u/galhime

(**Coming from a bulimic)

Look i love my parent but they are not willing to do any conscession for me even if they say they does and when i call them on their bullshit its "im doing the best i can" "ive had a long day what do you contribute to this family you don't clean after yourself" (i do clean after myself but i take time bcs i often vomit right after eating and then when im finished i'll go clean) i asked you to not buy chips and chocolate and you told me "oh yeah obviously we love you we are here to help" but how hard is it to not go in the chips aisle mannn ik there's guest that are coming to our home EVERY FUCKING 3 DAYS and like they can still take nuts and charcuterie i told them its not like they would have nothing to serve

and its the same ppl who whine and frow a fit abt the smell in my room telling me that and worst thing is that like 4 years ago we didn't have those thing at home they just progessivelly took the habit of having them in the house and what's the point of having them if i eat 80% of the portions i also asked them to stop buying butter and bread and that was a clear no bcs "how are they supposed to eat" also they expect me to cook for them and i mean i get it they're busy and i cook well but food is so triggering to me and they know it , and also when i tell them i wont eat with them bcs they wait so long to eat and this throw me into binging hella food before dinner they act like i personnally offended them "eat with us please , we only eat in 30 minute" if i cook for myself its "you could've cooked for all of us that's selfish think abt us"

Appart from that they are really good parent but i feel like they hear me but don't listen , they pay for so many psyciatrist since years (for different reason than ed) they are willing to drive 2 hours for professional , and do SO MUCH for me , but the only time they tell me "now i finally understand it clicked" is when a professional spell out smth ive been saying for years

I just crushed the bag of chips for vengeance when they are opening it its all crumbs , its petty i don't regret it

Im at a point where its just straight up an addiction i do it when im bored , and i crave it sm its insane wether im on an empty stomach a full one a moderate one a sick one im having so much food noise and i even look forward to throw it out of my system it made everything in my life boring and i can only get my dopamine from there i binge purge at least 3 time a day sometime even more, ive had bed and ana and bulimia is by FAR the one where ive had the most food noise

Trying to recover but i actually have no life , and more than triggering moment i feel like the reason i go back to it everytime is bcs im so bored and addicted to it , everything that used to keep me entertained now bore me to death , even doomscrolling that used to keep me entertained for hours now i just do it bcs i have nothing else to do and its a better option than to b/p ,i hate and i love it i feel like a crack addict i crave it so much ,the only times i don't purge are when i go to paris for concert and im too busy doing all the thrift store, i need to get a hobby ik but funnily enough my ed is making me so depressed and demotivated i can't bring myself to start smth its so infuriatingg (ik i need to push harder tho)i was just wondering if anyone felt that

I have tmj and bruxism that caused tinnitus and jaw misplacement as well as trouble sleeping in a good position without extending my neck , i have a slight resession but my teeth are kinda well placed , no extreme overbite or underbite so if the osteopath doesn't fix my problems my next solution is jaw surgery , i was pretty much for it but i heard that alot of ppl after getting a double jaw surgery can lose their feel in certain area like the chin or even all the jaw in itself even after year , is it common ? And how bothersome does it feel ?

(Je sais que c'est surement pas possible je demande quand meme au cas où si'l vous plait ne vous moquez pas pour mon ignorance ) j'ai 16 ans bientot 17 et j'ai une phobie scolaire depuis la 4eme , je me suis fait harcelé j'ai redoublé prcq que pendant un an (grosse depression) , j'ai reussi l'année derniere d'avoir mon brevet mention tb en candidat libre au cned , j'ai demenagé , essayé de revenir a l'ecole et faire mon année j'ai rechuté totalement tca et tout , tout ça pour dire que j'ai une relation bizzare avec l'ecole , je veux faire mon bac et m'en debarrasser , j'en ai marre d'etre immobile mais je suis perdu j'ai pas le cardio de redoubler encore une fois pour me faire 3année de lycée et finir mon education , qlq sait si ya pas une façon de passer son bac en une année ou ce que je devrais faire , je suis terrifié de mon futur