Even if I lose it now, it would always hurt me and make me feel like a loser that I lost so much of my years not getting something that most people have been getting since their teens.
I just wanna know how to kill my attraction for women. I am 30 years old and never had a real relationship with a woman. I got rid of my virginity by sleeping with escorts but the sex is very empty, it's just a transaction. All day long I ruminate about self improvement and becoming attractive but the reality is improvement has a limit for everyone. I will never attract even the ugliest girl I just don't have what it takes.
I got crippling autism, anxiety, lack of charm and confidence, short height, ugly face, no job, the list goes on. Even if I was the last guy on the planet, girls wouldn't wanna do anything with me. I got maybe 30 more years left on this planet and I would rather spend that time on what I can have realistically, like hobbies, gym and video games. But despite trying so hard I can't focus on anything without a background program running in my mind that feels pain for not getting women and sex. I even tried becoming gay by looking at gay porn but it's gross to me.
FA is about lack of relationship, but I feel like there's also a strong correlation between FA and being socially ostracized.
When you were in school (or if you're in school now), what things did your peers do to you? Or what kinds of things did they say to you?
I imagine that y'all were unpopular just like I was
Literally I can't act normal near girls I find at least a slight bit of them attractive. How do some guys talk to them and ending up dating them? Like how? I can't even imagine myself doing that.
Ive always spent my birthdays alone and not doing anything and this year especially I am not only alone but also, not doing well financially. And yet, for the first time in several years I decided to celebrate it, even if with something small, and got myself a cake and candles, and even sang to myself!!
Happy birthday to me!
I saw a post on this about how your experience as a kid in school was, and most of the responses were pretty non neurotypical - either they were bullied in school or didn't have friends.
Having a bad experience in your childhood or being neurodivergent doesn't mean you're gonna end up FA, but if you're FA and had these experiences, it corrobarotes it or sort of explains it.
Personally, idk where i belong. I consider myself neurotypical, basically had a normal childhood, have a social life, no issue with making friends etc. But I am still FA, get no likes on apps, nothing irl. The only "non-typical" aspect is I've got a pretty severe stutter but I'm sure I'd be FA even without it.
I'm pretty confident that if I met a 1000 women on a date, I could find someone easily, but do I get to go on a single date - No
Even irl, i barely get to meet new women, let alone women who want to spend time with me, despite following conventional normie advice. I'm socially active but romantically invisible.
My questions to everyone is
Are there a lot of people on this who're basically neurotypical - No obvious reason to be FA, but unfortunately are FA?
If you actually got the opportunity to go on a 1000 dates or met 1000 people in your life - would you still remain FA?
What's your reason for being FA (assuming it exists) If yes, is fixable or it's beyond your control (say logistics, or looks or your wiring). If no, please mention that too.
In my case, I can't pinpoint any single reason why I'm FA except that fact that i don't get dates or get to meet people or the people I meet don't show romantic interest at all. But there's gotta be some reason since the evidence points that I'm FA while people around me are not
By all statistical measures i shouldn't be FA but yet I am.
For context, I have no desire to get in a relationship, marriage, kids etc and I enjoy being alone. I've planned my life so that I'll be working in a new country every year or two, then at a certain point between 35-50 when I get bored I'll move onto some land and become largely self sufficient.
Although this will make me live a very happy life, I still fear being old and alone, not having kids or grandkids to look after me when I can't phsycally move. I did this for my grandparents, and probably will for my parents which is what triggered me to think about it
Memes aside, this is your sign to yeet pessimism out of the window. I know its hard, I battle with pessimism for a long time myself as a 26 year old who still never even held hands with someone.
But keep hoping. Keep telling yourself that you WILL find love eventually. You WILL NOT feed into pessimism anymore, or to anyone else telling you you'd never find love. Your worth is NOT tied to your looks, personality or circumstances. You ARE WORTHY OF BEING LOVED. Even if you have hard times believing all those things, speak life into yourselves and don't give up. Let's allow grieving but also let's all hype each other up :)
To all FA.
Did you try to get out if your confort zone at some point in your life, wether it’d be for work, sports, hobbies etc...
And if so did it help you to get out of your FA status ?
i wont even cry over this. most of them got dry w me and ghosted me to go for I guess more personality feminine fitting women or ig more attractive ones. i cant even imagine how rude they would’ve been if they saw my face. not like it didn’t happen for me to get straight up blocked and ignored when they saw me or had a description of my body.
what am I even supposed to do lmao? surgery? I’m so down it’s actually funny. I must really be a clown
Most of the time I enjoy being independent and doing my own thing. But sometimes late at night I randomly think about the future and wonder what if I just… never find my person.
Dating feels strange now, everyone’s busy, tired, emotionally unavailable, or just disappears after talking for a while.
Trying not to be dramatic about it, but yeah, the thought crosses my mind sometimes.
A lot of us here struggle with loneliness, and even if some of us have friends, I imagine many don’t have a big social circle to hang out with all the time or walk around with at night.
For example, I go out with my only friend on weekends, but we don’t live near each other. Once we split up, I have to take public transport and then walk alone for around 10 minutes. I imagine some of you can relate to this.
One thing that worries me sometimes is whether being visibly alone makes us more vulnerable to things like mugging or harassment. I try to walk confidently, keep good posture, and stay aware of my surroundings. However, I’m around 5'9" and not a bulky guy, but even then I’ve seen pretty big, muscular guys get targeted when alone in places like London, so size clearly isn’t everything when you don’t have anyone to back you up. A lone lion can get pressured by a group of hyenas, while things feel safer when there’s a group around.
Do any of you ever feel this way? Does loneliness or having to do everything alone ever make you feel more vulnerable or unsafe?
And what do you personally do to stay safe when you’re out alone?
I have only one friend whom I told about my birthday. But she also did not wish me.
asked to Universe that yes/no question through paper.and it's turned but she knows but she didn't wish me....
The things I use to cope with my reality are BJJ, MMA, bowling, and adult sports leagues.
I’ve competed in BJJ tournaments, softball, and flag football, and I’ll be competing in my first bowling tournament in about two months. I enjoy playing sports, watching sports, training, and having goals outside of dating.
I’m also a low-voltage technician by trade, and I’m working on building a better financial future for myself.
So yeah, maybe I die alone. Maybe I don’t. But either way, I’m not going to sit around and let that thought destroy my life. I’m going to train, compete, work, make money, and build something.
Thought I had a real chance with her. We were close for years, and I finally told her how I felt. She was kind about it, but she doesn’t feel the same way. I don’t regret asking, but it hurts more than I expected. Now I honestly don’t know how to move forward.
For as long as I can remember, I get told that I'm not an attractive girl, and I'm treated as such. I get rejected, I get ghosted, I only ever get guys who pretend to care about me just to leave.
I'm so tired of feeling like I'm not enough. I'm so tired of people coming into my life just to remind me that I'm not enough and that I'll never be.
That I'm just something to entertain themselves with while they're bored and looking for something better.
I don't understand what I've ever done to anyone. I keep giving people chances...
I just want to be loved and cared about too. Genuinely for once.
What's so hard to love about me?
tall, handsome, creative artistic guy, went to college, i dont make shit for money. Been alone my entire life. I have overwhelming feelings of worthlessness. I kept blaming myself for not finding a gf all through my 20's but i am starting to think its simply because I grew up poor and dont make much money as an adult. Been connecting the dots on how not having access to health/dental care as a child/teen ruined my chances at a healthy relationship later in life.
Being homeless as a 12 year old also had a big impact. I can see how if I was just born into a wealthier family I would not have had any problems finding a partner and having kids. It was all these little things, to many to list off that added up and compounded growing up poor.
half sarcastic but I kinda wish there was a way to legally be castrated so I dont have to deal with sexual feelings anymore.
I was terrified for a date I had today, but after posting on the toastme subreddit I got a huge confidence boost and traveled an hour...only to get canceled on at the last second. I mention this because I've haven't felt this FA in a long time.
And yet...I've managed to get along great with my Lyft drivers, the baristas at the cafe I visited, the staff at the movie I went to, and now the hotel I checked into, having a great conversation with the lady checking me in.
Two truths can coexist: I'm devastated and in a lot of pain and I feel so unloved, *and* I want to be warm and friendly to those around me, because they deserve kindness and care just as much as we do.
I know I'm preaching, but some people on here spread so much corrosion and anger. And they deserve better...as do the people around them.
Here's to hoping we can endure the pain, find great people in our lives, and end this loneliness without losing ourselves.
After so many years of being on your own, I have gotten to realise something.
I couldn't tolerate nor want anyone else in my life to be honest.
Everyone is talking about how you should have friends, how you desperately should be needing love... Know the banger from " Jefferson Airplane - Somebody to love "?
I always thought that no matter how much of a banger it really is... its wrong.
I realised I don't need somebody to love. I don't even desire it.
All the time I look around... all the people I know in broken relationships, colleagues that are divorced that hate their lives, the sad aunts, the broken mothers hoping that their kids will have it better... we are a social species, but we are not a loyal not an honourable species. There's no reason to invest, stay loyal and do your best for one. Family will drift away. Friends will find their relationships. And the love you find will only exist as long as there is something you have to offer.
Our species is known for its adaptability and for its opportunistic nature. We are that way. Have always been and always will be. Don't be fooled by kind words, submissive romances or boasting friends saying they will be there for you no matter what. No one will. We all come alone into this world and we all go away alone from this world. The rest is all theatrics and circusses meant to fill the time that we get to exist and experience this world.
Having someone else in your life is just asking for a knife in the back. Everyone is opportunistic, and anyone will only stay on your side so long as they have something to gain. So don't worry if you are alone. You are safe. As safe as you can be.