u/No-Surprise-4028

I reached 5 months sober yesterday. It's going mostly okay, with the exception of some thoughts appearing in my mind - how to know I'll be okay and happy without it? How not to think to myself "i'm yovng, I can still be doing it and can stop later when it's actually time to calm down"?

Those are the 2 most difficult things for me. The control of the urge - not really. Just don't know how to be sure and how to be okay without being seen by other men, making me feel valuable?

I'm 26M, struggling with compulsive cruising and sexualising every man I see. I have been watching porn since I was 11, quickly escalating into very hardcore things, and then I started cruising. Normal sex that is not risky/rough, when I'm not dominated and there's little of novelty is hard for me, not so exciting.

Now I'm at almost 5 months without going cruising or watching porn but I really cannot get rid of the need of being wanted, desired, seen. I'm not ugly, but I hate my body. So much, that the idea of some hot guy wanting me sounds very good, as that would mean I'm not that bad looking, but when it actually comes to this, I feel self concious with my body. I know already that it's not even about sex, but about feeling wanted and worthy through sex. And I made myself like this through all those years of porn and cruising and can't form a normal sexual bond with one person, my relationships are suffering because of that.

Does anyone have any advice what to do?