u/Objective-Deal8745

Trigger warning….

I truly need and am asking for help… I tried posting this on Nofap and I was immediately banned. I guess my story of my own history is too offensive to be posted there.

So, I’m going to try here and hope I’m not banned.

I need help. I’m (43m) hypersexual, have been since I was gang raped by 4 guys in the military, currently engaged LDR.

Unique situation, I’m 43m and I am hypersexual. I was gang raped by four guys in the military in 2005. I joined the USMC and did two tours in Iraq, only to come back home for a good old-fashioned gang rape.

Since then, I went from being straight before it happened, to being bisexual afterwards. I hate myself for it, and I’m a sexual deviant from hell. But I can’t help it, I’ve been with well over 300 people. I’ve never kept count exactly, but I sat down and over the course of the day yesterday I attempted to make a rough estimate of numbers.

230 ish women, 75 ish men/ femboys, 30 trans women/ men. Group sex, swinging, fetish parties, BDSM, and nonstop porn. I FAP, on average, 2 to 3 times a day. I use either traditional porn or AI porn. The oldest was 87 and the youngest was 19. I’ve been with cousins, step family, relatives, and total strangers. I’ve hooked up with people in parks I met randomly, I joined a brothel in France for a couple months. Nothing was too taboo.

I’ve done so many risky things with sex. I’m surprised I don’t have at least one STD. I was checked three months ago, I’m clean.

I suffer from severe ED, CPTSD from Combat and rape, I’m rated 100% by the VA.

I’ve recognized I have a big problem, but I’m also in a unique situation. I’m currently in a long distance relationship with my fiancé. She is the most understanding woman I have ever met. We’ve known each other for 12 years, dated the last three, and been engaged for the last seven months. Our wedding is in five months.

She is Laotian and she is wonderful, yes, she knows all about me and my sexual deviance and my sexual history. She accepts all of it without even a second thought. She is constantly supportive and helpful. I can be truly vulnerable around her and she has nothing but supportive. She is the first woman I have not been afraid to be my actual real life self around. I owe her everything, I want to give her everything.

I told her of my plan to do this and she is fully supportive. But I come here because I’m unsure of how to start, yes, I’ve been to the nofap.com website and read through it.

I feel like the best place to start is with something short that’s achievable for me although would require a lot of dedication and be greatly difficult for me. I think I’m going to try one week of no porn pornography at all, and only masturbating over top of my clothing. (Sweatpants plus boxers) I’m going to try and masturbate just twice in the week.

Or should I just stop cold turkey?

This feels incredibly daunting.

But I’m open to any suggestions you all have of similar experiences you may have or goals or ways to motivate myself?

I have to drive closer to the car in front of me than I’d like. Because if I don’t drive as close I get every single car jumping in front of me going Mach 5 and then slamming on their brakes. Then I have to hit mine to stop from hitting them.

I have to floor it passing people on the highway. Because if I don’t, they speed up until getting to a car to pass. Then they slow down to .5mph and achingly slowly pass the car. As soon as they do it’s right back up to 85 until the next car. So I have to floor it to get around their mess.