r/SexAddiction

Trigger warning….

I truly need and am asking for help… I tried posting this on Nofap and I was immediately banned. I guess my story of my own history is too offensive to be posted there.

So, I’m going to try here and hope I’m not banned.

I need help. I’m (43m) hypersexual, have been since I was gang raped by 4 guys in the military, currently engaged LDR.

Unique situation, I’m 43m and I am hypersexual. I was gang raped by four guys in the military in 2005. I joined the USMC and did two tours in Iraq, only to come back home for a good old-fashioned gang rape.

Since then, I went from being straight before it happened, to being bisexual afterwards. I hate myself for it, and I’m a sexual deviant from hell. But I can’t help it, I’ve been with well over 300 people. I’ve never kept count exactly, but I sat down and over the course of the day yesterday I attempted to make a rough estimate of numbers.

230 ish women, 75 ish men/ femboys, 30 trans women/ men. Group sex, swinging, fetish parties, BDSM, and nonstop porn. I FAP, on average, 2 to 3 times a day. I use either traditional porn or AI porn. The oldest was 87 and the youngest was 19. I’ve been with cousins, step family, relatives, and total strangers. I’ve hooked up with people in parks I met randomly, I joined a brothel in France for a couple months. Nothing was too taboo.

I’ve done so many risky things with sex. I’m surprised I don’t have at least one STD. I was checked three months ago, I’m clean.

I suffer from severe ED, CPTSD from Combat and rape, I’m rated 100% by the VA.

I’ve recognized I have a big problem, but I’m also in a unique situation. I’m currently in a long distance relationship with my fiancé. She is the most understanding woman I have ever met. We’ve known each other for 12 years, dated the last three, and been engaged for the last seven months. Our wedding is in five months.

She is Laotian and she is wonderful, yes, she knows all about me and my sexual deviance and my sexual history. She accepts all of it without even a second thought. She is constantly supportive and helpful. I can be truly vulnerable around her and she has nothing but supportive. She is the first woman I have not been afraid to be my actual real life self around. I owe her everything, I want to give her everything.

I told her of my plan to do this and she is fully supportive. But I come here because I’m unsure of how to start, yes, I’ve been to the nofap.com website and read through it.

I feel like the best place to start is with something short that’s achievable for me although would require a lot of dedication and be greatly difficult for me. I think I’m going to try one week of no porn pornography at all, and only masturbating over top of my clothing. (Sweatpants plus boxers) I’m going to try and masturbate just twice in the week.

Or should I just stop cold turkey?

This feels incredibly daunting.

But I’m open to any suggestions you all have of similar experiences you may have or goals or ways to motivate myself?

Sextape #sextape

Hey, this is my first entry on this sub reddit, I need lots of help, and I'm willing to answer any questions. It feels weird to say but I have a really bad sex addiction, and I want help and advice from anyone no matter who you are. I'm doing this because over the past year, my girlfriend has stayed with me through everything. She's the most amazing person I could ever ask for, and I absolutely don't deserve her. I make her happy all the time, but this is the one thing that throws it off. I absolutely hate that I've become so dependent on sexual activity, and I just wanna be that wholesome guy my girlfriend has loved from the very beginning. So please, I will answer any questions you guys have, literally any, I just need some advice. I promised her I would ask for help, and improve day by day, so every day I'm gonna post on here, just to let you guys know any updates, and ask any questions, and make it possible for you guys to ask me any questions.

Loving an addict will change your whole life.

It will eat away at your values, your boundaries, your sense of reality.

Not once.

Not twice.

Every single day.

Slowly.

Your sanity becomes the cost of safety.

You search for it in the person you thought you loved.

You spend your money, your body, your softness, your sleep, all trying to make something feel safe again.

And then you learn the addict is not alone.

There are monsters inside them.

Shame.

Secrecy.

Entitlement.

Fear.

Avoidance.

Lies.

When light hits one, another learns how to hide.

And if you are the one holding the light, eventually they will fear you too.

So they hand you pieces of what they refused to carry.

Little drops of shame.

Little distortions.

Little infections of doubt.

And slowly, you begin carrying monsters that were never yours.

They make you feel crazy.

They make you quieter.

They grow in the dark places you were forced into.

That is the danger.

To love an addict is not just to love someone sick.

It is to risk becoming a vessel for the sickness they would not face!

So the only way through is light.

Name it.

Refuse to feed it.

Refuse to carry what was never yours.

Because shame kept the monsters alive for too long.

And truth is the only thing they cannot survive.

They say addiction will have you act out regardless of where you live etc..

I wondered if i lived in the country side would i have less temptation and accessibility to act out?

Im here in toronto and honestly compared to other Canadian cities , there is a massage parlour within a 1km radius anywhere in the city. Also on classified ads seems like every neighbourhood, upscale condos, have activity ongoing.

Even compared to montreal, toronto has so many more ads of unlicensed SWs.

Has anyone else notice this?

Has anyone else feel their environment impacted their sobriety?

Im 35m and I never considered myself having this until recently.

I always thought I was just another horny guy. But I think about women, all the time, theres not a woman I interact with that i dont physically check out. Its actually exhausting. I cant have normal interactions. Im constantly looking at porn and thirst trap content, I can stop myself cheating on my wife but only just, the urge is constantly there to the extent I try not even drink to make sure i dont cheat. But to cope with it the amount od photos and videos i look up online is obscene.

Also, I'm no prude, but for some reason find this whole thing really hard to put into words? At least in a way that would make sense to others around you.

It's not that its embarassing for me, it's the not being understood. Like how do you explain to those around you, friends, spouse etc. That you are a sex addict? I dont even know if this is what i am. But its honestly so exhausting, just constantly thinking about it all the time.

The annoying this as well, that I am not physically fit so sex is an incredibly labourious task for me, to the extent its almost never worth the hype for me. But I still want it all the time and atill think about it all the time. I hate it.

Des avis ?

like? anyone else have this issue where it makes u feel helpful and safe and in control of the situation so regardless of whether or not you /actually/ would like to you just push for it to feel that instant gratification?? i feel crazy and out of touch with this one ngl. my last two longterm sexual partners havent been able to keep up with me. after i was sexually assaulted twice i honestly think something broke in me. like i cant feel gratification or usefulness in a relationship without sex. it makes me feel like im useful and helpful and regardless of how much physical pain im in i’ll take whatever because i think im not good enough w out it. someone else say they relate i feel insane lol

Hey, this might be an odd post or different for some of you guys based on my age, but I am a 16 year old male who needs a lot of help. I don't know if it's common, but I have a really bad sex addiction, and I want help and advice from anyone no matter what age you are. I'm doing this because over the past year, my girlfriend has stayed with me through everything. She's the most amazing person I could ever ask for, and I absolutely don't deserve her. I make her happy all the time, but this is the one thing that throws it off. I absolutely hate that I've become so dependent on sexual activity, and I just wanna be that cute and wholesome boy my girlfriend has loved from the very beginning. So please, I will answer any questions you guys have, literally any, I just need some advice. I promised her I would ask for help, and improve day by day, so every day I'm gonna post on here, just to let you guys know any updates, and ask any questions, and make it possible for you guys to ask me any questions.

Hey everyone hope everyone is doing well. I just need a proper and good suggestion regarding Mastrubation addiction. Guys literally I want to stop it and find a better life ahead but I am unable to no matter what ever I do / practice my mind isn’t listening, he plays his own game. I am done doing it every fucking time when I get turned on… I can’t even feel something inside me nowadays. Have seen many YouTube videos, podcasts etc but nothing helped, I feel it’s even affecting my work life, can’t focus, huge distraction’s. I feel shitty about me guys.

Ig at certain point in life you all have been into this phase whoever it might be girl/boy.

You all would have found some solution at certain point in life.

Could you please share the same, Please don’t judge.

Hope you understand the concern.

Thank you.

this is literally the only place where I feel safe. there are so many meetings online. regardless if it’s not in person, I have heard plenty of people I can relate to who are recovering.

Sorry just another random 19F here. Some of my background is I started watching adult content roughly four years ago. When introduced by a friend during a slumber party. It became hollywood for me over a few years as thats what I consumed during my leasure viewing time. No reality tv or sitcoms, just that.

In practice during I partook in closeted lesbian activities with my gal pals during sleepovers. Even gave my first BJ to my besties bf and also sucked his friend and another guy I worked with at an department store on several occassions.

Attempted sex with three guys this year that I dated that were all virgins but came up unsuccessful in them not measuring up to the task. This has resorted in me having these odd cravish dreams of me having sex in different stages of my current to mid twenties. Each is very detailed and almost like a well written plot. I worry these mental urges are going to direct me towards a forbidden rabbit hole of shameless lust with wouldn't put me in the best of life choices.

I think about sex very often during the day. I constantly examine the bodies of women passing by and fantasize about them. I even have these fantasies about my close female friends. I don't even want to associate with women unless I feel a physical attraction. I have had 2 girlfriends so far, and my primary motivation for both was physical intimacy. I sought out my first girlfriend (C) through a circle of friends because I thought she would be open to casual hookups, and I wasn't wrong. Although I cared for her during our first 6 months together, my initial motivation was purely physical. During the relationship, I always tolerated her toxic behavior toward me just so I wouldn't lose that physical connection.

C and I dated for 6 months and she broke up with me; we started seeing each other again 3 months later. We have been seeing each other again for the last 3 weeks, and it is based on hooking up again. We don't call each other partners, but we have been intimate at least 7 times in the last 23 days, and I completely lose myself in it. Right now, she wants to stop talking to me, but I don't want to. Even though I care for her to some extent, I just don't want to lose the physical aspect.

One month after C broke up with me, I immediately started dating someone new (A). I had a female friend who ran in a very sex-positive, party-heavy crowd. Thinking her friends would be just as open, I asked her to set me up, and she introduced me to A. We stayed together for 1.5 months, and my motivation was purely physical. I broke up with A because she kept explicit photos from a past relationship on her phone and continued to see her old flings. I could have broken up with her immediately, but instead, I acted like I forgave her, slept with her one last time, and then ended it.

In order not to lose my access to intimacy, I compromised my personality in my relationships with both C and A. I made fake promises, tolerated major red flags, and I can even say I played the role of a loving partner very well just to manipulate the situation. Sex dictates my relationships with my female friends, my behaviors, my choice of partners, and my values.

My appetite feels insatiable. I can reach climax 6-7 times in a single night and still not feel fully satisfied; we only stop because either my partner or I get physically exhausted. I am even planning a European vacation based entirely on visiting countries and cities where I can easily find hookups.

In periods when I am single, I masturbate 4-5 days a week. Sometimes, even with an active partner, I do it in the morning, sleep with her at night, and do it again when I wake up. Despite all this, my partners seem to enjoy our physical connection a lot, and some have even confessed they can't break away from me because of it.

I am tired and overwhelmed by this having such a huge impact on my life. Right now, C wants to cut contact, and I sent follow requests to dozens of girls on social media so I wouldn't be left empty-handed. I selected the girls based on who I categorized as "easy to hook up with." I have no plan to get to know them emotionally. My partners say that I am a thoughtful and kind guy. In general, I play that role perfectly; I plan what needs to be done in advance, and after getting my "bonus points," I easily lead things to the bedroom.

This situation is even affecting my relationships with my male friends. The guys in my mixed-gender friend group are generally passive (shy around girls) or highly conservative—meaning they wouldn’t be rivals if I were to develop feelings for a girl in my group. I’ve realized that my entire existence is structured around this.

What do I need to do to get rid of this? Am I the only one in the world who is like this? (I am 23M)

M24 sometimes I do well but sometimes I just get overridden by lust. I have ADHD and tend to commit impulsive behaviors. ¿What is some habit that has helped you improve?

I reached 5 months sober yesterday. It's going mostly okay, with the exception of some thoughts appearing in my mind - how to know I'll be okay and happy without it? How not to think to myself "i'm yovng, I can still be doing it and can stop later when it's actually time to calm down"?

Those are the 2 most difficult things for me. The control of the urge - not really. Just don't know how to be sure and how to be okay without being seen by other men, making me feel valuable?

The important part of this post: Can somebody be an addict yet have a very low libido?

The personal stuff:

I have always had painful sex, most likely due to issue with nerve endings. I have had a mix of long and short term relationships, all with unsatisfying sex lives due to this pain. My libido exists until the first penetration, and doesn't come back until I meet someone new. I would overall describe my libido as abnormally low due to this. I only ever feel turned on once a month (at ovulation).

I feel at high risk of leaving my current FWB for another person who has triggered a lustful state, but beyond the feelings, I know objectively that I'll end up in the same position as I am now, as I was for my previous relationships. Just like the others, I would be potentially ruining multiple relationships with my selfishness.

Yet I'm on day 3-4 of being kept up at night for 3+ hours just thinking about sex. I'm not even turned on when I'm thinking about it, it's as if I'm seeing what I want to have but can't: a satisfying, enjoyable sex life. I feel tortured by my own brain.

I'm trying to understand sex addiction, especially for women, but it seems confusing when there are two very different problems: addicts with high sex drives, and addicts misusing sex to fulfill some other need (validation etc). I'm not sure if I actually qualify as an addict with this in mind. But reading the symptoms, I feel very seen, as my sleep is impacted and I risk destroying good relationships. Feels easier to manage my thoughts during the day when I can keep busy, but at night, it's difficult, almost unbearable.

Hello everyone, this is my first time talking about this to anyone, but I have a sex addiction. It started when I was around 13 when I discovered masturbation and porn. I would masturbate multiple times a day, every day, up to this day. As time went by I understood pretty fast that this was bad, how I hated myself a little more every time, how my perception of women and life in general changed.

Now I’m a young adult, barely able to be responsible for my own breakfast, falling down this endless pit of misery. The worst part is that I go back to it with excitement, like it doesn’t matter, like I’m being a drama queen for freaking out about all of this.

And now I’m even deeper. I’m struggling not to go online and pay for sex that doesn’t even feel good and wrenches my guts just thinking about it. I relapsed just an hour ago and I’ve never felt so scared of anything in my life.

And idek what to do anymore, with our phones overstimulating us, trapping us in this digital world of endless entertainment while making us want things we don’t actually want. I really want to try and change, but everything seems insurmountable and I don’t know where to start.

I’d really love to hear from you guys. feedback, advice, or your own story if you’re willing to share. What worked for you? What didn’t? I’m all ears.

I (34M) got broken up with by my girlfriend (36F) of almost 3 years, and it all has to do with my sex and porn addiction. I'll spare all the details, but our relationship was filled with love, we were in the process of moving in together and we were prepared to have a family and spend life together.

Throughout our relationship there was a lot of strife over being monogamous or non-monogamous. When we met, I was firmly in the ENM camp, and she was somewhere between having explored and had experiences of her own. So she was questioning you could say. As we got to know each other and fell in love, she eventually came to the conclusion she needed and wanted monogamy.

There was a brief period where I tried to be monogamous with her, but I could not give up the idea of losing the possibility of all the connections and experiences that ENM would bring me and us. I told her I couldn't do it, and essentially ultimatum'd her into trying to be ENM. Sometimes she seemed into it, but mostly she was not and it brought her a lot of pain of not being enough for me, and it didn't agree with the sanctity she had for her body and sexuality.

Eventually, the pain was too much for her. She told me she needed to be monogamous, and since I had told her I can't she was breaking up with me. She needed to heal from all the pain I had caused her. I had made her feel little.

This sent me into such an emotional state at the idea of losing her, and I began to think about why I wanted this and why I put her through this. At the end of the day, it's because I have been consuming so much porn and inundating myself with sexual imagery and fantasy. We did not practice ENM for most of our relationship. We were mostly monogamous in practice and it was beautiful and rich and filled with love. All the ENM relationships I had in the past were void of this love, they were unfulfilling and didn't lead to what I really want in life. But I wanted sex. I wanted novelty. But those things always wore off, and I felt empty.

Throughout our relationship I hid the amount of porn I consumed. I was probably consuming 1 - 2 hours of porn a day. A lot of it was just in moments when I found myself bored, frustrated, or similar I would turn to all the different websites one turns to in order to feel alive. I even spent money on these things, probably $300-$400. I was so ashamed of it all, but I hid it from her and everyone else in my life. All these disgusting things I was doing to get my rocks off and feel alive. A lot of my pursuit of ENM was for that similar reason, and hoping I could have the connections that I didn't have in my life, because for the most part I was very lonely and bad about keeping up with friends and making strong bonds of friendship. There's so much more I could go into about my habits and what I was hiding from her, but I think you get the idea.

This past week is when she told me she had to break up, and today was the day we finally broke up officially after a lot of talking. I told her about my addiction and how I felt terrible doing these things, and how much I wanted to stay with her while I got right with myself. I had made excuses for myself, but they influenced the way I thought and behaved in our relationship. I hid things, and there were moments when she left the house and I was happy because I could finally have a session with porn. We had such a fulfilling sex life, and sometimes I withheld or wasn't in the mood because of what I had been doing throughout the day.

I feel terrible for having caused her so much pain, and that I have lost out on the love of my life. I've committed to bettering myself. I've reached out to the local SAA group. I've deleted accounts, cleaned stuff off my phone, thrown triggering things away. I want to get better, if not for her for myself. But I feel terrible. This has been such an issue in my life, influencing how I behaved, who I was, and how I spent my time and mental energy. I have always felt a bit like a creep, and it has made interacting with people hard. I'm terribly sad right now, but I'm hopeful. I just want her back more than anything, but I know I need to get better and in the end that will help me live a life I want. But for now, my porn and sex addiction caught up with me, and I'm only now facing it head on.