r/detrans

I don't know what to do. I want to meet him, but I'm scared. My mom says my voice is not male. People don't mistake me for a man when they hear my voice. Yesterday a woman from bank called me and called my current legal name (male) and said "miss, please, get him on the phone", I said it was my data and she said "miss, I don't have time for jokes". I was so happy that she identified my voice as female, because it's one of my worst insecurities because of testosterone.

but I had a mastectomy. I'm a breastless woman. Moreover, I had a keyhole mastectomy so I don't have scars and my chest looks very male... I don't know how to tell this guy about it. Should I?... The majority of guys like breasts. I have none. He also said he wants family and kids. It's my dream too. But what if he ghosts me because I'm not capable of breastfeeding?

he says he felt strong connection to me the moment he saw me and that I look very beautiful, but he doesn't know my story. I don't know if i should tell him before we meet. He's a boxer and I have anxiety that he can do something to me if he thinks I'm trans or if he knows I WAS trans. Apart from that I'm scared that he would not see me as a woman anymore when he finds out I'm detrans.

additional info: we're Russian and turned out he lives in my area in the city. in Russia detrans and trans is basically the same thing. like "you dared to change your sex once so you'll never be a woman again".

I'm actually just hate myself so much for transitioning in the first place. It ruined my life. Detransitioning ruined it too because now I'm a freak. I'm so scared. But I want to try because I want love, I want to date, I want a man to love me, I want to have kids in future.

What should I do? What did you do if you were in a situation like me?

Since the start of covid, everyone has been labeling themselves a certain way, even if they aren’t something, or trying to fit into groups or make statements

it was the same way with goth revival and everyone wanted to be an eboy/egirl or non binary alternative person

that didn’t exist back in the early 2000s or anytime before. people just existed without looking too deep into society and labels

being trans, specifically MTF has been common since the start of time,

but it was for different reasons than now usually. (girls denying puberty because of sexism and childhood trauma)

honestly ftm was very rare, especially taking T or anything medical. doctors didn’t know what the long term effects on a woman would be taking testosterone.

both genders have estrogen and testosterone, just a different balance and amount, although every person is different.

there have always been butch lesbians and tomboys that didn’t care for feminine fashion and weren’t afraid to be themselves, masculine meant energy and how they expressed it, without looking too deep into it

many people didn’t really want to be the opposite sex or pay attention to pronouns at all.. they just existed, wore what they wanted, acted how they wanted, didn’t care about “female or male” just human

there were gay and lesbian people, it wasn’t widely accepted but they still existed and dated who they wanted without changing themselves or their identity, gay bars were a huge thing. Androgyny and not conforming to stereotypes was popular fashion (David bowie wearing makeup and dresses, still identifying as a cisgender man, Kurt cobain doing the same) stating men can be feminine if that’s who they are and challenging misogyny, men were also feminists.

gender or even being genderless didn’t come to mind

they saw everyone as human with their own personalities and interests

there was less self hatred, insecurities and more peace. now the world is a difficult place to exist in and people fight against themselves, feeling more lost and alone than ever. it isn’t their fault, the world is just different.

usually without phones back then, maybe that has something to do with it? no instagram or tiktok, no comparisons to people online

life is beautiful it’s just been hard to live it these days

I'm 27, I'm poly, I'm engaged with a man and everything was good in my life before I met this girl that is now my ex. Passing, money, projects, a solid relationship.

With my best friend around I started to partake more in night life and I started to realize that lesbians are super attracted to me. And somehow even more when I reveal that I have in fact a dick. I decided to give it a shot as my last time with a woman was before my transition. So one of these girls that did hit on me soon became my girlfriend, and in the beginning of our relationship it was wonderful, absolutely magical. Later on crazy stuff happened and we eventually broke up in really bad terms but it's not the topic here.

With her I started to experience the same feeling I had 10 years ago before transitioning, my feminine body started disgusting me, I stopped doing any kind of effort to look feminine and lost my passing which was something quite important to me but somehow I can't do otherwise. So now I'm not passing as anything, I just look like a genderless 17yo kid who's doing drugs.

With her I started pondering being a man, having kids, a house, a family I could take care of. This idea gave me so much energy, I started doing something with my life, I was investing, making good savings, studying and started looking for work, I passed my driver's license, got a good car, and learned her mother tongue.

Now I'm back exclusively with my fiancé, but it doesn't feel the same as before, I love him he's the person I love the most down there. But come on how can I be his girlfriend if I'm not even feeling like I'm a girl anymore. And he feels it, I know he misses the previous me, the woman, his girlfriend, he doesn't like how much I changed.

Because these things I started to want are not gone with my ex, I know, I feel it. This is the only thing that can bring some meaning to my life, a family, with kids. And I can't have them with a man. If I could I wouldn't mind having to play the girl for the rest of my life even if I don't feel like it anymore.

I have probably the best life a transperson could dream off, living the millionaire calendar with my fiancé, moving around the world without any issues thanks to passing and no trans hints at all if I give it the minimal effort. But I would abandon all this to be a man with a family no matter what the difficulties are. But in our times it doesn't seem like something feasible and that's why I transitioned in the first place.

Somehow I convinced myself that I was a girl for almost 10 years and it felt better that way. I wish I could go back in time and stop younger me to stop this madness, or that he could convince me that it's actually what we want and need.

I'm alone in that shit now, nobody can help me, I'm just a sacrificed man or maybe a woman, let's say a person who is sailing in those crazy times. Riding a big wave of shit while trying to stay clean.

The only thing that prevents me from killing myself is that I know I didn't fuck up my life as it was already doomed from the beginning. I know it because of how difficult it was with my girlfriend. To the point I'm not sure if I want to try again anyway.

At least I am proud of my social highjacking, I have the easiest very comfortable life possible in this world and I fuck plenty of lesbian girls, so I'm going to do this even if it doesn't have any meaning while hoping for global nuclear annihilation.

fuck my life I'm tired

I guess there is really no escaping it. Most days I am not bothered. I know how my voice sounds, I know I have no tits. It's a valid assumption. But sometimes the cruelty gets to me, especially because it's directed at me for something I'm not even???

It's funny how there's a plethora of people that believe me to be MTF now, despite the fact that when I was deepest in my transition, most just pegged me as a butch lesbian. Y'all didn't assume I had a dick when I wished you would but you do now? 😭

Right now I look the most 'feminine' I ever have in my life.

It's always older men. They purposely call me 'he' or 'buddy', in an attempt to be rude and discriminating. Again crazy cause I rarely got that when I was TRYING to.

The other day I was with my boyfriend at a restaurant, he pointed out some guy and said he was an acquaintance his. Said guy walks over, introduces himself, reaches out to shake my hand. As I tell him my name, he gingerly pulls his hand away from mine with this look like he just realized I was a disgusting creature, and goes "That's not a woman, that's a ladyboy."

Many instances happen like this around my boyfriend, he doesn't seem bothered but I still feel embarrassed for him.

I know it's my own fault. But I'm so tired of having to defend myself and 'prove' I am a woman when I just am. I guess I thought it would be easier.

I was on T for 5 months. my voice dropped me enough that I’m still self-conscious. It sounds so rubbery…barely pubescenty. But today a classmate told me she loved listening to me talk. She even said it made her really happy to hear me talk. An instructor told me I had that “soothing, deeper voice”. It made me happy 🥹It was a confidence booster I didn’t know I needed.

I want to be a boy so bad, I was born a girl. But I know I’ll never actually be a cis male, which hurts. I started transitioning at 13 and started testosterone when I turned 18.

I’m really short and I know I pass as a male, but I haven’t gotten any surgeries done and I also have wide hips, I just look like a chubby male. I look up to male influencers and wish they were me, I’ve been on testosterone for years and I have a deep voice and facial hair. I’m not going to stop taking the hormones because it wouldn’t be the same, I just wish I had never started.

I’m into men, and I look at these girls that men get with and I envy them, I want to be a girl that is able to catch the attention of men. I thought I was into girls but I’m not. I get attention from girls but I don’t have the parts that they want, and I find myself crushing on men like a girl would, if that makes any sense.

I just wish I was born a cis male, but since I wasn’t, I wish I never transitioned, I can’t go back now, it would be too much of a hassle, plus irreversible things. I just needed to vent, I’ve been feeling so sad lately.

Edit:

Another thing I really struggle with is that if I stopped taking the hormones and started de-transitioning, it would take me a long time to pass as a woman again, IF I even managed to, and I would look like a male transitioning into a female and I don’t want to be viewed like that. I go to the gym every day, and I can’t imagine everyone there perceiving me and everything that is happening with me. I wish I could flip a switch and just undo everything…

Plus, all of my friends are male and think that I’m a cis male. I have no idea how they’d react to any of this or if they would cut me out…

Another edit:

I get a lot of attention online for being an attractive guy. But I’ve had people in my dms before asking for… you know what pics. I always make up an excuse, because I present myself as a cis guy online even though I’m not. I like having facial hair, but I remember when I see myself without clothes that I’m not a cis male and never will be, no matter how many years go by of taking T. I feel so lost and depressed. I’ve been so suicidal for basically my entire transition but especially as of recently, I need to do something but idk what, I feel afraid and alone.

Hello!

I haven’t transitioned. I am a woman and I always have been one. But the thing that led me here was OCD and what not. So, half of my problems started from misogyny. I hated being treated as a woman. I got into politics and basically I identified as a feminist. Lately I’ve had intense intrusive thoughts about being a transgender man which I have never even wanted. Sometimes it feels like I like the thoughts which definitely has something to do with my adhd and how I novelty seek and get very interested in the idea of big changes. But this has been going on for nearly 7 months and it has been tiring to say the least. I’m not sure what to do, this fear started off as irrational and distressing but now I’m not anxious and it feels real. Any thoughts 🤔

I have been dealing with dissociation and depersonalization for a while now. I have had these sudden thoughts that I would want to transition for a couple months now. I am so scared that this is the truth about me…

Like said, I hate pregnancy, or becoming a housewife and mother as a whole, I mean…. I hate being all this feminine stuff!

And my gender dysphoria haven’t get better after detransition. It got worse !
I mean, I still have the masculine tomboyish energy as of always, my personality doesn’t change(and will never change), so did my still existing gender dysphoria on female reproductive system. My hatred for pregnancy is SO DEEP, when I learned about pregnancy at age 10, I wanna vomit, just hearing about the concept of female reproduction makes me feel suicidal.

Hating pregnancy makes me think I have gender dysphoria, and the dysphoria now is like said, even deeper! as whenever I heard the term “pregnancy”, or knowing someone I know getting pregnant makes me sick to my stomach or makes me wanna cry even, I mean, I do not have dysphoria for my breasts or hip, only reproductive system.

Plus let alone pregnancy, whenever I heard the term “heterosexuality” I got disgusted too, I am lowkey hetero-phobic due to me not being a straight woman. Aside from that what makes me think I am trans is how I am also a total fucking tomboy who is also a lesbian (I am like a perfect storm for rapid onset gender dysphoria).

What should I do? I know this mindset is unhealthy, I think this is more like my inner voice “I am a tomboy and lesbian and gender non conformist, so I hate straight couples, girly girls, and most of all pregnant people!”, I mean, this mindset I know it’s toxic, it is reverse discrimination, it’s almost like, I want a world if everyone were like me and think like me it would be better, like, being a tomboy or masculine woman is hard and lonely, as if you are a tomboy you’re either judged, pressured to be feminine, or told that you’re actually a trans man by trans activists. I wish a world were tomboy woman like me are more excepted and gender non conformity ain’t usually viewed as “just a phase”. Detransition for the first few year is tough, because although I detransition, my attitude through life hasn’t, and I still have gender dysphoria. Like, in real life I wasn’t supported being a trans man, and now I wasn’t supported of just being a masculine woman either, detransition doesn’t help !

For a while i thought i was trans because of autism, bpd and dissociation, i didn’t feel like a person, i wanted to be someone and didn’t know who i was looking at or controlling

I am 26 years old and i never wanted to be the other sex until last year

How can i be more aware and fix this type of long term dissociation?

i became desensitized after an intense and toxic on and off 5 year relationship and lost myself

Even after surgeries, people realizing they weren't trans and being comfortable with their birth sex afterwards.

I've noticed many MTF are lifelong trans and historically common,

and some usually start out at a later age, some before puberty.

What made you realize you weren't transgender?

hi. I'm reading posts here and I see that detransition is mostly started by people who started ftm transition, mtf - very few of those start detransition. Why are these statistics, or am I mistaken?

my brain is trying to convince me i’ve always been in trans denial and it was a matter of time before i found out because i used to hang out with boys and i have boyish humour and i used to pretend to be a boy with my sister as a joke when we were like 6 and 8 what if all of that means something I just saw this video of a little boy playing Fortnite and i don’t know why but i got a little jealous of boyhood for a moment like if i, a girl play fortnite (which i do) most of the time we’re seen as pick mes or just less than boys. plus the female fortnite circles online get a lot of hate and in

my opinion i don’t like it very much either and i’m worried that makes me trans. It’s weird because i’ve never felt any discomfort with my gender until october last year. pfft not even discomfort. the thing is last year i had this fixation in squid game and the biggest character ship was In-ho and Gi-hun. i shipped them too. they got the most attention so my mind went boy x boy = funny and trendy. girl x girl = boring.

so i started picturing myself (as a woman) being the dominant one in a relationship so i could be cool like a boy. and one day i saw this video in october 2025 saying “i’m a girl but i wanna be in a mlm relationship.” i resonated with that. i checked the comments and the top one was “this is how i found out i was trans”.

i got scared so i went onto chatgpt and it gave me all these labels like demigirl although i didn’t feel like a boy i was also quite alternative so everyone in that community was sort of apart of the lgbtqia community too so i just thought ok that’s me. i didn’t feel masculine. i felt alt.

fast forward to november i had a dream i was wearing a suit and tie and that was because i was stressed about the trans thing. that’s what really set it off. now it’s march and it’s worse than ever. today i tested if i liked having a deep voice and i felt dizzy, wanted to cry and anxious. and now i just feel like i am one and it makes me so sad.

i was diagnosed recently and i can’t stop questioning the diagnosis. i’m not asking for any reassurance i just need to vent. and hear opinions.

i’m struggling with tocd and up until recently the thoughts have started to come with false emotions. i get butterflies a lot when i’m anxious and sometimes i get scared that the butterflies are actually me being drawn to the thought. so i just want to summaries my whole experience with this disorder.

so, when i was only 4 years old i had a very strong urge to touch all of the corners in the room. nothing would feel right if i didn’t.

when i was 10 i had to do everything 6 times, had to say “night, night” as my last words, and had to get to the door before the garage closed or i thought i’d die.

when i was 11, i started experiencing what i think was existential ocd. nothing felt real. i constantly asked my mum for reassurance that i’m real. i remember avoiding going out because i felt so dissociated. i was so scared of developing derealisation and depersonalisation and frequently checked in mirrors to see if i recognised myself, and i would also type out the word ‘derealisation’ on a keyboard on my ipad to see if the word came up. if it didn’t come up, i felt okay. but i literally couldn’t watch movies like the matrix because i was terrified.

now fast forward to when i was 12, i feared i was becoming a psychopath. i genuinely worried that i would grow up to be a murderer. i would have frequent intrusive images that would cause distress. i also had pocd around this age. for pocd in particular, i saved many tiktok videos to reassure myself that i wasnt becoming a pedofile. omg i also always thought i had posted something onto social media and always had to check that i did.

now i’m almost 14. yeah, i’m young. but my current theme tocd is really not questioning. i’m going to summarise my experience with it a little bit here.

i use envy men a lot. like i always thought they got more attention, more power and people swooned over them more than women.

i was introduced to a popular fandom at the start of 2025 which i literally loved. the main ship were two straight men. i shipped them. i admired the dynamic.

their ship got the most attention in the show. i of course blamed that on gender.

i got very jealous of the attention and wanted to be in a relationship like that. like i would try and act like one of the characters (i didn’t try to look like him i just wanted to be like him because he seemed cool) and imagined myself being with a boy (me as a girl though) and basically ‘wearing the pants’ in the relationship because the more dominant man in a mlm or even the most dominant person in a straight ship always seem like the coolest. i still imagined myself as a woman like i didn’t want to be in a gay relationship, i wanted to be in a straight relationship.

but in October last year i saw a video that resonated with me. it said “i want to be in a mlm relationship as a woman” and the top comment was “this is how i found out i was trans btw” and that dont scare me. but then i got curious. i didn’t feel like a boy and i still don’t now.

so i went onto chat gpt… yeah i know. not the best. but i told it about what i was going through and it said all these different labels which i didnt understand. demigirl however, resonated with me. at least i thought it did. i few weeks later it kinda just wore off. but i started to get involved with political matters and yada yada i was an alt girl. i was very accepting of the lgbtqia community. i wanted a future in human rights or politics. i think i kind of tried to push labels onto myself as the alt community is very diverse.

so i just left that aesthetic because again, it wore off. but in november i had a dream of me wearing a suit and tie. it freaked me tf out. like i was asking chatgpt why i had that dream. this is where my tocd started. (i have a history with ocd).

i basically got really scared and started compulsively checking my memories, my feelings and i had so many uncomfortable intrusive thoughts of me as a boy. god it’s scary. this ocd subtype ruined my holiday, my christmas and more. all of the things i wrote here are extremely hazy as ocd kind of gives me false memories.

so, yeah. i don’t feel like a guy. never have. i literally had pinterest boards of feminine clothing i wanted to wear when i was a mum/older. all i ever wanted was to be a beautiful, feminine woman. i forgot to mention that the other night i did my makeup and felt so happy. i was happy with what i looked like and for a moment, i felt absolute certainty in my gender. but then the doubt came back in. i’m so worried because it feels like i like the thoughts sometimes, especially when the anxiety fades for a second, an intrusive thought comes up like “but it would be cool and unique to be a boy” and then i panic because why did i have a split second of false desire?

I’ve noticed that my brain often gets intensely interested in new ideas, objects, or changes, even if they don’t match what I’ve always wanted. For example, when I loved Barbies, I wanted more and more of them, and that intense interest eventually faded. The same pattern has been showing up with pronouns — when I was reading someone’s pronoun list, my brain latched onto “he/him” because of the way it sounds. I really like the soft “i” in “him” and “his,” and I even thought “she/him” sounded cool because of how it flows. This reaction seems similar to how I enjoy lists, collecting things, and exploring possibilities — my mind gets excited by novelty and options, but the excitement doesn’t necessarily reflect a desire to change my identity.

At the same time, I recognize that “he/him” is masculine, and imagining myself being referred to that way feels forced and uncomfortable. My real-life instinct is clear: being called “he/him” is not me, and I don’t want to present masculine. I realized that liking the sound of something doesn’t mean I want it to apply to me. I’ve also noticed some anxiety when wearing feminine clothing that I previously enjoyed, which seems connected to my brain’s hyper-awareness and over-analysis around gender-related things. This doesn’t mean my preferences have changed — it’s just that anxiety and overthinking are blocking the natural comfort and enjoyment I used to feel. Overall, my experiences fit the pattern of TOCD: my brain gets caught up in analyzing and questioning identity-related ideas, often creating temporary spikes of interest or concern, even though my core feelings about myself remain consistent. and when My bully joined my class at school and it got horrible. I have now started online school and since I’m at home all day I have nothing to do apart from work and worry. I also had my period the other day and that made the anxiety so much worse.

And I’ve had physical symptoms. It feels like I’m developing gender dysphoria. Like I’m uncomfortable with my breasts and I fixate on whether I like having a curvy body. I’m so exhausted. Do you still think this is OCD?

i remember looking at old pictures of myself and i felt so happy. like, yes, this is me and i don’t want to change her. i could nevr forgive myself for it. but i just cannot stop crying. i’ve started emdr therapy and it made me feel like i want the thoughts even more.

i’m super affected by misogyny and everything. and why am i bringing up past memories that meant nothing at the time like when i dressed up as mr wolf with a suit and tie and everyone liked my outfit and when i played with boy barbies and when i played with boys as a kid and i have boy humour.

but when i pictured myself as a boy (compulsively) i almost felt a spark of desire or excitement that i have NEVER WANTED. i think it’s because of the way i’ve always admired popular boys at school despite them bullying me so badly. i just wonder how it would feel to be one for a day. but if i was asked to press a button to change my gender since birth like be a cis boy i’d say no! i like my life as a girl and i always have. i don’t want my relationship dynamics to change, i like having girl best friends as a girl because i think girlhood is so valuable.

I am 6 weeks post op and change today <3.

I feel like an imposter as a woman

Hii everyone,

I (20F) feel like an imposter as a woman. I have felt like this my whole life. My appearance is very feminine and i love ”traditional” feminine things: makeup, skincare, dresses, clothes that show off mu curves etc. I have very feminine figure. The only problem is my personality is quite masculine: pretty masculine sense of humour and I am also very outspouken person. Don’t get me wrong, my personality is also somehow feminine: I am quite sensitive, but thats about it. I feel like I don’t have that empathy or supportiveness that other women have. When someone refers to me as a woman I feel triggered cause I feel like I am not a ”real” woman even though I wanna be. But my partly masculine personality ruins it.

Still, somehow I feel like I don’t belong with other women. I have always felt like this. I feel like other women sees me gross and disgusting. When I am in a group of women who talk about periods, relationships or sex I feel like a guy who tries so hard to fit in. When I show some kind of empathy or act interested when someone talks about ”womens stuff” etc my brain tells me ”youre faking it”. Inside I feel like a man who tries so hard to belong with women. If some women refers to us as ”us girls” I get triggered cause I feel like I don’t belong there even though I so badly want to.

This has made me question am I trans? But I don’t think I am cause I don’t have any interest being a man or representing masculine etc. I just wanna be skinny, delicate, feminine pilates girl LOL.

I also feel like I ”think like man”. Heres examples: if a woman has high bc I automatically think shes a slut but if a man has I think its fine. Even though I dont wanna think like this!! I am also bisexual but I feel like I like women the way men like women. Like I get so turned on by big tits and ass and I feel like I objectify women a lot like men usually do. I have never experienced anything with a woman, but if I try yo think myself in WLW relationship I feel like I should be a man and masculine and I don’t like that feeling cause I don’t wanna be a man! But I just can’t think myself with a woman as a woman.

Lately I have been feeling like I would wanna be a man and want male genitals. It’s so weird cause it doesn’t feel like me and I’ve never felt this way before. I recently broke up with my ex and since this crisis came in my brain keeps telling me ”you wasn’t attracted to him. You wanted to BE him”. And this is driving me crazy.

I think about gender 24/7 and have started to feel uncomfortable about female terms and female body. Everything I do I think: was that masculine or feminine? Did that feel masculine or feminine? Did I just feel like a woman or a man?

I don’t wanna be like this… these feelings and thoughts cause me a lot of distress.