r/heartbreak

Husband died 10 mths ago today. Due to his illness, intimacy wasn't possible - four years since. We promised we could have a "friend" if either is is passed but when it happened, I was adamant I could never be with anyone again...and I was perfectly fine.

I met someone in the course of estate business, who unexpectedly reached out for a date. I was flattered, then I was angry.. I'm a widow dammit. My BFF was there when we met said OMG you should do it and said I couldn't live in this hole forever (yes I right listen to her as she lost her husband a few years ago as well, but is now in a relationship).

Went on the date. Was surprised at how excited I was. See him, we hugged and say at the bar just talking and getting a nice drink. Got too loud so we went somewhere quieter. We were wrapped in each other - went to his place. Something in me exploded like out of nowhere - I was almost ravenous. I cried twice that night. I felt I was betraying my husband but a few more drinks and I was, better.

We continued this no structure non relationship for the past month and a half but I began to lose myself in him and his body to the point that I broke it off via text the days ago. Told him it was no longer healthy for me. Then blocked all contact.

Today my heart softened enough to text that I hope he can understand why I had to do. He responded with a heart emoji and simply said, "I do". And I've been crying ever since. I found out about Widows Fire online but the longing, the emotional trainwreck, anxiety through the roof. It's almost painful. I couldn't even keep it solely sexual my heart jumped in despite me struggling to keep it clear

I wonder if this is like a secondary mourning. I was wife caregiver friend. Being a woman then guilt for being the woman I forgot existed. She's beautiful and sensual and alive... And scared. I don't want to go through another heartbreak. I wonder if I will find peace because I'm awake now, but I wish that woman in me was just left alone.

Please no negativity - only seeking positive vibes. Anything to help me through. If you understand, you understand.

Had anyone gone through any of this?

How can I manage to come out of this grief and pain. ?

I’m ‘40M’, married for 15 years. Have a 10F year old. We don’t have a happy marriage. The only reason we are still married is for the kid. I was threatened with divorce many times but we didn’t go through for the kid and I just kept my mouth shut and took the insults. I met a 44F old woman with 3 kids. I fell deeply in love with her, she became my whole universe in this 6 months. I came out of depression with renewed energy for life. I had some things to wrap up on my family side and wanted to move forward with divorce and marrying her. All of a sudden things change and started pushing me away and curt me off. Found out it’s because her kids found out that she is involved with a married man. She pretty much called it off. I begged her and asked her to wait for me till I wrap things on my end and that I will beg the kids permission but I don’t get a reply. I’m devastated and heartbroken. How do I overcome this deep pain and sorrow.

He was fire to my soul. Awoke feelings I didn’t even remember I had and then… silence. How do I get over it? How do I stop the idea of what could have been? I’m shattered. I just want him.

On here or in real life. My life was ruined a long time ago.

My girlfriend, she was my first left me last week and I can’t seem to get over her. She left me for a friend of hers. She says such cruel things to me but I can’t help but love her. I’m feel so alone, I feel so cold. I just don’t know how to be without her. I sob every night and I cry so easy now. I feel so weak, I just wish I wasn’t so alone.

yes I did break up with him and I am grieving for the potential future together cause sometimes the relationship was great. However,he made violent jokes towards me like raising his fist saying I’ll kill you and chased me around the house with a sawzall (plugged in and on). He lied to me about seeing his ex and never cared about my passions. My nervous system was on high alert all the time. I tried to be forgiving and understanding but the sawzall was the moment the relationship was over and I broke up with him a month after (he broke his ankle so I felt guilty for leaving but ultimately had to for my well being).

I did view his insta (I know terrible for my mental health) and I noticed that he began following a bunch of women and they were following him back. So I put the pieces together and my friend saw that he has a tinder. I assume he is filling the void and seeking validation but it hurts so bad to be thrown away so quickly. I know I shouldn’t take it personally and focus on myself. It’s just so jarring and weird to see someone you dated for 1.5 years not even wait or grieve. I feel bad for the next woman he dates.

we were together for two and half years and lived together in her place. She woke me up in bed a week ago, the day after my final college exam saying we needed to talk. The night before she went out and bought me congratulations flowers. Two weeks before she was talking to me about adopting a cat.

There were three days of flip flopping before she finally ended it.

I went to go and stay with family the night she did, and left a note behind for her. It was painful and raw, but now I just feel angry.

I texted her to say I’m open to a conversation in the future but need time. She’s done this before and gone back on it. Honestly, it was me trying to get some semblance of control. She replied saying she had seen my messages and was planning a response.

That was 3 days ago now, and still nothing. She has found the time to text our mutual friends and even a pretty comprehensive message to my mother which included her asking for me to move out my stuff earlier because she will be on a work trip then. I think in her mind she was doing me a favour so i don’t have to see her, but it’s all just so inconsiderate.

I *want* to send her a text telling her how angry i am now, that her handling of this has made me lose respect for her. But i don’t want to kiss goodbye to any shred of dignity i may have left. I want to know what she has to say, but i also don’t care. It feels all just too little too late - my life has already been uprooted in a week with no explanation.

What would you do? block, angry text, or wait it out?

Me F19 and my boyfriend M20 are going on a break he needed to, I mean this guy has a horrible work to home life ratio like really bad and he is very very depressed so it makes sense that he wants to get out and love himself and learn to find who he is before continuing our relationship I mean we are a FRESH relationship like 2 months right now so it’s not like serious but idk I miss him so much we are only on day 2, we keep each others snaps and instagrams and we still have the pictures of us together on our instagrams so it doesn’t feel like a big distance for him I think idk how he feels but for me it does feel big because we don’t text at al. However I realize that I need this too I have anxious attachment I love hard and fast and loose myself in the relationship but it’s driving me insane I look at pictures of us and my heart flutters I want to talk to him again but I know HE needs time and I need time but what do I do to fill up MY time? I already exercise, I love school and do very well in school (nursing school to add on to that note) I draw, I play video games and I cook but I still feel this hole in my heart that wants to be filled. Now I will ALSO say I suffer from mommy and daddy issues so I know a lot of this yearning for affection comes from that but literally I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube and unfortunately stooping to a new low… ChatGPT because this is all so new and anxiety inducing for me I’m scared he will not ever contact me again I’m scared that he will find a better women etc. and I notice I’m getting so overly emotional when he just sends me one snap per day then leaves me on open (a streak snap) it’s SO obsessive I’m aware of that I just really want this affection what do I do? How do I find that love for myself and get rid of this overly anxious attachment feeling. I also just don’t know how long this is going to last and I’m scared for sure I don’t know how long this is going to be and that feeling sucks soooooo hard

To my ex, you should have talked to me instead of plotting our breakup. You waited for me to make a mistake and then left me. No, you didn’t just leave me; you abandoned me. You suddenly blocked me and told everyone else first that we had broken up. And what did you say? That you felt relieved that I was gone from your life? You didn't just hurt me; you broke me.

​There is a lot I want to say to you, but I am not the type of person to beg or chase someone after learning what you have been saying about me. From the bottom of my heart, please, let’s not see each other again.

My boyfriend and I broke up a little over two weeks ago.

There was no infidelity, unhappiness, fighting, waning, or fizzling out.
In fact, we were at the height of our relationship, and we were closer and more serious than ever.
We were talking about our future together, and marriage literally the night before.

I don’t want to go into the reason because that isn’t the topic, and the breakup has already occurred.
There was just a massive and sudden rupture between the two of us.
It would have taken a lot of time and patience to work it out— but I was more than willing to sit in the discomfort with him and get through it.
Naturally, he is an extreme avoidant and always has been.
Our relationship was healing him greatly, and he was steadily becoming more and more secure.
I am an anxious attachment. (You can probably guess where this is going.)
So when the rupture occurred, he immediately went into full-blown shutdown/defense mode, and I was left with mostly silence, which made me feel like I was dying.
It was such a sudden flip; my brain had whiplash— and I was in shock for days (honestly, I might still be).

We had a couple of extremely tearful arguments where we were both in agony. I again said I would do whatever we could to fix it, and he just didn’t have it in him.
He wanted space, and he didn’t know how long it would take, and that was that.
So we ended it because ambiguity to me feels like soul-eroding death.

Since our breakup, every day I cry.
Every once in a while, I will be okay for a bit, but it always creeps in.
I am also going through a major life transition right now, and this could not have occurred at a worse time.
I can’t eat. I have already lost a significant amount of weight.
I can’t sleep without Xanax, and sometimes I need it just to exist. The pain is unlike anything I have ever experienced because I have never broken up with someone when we were HAPPY. That is why this is especially brutal.
I just keep looping our tearful conversations over and over and over again. All I am doing is reading breakup content to try and help dull this pain even a little.
This absolute agony and the thought of never seeing him again— my brain can’t even comprehend it.

I love him so much, and I miss him so much.
Nobody is him, and I just miss his scent, and his hugs, and sleeping next to him. I felt so safe with him and I know I will never feel that way again.
I am constantly wondering if he is missing me too, and the urge to reach out to him is unbearable.
I love him enough to respect his need to be away from me right now, but given my attachment style— and his— this could not be a worse combination of coping skills.

TLDR: I don’t know how to survive this breakup and it is absolutely eating me alive. How did you survive your worst breakup?

How can you say you want a home with me? A room of our hobbies? Our family? Telling me to learn recipes to make for our family? Then later that night tell me that you find no peace with me or future and discard of me, again.

It’s been a month since I was left. A month of letting you back in and playing pretend and losing you all over.

How is that stable?

He’s done. I need to move on. It hurts, I never wanted to break up. Never.

It hurts, because when he needs or wants to see me - my door is always open. I just wanted it to work so badly. I thought we could get through anything.

This physically pains me so bad to lose what I thought was my soulmate and love of my life. I’ve been fighting to keep us for months, but maybe I actually do need to let go.

Tinges of pain when I think of my future and you have to be edited out. A month ago, I started to make trinkets of his favorite things and I never got to complete out all I wanted to do. They sit there as a reminder of an unfinished us.

Onwards, am I right?

So me and my ex had a couple bad arguments within days, she left me and we went into no contact i continues to pursue her and everytime we talked we had an argument. She messaged me whilst drunk once but its because it was the day of a friends birthday that had died. Anyway during one of the arguments she told me she had been on dates, had sex with someone and showed me the proof (plan b) this was in the span of a week or so, anyway she eventually removed me off everything except snapchat. I then find out from her that she is now in a relationship and is posting the guy on snapchat etc, she removes me on snapchat. I message her around week 3 because i needed to collect some stuff. She replies that she needs to talk to me about transferring something over to my name, she was originally going to bring new boyfriend however I declined and then we meet up just me and her, we start to argue after talking normal because she tells me that she is now engaged with the guy and have put a down payment on a house together, bare in mind we where together for 8 years and where madly in love. How cooked am I? Is she going to return? Is there any hope at all?

Has anyone ever felt their heart break?? Like an actual physical pain?

Never in my life I've dated anyone, started college on 2024 made a big friend group and one of them became very close friend of mine, I'm actually kind of reserved person, had two friends in my life, and suddenly he also became my one of the closest friends. He used to joke about how he was gonna find a girlfriend if I made someone my boyfriend, and he liked it when everyone spread rumours about us dating, and he also used to send me reels that sometimes felt like he was dropping hints about him liking me, he even started calling me regularly for 5 months continuously daily not once a day but multiple times and we talked for more than 1 hours everyday.

He also got close to my family and I talked with his mother and sisters too, after seeing i got that much close with someone even my mom dad was happy as I never had dating planned in my bucket list. whenever my brother was around when he called me and joked that we were talking on video calls (even if we weren't, just talking on normal call) he joked with my brother that we were talking on video calls, and when I got embarassed he used to its very easy to ragebait you.

Never had feelings for him even with rumours going on, but talking on calls with him was something else, I grew on phone calls, then recently 4 weeks earlier he went home (he stays away from home for college) and stopped calling me, at first it was nothing then I told my other two friends and they told me maybe I've fallen for him and I should tell him about it, he's not gonna reject me they said the worst that can happen would be he asking for some time (those two friends of mine also got close to him through me).

I grew the courage and told him about it on message on 16th May and he says everything he has done to me was nothing but his normal behaviour, and he didn't like me that way, now he says that if I want to continue our friendship the way it previously was we can, and I said yes, I'm not gonna ruin what we had for the stupid feelings i got.

Currently I have no one to talk to about this as my closest two friends who had told me to confess to him are feeling too guilty and the one to whom I shared everything about became my reason for heartbreak.

I really need someone to talk to and need your opinion on this matter, was it really my fault to confess to him? Should I have waited a little longer the answer may have changed? Or what I did was correct?

Even though I'm still talking to him now I have just pushed my feelings away, I don't wanna lose him, lose the friendship we had.

He says he never thought of me that way, if he wanted to date me he would have approached me with that in his mind, but he never wanted anything like this.

He also says we can always stay as we were like before he can forget all I said to him, and now we are talking like we used but no phone calls

to the point i was in relation for 3 yrs n idk the reason she left me wth I'm mature reasons like in relation she needs personal space kinda and she's kinda this won't work and some unwanted reasons at all and I've been suffered through this kinda pain wt to do wth this kinda and all my efforts and love and all care n happiness fades without a proper reason she left and I felt like too unworthy of choosing this kinda person who didn't even noticed and didn't even tried to understand what I'm even 1% also and as I look back it was gave up before totally a one sided one by my side and she was just staying in relation and gave false kinda hopes to mee and making a lot promises to never leave me in any kinda situation and as her completion of NEET examination she simply said that she'd had career and it's frst than her personal life idk wts wrong when she is in relation she didn't have any career and life though wt kinda lol is this and like everything happened in relation once I look back i used to laugh at my condition how much blinded I was in relation and I've got a judgement like I'm a narcissist to her and idk I've never been like that and I hope that if there is any other chance to get into that relation I'll do evrythin she judged me like toxic,narcissist, and she had compared me wth her ex too and idk wt I did of being in relation and my only problem is now is about it's been almost a year she broke wth me up and I'm facing through tough times and I used to get back on track and ups n downs happens and at noon times when I used to sleep I can't able to get sleep for atleast 30 mins also coz her memories and my whole efforts n evrythin haunts me evry noon and at nights I used messup wth my things so this may feel ok but I need to overcome from this so guys need to solve this issue I need solutions for this so badlyyyy

my ex split up with me 6 months ago, i tried to reach out after for a few weeks but got blocked then all of a sudden 5 months later we keep doing the same stuff and they are posting old memories of all the cool stuff we done with sutle hints that it was with me. ive had a lot of people ask me if we are back talking or seeing each other and it’s confusing. any ideas why this is happening as I’m still blocked?

She is the first person I could imagine in my future.. and just like that, she is gone.. we ended on an ok note, I want her back so back, but I’m finding it hard to give her space to heal… I read that if the average couple was to get back after a breakup, it will take around 1-6 months of basically no contact to heal.. I actually don’t know if i can survive that long without her..