r/gayrelationships

20M here, in college. Every guy I match with on hinge I think will be great and then I immediately get an ick when we meet in person. Here are things I look for:

(Mildly) attractive

Able to hold a conversation

Hygienic

Intelligent

Ambitious

Funny

My last few dates have simply been missing way too many of these and I am truly on the verge of giving up. Like I shouldn’t have to hope the person I am meeting will shower before the date. I shouldn’t be the only one asking interesting questions and keeping the conversation going. Is that too much to ask?? Like genuinely?? How can I change my profile to not attract these people ?

I literally got out of a long term relationship only 3 months before him and that was easier than this. Things ended because it was too soon for both of us to start dating again (but I guess for him, more so). But I think about him all the time.

My goal when we started wasn’t to catch feelings but to have fun. But we went on enough dates to the point where I do think we both got attached, and at one point it was obvious we both actually fell for each other, it got awkward because we were both kinda not expecting it. We stopped talking, I tried once to save it, and kinda gave up after that because we both didn’t have the energy.

But as I start to heal from my last traumatic relationship, I think I just start to think about him more and more. I guess I wonder if I should reach out again since it was moreso him who went MIA :/

I have more than enough options and guys trying to get with me, but I can’t move on when I’m thinking about him

Dating apps suck, I hate dating as a gay man. especially since everyone is so unfaithful. I joined a dating app last week after I got dumped, sort of a rebound kinda thing. I met someone, and they gave me their number. Since we both met last Friday, I haven't been on the dating app, I kinda wanted to show them I wasn't interested in looking around while we were texting. But, curiosity creeped in when he told me he was going to be out of town this weekend for work. I checked the app, and found out he was active and online. I felt like I was done, I'm tired of putting myself out there only to feel like I'm the only one actually trying. I liked this guy too, and I keep getting what the guy who dumped me was giving me. Breadcrumbs. Barely any communication. I'm so tired of this, why is this so hard? Why can't we just like each other in a deeper way that doesn't involve sex?

So a few months ago I posted that my boyfriend and I broke up because he was forced out of the closet and couldn’t deal with things emotionally. We were both not out and figuring things out and we both loved each other very much. We ended up talking and getting back together after 3 weeks. Trying to figure out if he wanted to be on the gay side or straight side cuz straight side is easier in life to be accepted. Believe me, I know. Well we ended up breaking up again and this time it sounds like it’s for good even because he said he doesn’t think he can actually be on the gay side because of judgement. I would still take him back because he is the love of my life and he still loves me very much. I know I deserve better because I would do nice things for him but he really never did for me and prioritized almost everyone else over me because of his anxieties of fitting in. I was trying to work up the courage to break up with him, but when I went and just saw him I couldn’t. For some reason, in my heart I feel like he is still the one. I was heartbroken yet again and yesterday was probably the worst day of my life. Today I feel like actually really good. What are everyone’s thoughts?

I’m sitting here tonight realizing that I dismantled something beautiful by trying to be the "fixer."

Have you ever been in a position where you made a series of decisions, convinced they were the right, logical, or even protective things to do, only to realize you were actually burning the house down?

I made some incredibly stupid choices recently. In my head, I had a justification for every one of them. I told myself I was handling things, or that I was doing what was necessary. But the reality is that I wasn't being a partner, I was being reckless.

The worst part isn't even the mistakes themselves… it’s living the fallout. I created so much unnecessary anxiety in him. He has history (baggage from past relationships where people let him down or played games) and I knew that. Yet, through my actions, I managed to trigger every single one of those old alarms. I became the very thing he was afraid of, all while telling myself I was "doing the right thing."

It’s a special kind of gut-punch when you realize your "good intentions" were actually just a mask for poor judgment. I brought out a version of his anxiety that he’s worked so hard to try and move past, and watching him retreat into that headspace because of me is devastating.

How do you even begin to forgive yourself when you realize your moral compass was pointing dead south the whole time? Can you ever really walk back the anxiety you’ve caused someone you love?

My heart hurts because I lost him doing what I felt I needed to. Hr deserved a version of me that didn't leave room for doubt, and it will be the greatest regret of my life that I let him down.

We have been dating for an almost 13 months me 38M(top) and him 33M(bottom). I recently went on a work trip and came back to his apartment and found a pair of his underwear with a cum stain and very visible butt crack line of a cum stain. He says he JO and cleaned himself up but how would it explain a clear butt crack line cum stain? I have a photo of the underwear in my profile

So I'm 31M, & I've only been in two official relationships with men my life, one a ex husband & other ex boyfriend. I experienced both relationships while I was in my young 20s & they both fell apart badly at year 2. I've grown & healed so much in the last 10 years it's crazy. One thing I'm realizing though is that maybe I've learned to protect my peace too much? It's like every guy i come across, we'll hit it off, the chemistry is great & they're telling me they want the same things, then legit outta nowhere they just ghost me or completely play iny face. I guess my fear is ending up alone, or getting too comfortable being disappointed by men I don't even bother trying since it feels easier to protect my peace. I know ofc that wouldn't help me find somebody, but damn is it draining always being genuine & guys stepping on your feelings. Sometimes I gaslight myself in thinking "well I should be enough for myself & you shouldn't be down about being single" even though I really do love myself & my value isn't based on a man, but I do yearn for true love and partnership. I hope I experience it truly before I leave this earth 🌎

I (22 M) & my (26 NB) have been dating for 2 years but I think we are just with each other because it's the best options we have...

We met on Tinder and for the first year it really felt like he was opening my world to new possibilities and brighten my world but as time when on I found out more about my partner and it hit me hard. Nothing bad per say, just a new side of him I've never been exposed to before. One of the biggest ones were that he wants an open relationship and if the stars align he wants a poly relationship. For various reasons, I told him I don't think I would be comfortable in a poly relationship, I want to be someone's #1 and I want them to be my #1. I told him and an open relationship is something I would like to explore and see if it's something that would be good for our relationship. I do believe that although sex can be intimate and centered around passion and love, it can also be just an activity for fun with an attractive friend, nothing more. So we agreed an open relationship would be worth exploring.

So far it's been a little over a year since we opened our relationship and it seemed to cause us to have less intimate moments for ourselves. Typically I really wouldn't want to hook up with a stranger and I don't do well making new friends easily so I haven't really had the chance to experience much. It was alright, I could take it or leave it. The part that upsets me is how great it's working out for my partner. We are really good at communicating and he has opened up so much over this time about how he feels love and that it isn't just me but he can develop love for multiple people at once. Like exs that didn't work out but they are in fwb situation before he started dating me or new friends he would meet every other week. We don't live together and we live like 30-45 minutes away from each other so after work he would go to a friend's or whoever and have fun and talk about how horny he is too me but when we are together he has zero interest in having any fun with me. I brought it up and he said "I forget that's an option sometimes, when we hangout on the weekend I want to make a connection with you, not just have fun with you." Which at first I thought was sweet but raised multiple questions because I have tried giving him heads up saying how much I want to connect by doing it with him but every time his stomach hurts or he isn't in the mood. Recently to my best understanding he told me that he has a hard time making love to the person he has a relationship with because theirs more on the line then just fun sex, like whatever happens we both have to live with it going forward and that scares him to not act sexual around me at all...

I really tried talking to him about this and other issues that bothered me but it seemed like he already made his mind on these decision rather than truly hearing me out. I haven't decided if this is a deal breaker or not and if I should ruin the relationship over it because overall he has been amazing and a good fit for me. I also really worry if he is just with me because this is the only relationship he has been in where he sees it lasting for the future in a responsible way and not a loving way if that makes sense. I know nobody is going to be the perfect match but I might not want to settle for a person if there is a better person out their for me.

(To clarify I do truly love him and want this relationship to work out if it can but if it's not I'd rather end it now then later)

Sorry for the long story, it's all just too much for my brain. I can answer any clarifying questions because it's hard to write a whole 2 year relationship in a couple paragraphs so I'm sure their are some gaps to the whole picture.

It's been a while now and I kinda feel neglected by him and I'm tired of trying to get his attention either by complaining about it or by annoying (he's not actually annoyed by it I just say that because it's kinda like annoying) him. It sucks and I'm kinda stressed about it :(. I swear it's not just my insecurities I genuinely feel like he doesn't care and even after I cry to him about it he seems to not change.

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My boyfriend and I decided to do some healthy distancing because we have some issues with each other to work out. We were on the verge of breaking up but both of us are still not sure of that so I decided that this will be better instead

He has some issues about me not being able to reply immediately, which is I don't know how to. Ive never had a chatmate and I only reply to others when I'm in the mood, including him. He also said that I can't control my temper and loud voice and sometimes I'm hardheaded which is true. I'm trying to control that but sometimes I just can't. I also have issues with him sometimes not listening to me/paying attention to me when we're talking. He looks at his phone and chats with his friends. Although, it's not a very long time, but our conversations still get cut off a bit then we continue it. He also cant control his annoyance at me sometimes and vice versa too

We always work things out. We always talk and solve about our issues with each other. But sometimes patience can waver. He said he still loves me, just that my actions have been piling up over the months. I still absolutely love him though. We're both not sure about breaking up so we negotiated on this distancing for atleast 3 months so we can assess our thoughts about each other. Im absolutely afraid and have a heavy heart what the results may be at the end though. I dont want us to break up. How can this affect our relationship? Is this a correct decision? I dont know honestly. I feel so lonely without him

We’ve been together for 2.5 years, but my boyfriend can only reach orgasm through masturbation. He can’t finish when I do it for him, either by hand or orally.
I’ve tried different techniques, speeds, angles — nothing seems to work.
Has anyone else experienced something similar?

I’m 67. I’m a widower. I Loved my wife and I was completely faithful during our marriage. However I had sex with a guy years before I met her. I liked that so much it scared me straight. I never stopped thinking about it. I’m lonely, I have been thinking a lot about what it would be like to have a like minded male friend. Some one like myself. I’m a nice normal, peaceful, well settled man. I’m shy, and I’m not sure exactly what Im looking for. I think I’d like some kind conversation. Some hugs. I wouldn’t push away a kiss or something else. If you would like to get to know me Dm me .

I 27 m have been seeing this guy 27 for like 1.5 months now maybe? Anyway, it’s going good. We’ve been having a great time so far. He’s brought me around his friends a few times and all his friends have been like wow he never brings a boy around. Anyways, we went out last weekend, drinking all day and night, I kinda experimented w some drugs. Don’t remember the whole night, but he was also probably just as much or more messed up than me. Woke up th next day, I went home. Texted him that day real quick and haven’t really heard from him since. We don’t text every day or a whole lot which I’m fine with. Dm each other on instagram slot but haven’t really heard from him on there this week either. Now I’m stressed that I like embarrassed myself and he’s not interested anymore. Have had the worst hangxiety all week.

Long story short, I’ve been involved with someone for years. Literally late 2019 til now. It’s been on and off for the most part. Around the time we first met, I wasn’t mentally prepared to be out and open with a guy so it scared me. Fast forward to now, we have hell of history. An insane amount of history because of our on and off. Welp, today I was told that they met someone else and wants to date them after weeks of us being together intimately again. Granted, I knew it was coming. I expected it. This has happened like 2 times with him and it is a pretty predictable pattern considering it’s literally been done.

But how common is this? Is this a big thing in the gay community?

So I met this guy around June/August of last year. He was very handsome, we tried talking and he was very non-committal and ending up not talking, but we remained friends on social media.

One day, he posted about having job openings at the place he works and I applied. My experience was more than enough for the job and within three days I went through all the necessary interviews and got hired. I’ve been working along side him for about 7 almost 8 months now. We’ve hung out outside of work ie drag bingo and food. I’ve heard him talk about the guys he’s seen and the lore that follows him.

He could very clearly be categorized as a player and someone who just messes around with people. But I see so much more than that with him. We went to drag bingo on Wednesday and we hugged good bye. But, it was a lingering hug. It lasted like 5 minutes. Then he texted me about how he didn’t want to let go and that he wanted to keep me warm.

Last night, we went out to Mexican and then caught a drag show. The same thing happened only this time we made out for two hours in the parking lot and he told me that he just couldn’t hold back what he was feeling for me anymore. He said that he’s felt this way for a while but has been fighting it off because he’s been more closed off after his divorce a few years ago which is why he doesn’t get close to people.

I’m just not sure what to think or do. I would love to see where things go with him, but I’m also scared of getting hurt. I’m sure there’s more context that I could add, and there is the ethics of him being my boss, but I did know him before. I just need some good advice, because it felt so right and I don’t want to become some crazy in love guy for someone who is just gonna hurt me. Any thoughts?

I (25M) got dumped ~2 months back, and I've had ups and downs since. Despite accepting the breakup, a part of me feels like we should still be together, but I know it's just because the relationship was familiar to me. Even so, I get an empty feeling, but this is gradually lessening. It comes when I do mundane things we used to do together, like cooking and even just walking along a certain street. Most of my time in this city has been with him, so it's like I'm rediscovering this place I know so well, but without him.

Pretty soon after getting dumped, I got Tinder and then a month later, Grindr. Idk man I feel like everything has changed after 1.5 years. I feel like I get way less matches now, despite looking better than before. I'm not basing my self-worth on an app with algorithms designed to keep me engaged, but do you seriously mean to tell me in a city of 1mil people, I'm struggling to make 2 or 3 matches in a week? Anyway, I want to meet people organically, but I don't know where to start. I'm so eager to embrace life as a single gay man, but I also want to know some nice people.

I'm not the kind to sleep around, but if the feeling's right, I'm game. However, where do I even begin? I don't particularly enjoy loud, overstimulating gay settings. I can just about handle a gay club. But the idea of pride is just really daunting. I feel like going on holiday actively to avoid my city's pride celebrations, because I know I'll just be stuck indoors by myself, most likely.