r/bulimia

I just wanna know, I feel like this is very niche and for me it ruins my ability to do things because I'm either too hungry to focus, or I'm binging and purging, or I'm too tired(from b/p) to focus.🫩

My days are boring and dull and I spend half my day putting off binging by trying to do chores or study for school/going to class, and the other half eating pounds and pounds of food and throwing up.🤗

Anyway, sorry this is a shitty post, I'm tired bye

(Ps if you vomit purge make sure to immediately rinse your mouth out with water every time you throw up)

I was clean from bulimia for 5 months, was so freaking proud of myself.. I’ve gained some weight and now I look conventionally healthy, but recently I started hating my body and been trying to loose some.. today was my breaking point, all day I thought about purging.. finally I gave up, I didn’t even binge, just threw up the big meal I ate for dinner. I feel like a disappointment, all this effort took to heal, I feel like I have ruined everything, I am scared that it will not be one time only, I don’t want to go back to this hell.

Have this happen to you? Do you have some advice? I am desperate..

I feel disgusting and so disappointed in myself rn. I’m waiting for my door dasher for the third time today… I was able to go bp free for about four days and now for the past 3 days I haven’t been able to stop. I’ve probably spent about $100 today on food and canceled my Pilates class this morning just so I could binge. I was doing so good and now it all is just going downhill and I feel like I’m spiraling like crazy. I don’t think in the past 2 years of having mia I’ve reached 4 binges in a day. I would always cut myself off at 3 and now I hit 4. I hope I’ll be able to take a break again and eventually quit. I feel so hopeless.

I’m very grateful that I’ve made it this far. However, now my immense fear of bulimia coming back into the picture has only caused me to go deeper into my anorexia. Deeper than I’ve been since high school. Many years ago. My panic and dread and anxiety around over eating or volume eating and purging has completely taken over. When I was in the bulimia I have always been an orthorexic anorexic bulimic. Not the ice cream pizza cake bulimic. I’ve always been orthorexic and anorexic even when I was a healthy bmi I was an orthorexic. So now I am just spiraled in the orthorexic and anorexic tendencies. I go 2 days without eating often. I knock myself out with my anxiety meds and muscle relaxers so I can get sleep and restoration from working out and sauna use. Some days I will eat a little meal- or a normal sized meal but it has become an experience of panic and chaos. When I finally get good sleep/ I choose sleep over eating. And if I miss my specific potential meal or snack times it’s just a missed the boat scenario. “I’ll eat later” or I’ll eat after I get some more sleep. Then later comes and I never eat. I don’t want to eat my main meal right before bed. It truly feels like no time of day or night is appropriate for me to eat. I’m just all fucking over the place. So yay almost 90 days purge and bulimia free but I’m in a different prison now. A less violent but still insane prison

one bite is enough to start the damn cycle. I hate myself. It's so sick

i’ve been non stop binge purging almost every single day since march 2025. i’ve had electrolyte imbalances, my teeth started to erode, accumulated so much filth in my room at one point, developed russels sign, struggled with acid reflux, extreme weight fluctuations, infected my wisdom teeth, spent so much money and so much time eating and throwing up but for the first time in over a year im 5 days clean. it really does help to view this as an addiction rather than a body image issue (although i recognise it being both). i literally turned all my mirrors around and stopped myself bodychecking, i stopped isolating myself from my friends, started showering again, keeping my room, trying to focus on self care and studying and it really did help me stay clean and busy. i hope i can keep this up and i js wanted to share a positive experience as motivation, i hope everyone here can take care 💕 it sounds easy to recover from bulimia when writing this out but genuinely i had days where i would binge purge like 6 times and i would just be sobbing because i was so sick of myself. even if i relapse im not going to let it affect me i just have to keep trying, life never stopped for me when i was stuck in this addiction and it never will

My lack of self control is astonishing. The amount of times I’ve deleted DoorDash just to download it again😭💔 at least I don’t have dash pass anymore…

I’m sorry i will put a TW right here!!! no promotion of any disordered or harmful behavior but i feel like some details are needed for proper advice or help

(if you disagree PLEASE comment that and i will either delete the post or edit it to remove all numbers, details and so on!!!)

So this is my issue:

i’ve had an ed for almost 9 years now (19 y.o.), first it was anorexia for a long time and about a years ago i was also diagnosed with anorexia b/p subtype.

for the most part i didn’t see an issue and also didn’t want to change (or at least not in the recovering way)

then about half a year ago or so i did feel miserable ofc bc i was actively engaging in every possible way but differently to all the other times i felt miserable i thought “well maybe getting better, getting healthier and treating my body nicely/neutral would help me feel less horrendous”. But sadly it didn’t like then and there. fast forward to 2 weeks ago i finally put a stop to it. i went from 0 to 100 (in my eyes) and put myself on a meal plan (with professional support team and all but i did the hard part at home)

first few days i ate around >!1200-1400!< calories which felt stupid af but i just pushed through. though i did not purge (to this day so it has now been 2 weeks!!!) my ed/controlling (and also due to other diagnoses other behaviours) have crawled back in and im slowly downing my calories again (i’m at an average of >!500!< right now)

this post is NOT to say “oh well look at me eating so little” or anything bc I KNOW that this is so so wrong, but does anyone have any advice on how to stop this from happening, to stop yourself from cutting some things out bit by bit till your down like a couple hundred calories of your average after a week?

please please please give me advice’s!

I'm sorry if this question has been asked before on this sub but I'm curious how many of us have been forced to finish everything off of our plates as children, bypassing all our hunger cues?

Trying to recover but i actually have no life , and more than triggering moment i feel like the reason i go back to it everytime is bcs im so bored and addicted to it , everything that used to keep me entertained now bore me to death , even doomscrolling that used to keep me entertained for hours now i just do it bcs i have nothing else to do and its a better option than to b/p ,i hate and i love it i feel like a crack addict i crave it so much ,the only times i don't purge are when i go to paris for concert and im too busy doing all the thrift store, i need to get a hobby ik but funnily enough my ed is making me so depressed and demotivated i can't bring myself to start smth its so infuriatingg (ik i need to push harder tho)i was just wondering if anyone felt that

I’m at the point I literally can’t have snacks in the house at all.

It feels like there’s a screaming in my head once I start that’s only dampened whilst eating.

When I get like that I’m just standing in the kitchen eating whatever I can find or raiding the house trying to find stuff.

Which tbh is rare is these days as my family know what I’m like and my mum gets so mad at me.

A lot of times I don’t know if you can even call it a ‘binge’ as it’s like less than 1k calories from empty but if I eat anything without control(for me control is purposely planning my meal/snack and sitting down to eat it) I can not settle or stop the food noise till I purge.

It’s only then I can return to normal and move away from the kitchen and do other things.

idk man. i want so badly to be free of this disorder but i always manage to break my streaks anytime i dont purge

im so embarrassed right now, but i fasted for a few days and then ended up binging the next 3 days and i ate so much i feel sick, my stomach is upset and whatnot, i wasnt even hungry💔 i dont know what to do and how to stop binging, need help💔

Nowadays after a bp session I usually fall asleep because of all the exhaustion.

I take a shower first and even there i’m barely holding up and focusing not to fall asleep. and right afterwards I fall into the bed.

In the past i did not use to do that so it got me wondering, whether that is something to worry about..

Does anyone else has to take a nap right afterwards ?

does anyone have advice for preventing hair loss? I lost like half of my hair atp and I‘m lowkey afraid of getting bald💔 Please no tips like „stop purging“ l

I know that that’s the main reason… I‘m in therapy for my ptsd right now, and planning to go to stationary again for specifically my anorexia and bulimia

it’s been awhile since i’ve had sex.. i had sex and it was on the rougher side, ive always enjoyed choking, he was choking me and putting pressure on my chest and i’ve been having chest pain since, like a pulling tight feeling and when i move it’s a sharp pain.. it’s been happening for two days now, i also have a sharp pain in my back like the pain you get when you slept wrong / pulled a muscle. not sure what to do or what could have caused this… i know im underweight but i’ve never had this happen before.. just wondering if this has happend to anyone else? what it could be? advice? i don’t want to go to the hospital.

Purged in the parking lot of my lab after punching out. Just bent over the side of my car. I feel so ashamed and dirty. The idea of driving home and still having food sitting inside me was too much.

does anyone else feel like they aren't sick enough for residential due to being bulimic rather than anorexic? despite b/p'ing several times every day, i just can't wrap my mind around the fact that it's problematic and i need help. like, when i think about the numbers and facts detached from me, it looks bad. but the second i associate it all with myself, i feel like i don't care anymore. i feel dumb for not having fear foods in the way anorexics do and i think i fear going to residential and not being "scared enough" of the meals and being surrounded by anorexics who are too scared to finish their plate when i have no problem doing so. of course i don't know if that's actually how it'd be because i've never attempted anything like that in all these years but ugh it makes me feel so sick and uncomfortable to think about

Last time I posted I was trying to recover. And that went well for about two weeks before I went to my dad’s house for spring break. After we had dropped my half-siblings at their mom’s house and my other bulimic sister (who was skinner than me and still purging which was a trigger) showed me her scale. And I stepped on it and saw a number I did not want to see. So I went to a very bad b/p cycle for the next 8-12 days.

My throat and stomach hurts so bad. The only thing that got me to stop is that I had seen a little bit of blood. But after 3-6 days I went right back. And I kept on because in my gym class we had to weigh ourselves and I had lost weight. So I felt good and proud.

But then I tried to recover again and fell into a disassociated depressed episode. Which allowed me to eat without food noise but I was so miserable. Then around three days ago my depressive episode got so bad I cut myself for the first time.

I haven’t SH since 6th grade, and even then it was light burning. And today is so much worse as I b/p 4 times and I saw a little bit of blood when I SH (I don’t go very deep thankfully) so now I am so lost. I’m not even sure if I want to get better. I’m not sure if I can tell my mom but I don’t want her to find out.

Because like 3 days ago I told her I had been clean for 2 weeks. And she went into a rants about how “Thats nothing compared to the almost year I’ve been struggling with Bulimia” and how I “Am giving myself a life long problem” and that she “Needs to keep me under close eye again.” So that made me feel so shitty even though 2 weeks was the longest I had ever been clean for. Which me and my friends were proud of.

But another things is that my throat is constantly sore, and my chest. There has been so much chest pain for me. Pressure pain, burning pain, squeezing pain, and stopping pain. And my throat just hurts and is sore. When I swallow literally anything. As well as fat globs of thick spit whenever I eat or drink anything. So I don’t know what to do about that. And body dysmorphia is kicking my ass. I can’t look in the mirror without seeing myself looking morbidly obese. Like a swallowed 10 beach balls. And I’ve been feeling so much shame about how it’s harder for me to starve myself since I’ve actually tried to get better.

Things have gotten so much worse for me. Which is mainly my mental. I have no idea what to do now. I feel like I can’t tell my mom. And the one person who is there for me always, my best friend, is also going through her own mental shit. So I just don’t know what to do and everything feels so heavy. Sorry for spelling or grammar errors I’m probably not going to fix them.

I swear, Im just not capable of eating like a normal person. I either eat way too much or way too little.

Everytime I try to eat "normally" it lasts at max two days before I start bingeing and then restricting for days to make up for it.

I'm so sick of this cycle. I don't understand why I can't just eat like a normal person.