Is it time to move on?
I (22 M) & my (26 NB) have been dating for 2 years but I think we are just with each other because it's the best options we have...
We met on Tinder and for the first year it really felt like he was opening my world to new possibilities and brighten my world but as time when on I found out more about my partner and it hit me hard. Nothing bad per say, just a new side of him I've never been exposed to before. One of the biggest ones were that he wants an open relationship and if the stars align he wants a poly relationship. For various reasons, I told him I don't think I would be comfortable in a poly relationship, I want to be someone's #1 and I want them to be my #1. I told him and an open relationship is something I would like to explore and see if it's something that would be good for our relationship. I do believe that although sex can be intimate and centered around passion and love, it can also be just an activity for fun with an attractive friend, nothing more. So we agreed an open relationship would be worth exploring.
So far it's been a little over a year since we opened our relationship and it seemed to cause us to have less intimate moments for ourselves. Typically I really wouldn't want to hook up with a stranger and I don't do well making new friends easily so I haven't really had the chance to experience much. It was alright, I could take it or leave it. The part that upsets me is how great it's working out for my partner. We are really good at communicating and he has opened up so much over this time about how he feels love and that it isn't just me but he can develop love for multiple people at once. Like exs that didn't work out but they are in fwb situation before he started dating me or new friends he would meet every other week. We don't live together and we live like 30-45 minutes away from each other so after work he would go to a friend's or whoever and have fun and talk about how horny he is too me but when we are together he has zero interest in having any fun with me. I brought it up and he said "I forget that's an option sometimes, when we hangout on the weekend I want to make a connection with you, not just have fun with you." Which at first I thought was sweet but raised multiple questions because I have tried giving him heads up saying how much I want to connect by doing it with him but every time his stomach hurts or he isn't in the mood. Recently to my best understanding he told me that he has a hard time making love to the person he has a relationship with because theirs more on the line then just fun sex, like whatever happens we both have to live with it going forward and that scares him to not act sexual around me at all...
I really tried talking to him about this and other issues that bothered me but it seemed like he already made his mind on these decision rather than truly hearing me out. I haven't decided if this is a deal breaker or not and if I should ruin the relationship over it because overall he has been amazing and a good fit for me. I also really worry if he is just with me because this is the only relationship he has been in where he sees it lasting for the future in a responsible way and not a loving way if that makes sense. I know nobody is going to be the perfect match but I might not want to settle for a person if there is a better person out their for me.
(To clarify I do truly love him and want this relationship to work out if it can but if it's not I'd rather end it now then later)
Sorry for the long story, it's all just too much for my brain. I can answer any clarifying questions because it's hard to write a whole 2 year relationship in a couple paragraphs so I'm sure their are some gaps to the whole picture.