How to kill attraction
I just wanna know how to kill my attraction for women. I am 30 years old and never had a real relationship with a woman. I got rid of my virginity by sleeping with escorts but the sex is very empty, it's just a transaction. All day long I ruminate about self improvement and becoming attractive but the reality is improvement has a limit for everyone. I will never attract even the ugliest girl I just don't have what it takes.
I got crippling autism, anxiety, lack of charm and confidence, short height, ugly face, no job, the list goes on. Even if I was the last guy on the planet, girls wouldn't wanna do anything with me. I got maybe 30 more years left on this planet and I would rather spend that time on what I can have realistically, like hobbies, gym and video games. But despite trying so hard I can't focus on anything without a background program running in my mind that feels pain for not getting women and sex. I even tried becoming gay by looking at gay porn but it's gross to me.