r/heartbreak

Be honest.

Some heartbreak hits differently when your ex is not just gone — they are already with someone new.

It is not only missing them. It is watching someone else get the time, attention, and closeness you still wish was yours.

That kind of pain can make people hope the new relationship falls apart. Not always because they are cruel. Sometimes because they are still in love and cannot stand the thought that this might really be over.

I work with people around heartbreak, reconciliation, and spiritual work, so I know how private and intense this kind of longing can get.

A lot more people feel this than they will ever admit out loud.

Dear almost future husband,

To the version of you that I loved so much-

I wish I could come curl up in your arms. I wish you'd make me an herbal tea, and tell me things were just messy right now, but that we would be okay. I wish we could talk about how things will be different this time, how we won't have to hurt like we are currently hurting, ever again. How you're still the husband I've always searched for.

I unblocked your Reddit just to read your old comments on my posts again, because it hurt so bad for them to have disappeared. They were from a different you, a better you, but they still mean the world to me all the same.

I've been quiet, but I swear, I'm not forgetting even a second of the time I spent with you. As bad as my memory is most of the time, when it comes to you, I remember every detail. Every private joke, every kiss, every night we stayed up talking until 3am. I remember all the times that you opened your arms for me, and I remember the feeling when you closed them. There's so much I'll never understand about our ending, but I did find the moment, you know.. the first moment that I felt like something wasn't quite right. It's as clear to me now as the moment that I fell in love with you. I stayed anyway. And stayed through all of those moments, even when they began to come in at rapid fire. I held on, just hoping that the version of you I met, my person, my perfect man, would find his way back home to me.

The world is weird, energy fields are such a real thing. Since the day after you left, it seems like there is a new "where's my hug" motherfucker around every corner. I'm getting all this attention all of a sudden, and I hate it. Everybody talks about how they want to be noticed, but what does that noticing matter if it's not the only person you want? I know in the end, every single piece of my character was insulted and blamed, held on an examination table to be probed by indelicate hands. But I remember telling you a long time ago, I'd rather fight with you every day than have a perfect relationship with someone else. That's still the sick truth. I know you were bad for me at the last, but that first you? The loving you, the gentle you, the understanding and empathetic you.. that's who you were always supposed to be. And even if I never see him again, I hope he finds his way back to this world.. we need more of him.

Even though the days are so hard right now, when I need to escape, I take my mind back to the cabin. Back to the coffee shop. Back to your bed. Back to the pocky incident, back to Valentine's Day, back to all the things that made our relationship worth fighting for. I'm sure you've burned everything on your cork board that was about me, but you can't erase my memories, even if you bury your own.

Fuck.

I'll always have so much love for you. You're still blocked, for the protection of my own heart, but you know how to get a message to me if you ever needed me. You'll always have my undying loyalty and adoration, no matter how much time or distance has passed between us. I'll always be there for you, in any capacity you need me to be. Maybe that's weak or desperate, but I don't care. It's the truth. You told me I was your infinity, and I took that shit to heart. True love never dies, it just changes form to be a little easier to live with.

I love you, so fucking much. There won't ever be another us.

want you to imagine

In the span of 4 months… you suddenly lose the emotional support and best friend of a cat you’ve had for 17 years. You still have to go to work at the place she was euthanized and continue to see pets die everyday. You have to withdraw from college for the semester because you don’t want to leave the house. And the person that’s supposed to be your “partner” who you let live with you for free for a couple weeks throughout the time your cat died, who you thought you could count on after 2.5 years together. Who you still helped move out soon after your cat died, completely abandons you. This partner barely talks to you anymore, does not offer any emotional support, all with the excuse of being busy with school. Doesn’t try to see you, won’t even give you a hug outside their apartment because they “don’t like pda.” Forgets about you to the point of not getting you anything for your birthday or 3 year anniversary together….

So you, like the good partner you are, ignore your emotional needs to try and mend the rift in the relationship… and you’re lied to. You’re told everything’s fine and you aren’t doing anything wrong. There are a couple minor points, that you work on because this is your partner. But unbeknownst to you, during this time of need, your person has been falling out of love with you. Deciding by themselves that the relationship doesn’t have a future. This “partner” tries to break up with you over text of all things… spends your birthday with you then goes home and within 4 days says they aren’t happy… then comes back and sleeps with you, says yall can work on these issues, and then makes their final decision 24 hours later to leave.

Imagine this person, supposedly YOUR person…. After months of neglect and distance, tells you that you aren’t worth fighting for. That they don’t want to feel like they’re setting by staying with you. Imagine having 10x the amount of shit on your plate and still showing up, and your partner can’t give the bare minimum and just leaves. All in 4 short months. 1/8 of the amount of time yall have been together, and they lose all feelings, all compassion and empathy, all communication and respect for you, and they just leave. Your best friend and supposed partner. Can you begin to imagine what that must have been like? How you would have reacted? Would you hate this person, would you yell and scream at them when they left, or call them names and say hurtful things? Would this taint the memories you have together? Or poison the love you felt for them?

How would you even begin to rebuild after this? Would you be able to trust another person again? Would you still carry kindness in your heart when your closest bond could do this to you? Would you believe they ever loved you?

I don’t have to imagine I lived it! 25m and 22f btw.

It’s been 4 months since and I can confidently say it still sucks. They’ll always have a place in my heart but never again in my life. I’ve granted forgiveness to the apologies that never came, and practiced love when faced with the lack of remorse and empathy. I still think about her daily but it’s quieter. I’m ready for the pain to pass.

How to get over a soulmate?

basically my 40m gf 34f of 4 years left 4 weeks ago because i dont want kids.

people are telling me i made the right choice of refusing to have a kid to keep her but how will i get over her. she was my "person"

and she didnt just leave overnight, the kid conversation/issue lasted 8 months and she did absolutely everything to try and save our couple but ultimately she decided that she had to gamble, leave, and hopefully find someone who WANTS a family.

i just couldnt convince myself it was a good idea to have a kid. :(

i miss her so much, she really was my best friend and my soulmate. and i know she is/was hurting alot because she made a surprise appearance last friday to talk about selling the house and she was crying the entire time....

After you even my smiles felt like strangers

My heart shattered so quietly it never learned how to love again

And now you search the world for someone better than me

While I had once left the entire world behind just to choose you

Hi, I’m just looking for some outside perspective because I feel really confused and a bit emotionally drained. (Throw away account)

My ex (M) and I (F) recently broke up. The reason he gave was that he’s not in a good place mentally right now, isn’t happy with himself, and feels like he can’t give me what I deserve. He said he loves me, but doesn’t love himself, and needs to work on himself (he’s even started therapy).

I tried to be really understanding of that, and we ended things on relatively good terms. However, since the breakup, things have been very up and down.

At times, he’s, told me he still wants me and wants things to work in the future, said he doesn’t want either of us to see other people, been affectionate, invited me over, we’ve spent time together and even stayed over

But then at other times, he goes quiet for long periods, gives very minimal effort in communication, cancels or avoids plans, says he “doesn’t know what he wants” and needs space

For example, recently he asked me to pick him up from the pub, didn’t reply for ages while I was waiting for a time, and then just expected me to come at 1am. When I got upset about the inconsistency, it turned into him saying he “can’t do this half on half off” and needs to take a bigger step back.

When I tried to get clarity, he kept saying things like “I don’t know what I want” and “I’m just telling you how I feel right now.”

I feel like I’ve been really patient and supportive because I understand he’s struggling, but at the same time, this is starting to feel unfair on me. I don’t know where I stand, and the mixed signals are making me anxious and overthink everything.

I don’t think he’s a bad person or intentionally trying to hurt me, I genuinely think he’s confused and overwhelmed, but I’m starting to feel like I’m being kept in a kind of emotional limbo.

So I guess my questions are, Is this something that can realistically turn into a healthy relationship if I give him time? Or am I just setting myself up to be hurt by staying involved while he “figures himself out”? At what point do I step back completely?

Any advice or perspective would really help 🤍

I also write a poem, to help me process this, it’s not very good, but I thought I would include it lol:

Unlucky in love. Why?

Why do some people seem to get men who love them unconditionally, who would move mountains for them, while I meet men who leave when love asks for effort?

When I love, I love hard, I love with my whole soul. It’s crushing to love someone so unconditionally, to want the best for them, to want to see them thrive, to want to see the relationship flourish. And that is not to be reciprocated. It’s confusing.

If I am so perfect, if I am everything you have ever wanted, if “you know you will regret this and think about me for the rest of your life”. Why leave? Is leaving the easy choice? Because you don’t need to face your shortcomings. Staying means putting in work to become a better man; you don’t want that. You want to stay closed off and concealed; you don’t want anyone to love you.

The help was there. You said no.

I was with a guy who didn't want me for 2 years now. At first when we started, we had conversations for hours on an end and I think it was that first month where I fell in love with him. I used to always tell him "I fell in love for your stories and our endless telephonic conversations." Then we had a falling out and for the next two months he was constantly trying to break it off and I was begging him to stay and maybe consider me as an option. During that time he once said "You don't know how to be a girlfriend, ask your friends, learn and then come back. And besides you cant meet the high standards you have for a girlfriend." I have always been someone who had to chase success in my academic and sports life, struggle and then make it to the end. Growing up, my parents had always told people "Once our daughter sets her eyes on something and takes on it with determination, its very hard to deter her." I did the same thing with the relationship. I made it my one and only goal to keep him happy, to be the perfect girlfriend and to cut everybody else off.
I must mention here that before meeting him, I had a series of traumatic incidents and had also tried to unalive myself. When I met him, I prayed to God to please let this be the one thing that kept me happy. I begged him to not let me get hurt again.

So when I promised myself (and him) that I'd give up everything, including my life, to make it work.
For two years I did almost everything. At the end of the first year, he told me he was going to cut me off because he doesnt think I'm the one and by staying I was stopping him from meeting potential partners who are more compatible with him.
I begged but told him he can go see anybody he wants, date anybody he wants, marry anybody he wants in future, and I'll still be there whenever he wants me. I had lost it during those months.
So we eventually transitioned into a no-label situationship where I assume we were exclusive. He had this ritual of telling me from time to time (mostly after intimacy) that I'm his "bro" and nothing other than that, and that the physical intimacy was simply because we were comfortable with each other and that He used to call it "your reminder".
I used to feel a heartache so intense that it almost felt like I was going through physical pain. Overtime I started self-harming again and would throw up frequently. I would cry at work and beg him to atleast consider if he would be able to fall for me in future. I had psychotic bouts of telling him that I would get all the surgeries in the world to look like his type or I would study and excel in my career so he can choose me.
But he always used to soothe me and tell me "I wont ever fall for you. Its impossible" I would pray and cry every single day for a year. I would read extensively on attachment patterns, try to emulate how to be the dream woman, how to make a man love me etc.
Everytime I cried he would ghost me and break off and when I begged and begged, he would let me in and tell me "The sex is purely physical, dont assign meaning to it."
He hardly ever showed up when I needed him, and would only come over when he wanted it and we would hardly ever go out. Throughout the span, everything revolved around him. He would compliment himself, plan on getting beauty treatments done to look better, discuss his career path with me etc.
I was extremely accomplished in a niche sport, was a straight A student. I also had multiple artistic talents. He never seemed to be even remotely interested in anything I liked.
He would also frequently tell me how if he started those sports or was in my arena, he'd beat everybody including me.
I started distancing myself after realizing I had gone down the rabbit hole and had destroyed myself. I started expecting anything of him and pulled off emotionally. I broke it off last week after I found his account on a dating app and he told me he wanted to sleep around with other women as we were not exclusive.
During our time together, I had freshly moved out to a new city (his city) and overtime I had cut everybody off just to keep him. I only had him apart from my parents.
I dont think he's bothered about me or misses me at all, because in his words "Its only a matter of habit".
A week later and after working on myself for two months, I feel like my old childhood self again, I feel excited about fairy tales and my hobbies again. But I miss him dearly.

.

I am a 25 yr old female and he is a 26 yr old male. We started dating in November 2021 and broke up in December 2025. But, since the breakup, we’ve still been texting and/or FaceTiming basically every day—which I know is probably the worst thing I could be doing for myself. I know I need to end contact. I haven't been able to even start to heal because continuing to talk to him is only keeping the wound open. I am completely self-aware of that but it is just so hard to think about not talking to him again. I am so lonely.

In June 2024, him and I decided to move 10 hours away from home together. I left behind my family, my friends, everything familiar—just for us. He was the only person I knew/had here. And now he’s gone. He moved out, moved back home, and I’m still here… alone in the apartment we chose together, surrounded by memories that I can’t escape. I’ve never felt loneliness like this before. This isn’t just losing my boyfriend. I lost my best friend. The one I was attached to every single day for the last 4.5 years. The one I told everything to. The one I built my life around.

I regret so much. I regret not making friends. I regret making him my entire world. I regret losing myself in someone who could walk away from me like I was nothing. I destroyed my own mental health in this relationship, and I don’t even know how to forgive myself for that.

And what hurts the most is how easy it all seems for him. He hasn’t cried. He hasn’t been upset. He downloaded dating apps a week after we broke up. He tells me all the time that he’s completely fine.

How? How do you spend 4 years with someone and just not care? How do you walk away like it meant nothing? How am I sitting here barely able to function, while he’s out enjoying his life and already looking for someone new? I feel like I’m the only one grieving something that was real. And yet, I’m still talking to him every day. Which makes everything worse. It tricks my brain into thinking that he’s still my best friend, that nothing has really changed. But everything has. And I know I’m only hurting myself by keeping him in my life like this.

I just don’t know how to let go when he’s all I have.

I’m so depressed. Some days I don’t even want to get out of bed. I don’t miss the relationship—we fought constantly, and he stopped trying a long time ago. But I miss him. My best friend. Or maybe I miss who he used to be. The version of him that loved me so deeply at the beginning. The life we talked about. The future I thought we were building. And now… I have nothing.

I don’t even know who I am anymore, and being alone now has really made me see that. I haven’t focused on myself in so long that I feel like a stranger in my own life. I don’t have hobbies. I don’t have friends here. I go to work, come home, and sit alone with my thoughts.

I feel like I’m starting from absolute zero, and it’s terrifying. I feel lost, empty, and completely broken. Like I don’t recognize my life or myself anymore. And now, I feel like I am just wasting my life away. I know when I'm older and look back, I will regret this so much because I am missing out on so many things in life. But, I don't know how to pull myself out of this. It seems impossible.

If anyone has gone through this… how did you survive it? How do you let go of the one person who was your entire world? How do you rebuild yourself when you don’t even know who you are anymore?

I met a girl who was my second half, she was perfect in every way and I told her even if we weren’t together we’d always be friends, I cannot live without her. I loved her more than my family. Due to complications with life she’s gone from my life, alive but I cannot speak with her. I have no closure and spend every night thinking about her. I would trade anything for hearing her voice again. I don’t want to live without her

Life is just so beautiful to constantly live life dreading on unfortunate circumstances and choices that are out of our control.

Life and people are disappointing. We can be better for each other! But as humans we’re getting worse at social and personal interactions. What happened to just talking. I reminisced the simpler days. Uncomplicated technology. Simple.

If Life gave u lemons well hell fuck make some good ass lemonade and if that shit is still sour then pour a lot of fkn sugar in that mthkfr.

Stop complaining, u don’t like something or someone then change it, stop it with the tantrums, Stop being scared! Stop limiting yourself!

Take risks or u will never experience life.

Don’t run at the first sign of trouble. Face ur fears and strengths head on head high, feet well planted and with a lil humility…. And so life goes on….

And u know what the Heart has a way of rebuilding itself. refilling those ventricles; pumping with warm, viscous blood trying to regenerate itself from every ache; just to find* *itself again broken & In Love Again.

“Life is Beautiful “

Im in pain. I’m sick. It’s like someone won’t let me out of a room where I’m suffocating in my own thoughts. I miss her so much but I know she did this to have me love who I am. How can I hate her for that? That’s the hardest part. You loved me in ways that I’ve never experienced. I wish I could hate you, but no matter how much I try I can’t seem to. You gave me the best parts of me, or better yet gave me the help to find them myself. Each day gets harder when it’s meant to get easier. Why why why can’t I just hate you.

Because I don’t want to hate you. I want to love you again. Except this time be someone capable of doing that, in the ways you needed me. You were the one. You were the one I felt everything with. You wanted me to be a better person so much so you had to let me go and find out who that was. And it’s so freaking painful to experience that last hug in my head every single day. At work. With my family. Why won’t you leave me alone. You’re not here anymore so why do you seem to be everywhere.

I hope one day things change. I hope we get the care and love we need to maybe find our spark again. I may not have been the best version of myself for either of us, but I’m willing to find it. Because you are worth it. I am worth it. We are worth it. Love is complicated but with you it’s never been easier. But the hardest thing about loving myself, is learning to let go of you. If only that lesson was in pill form, everything would be so much easier. I hope we find peace. And I hope to find peace for me, to get back to the peace we once had. I’ll always love you.

Edit: Thank you to all who posted here with your kind words. It helps to know I’m not alone in times when I need others. Day by day

my partner of almost 2 years left 6 days ago while in our first session of couples therapy, by reading a list of all the behaviors they wanted me to change. its no surprise, i have been struggling with employment and mental health for a majority of our relationship. i was trying hard to manage both but it got to be more than they could handle. they said they lost faith in me and that i failed them. it hurts but i understand the sentiments. they said maybe in 6 months we can meet again (aka get my shit together). i have been fine most days, almost relieved to not be witnessed struggling anymore. Although there are bouts of tearfulness. now im on my own, the world has gone silent. i miss them dearly. i mourn us, i mourn the reality of the relationship where i had my life together. goodbye sweetheart i love you ❤️

Made this song about that specific kind of heartbreak — not missing the person, but missing who you were when they loved you right. Hope it resonates with someone.

You do know that in order to have a relationship that you have to be present in their life in order for it to work. You can’t just say a bunch of stuff online and then call it a relationship. Then lie about stuff because you don’t know because you never spoke to that person in person. I know I’ve done nothing wrong so for you to be upset with me, you have no reason. I think you like the pity that you get from everyone else. No one can tell you about how I feel except for me, so why talk to others about someone they don’t know. You will probably get an answer but not the correct one. I think your just to afraid to talk to me and why? Who knows another way to get everyone to pity you. I guess that is the kind of attention you really want.

I (29F) was dumped very suddenly by my ex-boyfriend (30M) nine months ago. Call it a blindsided breakup, an avoidant discard... whatever it was, it came out of nowhere and it absolutely shattered me.

For context, we were living together and had many plans for the future - we were looking at houses, had several vacations planned, etc. I was the happiest I’d ever been in a relationship and our sex life was amazing. I thought I found my person, my best friend. But I guess he didn’t feel the same way. He decided to end things without ever communicating to me that anything was even wrong in the first place. The reasons he gave didn’t even make sense, he just kept saying, “we’re incompatible.” I still don’t understand what happened, what was going through his mind, and I’m working on accepting the fact that I never will.

I moved to another state, got a new job, and have completely started a new life. I’ve been in weekly therapy since the breakup and journal every day. I’ve made a lot of progress in healing, but I do still have a ways to go. I still think about him, I miss him (or at least the person I thought he was), and I miss the life we had together. I don’t cry as much as I used to and the pain is a lot softer, a lot more manageable, than it used to be. It’s taking a while, but I am getting over him, slowly. Or so I thought.

I’ll back up a little bit; for the first few months after the breakup, I tried to pleasure myself as usual, but every time I would end up thinking about him, what we would do together, what he did that made me feel so good. And I’d start crying.

I thought maybe to get over him, I’d have to get under someone new. Maybe seeing a new face, experiencing a new body would overwrite his memory. I saw a few guys, but I realized I wasn’t enjoying their company, and the sex didn’t feel good for me. So, I chose to be celibate and keep to myself.

So then I tried getting out of my own head. I tried watching porn and reading smut. I would get turned on, but actually touching myself didn’t feel good unless I thought about him. And then I’d start crying again.

So I took a break from even trying. Went on complete lockdown for about 5 months. Somehow, all of my libido disappeared, too, which might be from depression. But at least it didn’t feel like an issue anymore. Sex just kind of became something I stopped thinking about entirely.

Until today. I saw an ad for a clitoral suction toy, which is something that I’ve never heard of before. I was trying to picture how it worked, and I ended up becoming turned on for the first time in months. I got all excited, shut off the lights, lit candles, and broke out my toys. At first it felt good.

And then there he fucking was again. I kept trying to redirect my mind, but then it wouldn’t feel good anymore. Unless I thought of him again.

So here I am. Sitting in bed, frustrated and crying for the millionth time over the same stupid man, unable to move on, unable to feel good in my own body because he lives rent-free in my head.

TLDR: I just want to be able to make myself feel good again without thinking about my ex-boyfriend and crying. Has anyone else ever experienced this? Does anyone have any advice? Thank you in advance.

I don’t know if this is exactly a heartbreak. But yeah I would say this is very much emotional fatigue.

I am tired. Tired. Whenever I’ve made it explicitly obvious that I am looking for a serious relationship, it’s turned into a grand wastage of time in the past few years specifically. I thought people are more intentional in their 20s but god was I wrong. People come claiming things and leave citing absolute bullshit because they don’t like to take time to heal themselves before committing. They all love the idea of a long term, real thing. But ask them to follow through? Absolute bs excuses for why they can’t. If it happened once, twice I’d honestly think maybe it’s me. But it’s repeated with so many people now that I’m like…do you guys even THINK before you make promises? Do you think before you start relationships?

And now I’m tired. I don’t know what I want anymore even though I have it engraved inside me. I’m scared to speak it out now because I’m tired of the lovebombing. All for some sex. Is it that important? Is it worth wasting months of your life?

I 17M and my girlfriend 17F met last Summer and begann text after that. We called allmost weekly and by September she said she loved me. We had a few crises, but everything went well. Up until now. We originally met in Poland, but both of us live in Germany about 5 hours away from each other. We talked about how excited we were to see each other again during the spring holidays, and I went to her place last Thursday. I precieved it as lots of fun. She opened the door excitedly huged me for maybe 2 minutes. And said something on the lines of: „you are real“ She gave me the biggest smile I had ever seen on her. We cuddled in her bed for an hour went for a walk holding hands and in the end she hugged me again and quietly whispered into my ear that she loves me.

She already said on our meetup that she was bussy for friday, and would be out shopping. In the evening I asked her how it has been and the conversation shifted towards what happened yesterday. I told her that Im sorry if I was a bit clingy and she told me that she realised there were no more romantic feelings from her side.

She broke up with me over text.

I suggested to call, but she refused.

I feel so empty right now.

I have been waiting for this since September and she is breaking up with me the moment I am in reach.

What should I do? She sent me many letters and a few books we were reading together per pagage, should I put them away?

I know it probably is not as bad as my mind makes me think it is, but I just cant stand the thought of loosing her.

Is it just over? Probably.

What should I do?

How can I even get some sleep?

The title says it all. I’ll never find someone so perfect for me like her. I was dumped before last christmas but we went no contact last week, and it hurts so bad. I know she’s already moved on… and I feel like I’ll never find someone else. I’m 26 already and it’s not easy to get meaningful connections at this age… I think I’m done for. If anyone wants to talk, please dm me, cause I’m not doing well, not at all.

it’s so hard to move on when she did nothing wrong, when i know my actions are the reason we arnt together anymore and am willing to to change but it’s too late. when one night of drinks turned into the end of a 1.5 year relationship, i miss her so much but know right now i am just a wound in her heart and it hurts me so much knowing im the cause of her pain. i love her so much even though we arnt still together she genuinely means everything to me. i can’t take back the pain that i caused her so if loving her means letting her go i will but damn does it hurt. i don’t think i will ever be able to move on how am i supposed to when she was genuinely so perfect and yet i fucked it up, how do i forgive myself for genuinely ruining the best thing to ever happen to me. how do i let go of the pain i caused the love of my life.