u/cloudnine333

It’s so unfair how men can be fertile and breedable their entire life 🤤

yet they don’t have to carry the baby

like they can be old and crusty asf like walter white and still have a baby because of their system and i envy that, busting nuts everywhere, it makes me angry

maybe that’s why many of them become a sugar daddy

idk how it feels to be bricked up naturally,

a man can be 90 years old, balding, evil and still have functional dih and balls 🏀 that u can poke

i wish we could get men pregnant instead 🫃

i have conflicting feelings because some of them are evil and im attracted to them

i am 26F and dreadfully thinking about my future decades later just because of biology everyone has to go through & face

women struggle more especially in the future (hot flashes, breast cancer risks after menopause) and monthly, have to go through so much

For a while i thought i was trans because of autism, bpd and dissociation, i didn’t feel like a person, i wanted to be someone and didn’t know who i was looking at or controlling

I am 26 years old and i never wanted to be the other sex until last year

How can i be more aware and fix this type of long term dissociation?

i became desensitized after an intense and toxic on and off 5 year relationship and lost myself

it was a 5 year on and off relationship, we argued a lot because since the start he’d talk about his online edating ex and i thought he was hung up, he said im accusing and making assumptions

he used my bpd as an excuse of why i cared so much and weaponized it against me.

didn’t comfort me when i cried expressing my feelings, he was numb towards me. id text him from different phone numbers begging for him back and he’d say “ur the one that came to me i was happy living my own life” and he’d invite me over only at night to sleep with me and call an uber the next morning. he’d say “i like you, but i can’t be with u to focus on my own job and i don’t want to get hurt again with the toxic arguing”

he said he was too insecure to be with me because i posted pictures on social media

he invited me to his hotel room for a few days just to sleep with me again

and then said “shut up can u be quiet im trying to sleep for work” when i was mid sentence

he’d leave whenever he felt like it and he KNEW i had abandonment issues. he weaponized that too and it broke me

i could not see myself with anyone but him. i was devoted to him, he wanted loyalty (his ex supposedly chwated)

and that’s all i gave him but it wasn’t enough

i turned into almost skin and bones because of stress and wanting to make it work, wanting to be loved without someone leaving

he said i am 26 but act and look like a child and i probably have age regression, he was immature and didn’t look at his own flaws and only pointed mine out. he’d lash out when i told him something he said or did hurt me, never would face his own flaws, victimized himself,

i was the one that was always wrong and undeserving of love

why was i so attached to someone that pushed me away? someone that thought of me as something without a soul or human feelings

i just wanted someone to care, not use me for my body and throw me away

i lost myself when he left, i was fixated and i wanted a future with him. he’d lead me on in the start talking about kids and marriage then backed away.

he said apparently everyone with BPD must be a liar and read out the signs.

one day he completely shut me off, he was ignoring me so i asked if he was ok and he said “leave me alone dude im tired of your shit, not talkin about rn but everything we’ve gone through”

it ended badly, i made an online post about him and how he hurt me, he got mad

he blocked me, i did the same

i noticed he checked that i did, and whenever i unblocked him he did so too after half a year,

he has me unblocked and definitely lurks on my profile

but i cannot reach out after all that’s happened,

deep down i can never unlove him, i thought he was perfect even though he was not

Since the start of covid, everyone has been labeling themselves a certain way, even if they aren’t something, or trying to fit into groups or make statements

it was the same way with goth revival and everyone wanted to be an eboy/egirl or non binary alternative person

that didn’t exist back in the early 2000s or anytime before. people just existed without looking too deep into society and labels

being trans, specifically MTF has been common since the start of time,

but it was for different reasons than now usually. (girls denying puberty because of sexism and childhood trauma)

honestly ftm was very rare, especially taking T or anything medical. doctors didn’t know what the long term effects on a woman would be taking testosterone.

both genders have estrogen and testosterone, just a different balance and amount, although every person is different.

there have always been butch lesbians and tomboys that didn’t care for feminine fashion and weren’t afraid to be themselves, masculine meant energy and how they expressed it, without looking too deep into it

many people didn’t really want to be the opposite sex or pay attention to pronouns at all.. they just existed, wore what they wanted, acted how they wanted, didn’t care about “female or male” just human

there were gay and lesbian people, it wasn’t widely accepted but they still existed and dated who they wanted without changing themselves or their identity, gay bars were a huge thing. Androgyny and not conforming to stereotypes was popular fashion (David bowie wearing makeup and dresses, still identifying as a cisgender man, Kurt cobain doing the same) stating men can be feminine if that’s who they are and challenging misogyny, men were also feminists.

gender or even being genderless didn’t come to mind

they saw everyone as human with their own personalities and interests

there was less self hatred, insecurities and more peace. now the world is a difficult place to exist in and people fight against themselves, feeling more lost and alone than ever. it isn’t their fault, the world is just different.

usually without phones back then, maybe that has something to do with it? no instagram or tiktok, no comparisons to people online

life is beautiful it’s just been hard to live it these days

like it ended badly and he’s the one that broke up with me randomly and put his account to private

after 6 months he put it to public and unblocked me

We'd break up before, dated for 5 years.

i was anxiously attached and clinged on, texting him from fake numbers in the past like a lunatic begging for him back and he'd say "ur the one that came to me i was just living my own life being happy so leave me alone" whenever he felt like it

honestly he'd just invite me over to sleep w him and call an uber and i wanted a relationship again

this time he decided to randomly leave me and we blocked each other,

i didn't chase for a relationship like i used to, which might have surprised him bc it was the usual pattern.

So in sapphic relationships it's usually attraction to someone that has the same genitals/body and it confuses me when someone says they wish they could have a penis and they’re wlw

i saw a post about a cis woman saying she wants phalloplasty

it’s a penis made from skin flaps taken out of the arm and it doesn’t ejaculate sperm or get erections without implants, and people add prosthetic ball implants

sensation varies and it’s not guaranteed

We’d break up before, i was anxiously attached and clinged on, texting him from fake numbers like a lunatic begging for him back and he’d say “ur the one that came to me i was just living my own life being happy so leave me alone” whenever he felt like it

honestly he’d just invite me over to sleep w him and call an uber and i wanted a relationship again

this time he decided to randomly leave me and we blocked each other, i didn’t chase for a relationship like i used to, which might have surprised him bc it was the usual pattern

he unblocked me and it’s been 5 months since we stopped contact

I am 26F and i was born/raised as a girl, i never had any problem with it. i was the "stereotypical" girl, liking pink and purple and playing with dolls. even though i know women aren’t like that and have their own style and interests, i loved fairies/princesses and all that,

i don’t have masculine features either…

i am so confused & lost.

i even have breast implants that are a C cup because my natural breasts were small when i was fully grown

as i got older i developed BPD and lost my sense of identity. grew up without a dad or any male figures, no brothers.

i feel like an alien wearing a meat suit and its hard to see or perceive myself. Sometimes i question if i am transgender or want to be a boy and i don't feel comfortable in my skin or very human.

i can’t say this to anyone because they’d think im insane

i am autistic, i have no friends and dont fit in anywhere,

i recently got out of a toxic 5 year relationship where i was obsessed with him and based my existence off him. maybe its like wanting to be the other sex because i thought he was perfect?

and now he isn’t mine and never will be.

he was a man, had a unisex name, nice voice (mine is high pitched and squeaky)

tall and he had soft feminine features and he recognized that.

he was the balance of masc and feminine, he said he had the “feelings of a woman” and he was sensitive and not afraid to cry

he said i liked him too much, got tired of me and left,

i wanted to marry him and have kids but now i can’t see myself doing that,

I cared about him more than myself and now hes gone and i lost myself

the signs of BPD are loss of self identity and mixing that with autism is just messing with me even more

maybe it’s because of social media exposure too and internalized misogyny even though it was different before

like am i non binary or do i want to be a man fr..

or is it all just social media, my ex trauma, autism and bpd messing with my head

What does this sound like? how can i make the thoughts go away?

i feel like i don’t belong anywhere, maybe living as a man wouldn’t make any difference

Even after surgeries, people realizing they weren't trans and being comfortable with their birth sex afterwards.

I've noticed many MTF are lifelong trans and historically common,

and some usually start out at a later age, some before puberty.

What made you realize you weren't transgender?