In my head, I already have the prejudice that

fair skin = beautiful (brown desi here btw). This just makes things worse.

I tend to compare myself to other girls out there, drop dead gorgeous like i could never have that face card.

I look at myself in mirror, I think i look okay. But the photos taken from back camera show the harsh reality lol. CHOPPPPED. Also there is genuinely no glow on my face. idk im just chopped lol.

I need advice.

Hello, this is my first time writing in this sub but I just couldn't keep thinking about this matter endlessly and I needed to get it off my chest.

I'm 20, in my second year of college, and there's a guy.

I do not have feelings for him nor do I think he has feelings for me, but the thing that troubles me is not that.

even in highschool where it was mixed, I did not talk to guys unnecessarily and that's something I truly believe is the right way. Even during my first year in uni I talked to them very professionally and politely when needed (note we're in a middle eastern country and views here are very uhm…yeah. It's the kind of place where if people see a guy and a girl talking they immediately jump to the worst conclusions and make some rumors.)

but since this year I've participated in an activity and he was there along with some other people and one of my girl friends, so we needed to make a group chat and all to coordinate the activity for our team

so once we were just talking on the group and a few jokes came up

Since we were talking in English and not in Arabic, I kinda felt less…constricted if that makes sense? Idk how to explain it but I feel like I can be myself more without being misunderstood in English, so we were talking in English and a few jokes came up about memes and stuff, he was in Umrah during that time so he couldn't participate with the rest of us but he kept active in the group chat

so he sent me memes in private, and I also sent him some, and then we started talking

it wasn't anything weird or overstepping. And I always joked to him that I'm scared he's secretly gonna turn out to be a bad guy and spread rumors about me because I've never talked to guys but now I'm talking to you

He said he'd never do that and he also has female friends and gets super annoyed when people spread rumors about him being in relationships and stuff

I don't believe in male and female friendships, but this is still so complicated to me that's why I'm here talking about it

at first we talked for a few days, but I felt so uneasy every time, not because of him—he's funny and respectful and respects my boundaries when I tell him I'm not comfortable discussing a certain topic or him saying a certain joke which I know is the bare minimum but yeah it's rare to see nowadays

So anyways I couldn't take it anymore and asked him "do you think what we're doing is right? Like I know you think we might not be wrong but I feel it's wrong because Allah and the trust of my family is more important to me than a potential friendship, I would prefer if you did not text me anymore after this"

Anyways he was not mad at all despite me being scared he will be and kept reassuring me that it's totally okay and it's my right to do whatever I want, and then it stopped.

But then I couldn't keep it to myself and told my mom through lots of tears and how afraid I was that I was a sinner in Allah's eyes and that I didn't want her to hate me and obviously she was upset and she told me to explain the whole thing and I did and we had a very long talk and a lecture obviously and she asked me "did you tell him you love him?" And I was like no mom omg I have no feelings for him it was just…like friendship

So anyways that was that, my mom and I made up and I felt better about myself again

Fast forward now, him and I and the same people in the previous activity have another activity going once every week, we talk in real life and he says hi to me and I say hi to him like just Salam yk? And sometimes after sessions of the activity are done we also talk in a group with the other people

but he texted me once during that time and I can't remember what it was, but now he's texting me again and I'm responding and talking to him and joking as if we're friends, and he thinks we're friends and once a creepy guy made a comment that I did not catch because I wasn't paying attention but then he told me about it and warned me and I was like oh thank you I wouldn't have caught it otherwise

This is getting very long but pls bear with me it's really such a heavy feeling on my heart

Today i watched him and his friends practice on some instruments bcuz he invited me to, and there were girls as well and I had fun and i even acted like myself (I'm very social and extroverted, but with guys as I said I'm…not, which I still think is the right thing to do)

But now that I'm back home im feeling that uneasy feeling in my heart again

That I shouldn't be doing this

That what I did was wrong

That perhaps I laughed too much I was too much I should be more chaste and have hayaa or whatever I shouldn't joke with guys I shouldn't do any of that I shouldn't talk to him

One of my girl friends has been friends with him for two years (I found that out after I began talking to him) and she vouched for him being a good guy and that she even had introduced him to her family cuz she didn't wanna hide anything from them

But still, her way of upbringing is surely different than mine to be able to do that

My mom would not be happy at ALL if she finds out I'm talking to him again, I'm talking huge disappointment maybe even anger

From time to time she even asks me if "that guy" has said anything to me, and I'm like no mom he hasn't, because she knows he's with me in the activity

I'm afraid if I tell her he's a good guy she's just gonna call me naive and that I'm too easy to fool, and then hate me and lose her trust for me

but I don't know, I don't wanna sound like a hypocrite bcuz I was the one who told him to stop, but then when he talked to me again I casually bounced back?

Mind you he's older than me and is going to graduate this year and leave university so I'm not even gonna see him and the academic year is about to end, so idek yeah

god I'm so confused and I feel so ashamed and guilty at the same time

What should I do please help

For those of you who know about the markets or have nen in their lives who understand this stuff, what will you recommend us salaried women to invest in. I don't make much. I can only afford to invest $200 max. Please help a girl out.

Salam girlies,

I know the title sounds really negative but i’ve been thinking about this topic a lot lately. I live in a bad situation and have been for a very very long time. For years and years and years, i’ve been praying for the same thing. Every Ramadan, every Laylatul qadr, every Tahajjud and things haven’t changed. I know Allah gives his hardest battles to his strongest creation and that i need to have full Yaqeen (complete assurance) and he has great things in store for me, but im simply feeling so deflated. I don’t even feel like life has a point to it anymore. I don’t even know what I’m looking to gain from this post. Assurance? Success stories? Hope? I honestly don’t know

We, rightfully, condemn and express our absolute disgust for the Muslim men who consume pornography and commit zina on the regular. And we should continue doing that. The fact that it is so normalized is truly heartbreaking, and many innocent muslim sisters suffer from these acts when these "men" get married to them.

However, we should not forget what is happening on the other side.

How many Muslim girls are reading inappropriate fanfiction, smutty books, or watching filthy movies? Can you actually defend that? Sure, maybe it’s not explicit porn—but let’s not act like it’s still permissible because it's "not that deep".

In the Qur'an, Allah says, "And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way" (17:32).

The key word is "approach" that Allah used - it’s about going near everything that slowly leads you down that path, and yes, that includes the kind of content you are consuming.

And even if you believe that you would never stoop so low as to commit zina yourself - remember that Shaytan didn't just ask Adam (A.S) to eat from the tree only once. And we all know what happened after that.

And, why do you enjoy consuming such content anyway? You do realize Allah is watching you, right? Do you think this would please Him? Because it's definitely pleasing Shaytan....

We can’t hold men accountable while also giving ourselves a free pass.

May Allah protect all of us and let us all try to do better, in any way we can. Ameen.

Salam! As my title mentioned, i would like to know if there are any differences between Pakistani bridal and bollywood bridal outfits?

Im currently looking for bridal outfits for my wedding in November insyaAllah. Since my partner is from pakistan, id like to include some bits of his culture as well!

As im not from a desi background (singaporean girlie here), idw to make the wrong choice :<

If anyone knows please tell meeee thank you!!

Salam ladies!

Mods I am not seeking marriage/relationship advice so please don't delete this post!!!

For context, am in my early 30s living away from family. And unmarried. My younger cousin, who is very close to me, who I consider equal to my younger sister, is getting married in December. I am genuinely happy for her as she is marrying the love of her life. Everyone is happy about this wedding.

The problem is her mother, my aunt. For some reason she has decided that MY marriage should take place before her daughter and has set early December as my deadline to get married.

She has been constantly messaging me and my mother, sending us all kinds of WhatsApp/Facebook groups to join and sharing bio-datas of random men.

We are South Asian so you can imagine the pressure on my poor mother, who is already dealing with society having an unmarried daughter over the age of 30. Now her own sister is harassing her :/

Obviously I am rejecting the horrible proposals she sends but my mother seems to buckle under the pressure.

I live away from my hometown so Alhamdulillah I do not have face the worst of it but I do feel guilty for my mother, as I feel I have left her to deal with these problems on her own.

I just don't get this weird fixation to have me married before her daughter, it's like she doesn't want unmarried women at her daughter's wedding.

This same aunt was harassing me years ago when I was picking my high-school subjects and forcing me to pick math and science when I really wanted to study history, political science etc. She would call my mom daily and influence her to stop me from picking these subjects. I fought with her and stood my ground and did what I wanted to do.

But I just don't want to fight anymore.

How will I enjoy this wedding (my little cousin who I love and adore) if everyone is going to make it miserable for me?

hi everyone! im at a point where i have to take matrimony/ "biodata" photos. im introverted/ awkward and hate taking photos. i think not having good photos might be deteriorating my profile. im not beautiful or anything, but im tall, educated and flexible in several areas. i also have the viewpoint that women shouldnt be making themselves pretty for non-mehram and i also dont post myself online. i wear hijab regularly and also to events. i dont wear makeup, but dress femininely. i dont want my "nice" photos to be distributed everywhere.

has anyone ever gone through this? any advice?

To preface, this is not intended to be a vent or focused on the idea of marriage. I am asking for advice accompanied by details regarding my issue.

2 years ago in the summer in my home country. My (16f) cousin (18m) told me he 'loves' me and wants to marry me, over text though bc crazy stuff to say to your cousin's face.
He would text me all the time

-asking what I'm doing etc., sending romantic videos, putting my initial in his insta bio.

I never did any of this back obviously, I even told him several times that I see him as a cousin and he was like 'don't be like this', I told him I like someone (wasn't true) I've tried a ton of stuff to show I'm not interested.

but he still went on about (on call, he found my number from his mum, my aunt's phone) how he doesn't care, he's gonna come to my house in the UK and propose, he asked me what the legal age in the UK was and I said 18 and he was like okay in two years I'll propose.

I literally exclaimed like you better not??. He's threatened that he's serious and that he would even come to my maternal grandparent's house (where I stayed most of the time with my mum) right at that moment to prove it (he didn't obviously but I was still terrified he would). I know accepting his calls was stupid but I wasn't dumb enough to be on completely private calls with him as my cousin (15f) was always beside me when we would speak and it was usually on full volume and we would laugh at the things he said when muting etc.

I never took the calls seriously and whenever he'd ask if I was alone I'd always say yes, I know this doesn't make it any better i shouldn't have done it. Other times, (back to text) he's threatened if I block him he's gonna self harm and even sent me a picture of his bruised knuckles... not sure how that correlates. I blocked him a bunch of times but then my our shared cousin (18f) would text me that he has something to say so I should unblock him etc. I was naive. He's even given me a necklace and ring in person which I regret accepting, to this day I ponder what compelled me to do so (Threw away quite a while ago)

Then we had his brother (a month younger than me) who also found my number but before 18m and started messaging me (I had never spoken to him before and only knew his name... I think I knew his name?) he would talk about how it's crazy we're a month apart etc. we would message quite frequently about random stuff and something happened I forgot what it was but he told me he sees me as a cousin and I was like same! Duh! Anyways a few weeks later this blud also starts telling me he likes me and wants to marry me, and i was still like I don't... but I had kinda grown a soft spot for him and we got into a lot of message arguments and stupid stuff omg he was so immature. (so much happened on text even after I left my HC but I fear this will already be long enough so won't be discussed) he would always ask me if I like his brother back and that if I like someone enough my parents will let me marry them, in response to me saying my mum is strict so she wouldn't let me marry rn even if I wanted to, he said he wants to get married at 18-19 and if I won't marry him he'll find someone else etc. I was like please do and invite me so I can be the bridesmaid. am i funny?

Unfortunately, I've messaged him too many times and even gave him a watch as an early birthday gift the day I left (to his younger brother who then gave it to him bc he wasn't at the gathering) bc he gave me a book for mine (he gave it to our other shared cousins to give to me)... I feel so ashamed to admit how stupid I was.

Anyways so much more to be said but this is soo long already so I'll get to the point. For these two years after, 18m is always haunting the back of my mind Wallahi I don't think about him intentionally but whenever my mind wonders i just think of him. Not in the omg I'm thinking about him bc I kinda like him but literally as if he's inserting himself into my subconscious. not to be delusion but i sometimes think about what if he made dua for me to think about him?... am I being punished for my actions? but I literally never think about 16m despite having supposedly more contact with him and considering him more close and having been through so much drama with him over text. It's always 18m but I don't know why. I want to stop these thoughts it's actually ruining me, I hate it so much the thoughts come everyday and I've even considered going to a mullah to get exorcised like I'll take anything atp. btw just yesterday he requested to follow me on insta but Ofc I never accept and he's messaged me a bunch of times but I always ignore (left him unblocked bc I want him to know i'm so uninterested that I don't even care to block him anymore, like leave me alone by your own will not because you're unable to)

To conclude, I doubt he actually likes me pretty sure it's just for the passport but the thoughts are torturous and I'm so serious wallahi. I'll be doing absolutely anything and start thinking about him even though I don't want to at all and sometimes I feel like crying and hurting myself bc it's been two years! if this goes on for any longer I didn't know what I'll do. I want others perspectives on what to do and if they have similar experiences. Thank you.

I asked my mom what she would think if I did an exchange semester next year in another country, and explained to her why this has been a dream of mine for many years (she knows this) except that now I'm actually going through with it and with the applications (didn't tell her that though), and I really want her to understand and support me. She was a bit disappointed that I "wanna leave home" but i think she understood it ultimately and said she's okay with it if it's actually meaningful, but she also said that im not a normal girl at all.. that girls my age usually settle down and get married, while im here wanting to do an exchange in another continent and put myself in difficult situations to deal with them all alone and away from family.

I don't need advice about this because i know there is nothing crazy here, and it is in fact normal to want things other than marriage, my mom and i dont agree on many things 🤣 but I love my mom more than anything in this world, and im hopeful that she understood me and will support my wishes about the exchange, but i have come to the realisation that i will always leave her disappointed because im not the "normal girl" she wants me to be ... :(

As a woman, I'm having doubts about Islam and I need help.

Hello everyone,

First I want to say that I'm not looking for halal/haram scholar rulings. I want to discuss with another FEMINIST women has the same experience as me and has successfully managed these doubts. Please I really need your help.

I'm a 20F who was raised in a stirct-ish household. I used to be very devout and faithful a while back, sincerely loving Allah's and the prophet PBUH. However, that connection I felt has slowly left me, for a combination of reasons.

For the past 2-3 years, I have been having several doubts about Islam. Mostly issues about women, misogyny, and feminism. There are some hadiths and I just can't stomach. I feel very desperate and scared as I'm losing my faith.

Again, I don't want to get into specifics in this post. I'm mainly looking for another women who went through the same thing as me and has made it into the other side. You don't need to be a scholar on the subject, I just need a honest person who can relate to this.

Thank you.

So I had a Britney Spears psychotic moment and it has me wondering, is it still islamicly necessary for me to put on a hijab? 😂😂

I mean if anything this inspires me to not take it off but I’m just curious?

Also how should I tell my husband? He’s currently over seas and we won’t see each other till a month or two. Should I wait till then and stick to wearing a scarf during FaceTime? Or should I let him know now? 😂😭

So, I've developed muscular atrophy and cannot do most of the prayers. I don't have the strength to do some of the prayer, but I can do some. I feel like I'm letting Allah down, like the guilt that I cannot do the full prayer as is one of the pillars. I really try to do the full prayer but I am unable to. So I say the lines and prayers and do what I can, but I don't know what to do.... I want to do the full prayers, but it's like, what can I do? I follow halal guidelines, I try to wear the hijab as much as I can . I keep on time with the prayers as much as possible, but not doing one of the pillars breaks me on the inside.

I'm not sure if anyone else has been through something like this....so any experience or even ideas would be helpful....

(this is not a post about advice about how to do things in islam btw)

I met a guy on the app and we hit it off instantly. He told me everything personal going on with him in his life. He told me about his father abandoning the family to work to current life events. He texted me throughout the day even tho he was busy and send me updates. It seemed like we knew eachother for a long time

He told a family member about me who could then inform his mother. He said this is how he had done it in the past with other potentials. He told them and they asked for a picture. I told him I would tell my parents before anything goes further. This was about 2 weeks in. They initially said no and I informed him of this. He said to leave it and not argue. I told him I'm not arguing but I would speak to them however I won't speak to them if he doesn't want it here. He encouraged me to speak to them and see what they say

After this he didn't text me first and I was always first to text. He did always respond and still seemed interested and I thought everything was fine. He has a few family events which took up his time and he didn't speak during this. When I messaged him he said he thought my parents said no which is why he didn't message. I told him I spoke the them and he said that's good.

Still, he is not texting me first and seems distant. He always brings up his mother himself and says he hasn't spoken to her yet. I thought this was a good sign as I'm not asking him but he's bringing it up himself

Recently I told him I regret telling my parents so soon and he said it would've been better to tell them later. I said to him I can just tell my parents it didn't work (bc I told him they keep asking about him) . He hearted this message and said "we'll see what happens" ??

I'm so confused. I feel like he just wasted my time and isn't ready for commitment. Before he could've stopped me from speaking to them now he's saying I should've told them later??

He opened to me emotionally and it seemed genuinely interested. I only told my parents to keep it halal. I don't understand why he's distanced himself. I don't understand I've tried to do everything right. There's ppl who are in haram relationships and they get what they want. I've tried to do everything right - I've even prayed istikhara

Why did he do this to me?

im going to try and keep this vague-ish so i dont get identified, but ive had very little good memories with my mother. I've basically raised myself, however my siblings(older) got a better version of her. i resent her for this. she neglected me as a child, and now as an adult, im the one taking care of her and taking her to doctors, cooking for her etc. i do it all, but i am angry about it. she gets so angry with me for the littlest things, but "im not allowed to even say uff at her" because "jannat lies at her feet". i will continue to serve her, however i am afraid now, will i be punished for not loving her the way i see so many people love their mothers? it hurts me to feel this way, i wish i could change it, but i do not love her. maybe the feeling is mutual because i remember she told me she wishes i was born a boy, and she pities my dad because he was hoping i was a boy (my dad has never once showed this btw so this took me by surprise and hurt me as a child)

How did yalk deal with feeling of taking off ur hijab?? This is NOT a religious post I'm just asking. I put it on 3 years ago when I was 13 and turn 16 in a few months (although it has been 3 whole years) and idk how I feel anymore tbvh. Its really exhausting is all I can say it feels as if I have to go to the extra mile for everything. My style has improved a lot, I grew more confident but it doesn't feel like it anymore and I'm tired. Also my parents never really liked it either so it won't be difficult for me to take it off. Seems weird to say but I'll be starting over anyways (new school, hardly any old classmates/friends just 1-2 of my close friends). Idek why I feel that way since everyone around me has grown to accept it more and I don't want to give up my deen for dunya either :((