I have been dealing with dissociation and depersonalization for a while now. I have had these sudden thoughts that I would want to transition for a couple months now. I am so scared that this is the truth about me…
Hii everyone,
I (20F) feel like an imposter as a woman. I have felt like this my whole life. My appearance is very feminine and i love ”traditional” feminine things: makeup, skincare, dresses, clothes that show off mu curves etc. I have very feminine figure. The only problem is my personality is quite masculine: pretty masculine sense of humour and I am also very outspouken person. Don’t get me wrong, my personality is also somehow feminine: I am quite sensitive, but thats about it. I feel like I don’t have that empathy or supportiveness that other women have. When someone refers to me as a woman I feel triggered cause I feel like I am not a ”real” woman even though I wanna be. But my partly masculine personality ruins it.
Still, somehow I feel like I don’t belong with other women. I have always felt like this. I feel like other women sees me gross and disgusting. When I am in a group of women who talk about periods, relationships or sex I feel like a guy who tries so hard to fit in. When I show some kind of empathy or act interested when someone talks about ”womens stuff” etc my brain tells me ”youre faking it”. Inside I feel like a man who tries so hard to belong with women. If some women refers to us as ”us girls” I get triggered cause I feel like I don’t belong there even though I so badly want to.
This has made me question am I trans? But I don’t think I am cause I don’t have any interest being a man or representing masculine etc. I just wanna be skinny, delicate, feminine pilates girl LOL.
I also feel like I ”think like man”. Heres examples: if a woman has high bc I automatically think shes a slut but if a man has I think its fine. Even though I dont wanna think like this!! I am also bisexual but I feel like I like women the way men like women. Like I get so turned on by big tits and ass and I feel like I objectify women a lot like men usually do. I have never experienced anything with a woman, but if I try yo think myself in WLW relationship I feel like I should be a man and masculine and I don’t like that feeling cause I don’t wanna be a man! But I just can’t think myself with a woman as a woman.
Lately I have been feeling like I would wanna be a man and want male genitals. It’s so weird cause it doesn’t feel like me and I’ve never felt this way before. I recently broke up with my ex and since this crisis came in my brain keeps telling me ”you wasn’t attracted to him. You wanted to BE him”. And this is driving me crazy.
I think about gender 24/7 and have started to feel uncomfortable about female terms and female body. Everything I do I think: was that masculine or feminine? Did that feel masculine or feminine? Did I just feel like a woman or a man?
I don’t wanna be like this… these feelings and thoughts cause me a lot of distress.
I feel like an imposter as a woman
Hii everyone,
I (20F) feel like an imposter as a woman. I have felt like this my whole life. My appearance is very feminine and i love ”traditional” feminine things: makeup, skincare, dresses, clothes that show off mu curves etc. I have very feminine figure. The only problem is my personality is quite masculine: pretty masculine sense of humour and I am also very outspouken person. Don’t get me wrong, my personality is also somehow feminine: I am quite sensitive, but thats about it. I feel like I don’t have that empathy or supportiveness that other women have. When someone refers to me as a woman I feel triggered cause I feel like I am not a ”real” woman even though I wanna be. But my partly masculine personality ruins it.
Still, somehow I feel like I don’t belong with other women. I have always felt like this. I feel like other women sees me gross and disgusting. When I am in a group of women who talk about periods, relationships or sex I feel like a guy who tries so hard to fit in. When I show some kind of empathy or act interested when someone talks about ”womens stuff” etc my brain tells me ”youre faking it”. Inside I feel like a man who tries so hard to belong with women. If some women refers to us as ”us girls” I get triggered cause I feel like I don’t belong there even though I so badly want to.
This has made me question am I trans? But I don’t think I am cause I don’t have any interest being a man or representing masculine etc. I just wanna be skinny, delicate, feminine pilates girl LOL.
I also feel like I ”think like man”. Heres examples: if a woman has high bc I automatically think shes a slut but if a man has I think its fine. Even though I dont wanna think like this!! I am also bisexual but I feel like I like women the way men like women. Like I get so turned on by big tits and ass and I feel like I objectify women a lot like men usually do. I have never experienced anything with a woman, but if I try yo think myself in WLW relationship I feel like I should be a man and masculine and I don’t like that feeling cause I don’t wanna be a man! But I just can’t think myself with a woman as a woman.
Lately I have been feeling like I would wanna be a man and want male genitals. It’s so weird cause it doesn’t feel like me and I’ve never felt this way before. I recently broke up with my ex and since this crisis came in my brain keeps telling me ”you wasn’t attracted to him. You wanted to BE him”. And this is driving me crazy.
I think about gender 24/7 and have started to feel uncomfortable about female terms and female body. Everything I do I think: was that masculine or feminine? Did that feel masculine or feminine? Did I just feel like a woman or a man?
I don’t wanna be like this… these feelings and thoughts cause me a lot of distress.